<h3>II.</h3>
<p>I went into the house, walked to the fire, and held out my hands to it
mechanically, for, though the night was May, I was cold to the bone.
There were some folks standing round the fire and lights flickering.
Then an old woman came forward with the northern instinct of
hospitality.</p>
<p>"Thou'rt tired," she said, "and mazed-like. Have a sup o' tea."</p>
<p>I burst out laughing. It was too funny. I had travelled two hundred
miles to see <i>her</i>; and she was dead, and they offered me tea. They drew
back from me as if I had been a wild beast, but I could not stop
laughing. Then a hand was laid on my shoulder, and some one led me into
a dark room, lighted a lamp, set me in a chair, and sat down opposite
me. It was a bare parlour, coldly furnished with rush chairs and
much-polished tables and presses. I caught my breath, and grew suddenly
grave, and looked at the woman who sat opposite me.</p>
<p>"I was Miss Ida's nurse," said she; "and she told me to send for you.
Who are you?"</p>
<p>"Her husband——"</p>
<p>The woman looked at me with hard eyes, where intense surprise struggled
with resentment. "Then, may God forgive you!" she said. "What you've
done I don't know; but it'll be 'ard work forgivin' <i>you</i>—even for
<i>Him</i>!"</p>
<p>"Tell me," I said, "my wife——"</p>
<p>"Tell you?" The bitter contempt in the woman's tone did not hurt me;
what was it to the self-contempt that had gnawed my heart all these
months? "Tell you? Yes, I'll tell you. Your wife was that ashamed of
you, she never so much as told me she was married. She let me think
anything I pleased sooner than that. She just come 'ere an' she said,
'Nurse, take care of me, for I am in mortal trouble. And don't let them
know where I am,' says she. An' me bein' well married to an honest man,
and well-to-do here, I was able to do it, by the blessing."</p>
<p>"Why didn't you send for me before?" It was a cry of anguish wrung from
me.</p>
<p>"I'd <i>never</i> 'a sent for you—it was <i>her</i> doin'. Oh, to think as God
A'mighty's made men able to measure out such-like pecks o' trouble for
us womenfolk! Young man, I dunno what you did to 'er to make 'er leave
you; but it muster bin something cruel, for she loved the ground you
walked on. She useter sit day after day, a-lookin' at your picture an'
talkin' to it an' kissin' of it, when she thought I wasn't takin' no
notice, and cryin' till she made me cry too. She useter cry all night
'most. An' one day, when I tells 'er to pray to God to 'elp 'er through
'er trouble, she outs with <i>your</i> putty face on a card, she doez, an',
says she, with her poor little smile, 'That's my god, Nursey,' she
says."</p>
<p>"Don't!" I said feebly, putting out my hands to keep off the torture;
"not any more, not now."</p>
<p>"<i>Don't?</i>" she repeated. She had risen and was walking up and down the
room with clasped hands—"don't, indeed! No, I won't; but I shan't
forget you! I tell you I've had you in my prayers time and again, when I
thought you'd made a light-o'-love o' my darling. I shan't drop you
outer them now I know she was your own wedded wife as you chucked away
when you'd tired of her, and left 'er to eat 'er 'art out with longin'
for you. Oh! I pray to God above us to pay you scot and lot for all you
done to 'er! You killed my pretty. The price will be required of you,
young man, even to the uttermost farthing! O God in heaven, make him
suffer! Make him feel it!"</p>
<p>She stamped her foot as she passed me. I stood quite still; I bit my lip
till I tasted the blood hot and salt on my tongue.</p>
<p>"She was nothing to you!" cried the woman, walking faster up and down
between the rush chairs and the table; "any fool can see that with half
an eye. You didn't love her, so you don't feel nothin' now; but some day
you'll care for some one, and then you shall know what she felt—if
there's any justice in heaven!"</p>
<p>I, too, rose, walked across the room, and leaned against the wall. I
heard her words without understanding them.</p>
<p>"Can't you feel <i>nothin'</i>? Are you mader stone? Come an' look at 'er
lyin' there so quiet. She don't fret arter the likes o' you no more now.
She won't sit no more a-lookin' outer winder an' sayin' nothin'—only
droppin' 'er tears one by one, slow, slow on her lap. Come an' see 'er;
come an' see what you done to my pretty—an' then ye can go. Nobody
wants you 'ere. <i>She</i> don't want you now. But p'r'aps you'd like to see
'er safe underground fust? I'll be bound you'll put a big slab on
'er—to make sure <i>she</i> don't rise again."</p>
<p>I turned on her. Her thin face was white with grief and impotent rage.
Her claw-like hands were clenched.</p>
<p>"Woman," I said, "have mercy!"</p>
<p>She paused, and looked at me.</p>
<p>"Eh?" she said.</p>
<p>"Have mercy!" I said again.</p>
<p>"Mercy? You should 'a thought o' that before. You 'adn't no mercy on
'er. She loved you—she died lovin' you. An' if I wasn't a Christian
woman, I'd kill you for it—like the rat you are! That I would, though I
'ad to swing for it arterwards."</p>
<p>I caught the woman's hands and held them fast, in spite of her
resistance.</p>
<p>"Don't you understand?" I said savagely. "We loved each other. She died
loving me. I have to live loving her. And it's <i>her</i> you pity. I tell
you it was all a mistake—a stupid, stupid mistake. Take me to her, and
for pity's sake let me be left alone with her."</p>
<p>She hesitated; then said in a voice only a shade less hard—</p>
<p>"Well, come along, then."</p>
<p>We moved towards the door. As she opened it a faint, weak cry fell on my
ear. My heart stood still.</p>
<p>"What's that?" I asked, stopping on the threshold.</p>
<p>"Your child," she said shortly.</p>
<p>That, too! Oh, my love! oh, my poor love! All these long months!</p>
<p>"She allus said she'd send for you when she'd got over her trouble," the
woman said as we climbed the stairs. "'I'd like him to see his little
baby, nurse,' she says; 'our little baby. It'll be all right when the
baby's born,' she says. 'I know he'll come to me then. You'll see.' And
I never said nothin'—not thinkin' you'd come if she was your leavins,
and not dreamin' as you could be 'er husband an' could stay away from
'er a hour—her bein' as she was. Hush!"</p>
<p>She drew a key from her pocket and fitted it to the lock. She opened the
door and I followed her in. It was a large, dark room, full of
old-fashioned furniture. There were wax candles in brass candlesticks
and a smell of lavender.</p>
<p>The big four-post bed was covered with white.</p>
<p>"My lamb—my poor pretty lamb!" said the woman, beginning to cry for the
first time as she drew back the sheet. "Don't she look beautiful?"</p>
<p>I stood by the bedside. I looked down on my wife's face. Just so I had
seen it lie on the pillow beside me in the early morning when the wind
and the dawn came up from beyond the sea. She did not look like one
dead. Her lips were still red, and it seemed to me that a tinge of
colour lay on her cheek. It seemed to me, too, that if I kissed her she
would wake, and put her slight hand on my neck, and lay her cheek
against mine—and that we should tell each other everything, and weep
together, and understand and be comforted.</p>
<p>So I stooped and laid my lips to hers as the old nurse stole from the
room.</p>
<p>But the red lips were like marble, and she did not wake. She will not
wake now ever any more.</p>
<p>I tell you again there are some things that cannot be written.</p>
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