Clouds

<p> Unj. And yet I was choking in my heart, and was longing<br/> to confound all these with contrary maxims. For I have<br/> been called among the deep thinkers the "worse cause" on<br/> this very account, that I first contrived how to speak<br/> against both law and justice; and this art is worth more<br/> than ten thousand staters, that one should choose the<br/> worse cause, and nevertheless be victorious. But mark<br/> how I will confute the system of education on which he<br/> relies, who says, in the first place, that he will not<br/> permit you to be washed with warm water. And yet, on<br/> what principle do you blame the warm baths?<br/></p> <p> Just. Because it is most vile, and makes a man cowardly.<br/></p> <p> Unj. Stop! For immediately I seize and hold you by the<br/> waist without escape. Come, tell me, which of the sons<br/> of Jupiter do you deem to have been the bravest in soul,<br/> and to have undergone most labours?<br/></p> <p> Just. I consider no man superior to Hercules.<br/></p> <p> Unj. Where, pray, did you ever see cold Herculean baths?<br/> And yet, who was more valiant than he?<br/></p> <p> Just. These are the very things which make the bath full<br/> of youths always chattering all day long, but the<br/> palaestras empty.<br/></p> <p> Unj. You next find fault with their living in the<br/> market-place; but I commend it. For if it had been bad,<br/> Homer would never have been for representing Nestor as<br/> an orator; nor all the other wise men. I will return,<br/> then, from thence to the tongue, which this fellow says<br/> our youths ought not to exercise, while I maintain they<br/> should. And again, he says they ought to be modest: two<br/> very great evils. For tell me to whom you have ever seen<br/> any good accrue through modesty and confute me by your<br/> words.<br/></p> <p> Just. To many. Peleus, at any rate, received his sword<br/> on account of it.<br/></p> <p> Unj. A sword? Marry, he got a pretty piece of luck, the<br/> poor wretch! While Hyperbolus, he of the lamps, got more<br/> than many talents by his villainy, but by Jupiter, no<br/> sword!<br/></p> <p> Just. And Peleus married Thetis, too, through his<br/> modesty.<br/></p> <p> Unj. And then she went off and left him; for he was not<br/> lustful, nor an agreeable bedfellow to spend the night<br/> with. Now a woman delights in being wantonly treated.<br/> But you are an old dotard. For (to Phidippides)<br/> consider, O youth, all that attaches to modesty, and of<br/> how many pleasures you are about to be deprived&mdash;of<br/> women, of games at cottabus, of dainties, of<br/> drinking-bouts, of giggling. And yet, what is life worth<br/> to you if you be deprived of these enjoyments? Well, I<br/> will pass from thence to the necessities of our nature.<br/> You have gone astray, you have fallen in love, you have<br/> been guilty of some adultery, and then have been caught.<br/> You are undone, for you are unable to speak. But if you<br/> associate with me, indulge your inclination, dance,<br/> laugh, and think nothing disgraceful. For if you should<br/> happen to be detected as an adulterer, you will make<br/> this reply to him, "that you have done him no injury":<br/> and then refer him to Jupiter, how even he is overcome<br/> by love and women. And yet, how could you, who are a<br/> mortal, have greater power than a god?<br/></p> <p> Just. But what if he should suffer the radish through<br/> obeying you, and be depillated with hot ashes? What<br/> argument will he be able to state, to prove that he is<br/> not a blackguard?<br/></p> <p> Unj. And if he be a blackguard, what harm will he<br/> suffer?<br/></p> <p> Just. Nay, what could he ever suffer still greater than<br/> this?<br/></p> <p> Unj. What then will you say if you be conquered by me in<br/> this?<br/></p> <p> Just. I will be silent: what else can I do?