<h2>CHAPTER XVI</h2>
<h3>"I WON'T!" SAID MARY</h3>
<p>They found a great deal to do that morning and Mary was late in
returning to the house and was also in such a hurry to get back to her
work that she quite forgot Colin until the last moment.</p>
<p>"Tell Colin that I can't come and see him yet," she said to Martha. "I'm
very busy in the garden."</p>
<p>Martha looked rather frightened.</p>
<p>"Eh! Miss Mary," she said, "it may put him all out of humor when I tell
him that."</p>
<p>But Mary was not as afraid of him as other people were and she was not a
self-sacrificing person.</p>
<p>"I can't stay," she answered. "Dickon's waiting for me;" and she ran
away.</p>
<p>The afternoon was even lovelier and busier than the morning had been.
Already nearly all the weeds were cleared out of the garden and most of
the roses and trees had been pruned or dug about. Dickon had brought a
spade of his own and he <span class='pagenum'><SPAN name="Page_208" id="Page_208"></SPAN></span>had taught Mary to use all her tools, so that
by this time it was plain that though the lovely wild place was not
likely to become a "gardener's garden" it would be a wilderness of
growing things before the springtime was over.</p>
<p>"There'll be apple blossoms an' cherry blossoms overhead," Dickon said,
working away with all his might. "An' there'll be peach an' plum trees
in bloom against th' walls, an' th' grass'll be a carpet o' flowers."</p>
<p>The little fox and the rook were as happy and busy as they were, and the
robin and his mate flew backward and forward like tiny streaks of
lightning. Sometimes the rook flapped his black wings and soared away
over the tree-tops in the park. Each time he came back and perched near
Dickon and cawed several times as if he were relating his adventures,
and Dickon talked to him just as he had talked to the robin. Once when
Dickon was so busy that he did not answer him at first, Soot flew on to
his shoulders and gently tweaked his ear with his large beak. When Mary
wanted to rest a little Dickon sat down with her under a tree and once
he took his pipe out of his pocket and played the soft strange little
notes and two squirrels appeared on the wall and looked and listened.</p>
<p>"Tha's a good bit stronger than tha' was,"<span class='pagenum'><SPAN name="Page_209" id="Page_209"></SPAN></span> Dickon said, looking at her
as she was digging. "Tha's beginning to look different, for sure."</p>
<p>Mary was glowing with exercise and good spirits.</p>
<p>"I'm getting fatter and fatter every day," she said quite exultantly.
"Mrs. Medlock will have to get me some bigger dresses. Martha says my
hair is growing thicker. It isn't so flat and stringy."</p>
<p>The sun was beginning to set and sending deep gold-colored rays slanting
under the trees when they parted.</p>
<p>"It'll be fine to-morrow," said Dickon. "I'll be at work by sunrise."</p>
<p>"So will I," said Mary.</p>
<hr style='width: 45%;' />
<p>She ran back to the house as quickly as her feet would carry her. She
wanted to tell Colin about Dickon's fox cub and the rook and about what
the springtime had been doing. She felt sure he would like to hear. So
it was not very pleasant when she opened the door of her room, to see
Martha standing waiting for her with a doleful face.</p>
<p>"What is the matter?" she asked. "What did Colin say when you told him I
couldn't come?"</p>
<p>"Eh!" said Martha, "I wish tha'd gone.<span class='pagenum'><SPAN name="Page_210" id="Page_210"></SPAN></span> He was nigh goin' into one o'
his tantrums. There's been a nice to do all afternoon to keep him quiet.
He would watch the clock all th' time."</p>
<p>Mary's lips pinched themselves together. She was no more used to
considering other people than Colin was and she saw no reason why an
ill-tempered boy should interfere with the thing she liked best. She
knew nothing about the pitifulness of people who had been ill and
nervous and who did not know that they could control their tempers and
need not make other people ill and nervous, too. When she had had a
headache in India she had done her best to see that everybody else also
had a headache or something quite as bad. And she felt she was quite
right; but of course now she felt that Colin was quite wrong.</p>
<p>He was not on his sofa when she went into his room. He was lying flat on
his back in bed and he did not turn his head toward her as she came in.
