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Foolish Dictionary, The

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<h3>It's a wise son who can get two birds with One Bone.</h3> <div class="fig"> <ANTIMG border="0" src="images/uv.png" alt="U V" /></div> <h3>There is a tide in the affairs of men, which, taken at the flood, leads on to Fortune—But most of us catch our watered stock on the ebb.</h3> <div class="block">UMBRELLA A good thing to put up in a shower—or pawn-shop; but, like skating, never seen after Lent. <hr style="clear: both;" /> UNBOSOMED <div class="imgl" style="width: 25%;"> <ANTIMG border="0" src="images/unbosomed.png" width-obs="90%" alt="Unbosomed" /></div> A shirt just returned from a steam laundry. <hr style="clear: both;" /> UNION An ailing individual frequently troubled by scabs and liable to strike without warning. <hr style="clear: both;" /> UMPIRE No jeweler, but a high authority on diamonds. <hr style="clear: both;" /> USHER One who takes a leading part in a theatre. </div> <hr style="clear: both;" /> <div class="block">VACCINATION Where "jabbing the needle" is never a vice. <hr style="clear: both;" /> VAUDEVILLE From Lat. vaut, good for, and villageois, countryman. Good for countrymen. <hr style="clear: both;" /> VERANDA <div class="imgl" style="width: 30%;"> <ANTIMG border="0" src="images/veranda.png" width-obs="90%" alt="Veranda" /></div> An open-air enclosure often used as a spoon-holder. <hr style="clear: both;" /> VEST A waistcoat sold at halfprice. <hr style="clear: both;" /> VIRTUE A quality oftentimes associated with intelligence, but rarely with beauty. <hr style="clear: both;" /> VULGARITY The conduct of others. </div> <hr style="width: 33%;" /> <h3>A rolling stone gathers no moss—except at roulette.</h3> <div class="fig"> <ANTIMG border="0" src="images/w.png" alt="W" /></div> <h3>But a stony roll always gathers the stony stare.</h3> <div class="block">WAITER An Inn-experienced servant. <hr style="clear: both;" /> WAR A wholesale means of making heroes which, if planned in a small way, would produce only murderers. <hr style="clear: both;" /> WATER A thin substance applied to stocks with which to soak buyers. <hr style="clear: both;" /> WEDDING A trade in which the bride is generally given away, and the groom is often sold. <hr style="clear: both;" /> WEEDS Found in gardens and widows. For removing easily, marry the widow. <hr style="clear: both;" /> WICKEDNESS A myth invented by good people to account for the singular attractiveness of others. <hr style="clear: both;" /> WIDOW The wife of a golfer during the open season, unless she golfs, too. In that event the children are golf orphans. <hr style="clear: both;" /> WHISKY Trouble put up in liquid form. <hr style="clear: both;" /> WIND An aerial phenomenon, superinduced by an ephemeral agitation of the nebular strata, whereby air, (hot or cold), impelled into transitory activity, generates a prolonged passage through space, owing to certain occult ethereal stimuli, and results in zephyrs, breezes, blows, blow-outs, blizzards, gales, simoons, hurricanes, tornadoes or typhoons. Barred from Kansas Cyclone-cellars but frequently blended with Chicago tongue—canned or conversational. <hr style="clear: both;" /> WOMAN An aspiring creature whose political sphere is still slightly flattened at the polls. <hr style="clear: both;" /> WORD Something you must keep after giving it to another. <hr style="clear: both;" /> WORRY A state of mind that leads some persons to fear, every time the tide goes out, that it won't come in again. <hr style="clear: both;" /> WRINKLES A merchant's trade-marks. </div> <hr style="width: 33%;" /> <h3>It's the first straw hat which shows how the wind blows.</h3> <div class="fig"> <ANTIMG border="0" src="images/xyz.png" alt="X Y Z" /></div> <h3>A Ride goeth before a Fall.— See Automobile, Bucking Broncho, Bicycle, Air-Ship, Patrol-Wagon, Rail, and Go-Cart.</h3> <div class="block">X RAYS <div class="imgl" style="width: 25%;"> <ANTIMG border="0" src="images/xrays.png" width-obs="90%" alt="X Rays" /></div> Ten dollars from a friend. <hr style="clear: both;" /> YARN An essential in fabrication—either woven or narrated. Mill yarns are highly colored; those spun at sea much more so. <hr style="clear: both;" /> YAWL Either the shape of a boat or the sound of a cat, but never a cat-boat. <hr style="clear: both;" /> YAWNS The air-breaks on a sleeper. <hr style="clear: both;" /> YEAR A period originally including 365 days, now 325, since the other 40 are Lent. <hr style="clear: both;" /> YELLOW FEVER A passion for reading the Hearst newspapers. <hr style="clear: both;" /> YOLK The legacy of the hen and the burden of its lay. YOKE The inheritance of the hen-pecked and the burden of the married. <hr style="clear: both;" /> YULE-LOG A Christmas protege of the grate, too young to smoke, too tough to burn and too green to warm up to anybody. <hr style="clear: both;" /> YOUTH The dynamo that makes the world go round; a product of its own generation, with its wires carrying Power into the high places of Earth and with its currents of Thought short-circuited only by bigoted Old Age. <hr style="clear: both;" /> ZEALOT One who loves morality so well he will commit crime to maintain it. <hr style="clear: both;" /> ZEBRA The crook among horses, condemned to wear stripes for life. <hr style="clear: both;" /> ZERO Originally, nothing; but now meaning a good deal on a thermometer or bank-draft, and comprising two-thirds of the 400. <hr style="clear: both;" /> ZIGZAG The popular route after a heavy dinner. Old adage, "The longest way round is the drunkard's way home!" <hr style="clear: both;" /> ZOUAVE <div class="imgl" style="width: 25%;"> <ANTIMG border="0" src="images/zouave.png" width-obs="90%" alt="Zouave" /></div> The original Mrs. Bloomer. </div> <hr style="width: 33%;" /> <div style="break-after:column;"></div>

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