<br/></p> <p> Unj. Come, now, tell me; from what class do the<br/> advocates come?<br/></p> <p> Just. From the blackguards.<br/></p> <p> Unj. I believe you. What then? From what class do<br/> tragedians come?<br/></p> <p> Just. From the blackguards.<br/></p> <p> Unj. You say well. But from what class do the public<br/> orators come?<br/></p> <p> Just. From the blackguards.<br/></p> <p> Unj. Then have you perceived that you say nothing to the<br/> purpose? And look which class among the audience is the<br/> more numerous.<br/></p> <p> Just. Well now, I'm looking.<br/></p> <p> Unj. What, then, do you see?<br/></p> <p> Just. By the gods, the blackguards to be far more<br/> numerous. This fellow, at any rate, I know; and him<br/> yonder; and this fellow with the long hair.<br/></p> <p> Unj. What, then, will you say?<br/></p> <p> Just. We are conquered. Ye blackguards, by the gods,<br/> receive my cloak, for I desert to you.<br/></p> <p> [Exeunt the Two Causes, and re-enter Socrates and<br/> Strepsiades.]<br/></p> <p> Soc. What then? whether do you wish to take and lead<br/> away this your son, or shall I teach him to speak?<br/></p> <p> Strep. Teach him, and chastise him: and remember that<br/> you train him properly; on the one side able for petty<br/> suits; but train his other jaw able for the more<br/> important causes.<br/></p> <p> Soc. Make yourself easy; you shall receive him back a<br/> clever sophist.<br/></p> <p> Strep. Nay, rather, pale and wretched.<br/></p> <p> [Exeunt Socrates, Strepsiades, and Phidippides.]<br/></p> <p> Cho. Go ye, then: but I think that you will repent of<br/> these proceedings. We wish to speak about the judges,<br/> what they will gain, if at all they justly assist this<br/> Chorus. For in the first place, if you wish to plough up<br/> your fields in spring, we will rain for you first; but<br/> for the others afterward. And then we will protect the<br/> fruits, and the vines, so that neither drought afflict<br/> them, nor excessive wet weather. But if any mortal<br/> dishonour us who are goddesses, let him consider what<br/> evils he will suffer at our hands, obtaining neither<br/> wine nor anything else from his farm. For when his<br/> olives and vines sprout, they shall be cut down; with<br/> such slings will we smite them. And if we see him making<br/> brick, we will rain; and we will smash the tiles of his<br/> roof with round hailstones. And if he himself, or any<br/> one of his kindred or friends, at any time marry, we<br/> will rain the whole night; so he will probably wish<br/> rather to have been even in Egypt than to have judged<br/> badly.<br/></p> <p> [Enter Strepsiades with a meal-sack on his shoulder.]<br/></p> <p> Strep. The fifth, the fourth, the third, after this the<br/> second; and then, of all the days I most fear, and<br/> dread, and abominate, immediately after this there is<br/> the Old and New. For every one to whom I happen to be<br/> indebted, swears, and says he will ruin and destroy me,<br/> having made his deposits against me; though I only ask<br/> what is moderate and just-"My good sir, one part don't<br/> take just now; the other part put off I pray; and the<br/> other part remit"; they say that thus they will never<br/> get back their money, but abuse me, as I am unjust, and<br/> say they will go to law with me. Now therefore let them<br/> go to law, for it little concerns me, if Phidippides has<br/> learned to speak well. I shall soon know by knocking at<br/> the thinking-shop.<br/></p> <p> [Knocks at the door.]<br/></p> <p> Boy, I say! Boy, boy!<br/></p> <p> [Enter Socrates]<br/></p> <p> Soc. Good morning, Strepsiades.<br/></p> <p> Strep. The same to you. But first accept this present;<br/> for one ought to compliment the teacher with a fee. And<br/> tell me about my son, if he has learned that cause,<br/> which you just now brought forward.