This was a bad beginning and Mary marched up to him with her stiff
manner.</p>
<p>"Why didn't you get up?" she said.</p>
<p>"I did get up this morning when I thought you were coming," he answered,
without looking at her. "I made them put me back in bed this afternoon.
My back ached and my head ached and I was tired. Why didn't you come?"<span class='pagenum'><SPAN name="Page_211" id="Page_211"></SPAN></span></p>
<p>"I was working in the garden with Dickon," said Mary.</p>
<p>Colin frowned and condescended to look at her.</p>
<p>"I won't let that boy come here if you go and stay with him instead of
coming to talk to me," he said.</p>
<p>Mary flew into a fine passion. She could fly into a passion without
making a noise. She just grew sour and obstinate and did not care what
happened.</p>
<p>"If you send Dickon away, I'll never come into this room again!" she
retorted.</p>
<p>"You'll have to if I want you," said Colin.</p>
<p>"I won't!" said Mary.</p>
<p>"I'll make you," said Colin, "They shall drag you in."</p>
<p>"Shall they, Mr. Rajah!" said Mary fiercely. "They may drag me in but
they can't make me talk when they get me here. I'll sit and clench my
teeth and never tell you one thing. I won't even look at you. I'll stare
at the floor!"</p>
<p>They were a nice agreeable pair as they glared at each other. If they
had been two little street boys they would have sprung at each other and
had a rough-and-tumble fight. As it was, they did the next thing to it.</p>
<p>"You are a selfish thing!" cried Colin.</p>
<p>"What are you?" said Mary. "Selfish people <span class='pagenum'><SPAN name="Page_212" id="Page_212"></SPAN></span>always say that. Any one is
selfish who doesn't do what they want. You're more selfish than I am.
You're the most selfish boy I ever saw."</p>
<p>"I'm not!" snapped Colin. "I'm not as selfish as your fine Dickon is! He
keeps you playing in the dirt when he knows I am all by myself. He's
selfish, if you like!"</p>
<p>Mary's eyes flashed fire.</p>
<p>"He's nicer than any other boy that ever lived!" she said. "He's—he's
like an angel!" It might sound rather silly to say that but she did not
care.</p>
<p>"A nice angel!" Colin sneered ferociously. "He's a common cottage boy
off the moor!"</p>
<p>"He's better than a common Rajah!" retorted Mary. "He's a thousand times
better!"</p>
<p>Because she was the stronger of the two she was beginning to get the
better of him. The truth was that he had never had a fight with any one
like himself in his life and, upon the whole, it was rather good for
him, though neither he nor Mary knew anything about that. He turned his
head on his pillow and shut his eyes and a big tear was squeezed out and
ran down his cheek. He was beginning to feel pathetic and sorry for
himself—not for any one else.</p>
<p>"I'm not as selfish as you, because I'm always ill, and I'm sure there
is a lump coming on my <span class='pagenum'><SPAN name="Page_213" id="Page_213"></SPAN></span>back," he said. "And I am going to die besides."</p>
<p>"You're not!" contradicted Mary unsympathetically.</p>
<p>He opened his eyes quite wide with indignation. He had never heard such
a thing said before. He was at once furious and slightly pleased, if a
person could be both at the same time.</p>
<p>"I'm not?" he cried. "I am! You know I am! Everybody says so."</p>
<p>"I don't believe it!" said Mary sourly. "You just say that to make
people sorry. I believe you're proud of it. I don't believe it! If you
were a nice boy it might be true—but you're too nasty!"</p>
<p>In spite of his invalid back Colin sat up in bed in quite a healthy
rage.</p>
<p>"Get out of the room!" he shouted and he caught hold of his pillow and
threw it at her. He was not strong enough to throw it far and it only
fell at her feet, but Mary's face looked as pinched as a nutcracker.</p>
<p>"I'm going," she said. "And I won't come back!"</p>
<p>She walked to the door and when she reached it she turned round and
spoke again.</p>
<p>"I was going to tell you all sorts of nice things," she said. "Dickon
brought his fox and his rook <span class='pagenum'><SPAN name="Page_214" id="Page_214"></SPAN></span>and I was going to tell you all about
them. Now I won't tell you a single thing!"</p>
<p>She marched out of the door and closed it behind her, and there to her
great astonishment she found the trained nurse standing as if she had
been listening and, more amazing still—she was laughing. She was a big
handsome young woman who ought not to have been a trained nurse at all,
as she could not bear invalids and she was always making excuses to
leave Colin to Martha or any one else who would take her place. Mary had
