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Foolish Dictionary, The

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<h3>A miss is as good as her smile.</h3> <div class="block">SADDUCEE A person holding skeptical religious views. Hopeless, hence sad you see. <hr style="clear: both;" /> SAILOR A man who makes his living on water but never touches it on shore. <hr style="clear: both;" /> SANDWICH An unsuccessful attempt to make both ends meat. <hr style="clear: both;" /> SAUSAGE An aftermath of the dog-days. <hr style="clear: both;" /> SCAFFOLD A work of art that rarely fails to get a hanging. <hr style="clear: both;" /> SCARECROW An operator who repeatedly corners corn, without caws. <hr style="clear: both;" /> SCORCHER A chauffeur in an all-fired hurry. <hr style="clear: both;" /> SCULPTOR A poor unfortunate who makes faces and busts. <hr style="clear: both;" /> SELF-MADE Complimentary term for a respectable crook. <hr style="clear: both;" /> SHAMROCK A three-time loser as a racer at sea, but a four-time winner as an "ad." for tea—and Sir T. <hr style="clear: both;" /> SHEPHERD One who depends on a crook for a living. <hr style="clear: both;" /> SHIRT Every man's bosom friend. <hr style="clear: both;" /> SILVER A metallic form of opium, smoked by Presidential impossibilities. <hr style="clear: both;" /> SINNER A stupid person who gets found out. <hr style="clear: both;" /> SNAP A brisk, energetic quality that enables a man with ginger to take the cake. <hr style="clear: both;" /> SNORE An unfavorable report from headquarters. <hr style="clear: both;" /> SOROSIS A female gas company that lays its pipes on cultivated grounds. <hr style="clear: both;" /> SPAGHETTI A table-dish eaten only by Italians and jugglers. From Lat. spadix, branch, or fork, and gestamen, burden. A burden for the fork. <hr style="clear: both;" /> SPIDER A busy weaver and a good correspondent, who drops a line by every post. <hr style="clear: both;" /> STARS The greatest astronomers known, having studded the heavens for ages. <hr style="clear: both;" /> STAYS A sort of straight-jacket employed in reforming women. <hr style="clear: both;" /> STOCKINGS Woman's only savings for A Rainy Day. <hr style="clear: both;" /> STOCKS An unreliable commodity bought and sold by gamblers. If you win, it's an investment; if you lose, a speculation. <hr style="clear: both;" /> STOVE-PIPE <div class="imgl" style="width: 25%;"> <ANTIMG border="0" src="images/stovepipe.png" width-obs="90%" alt="Stove-pipe" /></div> A movable cylinder used as a receptacle for smoke and profanity. <hr style="clear: both;" /> SPRING Formerly a very delightful season but now obsolete except in poetry and the Old Farmer's Almanac. <hr style="clear: both;" /> SPINSTER An ember from which the sparks have flown. <hr style="clear: both;" /> SUBWAY In Boston, a place where one may enjoy continuous disturbance of the peace, disorderly conduct, assault and battery, riot and rebellion. These events are allowed by law, and the entry-fee is five cents. <hr style="clear: both;" /> SUCCESS A goal usually reached by those who employ their time in cultivating a more definite aim in life rather than in searching for a larger target. <hr style="clear: both;" /> SUMMER An oppressive and expensive season invented by rural cottage and hotel owners, railroad and steamboat companies and the Iceman. <hr style="clear: both;" /> SUN A yellow arrival from Way Down East, who goes west daily, operates a heating and lighting trust, draws water, prints pictures, develops crops, liquidates the ice business and tans skins on the side. Profits by his daily rays and always has a shine. <hr style="clear: both;" /> SYMPATHY <div class="imgl" style="width: 25%;"> <ANTIMG border="0" src="images/sympathy.png" width-obs="90%" alt="Sympathy" /></div> Feeling for others; very noticeable in Blind Man's Buff. <hr style="clear: both;" /> SYNDICATE A conspiracy to extend the modest business established by Captain Kidd. </div> <hr style="width: 33%;" /> <div style="break-after:column;"></div>

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