<br/></p> <p> Soc. He has learned it.<br/></p> <p> Strep. Well done, O Fraud, all-powerful queen!<br/></p> <p> Soc. So that you can get clear off from whatever suit<br/> you please.<br/></p> <p> Strep. Even if witnesses were present when I borrowed<br/> the money?<br/></p> <p> Soc. Yea, much more! Even if a thousand be present.<br/></p> <p> Strep. Then I will shout with a very loud shout: Ho!<br/> Weep, you petty-usurers, both you and your principals,<br/> and your compound interests! For you can no longer do me<br/> any harm, because such a son is being reared for me in<br/> this house, shining with a double-edged tongue, for my<br/> guardian, the preserver of my house, a mischief to my<br/> enemies, ending the sadness of the great woes of his<br/> father. Him do thou run and summon from within to me.<br/></p> <p> [Socrates goes into the house.]<br/></p> <p> O child! O son! Come forth from the house! Hear your<br/> father!<br/></p> <p> [Re-enter Socrates leading in Phidippides]<br/></p> <p> Soc. Lo, here is the man!<br/></p> <p> Strep. O my dear, my dear!<br/></p> <p> Soc. Take your son and depart.<br/></p> <p> [Exit Socrates.]<br/></p> <p> Strep. Oh, oh, my child! Huzza! Huzza! How I am<br/> delighted at the first sight of your complexion! Now,<br/> indeed, you are, in the first place, negative and<br/> disputatious to look at, and this fashion native to the<br/> place plainly appears, the "what do you say?" and the<br/> seeming to be injured when, I well know, you are<br/> injuring and inflicting a wrong; and in your countenance<br/> there is the Attic look. Now, therefore, see that you<br/> save me, since you have also ruined me.<br/></p> <p> Phid. What, pray, do you fear?<br/></p> <p> Strep. The Old and New.<br/></p> <p> Phid. Why, is any day old and new?<br/></p> <p> Strep. Yes; on which they say that they will make their<br/> deposits against me.<br/></p> <p> Phid. Then those that have made them will lose them; for<br/> it is not possible that two days can be one day.<br/></p> <p> Strep. Can not it?<br/></p> <p> Phid. Certainly not; unless the same woman can be both<br/> old and young at the same time.<br/></p> <p> Strep. And yet it is the law.<br/></p> <p> Phid. For they do not, I think, rightly understand what<br/> the law means.<br/></p> <p> Strep. And what does it mean?<br/></p> <p> Phid. The ancient Solon was by nature the commons'<br/> friend.<br/></p> <p> Strep. This surely is nothing whatever to the Old and<br/> New.<br/></p> <p> Phid. He therefore made the summons for two days, for<br/> the Old and New, that the deposits might be made on the<br/> first of the month.<br/></p> <p> Strep. Why, pray, did he add the old day?<br/></p> <p> Phid. In order, my good sir, that the defendants, being<br/> present a day before, might compromise the matter of<br/> their own accord; but if not, that they might be worried<br/> on the morning of the new moon.<br/></p> <p> Strep. Why, then, do the magistrates not receive the<br/> deposits on the new moon, but on the Old and New?<br/></p> <p> Phid. They seem to me to do what the forestallers do: in<br/> order that they may appreciate the deposits as soon as<br/> possible, on this account they have the first pick by<br/> one day.<br/></p> <p> Strep. (turning to the audience) Bravo! Ye wretches, why<br/> do you sit senseless, the gain of us wise men, being<br/> blocks, ciphers, mere sheep, jars heaped together,<br/> wherefore I must sing an encomium upon myself and this<br/> my son, on account of our good fortune. "O happy<br/> Strepsiades! How wise you are yourself, and how<br/> excellent is the son whom you are rearing!" My friends<br/> and fellow-tribesmen will say of me, envying me, when<br/> you prove victorious in arguing causes. But first I wish<br/> to lead you in and entertain you.<br/></p> <p> [Exeunt Strepsiades and Phidippides.]