never liked her, and she simply stood and gazed up at her as she stood
giggling into her handkerchief.</p>
<p>"What are you laughing at?" she asked her.</p>
<p>"At you two young ones," said the nurse. "It's the best thing that could
happen to the sickly pampered thing to have some one to stand up to him
that's as spoiled as himself;" and she laughed into her handkerchief
again. "If he'd had a young vixen of a sister to fight with it would
have been the saving of him."</p>
<p>"Is he going to die?"</p>
<p>"I don't know and I don't care," said the nurse. "Hysterics and temper
are half what ails him."</p>
<p>"What are hysterics?" asked Mary.</p>
<p>"You'll find out if you work him into a tantrum after this—but at any
rate you've given him <span class='pagenum'><SPAN name="Page_215" id="Page_215"></SPAN></span>something to have hysterics about, and I'm glad
of it."</p>
<p>Mary went back to her room not feeling at all as she had felt when she
had come in from the garden. She was cross and disappointed but not at
all sorry for Colin. She had looked forward to telling him a great many
things and she had meant to try to make up her mind whether it would be
safe to trust him with the great secret. She had been beginning to think
it would be, but now she had changed her mind entirely. She would never
tell him and he could stay in his room and never get any fresh air and
die if he liked! It would serve him right! She felt so sour and
unrelenting that for a few minutes she almost forgot about Dickon and
the green veil creeping over the world and the soft wind blowing down
from the moor.</p>
<p>Martha was waiting for her and the trouble in her face had been
temporarily replaced by interest and curiosity. There was a wooden box
on the table and its cover had been removed and revealed that it was
full of neat packages.</p>
<p>"Mr. Craven sent it to you," said Martha. "It looks as if it had
picture-books in it."</p>
<p>Mary remembered what he had asked her the day she had gone to his room.
"Do you want anything—dolls—toys—books?" She opened <span class='pagenum'><SPAN name="Page_216" id="Page_216"></SPAN></span>the package
wondering <ins title="Transcriber's Note: original reads 'it'">if</ins> he had sent a doll, and also wondering what she should do
with it if he had. But he had not sent one. There were several beautiful
books such as Colin had, and two of them were about gardens and were
full of pictures. There were two or three games and there was a
beautiful little writing-case with a gold monogram on it and a gold pen
and inkstand.</p>
<p>Everything was so nice that her pleasure began to crowd her anger out of
her mind. She had not expected him to remember her at all and her hard
little heart grew quite warm.</p>
<p>"I can write better than I can print," she said, "and the first thing I
shall write with that pen will be a letter to tell him I am much
obliged."</p>
<p>If she had been friends with Colin she would have run to show him her
presents at once, and they would have looked at the pictures and read
some of the gardening books and perhaps tried playing the games, and he
would have enjoyed himself so much he would never once have thought he
was going to die or have put his hand on his spine to see if there was a
lump coming. He had a way of doing that which she could not bear. It
gave her an uncomfortable frightened feeling because he always looked so
frightened himself. He said that if he felt even quite a little lump
some day he should know his hunch had begun to grow.<span class='pagenum'><SPAN name="Page_217" id="Page_217"></SPAN></span> Something he had
heard Mrs. Medlock whispering to the nurse had given him the idea and he
had thought over it in secret until it was quite firmly fixed in his
mind. Mrs. Medlock had said his father's back had begun to show its
crookedness in that way when he was a child. He had never told any one
but Mary that most of his "tantrums" as they called them grew out of his
hysterical hidden fear. Mary had been sorry for him when he had told
her.</p>
<p>"He always began to think about it when he was cross or tired," she said
to herself. "And he has been cross to-day. Perhaps—perhaps he has been
thinking about it all afternoon."</p>
<p>She stood still, looking down at the carpet and thinking.</p>
<p>"I said I would never go back again—" she hesitated, knitting her
brows—"but perhaps, just perhaps, I will go and see—if he wants me—in
the morning. Perhaps he'll try to throw his pillow at me again, but—I
think—I'll go."<span class='pagenum'><SPAN name="Page_218" id="Page_218"></SPAN></span></p>
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