<h2><SPAN name="page171"></SPAN><span class="pagenum"></span>THOMSON GREEN AND HARRIET HALE</h2>
<p style="text-align: center">(<i>To be sung to the Air of</i>
“<i>An ’Orrible Tale</i>.”)</p>
<p class="poetry"> <span class="smcap">Oh</span>
list to this incredible tale<br/>
Of <span class="smcap">Thomson Green</span> and
<span class="smcap">Harriet Hale</span>;<br/>
Its truth in one remark you’ll sum—<br/>
“Twaddle twaddle twaddle twaddle twaddle twaddle
twum!”</p>
<p class="poetry"> Oh, <span class="smcap">Thomson Green</span> was an auctioneer,<br/>
And made three hundred pounds a year;<br/>
And <span class="smcap">Harriet Hale</span>, most
strange to say,<br/>
Gave pianoforte lessons at a sovereign a day.</p>
<p class="poetry"> Oh, <span class="smcap">Thomson Green</span>, I may remark,<br/>
Met <span class="smcap">Harriet Hale</span> in
Regent’s Park,<br/>
Where he, in a casual kind of way,<br/>
Spoke of the extraordinary beauty of the day.</p>
<p class="poetry"> They met again, and strange,
though true,<br/>
He courted her for a month or two,<br/>
Then to her pa he said, says he,<br/>
“Old man, I love your daughter and your daughter worships
me!”</p>
<p class="poetry"> Their names were regularly
banned,<br/>
The wedding day was settled, and<br/>
I’ve ascertained by dint of search<br/>
They were married on the quiet at St. Mary Abbot’s
Church.</p>
<p class="poetry"> Oh, list to this incredible
tale<br/>
Of <span class="smcap">Thomson Green</span> and
<span class="smcap">Harriet Hale</span>,<br/>
Its truth in one remark you’ll sum—<br/>
“Twaddle twaddle twaddle twaddle twaddle twaddle
twum!”</p>
<p class="poetry"> That very self-same
afternoon<br/>
They started on their honeymoon,<br/>
And (oh, astonishment!) took flight<br/>
To a pretty little cottage close to Shanklin, Isle of Wight.</p>
<p class="poetry"> But now—you’ll
doubt my word, I know—<br/>
In a month they both returned, and lo!<br/>
Astounding fact! this happy pair<br/>
Took a gentlemanly residence in Canonbury Square!</p>
<p class="poetry"> They led a weird and reckless
life,<br/>
They dined each day, this man and wife<br/>
(Pray disbelieve it, if you please),<br/>
On a joint of meat, a pudding, and a little bit of cheese.</p>
<p class="poetry"> In time came those maternal
joys<br/>
Which take the form of girls or boys,<br/>
And strange to say of each they’d
one—<br/>
A tiddy-iddy daughter, and a tiddy-iddy son!</p>
<p class="poetry"> Oh, list to this incredible
tale<br/>
Of <span class="smcap">Thomson Green</span> and
<span class="smcap">Harriet Hale</span>,<br/>
Its truth in one remark you’ll sum—<br/>
“Twaddle twaddle twaddle twaddle twaddle twaddle
twum!”</p>
<p class="poetry"> My name for truth is gone, I
fear,<br/>
But, monstrous as it may appear,<br/>
They let their drawing-room one day<br/>
To an eligible person in the cotton-broking way.</p>
<p class="poetry"> Whenever <span class="smcap">Thomson Green</span> fell sick<br/>
His wife called in a doctor, quick,<br/>
From whom some words like these would come—<br/>
<i>Fiat mist. sumendum haustus</i>, in a <i>cochleyareum</i>.</p>
<p class="poetry"> For thirty years this curious
pair<br/>
Hung out in Canonbury Square,<br/>
And somehow, wonderful to say,<br/>
They loved each other dearly in a quiet sort of way.</p>
<p class="poetry"> Well, <span class="smcap">Thomson Green</span> fell ill and died;<br/>
For just a year his widow cried,<br/>
And then her heart she gave away<br/>
To the eligible lodger in the cotton-broking way.</p>
<p class="poetry"> Oh, list to this incredible
tale<br/>
Of <span class="smcap">Thomson Green</span> and
<span class="smcap">Harriet Hale</span>,<br/>
Its truth in one remark you’ll sum—<br/>
“Twaddle twaddle twaddle twaddle twaddle twaddle
twum!”</p>
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