<br/></p> <p> Pasias (entering with his summons-witness) Then, ought a<br/> man to throw away any part of his own property? Never!<br/> But it were better then at once to put away blushes,<br/> rather than now to have trouble; since I am now dragging<br/> you to be a witness, for the sake of my own money; and<br/> further, in addition to this, I shall become an enemy to<br/> my fellow-tribesman. But never, while I live, will I<br/> disgrace my country, but will summon Strepsiades.<br/></p> <p> Strep. (from within) Who's there?<br/></p> <p> Pas. For the Old and New.<br/></p> <p> Strep. I call you to witness, that he has named it for<br/> two days. For what matter do you summon me?<br/></p> <p> Pas. For the twelve minae, which you received when you<br/> were buying the dapple-gray horse.<br/></p> <p> Strep. A horse? Do you not hear? I, whom you all know to<br/> hate horsemanship!<br/></p> <p> Pas. And, by Jupiter! You swore by the gods too, that<br/> you would repay it.<br/></p> <p> Strep. Ay, by Jove! For then my Phidippides did not yet<br/> know the irrefragable argument.<br/></p> <p> Pas. And do you now intend, on this account, to deny the<br/> debt?<br/></p> <p> Strep. Why, what good should I get else from his<br/> instruction?<br/></p> <p> Pas. And will you be willing to deny these upon oath of<br/> the gods?<br/></p> <p> Strep. What gods?<br/></p> <p> Pas. Jupiter, Mercury, and Neptune.<br/></p> <p> Strep. Yes, by Jupiter! And would pay down, too, a<br/> three-obol piece besides to swear.<br/></p> <p> Pas. Then may you perish some day for your impudence!<br/></p> <p> Strep. This man would be the better for it if he were<br/> cleansed by rubbing with salt.<br/></p> <p> Pas. Ah me, how you deride me!<br/></p> <p> Strep. He will contain six choae.<br/></p> <p> Pas. By great Jupiter and the gods, you certainly shall<br/> not do this to me with impunity!<br/></p> <p> Strep. I like your gods amazingly; and Jupiter, sworn<br/> by, is ridiculous to the knowing ones.<br/></p> <p> Pas. You will assuredly suffer punishment, some time or<br/> other, for this. But answer and dismiss me, whether you<br/> are going to repay me my money or not.<br/></p> <p> Strep. Keep quiet now, for I will presently answer you<br/> distinctly.<br/></p> <p> [Runs into the house.]<br/></p> <p> Pas. (to his summons-witness). What do you think he will<br/> do?<br/></p> <p> Witness. I think he will pay you.<br/></p> <p> [Re-enter Strepsiades with a kneading-trough]<br/></p> <p> Strep. Where is this man who asks me for his money? Tell<br/> me what is this?<br/></p> <p> Pas. What is this? A kardopos.<br/></p> <p> Strep. And do you then ask me for your money, being such<br/> an ignorant person? I would not pay, not even an obolus,<br/> to any one who called the kardope kardopos.<br/></p> <p> Pas. Then won't you pay me?<br/></p> <p> Strep. Not, as far as I know. Will you not then pack off<br/> as fast as possible from my door?<br/></p> <p> Pas. I will depart; and be assured of this, that I will<br/> make deposit against you, or may I live no longer!<br/></p> <p> Strep. Then you will lose it besides, in addition to<br/> your twelve minae. And yet I do not wish you to suffer<br/> this, because you named the kardopos foolishly.<br/></p> <p> [Exeunt Pasias and Witness, and enter Amynias]<br/></p> <p> Amynias. Ah me! Ah me!<br/></p> <p> Strep. Ha! Whoever is this, who is lamenting? Surely it<br/> was not one of Carcinus' deities that spoke.<br/></p> <p> Amyn. But why do you wish to know this, who I am?-A<br/> miserable man.<br/></p> <p> Strep. Then follow your own path.<br/></p> <p> Amyn. O harsh fortune! O Fates, breaking the wheels of<br/> my horses! O Pallas, how you have destroyed me!<br/></p> <p> Strep. What evil, pray, has Tlepolemus ever done you?<br/></p> <p> Amyn. Do not jeer me, my friend; but order your son to<br/> pay me the money which he received; especially as I have<br/> been unfortunate.