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<h2> O </h2>
<p>O'CONNELL, Dan, said to have been an Irishman. Probably born in Dublin,
raised in Dublin. Raised cain in Dublin. Repealed in Dublin. Dublined in
Dublin. Died in Dublin. Tradition connects his name with the early stages
of the home rule bill. Ambition: Ireland south of Ulster. Recreation:
Oratory. Address: Dublin. Clubs: Dublin. Favorite Color: Green.</p>
<p>O'GRADY, Sweet Rosie, also of Ireland, long dead, but still bragged about.</p>
<p>ORANGE, William of, also of Ireland. He was the man who made it a crime to
wear the color named after him on the seventeenth of March. (See St.
Patrick.)</p>
<p>ORPHEUS, lutist. When a young man he was given a lute. Practised in
obscurity, and later appeared before large audiences. Made several
successful concert tours. Married Eurydice. Spent a happy honeymoon. The
bride did not wear shoes. She was bitten by a serpent. She died. O.
descended to the abode of Old Nic, and charmed him with some Grecian
ragtime. Nic promised to return the lady if O. would promise to get out of
the place without looking around to see what other respectable people were
there. O. started for the door. He heard familiar voices and rubbered.
That ended the contract, and for all the editor has been able to ascertain
Eurydice is there to this day.</p>
<p>OSTLER, William, a doctor who was knighted for proposing that all fossils
should be ostlerized. Ambition: To murder the men who got that story into
print. Recreation: Medicine. Address: Oxford. Epitaph: He Practised, But
Not What He Preached.</p>
<p>OTHELLO, of Venice. Born in Morocco. Went to Venice and fell in love with
one Desdemona, an Italian girl. They were married. Mrs. Othello lost one
of her favorite handkerchiefs and was killed by her enraged husband.
Shakespeare, of England, a writer, heard of the incident and made some
money out of it.</p>
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<h2> P </h2>
<p>PADEREWSKI, Ignace Jan, another farewell-concert giver, who wore long red
hair, a soulful expression, insured his fingers, and broke pianos.</p>
<p>PALLAS, a Grecian goddess who was metamorphosed into a raven perch by Poe.</p>
<p>PAN, monstrosity, musical instrument maker, friend of poets. Born half a
man and half a goat. Took after the latter. Studied music under the old
masters and outfluted Apollo. Was also a sheep fancier. Fathered fife and
drum corps. Ambition: A pair of shoes or a goat's appetite. Recreation:
Hunting and falling in love. Address: Greece. Clubs: Musical.</p>
<p>PAN, Peter, a little fellow who was a delightful actress, believed in
fairies, and crowded houses in England and the United States.</p>
<p>PANKHURST, Mrs., a celebrated English woman who terrorized a government,
starved herself, smashed windows, blew up things, and made speeches for a
living. Girlhood spent in developing muscle, pluck, and theories. She
appeared before the public and declared that the liquor traffic would be
terminated when women voted. Spent years of her life wondering why the men
would not give them the privilege. Never cared for the ministry, although
she was a very good woman. Ambition: A woman king. "Votes for Women" in
the Union Jack. Recreation: Planning the "next." Publications: From the
Cradle to the Ballot. Windows I have Smashed. Address: London. Care
Scotland Yard.</p>
<p>PANKHURST, Sylvia, a little Pankhurst who helps mamma break things.</p>
<p>PANZA, Sancho, Don Quixote's interlocutor and stable boss.</p>
<p>PARIS, son of the King of Tyre, who ran away with another man's wife named
Helen. A city in France has been named to do him honor.</p>
<p>PARNELL, C. S., father of the downfall of English ministries and Ulster.
Born of Irish parents. First man to successfully explode dynamite in
Parliament without being executed. Ambition: An Ulsterless Ireland, a
Conservativeless England. Address: Close to the English ministry. Epitaph:
The Bills Men Introduced Live After Them.</p>
<p>PARSIFAL, the longest-winded singer who ever stepped on an opera stage.</p>
<p>PASTEUR, Doctor, discoverer. Experimented with mad dogs until he came to
the conclusion they should be shot or chained. A subway station in Paris
has been named after him.</p>
<p>PATRICK, Saint, a Scotchman who drove all the snakes out of Ireland with
the exception of those in bottles. Also introduced the brogue and the
shamrock into the Emerald Isle.</p>
<p>PAT, also of Ireland. At an early age he emigrated to the United States.
There he took up the hod-carrying business. Went on the stage and set the
world laughing. He also entered politics, captured the American police
force, and, together with his brothers in Parliament, rules Great Britain
and the United States.</p>
<p>PATTI, Adelina, a singer who said au revoir but not good bye. Epitaph: Cum
Grano Salis.</p>
<p>PEAR,(8) the man who names most of the London busses, and keeps the people
of England clean for a penny a week. His business is international with
the exception of Glasgow and Italy.</p>
<p>(8) Ed. Note: This is not an advertisement. The editor does not use soap.</p>
<p>PEARY, Captain Robert E., explorer who said he reached the north pole and
convinced a few people. Was also forced to write a book and lecture.
