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Foolish Dictionary, The

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<h3>Many hands make light work—also a good Jackpot.</h3> <div class="block">OAR <div class="imgl" style="width: 25%;"> <ANTIMG border="0" src="images/oar.png" width-obs="90%" alt="Oar" /></div> A popular device for catching crabs. <hr style="clear: both;" /> OATS England's horse-feed, America's breakfast and Scotland's table-d'hote. <hr style="clear: both;" /> OATH A form of speech that has many trials in court, but is never tried in Sunday School. <hr style="clear: both;" /> OBESITY <div class="imgl" style="width: 25%;"> <ANTIMG border="0" src="images/obesity.png" width-obs="90%" alt="Obesity" /></div> A surplus gone to waist. <hr style="clear: both;" /> OCEAN An old toper who is always soaked, has many a hard night along the coast, floats many a schooner, lashes himself into a fury because so frequently crossed, and has his barks in every port. At sea, the king of the elements; on shore, a mere surf. <hr style="clear: both;" /> OLEOMARGARINE The White Bread's Burden. From Eng. olio, a mixture, and Grk. margino, to be furious. A furious mixture. <hr style="clear: both;" /> OMNIBUS A test for Patience, still popular in England. From Grk. oneiros, dream, and baino, to go or move. A dream of motion. <hr style="clear: both;" /> ONION The all-round strength champion of the Vegetable Kingdom, garlic and cabbage being close rivals. <hr style="clear: both;" /> OPERA A drama that has taken on airs and refuses to speak, yet always sings its own praises. GRAND OPERA An excuse for displaying several boxes of jewelry and peaches with pedigrees. <hr style="clear: both;" /> OPINION The prodigal son of Thought. PUBLIC OPINION The world's champion pugilist, who has knocked out Law in many a hard fought bout. <hr style="clear: both;" /> OPIUM The real author of "The Dream Book." <hr style="clear: both;" /> OPTIMISM A cheerful frame of mind that enables a tea-kettle to sing though in hot water up to its nose. <hr style="clear: both;" /> ORCHARD The small boy's Eden of today, in which the apple again occasions the fall. <hr style="clear: both;" /> OSTRICH The largest and heaviest bird on earth, yet rated by his owners only as a featherweight. <hr style="clear: both;" /> OUTSKIRTS The only garments which clothe many a metropolis with decency. <hr style="clear: both;" /> OVEN The only sport who enjoys an equally hot time with or without the dough. </div> <hr style="width: 33%;" /> <h3>Handsome is what hansoms charge.</h3> <div class="fig"> <ANTIMG border="0" src="images/p.png" alt="P" /></div> <h3>Soap, long deferred, maketh the dirt stick.</h3> <div class="block">PAIN A sensation experienced on receiving a Punch, particularly the London one. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PALMISTRY A plausible excuse for holding hands. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PANTS Trousers' Country Cousins. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PARACHUTE <div class="imgl" style="width: 25%;"> <ANTIMG border="0" src="images/parachute.png" width-obs="85%" alt="Parachute" /></div> A successful method for getting the drop on the Earth. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PARAGON The model man a woman regrets she gave up for the one she mistakenly married. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PARENTS One of the hardships of a minor's life. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PASS A form of transportation issued free to those who are quite able to pay. PASSENGER One who does not travel on a pass. (Antonym for Deadhead). From Eng. pass, to go, and Grk. endidomi, to give up. One who has to give up to go. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PARROT An individual who can never be held responsible for what he says. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PASTRY A deadly weapon carried by cafes, cooks and newly married housekeepers. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PATRIOT One who is willing to take all of Uncle Sam's bonds in a lump. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PAWN <div class="imgl" style="width: 30%;"> <ANTIMG border="0" src="images/pawn.png" width-obs="90%" alt="Pawn" /></div> v. t., To keep property in the family by leaving it all with your Uncle. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PAWNBROKER A mercenary man to whom money is the one redeeming quality. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PEACE A mythical condition of tranquillity frequently reported from the Phillipines. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PEACH A popular synonym for Fair Woman, probably because the peach is largely a skin and stony at heart. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PEARL A small round product manufactured by an oyster, bought by a lobster and worn by a butterfly. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PENITENT From pen, meaning to write, and intent, meaning determination. One who determines for the right. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PESSIMIST One who paints things blue. And sometimes red. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PHILISTINE In Bible times, one who worried the children of Israel; today, one who worries only himself. From Grk. phloios, bark, and tino, to punish. One who barks to punish. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PHILANTHROPIST One who returns to the people publicly a small percentage of the wealth he steals from them privately. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PHILOSOPHER One who instead of crying over spilt milk consoles himself with the thought that it was over four-fifths water. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PHILOSOPHY Something that enables the rich to say there is no disgrace in being poor. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PIANO A tool frequently used in building a Rough House. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PIN The best dresser in a woman's acquaintance—of remarkable penetration and true as steel, seldom loses its head, follows its own bent and carries its point in whatever it undertakes. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PING-PONG A game invented for the benefit of furniture and crockery dealers. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PITY An emotion awakened in a man's mind when he beholds the children of a woman who might have married him instead. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PLATONIC LOVE An arrangement in which a man and woman attempt a correct imitation of a pair of icicles—and never succeed. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PLENTY A desirable condition that is likely to step out whenever Extravagance steps in. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PLUM A fruit that ripens and falls from the Political Tree—but only after careful grafting. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PLUMB To ascertain the capacity of. PLUMBER One who ascertains the capacity of your purse, soaks you with a piece of lead and gets away with the money—a process vulgarly known as "a lead-pipe cinch." <hr style="clear: both;" /> POLE-CAT A small animal to be killed with a pole, the longer the pole the better. <hr style="clear: both;" /> POLICEMAN <div class="imgl" style="width: 30%;"> <ANTIMG border="0" src="images/policeman.png" width-obs="90%" alt="Policeman" /></div> A never present help in time of trouble. <hr style="clear: both;" /> POLYGAMY A thoughtless way of increasing the family expenses. <hr style="clear: both;" /> POLYGLOT A parrot that can swear in several languages. <hr style="clear: both;" /> POSTSCRIPT The only thing readable in a woman's letter. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PRETZEL The bar-keeper's promoter. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PROTECTION Originally, the swaddling clothes of the infant, Industry; now, merely the shoe-lacings for the giant, Monopoly. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PRO and CON Prefixes of opposite meaning. For example, Progress and Congress. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PRUDE A native of Boston. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PRUDENCE A quality of mind that restrains the wise boarder from trying to find out how his landlady makes her hash. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PRUDERY A quality that displays a lack of modesty as a wig does a loss of hair. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PRUNE A plum that has seen better days: the boarding-house veteran and the landlady's pet; badly wrinkled, yet well preserved. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PUGILIST A close-fisted party who is often roped in but never gives up till he's out. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PULLMAN PORTER A legalized train-robber. <hr style="clear: both;" /> PUNCH A weekly obituary notice from London, chronicling the death of Humor. </div> <hr style="width: 33%;" /> <h3>Never make a mountain out of a mole-hill—Try gold, silver, copper or radium—there's more in it.</h3> <div class="fig"> <ANTIMG border="0" src="images/q.png" alt="Q" /></div> <div style="break-after:column;"></div>

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