<br/></p> <p> Strep. What money is this?<br/></p> <p> Amyn. That which he borrowed.<br/></p> <p> Strep. Then you were really unlucky, as I think.<br/></p> <p> Amyn. By the gods, I fell while driving my horses.<br/></p> <p> Strep. Why, pray, do you talk nonsense, as if you had<br/> fallen from an ass?<br/></p> <p> Amyn. Do I talk nonsense if I wish to recover my money?<br/></p> <p> Strep. You can't be in your senses yourself.<br/></p> <p> Amyn. Why, pray?<br/></p> <p> Strep. You appear to me to have had your brains shaken<br/> as it were.<br/></p> <p> Amyn. And you appear to me, by Hermes, to be going to be<br/> summoned, if you will not pay me the money?<br/></p> <p> Strep. Tell me now, whether you think that Jupiter<br/> always rains fresh rain on each occasion, or that the<br/> sun draws from below the same water back again?<br/></p> <p> Amyn. I know not which; nor do I care.<br/></p> <p> Strep. How then is it just that you should recover your<br/> money, if you know nothing of meteorological matters?<br/></p> <p> Amyn. Well, if you are in want, pay me the interest of<br/> my money.<br/></p> <p> Strep. What sort of animal is this interest?<br/></p> <p> Amyn. Most assuredly the money is always becoming more<br/> and more every month and every day as the time slips<br/> away.<br/></p> <p> Strep. You say well. What then? Is it possible that you<br/> consider the sea to be greater now than formerly?<br/></p> <p> Amyn. No, by Jupiter, but equal; for it is not fitting<br/> that it should be greater.<br/></p> <p> Strep. And how then, you wretch does this become no way<br/> greater, though the rivers flow into it, while you seek<br/> to increase your money? Will you not take yourself off<br/> from my house? Bring me the goad.<br/></p> <p> [Enter Servant with a goad.]<br/></p> <p> Amyn. I call you to witness these things.<br/></p> <p> Strep. (beating him). Go! Why do you delay? Won't you<br/> march, Mr. Blood-horse?<br/></p> <p> Amyn. Is not this an insult, pray?<br/></p> <p> Strep. Will you move quickly?<br/></p> <p> [Pricks him behind with the goad.]<br/></p> <p> I'll lay on you, goading you behind, you outrigger? Do<br/> you fly?<br/></p> <p> [Amynias runs off.]<br/></p> <p> I thought I should stir you, together with your wheels<br/> and your two-horse chariots.<br/></p> <p> [Exit Strepsiades.]<br/></p> <p> Cho. What a thing it is to love evil courses! For this<br/> old man, having loved them, wishes to withhold the money<br/> that he borrowed. And he will certainly meet with<br/> something today, which will perhaps cause this sophist<br/> to suddenly receive some misfortune, in return for the<br/> knaveries he has begun. For I think that he will<br/> presently find what has been long boiling up, that his<br/> son is skilful to speak opinions opposed to justice, so<br/> as to overcome all with whomsoever he holds converse,<br/> even if he advance most villainous doctrines; and<br/> perhaps, perhaps his father will wish that he were even<br/> speechless.<br/></p> <p> Strep. (running out of the house pursued by his son)<br/> Hollo! Hollo! O neighbours, and kinsfolk, and<br/> fellow-tribesmen, defend me, by all means, who am being<br/> beaten! Ah me, unhappy man, for my head and jaw! Wretch!<br/> Do you beat your father?<br/></p> <p> Phid. Yes, father.<br/></p> <p> Strep. You see him owning that he beats me.<br/></p> <p> Phid. Certainly.<br/></p> <p> Strep. O wretch, and parricide, and house-breaker!<br/></p> <p> Phid. Say the same things of me again, and more. Do you<br/> know that I take pleasure in being much abused?<br/></p> <p> Strep. You blackguard!<br/></p> <p> Phid. Sprinkle me with roses in abundance.<br/></p> <p> Strep. Do you beat your father?<br/></p> <p> Phid. And will prove too, by Jupiter! that I beat you<br/> with justice.