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Foolish Dictionary, The

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<h3>Where there's a will there's a lawsuit.</h3> <div class="block">HAIR-DRESSER A linguist whose position in life enables him to do his head-work with his hands. <hr style="clear: both;" /> HAMMER A small, busy implement carried by blacksmiths, geologists and Knockers for breaking iron, rock or friendship. <hr style="clear: both;" /> HAMMOCK From the Lat. hamus, hook, and Grk. makar, happy. Happiness on hooks. Also, a popular contrivance whereby love-making may be suspended but not stopped during the picnic season. <hr style="clear: both;" /> HAND A much desired possession, supplied by The Damsel or The Dealer. GLAD HAND. The beggar's plea, the politician's sceptre and the drummer's ablest assistant. <hr style="clear: both;" /> HANDMAIDEN A manicure. <hr style="clear: both;" /> HARANGUE The tiresome product of a tireless tongue. From Eng. hear, and Lat. angor, pain. Painful to hear. <hr style="clear: both;" /> HARMONY From the Grk. arnumi, strain. Hence, full of strains. <hr style="clear: both;" /> HASH   ? <hr style="clear: both;" /> HATCH To develop eggs. HATCHWAY Place for developing eggs; a hen-coop. <hr style="clear: both;" /> HAY-FEVER A heart trouble caused by falling in love with a grass widow. <hr style="clear: both;" /> HEARSE Seen on the dead. HEARSAY Heard on the dead. <hr style="clear: both;" /> HEARSE A handsome vehicle in which the man who has always been a tail-ender is finally permitted to lead the procession. <hr style="clear: both;" /> HEART A bloody organ, kept in a trunk, played by beats, and enjoyed only after it is lost or given away. <hr style="clear: both;" /> HEAVE To raise. HEAVEN A good place to be raised to. <hr style="clear: both;" /> HEDGE A fence. HEDGEHOG One who hogs the fences. A Bill-Poster. <hr style="clear: both;" /> HELL Poverty. <hr style="clear: both;" /> HEREDITY The cause of all our faults. From Fr. here, wretch, and Eng. ditty, song. The song of the wretched. <hr style="clear: both;" /> HEROISM <div class="imgl" style="width: 30%;"> <ANTIMG border="0" src="images/heroism.png" width-obs="90%" alt="heroism" /></div> A transferable ticket to the Haul of Fame. Once held by Hobson and Dewey, now carried by Mother Eddy and Brother Dowie. <hr style="clear: both;" /> HIP A popular location for the retail liquor business. <hr style="clear: both;" /> HISTORY The evil that men do. <hr style="clear: both;" /> HIT A chance for first place, first base or first blood. <hr style="clear: both;" /> HOCK v. t. To "soak" what we least need. In Germany, they generally "Hock the Kaiser." <hr style="clear: both;" /> HOM&OElig;OPATHY See Allopathy. <hr style="clear: both;" /> HOOT MON! The Scottish National Hymn. <hr style="clear: both;" /> HOP To skip. HOPPER A skipper. <hr style="clear: both;" /> HOPE A desire for better things to come that makes a grass widow willing to try it again. Also, a draft on futurity, sometimes honored, but generally extended. <hr style="clear: both;" /> <div class="imgl" style="width: 30%;"> <ANTIMG border="0" src="images/horn.png" width-obs="90%" alt="horn" /></div> HORN A sharp point. HORNET Still sharper. <hr style="clear: both;" /> HORSE-SENSE A degree of wisdom that keeps one from betting on the races. <hr style="clear: both;" /> HOSE Man's excuse for wetting the walk. HOSIERY Woman's excuse for walking in the wet. <hr style="clear: both;" /> HOTEL A place where a guest often gives up good dollars for poor quarters. <hr style="clear: both;" /> HOUSECLEANING A domestic upheaval that makes it easy for the government to enlist all the soldiers it needs. <hr style="clear: both;" /> HUG A roundabout way of expressing affection. <hr style="clear: both;" /> HUMOR An outbreak, either of skin or brains frequently branded as Rash. <hr style="clear: both;" /> HUNGER Ability to eat in a Night Lunch Cart. <hr style="clear: both;" /> HUSBAND The next thing to a wife. From Eng. hussy, woman, and bond, tie. Tied to a woman. <hr style="clear: both;" /> HYDRANT From Grk. hudros, water, and Eng. ante, to give up. Something that gives up water. (A good synonym for Dipsomaniac). <hr style="clear: both;" /> HYPOCRITE A horse dealer. From Grk. hippos, horse, and kroteo, to beat. One who beats you on a horse trade. </div> <hr style="width: 33%;" /> <h3>Home is where the mortgage is.</h3> <div class="fig"> <ANTIMG border="0" src="images/i.png" alt="I" /></div> <div style="break-after:column;"></div>

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