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Foolish Dictionary, The

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<h2>A Few Mythological and Classical Names.</h2> Brought down to date in brief Notes by the Editor. ACHILLES. A courageous Greek, who did a general slaughtering business in Troy in 1180 B.C., but was finally pinked in the heel—his only vulnerable spot—and died. <hr style="width: 25%;" /> Long life often depends on being well heeled. <hr class="myth" /> ADONIS. A beautiful youth, beloved by Venus and killed by a boar. <hr style="width: 25%;" /> Bores have been the death of us ever since. <hr class="myth" /> BACCHUS. A brewer, who supplied the Gods with nectar, the beer that made Olympus famous. <hr style="width: 25%;" /> Those desiring a drink, please ask Dickens if "Bacchus is willin'." <hr class="myth" /> CASTOR AND POLLUX. Two clever sports and twin brothers from Greece, Castor being a horse-trainer and Pollux a pugilist, whose sister, Helen, a respectable, married woman, disgraced the family by eloping with Paris. <hr style="width: 25%;" /> Just because a man can break a broncho or win a prize fight, it's no sign he can manage a woman. <hr class="myth" /> CERBERUS. A dog with three heads, a serpent's tail and several snakes around his neck, who guarded the main entrance to Hades. <hr style="width: 25%;" /> When a man begins to see snakes and one head looks like three, it's a cinch he's not far from Hell. <hr class="myth" /> CHARON. The gloomy gondolier of the Styx, who carried the dead to the Other World—if they paid him first. <hr style="width: 25%;" /> And even to-day, he who patronizes Rapid Transit must pay his fare in advance. <hr class="myth" /> CUPID. The son of Venus and the God of Love, who with bow and arrows punctured men's bosoms with the darts of admiration. <hr style="width: 25%;" /> But now-a-days the arrow's not in it with a snug bathing suit or a decollette gown. <hr class="myth" /> DAEDALUS. The original Santos Dumont, who invented and successfully operated a flying-machine that would fly. His son, Icarus, tried the trick, went too high and fell into the sea. <hr style="width: 25%;" /> A flier frequently precedes a fall—especially in Wall Street. <hr class="myth" /> DIANA. The goddess of the chase; unmarried. <hr style="width: 25%;" /> And this is very fitting. May the chase always be for the unmarried only! <hr class="myth" /> HERCULES. The Gritty Greek (no relation to the Terrible Turk), an independent laborer, who always had a good job awaiting him. <hr style="width: 25%;" /> It is interesting to recall the days when non-union labor had all the work it wanted. <hr class="myth" /> IXION. A king of Thessaly, who for his sins was broken on a wheel. <hr style="width: 25%;" /> And men have been going broke on "the wheel" ever since. <hr class="myth" /> LOTUS EATERS. A gang of ancient vegetarians, who chewed leaves and went to sleep. <hr style="width: 25%;" /> Now succeeded by a club of New Yorkers, who chew the rag and keep awake. <hr class="myth" /> MERCURY. A celestial messenger-boy, who wore wings on his shoes and knew how "to get there" in a hurry. <hr style="width: 25%;" /> Now they all wear hobbles, and never exceed the speed limit in a public thoroughfare. <hr class="myth" /> MIDAS. A Greek king, who had the power of turning into gold all that he touched. <hr style="width: 25%;" /> That's nothing! There are plenty of men to-day who always get gold whoever they touch. <hr class="myth" /> SAPPHO. A love-lorn poetess, who, failing to win the man she first loved, cured herself by jumping into the Mediterranean. <hr style="width: 25%;" /> She probably acted on the old advice, "There's plenty more fish in the sea!" <hr class="myth" /> TANTALUS. A proud king, who suffered in Hades the agonies of hunger and thirst, with food and drink always in sight, but always beyond reach. <hr style="width: 25%;" /> Here on earth, the 50-cent table d'hote accomplishes the same result—besides costing you the fifty. <hr class="myth" /> TROY. An ancient, oriental city, which took in a wooden horse and saw the domestic finish of Helen and Paris. <hr style="width: 25%;" /> Do not confuse with Troy, N.Y., where they only take in washing and provide a domestic finish for collars and shirts. <hr class="myth" /> VULCAN. The Olympian blacksmith, who always had his hammer with him. <hr style="width: 25%;" /> But not all who carry hammers are blacksmiths. <hr class="myth" /> <div style="break-after:column;"></div>

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