<br/></p> <p> Strep. O thou most rascally! Why, how can it be just to<br/> beat a father?<br/></p> <p> Phid. I will demonstrate it, and will overcome you in<br/> argument.<br/></p> <p> Strep. Will you overcome me in this?<br/></p> <p> Phid. Yea, by much and easily. But choose which of the<br/> two Causes you wish to speak.<br/></p> <p> Strep. Of what two Causes?<br/></p> <p> Phid. The better, or the worse?<br/></p> <p> Strep. Marry, I did get you taught to speak against<br/> justice, by Jupiter, my friend, if you are going to<br/> persuade me of this, that it is just and honourable for<br/> a father to be beaten by his sons!<br/></p> <p> Phid. I think I shall certainly persuade you; so that,<br/> when you have heard, not even you yourself will say<br/> anything against it.<br/></p> <p> Strep. Well, now, I am willing to hear what you have to<br/> say.<br/></p> <p> Cho. It is your business, old man, to consider in what<br/> way you shall conquer the man; for if he were not<br/> relying upon something, he would not be so licentious.<br/> But he is emboldened by something; the boldness of the<br/> man is evident. Now you ought to tell to the Chorus from<br/> what the contention first arose. And this you must do by<br/> all means.<br/></p> <p> Strep. Well, now, I will tell you from what we first<br/> began to rail at one another. After we had feasted, as<br/> you know, I first bade him take a lyre, and sing a song<br/> of Simonides, "The Shearing of the Ram." But he<br/> immediately said it was old-fashioned to play on the<br/> lyre and sing while drinking, like a woman grinding<br/> parched barley.<br/></p> <p> Phid. For ought you not then immediately to be beaten<br/> and trampled on, bidding me sing, just as if you were<br/> entertaining cicadae?<br/></p> <p> Strep. He expressed, however, such opinions then too<br/> within, as he does now; and he asserted that Simonides<br/> was a bad poet. I bore it at first, with difficulty<br/> indeed, yet nevertheless I bore it. And then I bade him<br/> at least take a myrtle-wreath and recite to me some<br/> portion of Aeschylus; and then he immediately said,<br/> "Shall I consider Aeschylus the first among the poets,<br/> full of empty sound, unpolished, bombastic, using rugged<br/> words?" And hereupon you can't think how my heart<br/> panted. But, nevertheless, I restrained my passion, and<br/> said, "At least recite some passage of the more modern<br/> poets, of whatever kind these clever things be." And he<br/> immediately sang a passage of Euripides, how a brother,<br/> O averter of ill! Debauched his uterine sister. And I<br/> bore it no longer, but immediately assailed him with<br/> many abusive reproaches. And then, after that, as was<br/> natural, we hurled word upon word. Then he springs upon<br/> me; and then he was wounding me, and beating me, and<br/> throttling me.<br/></p> <p> Phid. Were you not therefore justly beaten, who do not<br/> praise Euripides, the wisest of poets?<br/></p> <p> Strep. He the wisest! Oh, what shall I call you? But I<br/> shall be beaten again.<br/></p> <p> Phid. Yes, by Jupiter, with justice?<br/></p> <p> Strep. Why, how with justice? Who, O shameless fellow,<br/> reared you, understanding all your wishes, when you<br/> lisped what you meant? If you said bryn, I,<br/> understanding it, used to give you to drink. And when<br/> you asked for mamman, I used to come to you with bread.<br/> And you used no sooner to say caccan, than I used to<br/> take and carry you out of doors, and hold you before me.<br/> But you now, throttling me who was bawling and crying<br/> out because I wanted to ease myself, had not the heart<br/> to carry me forth out of doors, you wretch; but I did it<br/> there while I was being throttled.