Publications: How Dr. Cook Almost Got Ahead of Me. Ambition: That a
certain man had not made him get all the way there the last time. Grave:
The Cook incident.</p>
<p>PENN, William, a man whose picture appears on all Quaker Oats boxes. An
Englishman who left his country, bought Pennsylvania, built the slow, old
town of Philadelphia, and hung up the American Liberty Bell.</p>
<p>PERICLES, of Athens. Political boss, philosopher, and general. Secured his
reputation through brains, a voice, and a well-oiled political machine.
Started the golden age of Greece with a loud blast of the horn of plenty.</p>
<p>PETER, no relation to the following. He introduced the art of chocolate
making into Switzerland, and the art of eating it into America. Ambition:
More children and people with sweet teeth.</p>
<p>PETER, Saint, a fine old bearded saint who is an excellent bookkeeper, and
a detester of roosters. A church in Rome has taken his name. Ambition: A
new key. Recreation: Oiling hinges. Address: Golden gates.</p>
<p>PHARAOH, of Egypt. Benefactor of Moses and Joseph. Was also the father of
Pharaoh's daughter. Built a few pyramids, cigarette factories, and made a
handsome mummy.</p>
<p>PHILIP II, a king of Spain who, with an armada to press his suit,
endeavored to marry a queen of England. Both the suit and the armada were
left in the bay of Biscay, and the queen an old maid. Ambition: To the
Inquisition with all Englishmen. Motto: Faint heart never won fair lady.
Address: Spain.</p>
<p>PINAUD, Edward, discoverer of the only thing which would have saved your
hair.</p>
<p>PINKHAM, Lydia, of vegetable compound fame. Made a fortune out of
advertisements, little boxes of pills, and women who believed what they
read.</p>
<p>PIPER, Peter, famous picker of pickled peppers. Also held accounts against
many people. Caused considerable worry to his creditors.</p>
<p>PITMAN, Isaac, discovered a method of making political speakers more
careful of what they said. His invention has secured wealthy husbands for
many a pretty and poor stenographer.</p>
<p>PLUTARCH, the only man who had more lives than a cat.</p>
<p>PLUTO, boss of the underworld until Old Nic got on the job. Also the
manufacturer of a morning beverage.</p>
<p>PLUVIUS, E., was the fellow who always made it rain when you wanted to
wear your new hat or go to a ball game.</p>
<p>POE, Ed. A., an American poet who specialized in ravens and cold chills.</p>
<p>POINCAIRE, Raymond, a Frenchman who has a splendid opportunity to get out
of this book.</p>
<p>POLLUX, Leda's other twin. (See Mother and Brother.)</p>
<p>POLO, Marco, F. R. G. S., traveler, discoverer, and lecturer. Began
expeditions from Venice. Discovered China, Japan, and the Orient. Returned
to Venice and Doctor Cooked his neighbors. He is supposed, however, to
have visited the countries, as he produced a pair of chop sticks, a
Chinese laundry, and some Japanese lanterns. These were accepted as proofs
by the University of Venice. Ambition: The north pole.</p>
<p>POMPADOUR, Madame, coiffeur, Queen of France. Said to have been a peach.
Was a great friend of Louis XV, and helped make the dances at Versailles a
success. Ambition: Plenty of hair. Recreation: Versailles. Address: See
Louis. Clubs: Anti.</p>
<p>POWELL-BADEN, Robert S., a warrior who retired from service and invented
soldiers to be shot when the next big war comes along.</p>
<p>PROCRASTINATOR, T. H. E., an extinct man who believed in the doctrine of
To-morrow. He was a thief, but was never convicted. Ancient records state
he invariably had an excuse for present inactivity, but would promise
results the following day. Was a close friend of Failure. Put off
everything except Death, and even did his best to keep him away as long as
possible. Motto: No time like the future. Ambition: To accomplish
to-morrow what the other fellow is doing to-day. Recreation: Always before
business. Address: Nobody knows. Clubs: Many.</p>
<p>PROGRESS, Pilgrim, an Englishman who made an extensive journey encumbered
with a large pack. He visited Paris, had some hairbreadth escapes, was
stuck in the mud, but finally returned and became respectable like all
other Englishmen.</p>
<p>PUCCINI, Giacomo, maker of tunes and curtain calls. A musician who did not
starve, and who gave the classical name "La Faniculla del West" to the
plain "girl of the golden west."</p>
<p>PULLMAN, an American who invented an expensive means of travel. P. also is
responsible for the vast fortunes acquired by porters.</p>
<p>PUNCH, husband of Judy, and a great favorite with the children, even if he
did beat his old wife. Led a hen-pecked life. Traveled in several European
countries and spoke all the best-selling languages. His name has been
given to a serious London publication.</p>
<p>PYTHAGORAS, a Greek who said some people would be pigs after they were
dead.</p>
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<h2> Q(9) </h2>
<p>(9) Ed. Note: The editor apologizes for the few Q's who have been famous.</p>
<p>QUIETUS, Fluvius, of Rome. Always put his name to everything when he came
around.</p>
<p>QUIXOTE, Don, famous knight-errant of Spain. Made some desperate conquests
for his lady-love, and was defeated by a windmill. In all his defeats,
however, he showed to the world that a laugh cuts deeper than a sword, and
that satire would kill where a lance could not penetrate. The word
quixotic is used to his commemoration.</p>
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