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Foolish Dictionary, The

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<h3>A word to the wise is useless.</h3> <div class="block">EAGLE The national bird of a Christian country; (the United States.) Presumably chosen on account of its being a bird of pray. <hr style="clear: both;" /> EARL A title of nobility. EARLY A title of stupidity. See old saw, "Early to bed and early to rise, Makes a man a farmer!" <hr style="clear: both;" /> EARTH <div class="imgl" style="width: 30%;"> <ANTIMG border="0" src="images/earth.png" width-obs="95%" alt="earth" /></div> A solid substance, much desired by the seasick. <hr style="clear: both;" /> ECHO The only thing that can cheat a woman out of the last word. <hr style="clear: both;" /> ECONOMY Denying ourselves a necessary to-day in order to buy a luxury to-morrow. <hr style="clear: both;" /> EGG <div class="imgl" style="width: 30%;"> <ANTIMG border="0" src="images/egg.png" width-obs="90%" alt="egg" /></div> A wholesome, yet fowl, product, of no use until broken. Sometimes a cure for indigestion or bad acting. <hr style="clear: both;" /> ELECTION <div class="imgl" style="width: 30%;"> <ANTIMG border="0" src="images/election.png" width-obs="65%" alt="election" /></div> A periodical picnic for the American People. Held in booths, where the Voter puts in his ballot, and The Machine elects whatever it chooses. A day when the lowliest may make their mark and even beggars may ride; when the Glad Mit gets promiscuous and everything is full—particularly the lodging-houses. <hr style="clear: both;" /> ENCORE A greedy theatre-goer's desire to get more than his money's worth. From the Fr. en, among, and cochon, pig,—common among pigs. <hr style="clear: both;" /> ENGAGEMENT In war, a battle. In love, the salubrious calm that precedes the real hostilities. <hr style="clear: both;" /> ENTHUSIAST One who preaches four times as much as he believes and believes four times as much as a sane man ought to. <hr style="clear: both;" /> EPITAPH A statement that usually lies above about the one who lies beneath. <hr style="clear: both;" /> EQUATOR <div class="imgl" style="width: 30%;"> <ANTIMG border="0" src="images/equator.png" width-obs="90%" alt="equator" /></div> An imaginary line around the earth. Recently held by J.P. Morgan. <hr style="clear: both;" /> ERR To make a mistake. ERRATIC Full of mistakes. <hr style="clear: both;" /> ETHER One of the world's three great composers—the others being Gas and Chloroform—whose airs are popular among the suffering. <hr style="clear: both;" /> ETIQUETTE A convenient code of conduct which makes Lying a virtue and Snobbishness a righteous deed. <hr style="clear: both;" /> EVOLUTION A clever trick performed by one Darwin, who made a monkey of Adam. <hr style="clear: both;" /> EXCURSION From ex. former, and Grk. kairo, to enjoy. Hence, a tiresome journey—formerly an enjoyment—sold at half price. <hr style="clear: both;" /> EXERCISE Bodily exertion requiring a $10,000 gymnasium, a ten-acre lot and impossible raiment. Originally confined to the wash-tub and the wood-pile. <hr style="clear: both;" /> EXPANSION A combination of Grand Larceny and Piracy, involving the destruction of the Constitution and Declaration of Independence.—Boston. The benevolent assimilation of previously oppressed peoples—Washington, D.C. A doubtful commercial experiment.—Wall Street. The white man's burden.—Kipling. <hr style="clear: both;" /> EXPLOSION A good chance to begin at the bottom and work up. <hr style="clear: both;" /> EXPOSITION An overgrown Department Store, usually opened a year or two behind time. </div> <hr style="width: 33%;" /> <h3>It's never too late to spend.</h3> <div class="fig"> <ANTIMG border="0" src="images/f.png" alt="F" /></div> <div style="break-after:column;"></div>

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