<br/></p> <p> Cho. I fancy the hearts of the youths are panting to<br/> hear what he will say. For if, after having done such<br/> things, he shall persuade him by speaking, I would not<br/> take the hide of the old folks, even at the price of a<br/> chick-pea. It is thy business, thou author and upheaver<br/> of new words, to seek some means of persuasion, so that<br/> you shall seem to speak justly.<br/></p> <p> Phid. How pleasant it is to be acquainted with new and<br/> clever things, and to be able to despise the established<br/> laws! For I, when I applied my mind to horsemanship<br/> alone, used not to be able to utter three words before I<br/> made a mistake; but now, since he himself has made me<br/> cease from these pursuits, and I am acquainted with<br/> subtle thoughts, and arguments, and speculations, I<br/> think I shall demonstrate that it is just to chastise<br/> one's father.<br/></p> <p> Strep. Ride, then, by Jupiter! Since it is better for me<br/> to keep a team of four horses than to be killed with a<br/> beating.<br/></p> <p> Phid. I will pass over to that part of my discourse<br/> where you interrupted me; and first I will ask you this:<br/> Did you beat me when I was a boy?<br/></p> <p> Strep. I did, through good-will and concern for you.<br/></p> <p> Phid. Pray tell me, is it not just that I also should be<br/> well inclined toward you in the same way, and beat you,<br/> since this is to be well inclined-to give a beating? For<br/> why ought your body to be exempt from blows and mine<br/> not? And yet I too was born free. The boys weep, and do<br/> you not think it is right that a father should weep? You<br/> will say that it is ordained by law that this should be<br/> the lot of boys. But I would reply, that old men are<br/> boys twice over, and that it is the more reasonable that<br/> the old should weep than the young, inasmuch as it is<br/> less just that they should err.<br/></p> <p> Strep. It is nowhere ordained by law that a father<br/> should suffer this.<br/></p> <p> Phid. Was it not then a man like you and me, who first<br/> proposed this law, and by speaking persuaded the<br/> ancients? Why then is it less lawful for me also in turn<br/> to propose henceforth a new law for the sons, that they<br/> should beat their fathers in turn? But as many blows as<br/> we received before the law was made, we remit: and we<br/> concede to them our having been thrashed without return.<br/> Observe the cocks and these other animals, how they<br/> punish their fathers; and yet, in what do they differ<br/> from us, except that they do not write decrees?<br/></p> <p> Strep. Why then, since you imitate the cocks in all<br/> things, do you not both eat dung and sleep on a perch?<br/></p> <p> Phid. It is not the same thing, my friend; nor would it<br/> appear so to Socrates.<br/></p> <p> Strep. Therefore do not beat me; otherwise you will one<br/> day blame yourself.<br/></p> <p> Phid. Why, how?<br/></p> <p> Strep. Since I am justly entitled to chastise you; and<br/> you to chastise your son, if you should have one.<br/></p> <p> Phid. But if I should not have one, I shall have wept<br/> for nothing, and you will die laughing at me.<br/></p> <p> Strep. To me, indeed, O comrades, he seems to speak<br/> justly; and I think we ought to concede to them what is<br/> fitting. For it is proper that we should weep, if we do<br/> not act justly.<br/></p> <p> Phid. Consider still another maxim.<br/></p> <p> Strep. No; for I shall perish if I do.<br/></p> <p> Phid. And yet perhaps you will not be vexed at suffering<br/> what you now suffer.<br/></p> <p> Strep. How, pray? For inform me what good you will do me<br/> by this.<br/></p> <p> Phid. I will beat my mother, just as I have you.<br/></p> <p> Strep. What do you say? What do you say? This other,<br/> again, is a greater wickedness.<br/></p> <p> Phid. But what if, having the worst Cause, I shall<br/> conquer you in arguing, proving that it is right to beat<br/> one's mother?