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Excuse Me! (Dramatic Reading)

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186 <h3 class="p6">CHAPTER XXVI DELILAH AND THE CONDUCTOR</h3> Like the best of women and the worst of men, Marjorie was perfectly willing to do evil, that good might come of it. She advanced on the innocent conductor, as the lady from Sorek must have sidled up to Samson, coquetting with one arch hand and snipping the shears with the other. The stupefied Mallory saw Marjorie in a startling imitation of herself at her sweetest; only now it was brazen mimicry, yet how like! She went forward as the shyest young thing in the world, pursed her lips into an ecstatic simper, and began on the unsuspecting official: "Isn't the country perfectly——" "Yes, but I'm getting used to it," the conductor growled, without looking up. His curt indifference jolted Marjorie a trifle, but she rallied her forces, and came back with: "How long do we stop at Ogden?" "Five minutes," very bluntly. Marjorie poured maple syrup on her tone, as she purred: "This train of yours is an awfully fast train, isn't it?" 187 "Sort of," said the conductor, with just a trace of thaw. What followed made him hold his breath, for the outrageous little hussy was actually saying: "The company must have a great deal of confidence in you to entrust the lives and welfare of so many people to your presence of mind and courage." "Well, of course, I can't say as to that——" Even Mallory could see that the man's reserve was melting fast as Marjorie went on with relentless treacle: "Talk about soldiers and firemen and life-savers! I think it takes a braver man than any of those to be a conductor—really." "Well, it is a kind of a responsible job." The conductor swelled his chest a little at that, and Marjorie felt that he was already hers. She hammered the weak spot in his armor: "Responsible! I should say it is. Mr. Mallory is a soldier, but soldiers are such ferocious, destructive people, while conductors save lives, and—if I were only a man I think it would be my greatest ambition to be a conductor—especially on an overland express." The conductor told the truth, when he confessed: "Well, I never heard it put just that way." Then he spoke with a little more pride, hoping to increase the impression he felt he was making: "The main thing, of course, is to get my train through On Time!" This was a facer. He was going to get his train 188 through On Time just to oblige Marjorie. She stammered: "I don't suppose the train, by any accident, would be delayed in leaving Ogden?" "Not if I can help it," the hero averred, to reassure her. "I wish it would," Marjorie murmured. The conductor looked at her in surprise: "Why, what's it to you?" She turned her eyes on him at full candle power, and smiled: "Oh, I just wanted to do a little shopping there." "Shopping! While the train waits! Excuse me!" "You see," Marjorie fluttered, "by a sad mistake, my baggage isn't on the train. And I haven't any—any—I really need to buy some—some things very badly. It's awfully embarrassing to be without them." "I can imagine," the conductor mumbled. "Why don't you and your husband drop off and take the next train?" "My husb—Mr. Mallory has to be in San Francisco by to-morrow night. He just has to!" "So have I." "But to oblige me? To save me from distress—don't you think you could?" Like a sweet little child she twisted one of the brass buttons on his coat sleeve, and wheedled: "Don't you think you might hold the train just a little tiny half hour?" He was sorry, but he didn't see how he could. 189 Then she took his breath away again by asking, out of a clear sky: "Are you married?" He was as awkward as if she had proposed to him, she answered for him: "Oh, but of course you are. The women wouldn't let a big, handsome, noble brave giant like you escape long." He mopped his brow in agony as she went on: "I'm sure you're a very chivalrous man. I'm sure you would give your life to rescue a maiden in distress. Well, here's your chance. Won't you please hold the train?" She actually had her cheek almost against his shoulder, though she had to poise atiptoe to reach him. Mallory's dismay was changing to a boiling rage, and the conductor was a pitiable combination of Saint Anthony and Tantalus. "I—I'd love to oblige you," he mumbled, "but it would be as much as my job's worth." "How much is that?" Marjorie asked, and added reassuringly, "If you lost your job I'm sure my father would get you a better one." "Maybe," said the conductor, "but—I got this one." Then his rolling eyes caught sight of the supposed husband gesticulating wildly and evidently clearing for action. He warned Marjorie: "Say, your husband is motioning at you." "Don't mind him," Marjorie urged, "just listen to me. I implore you. I——" Seeing that he was still resisting, she played her last card, and, crying, 190 "Oh, you can't resist my prayers so cruelly," she threw her arms around his neck, sobbing, "Do you want to break my heart?" Mallory rushed into the scene and the conductor, tearing Marjorie's arms loose, retreated, gasping, "No! and I don't want your husband to break my head." Mallory dragged Marjorie away, but she shook her little fist at the conductor, crying: "Do you refuse? Do you dare refuse?" "I've got to," the conductor abjectly insisted. Marjorie blazed with fury and the siren became a Scylla. "Then I'll see that my father gets you discharged. If you dare to speak to me again, I'll order my husband to throw you off this train. To think of being refused a simple little favor by a mere conductor! of a stupid old emigrant train!! of all things!!!" Then she hurled herself into a chair and pounded her heels on the floor in a tantrum that paralyzed Mallory. Even the conductor tapped him on the shoulder and said: "You have my sympathy." <div style="break-after:column;"></div>

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