<br/></p> <p> Strep. Most assuredly, if you do this, nothing will<br/> hinder you from casting yourself and your Worse Cause<br/> into the pit along with Socrates. These evils have I<br/> suffered through you, O Clouds! Having intrusted all my<br/> affairs to you.<br/></p> <p> Cho. Nay, rather, you are yourself the cause of these<br/> things, having turned yourself to wicked courses.<br/></p> <p> Strep. Why, pray, did you not tell me this, then, but<br/> excited with hopes a rustic and aged man?<br/></p> <p> Cho. We always do this to him whom we perceive to be a<br/> lover of wicked courses, until we precipitate him into<br/> misfortune, so that he may learn to fear the gods.<br/></p> <p> Strep. Ah me! it is severe, O Clouds! But it is just;<br/> for I ought not to have withheld the money which I<br/> borrowed. Now, therefore, come with me, my dearest son,<br/> that you may destroy the blackguard Chaerephon and<br/> Socrates, who deceived you and me.<br/></p> <p> Phid. I will not injure my teachers.<br/></p> <p> Strep. Yes, yes, reverence Paternal Jove.<br/></p> <p> Phid. "Paternal Jove" quoth'a! How antiquated you are!<br/> Why, is there any Jove?<br/></p> <p> Strep. There is.<br/></p> <p> Phid. There is not, no; for Vortex reigns having<br/> expelled Jupiter.<br/></p> <p> Strep. He has not expelled him; but I fancied this, on<br/> account of this Vortex here. Ah me, unhappy man! When I<br/> even took you who are of earthenware for a god.<br/></p> <p> Phid. Here rave and babble to yourself.<br/></p> <p> [Exit Phidippides]<br/></p> <p> Strep. Ah me, what madness! How mad, then, I was when I<br/> ejected the gods on account of Socrates! But O dear<br/> Hermes, by no means be wroth with me, nor destroy me;<br/> but pardon me, since I have gone crazy through prating.<br/> And become my adviser, whether I shall bring an action<br/> and prosecute them, or whatever you think. You advise me<br/> rightly, not permitting me to get up a lawsuit, but as<br/> soon as possible to set fire to the house of the prating<br/> fellows. Come hither, come hither, Xanthias! Come forth<br/> with a ladder and with a mattock and then mount upon the<br/> thinking-shop and dig down the roof, if you love your<br/> master, until you tumble the house upon them.<br/></p> <p> [Xanthias mounts upon the roof]<br/></p> <p> But let some one bring me a lighted torch and I'll make<br/> some of them this day suffer punishment, even if they be<br/> ever so much impostors.<br/></p> <p> 1st Dis. (from within) Hollo! Hollo!<br/></p> <p> Strep. It is your business, O torch, to send forth<br/> abundant flame.<br/></p> <p> [Mounts upon the roof]<br/></p> <p> 1st Dis. What are you doing, fellow?<br/></p> <p> Strep. What am I doing? Why, what else, than chopping<br/> logic with the beams of your house?<br/></p> <p> [Sets the house on fire]<br/></p> <p> 2nd Dis. (from within) You will destroy us! You will<br/> destroy us!<br/></p> <p> Strep. For I also wish this very thing; unless my<br/> mattock deceive my hopes, or I should somehow fall first<br/> and break my neck.<br/></p> <p> Soc. (from within). Hollo you! What are you doing, pray,<br/> you fellow on the roof?<br/></p> <p> Strep. I am walking on air, and speculating about the<br/> sun.<br/></p> <p> Soc. Ah me, unhappy! I shall be suffocated, wretched<br/> man!<br/></p> <p> Chaer. And I, miserable man, shall be burnt to death!<br/></p> <p> Strep. For what has come into your heads that you acted<br/> insolently toward the gods, and pried into the seat of<br/> the moon? Chase, pelt, smite them, for many reasons, but<br/> especially because you know that they offended against<br/> the gods!<br/></p> <p> [The thinking shop is burned down]<br/></p> <p> Cho. Lead the way out; for we have sufficiently acted as<br/> chorus for today.<br/><br/></p> <p> [Exeunt omnes]<br/></p> <div style="break-after:column;"></div><br />