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<h2> BOOK V. MODERN TIMES: CHATILLON </h2>
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<h2> I. THE REVEREND FATHERS AGARIC AND CORNEMUSE </h2>
<p>Every system of government produces people who are dissatisfied. The
Republic or Public Thing produced them at first from among the nobles who
had been despoiled of their ancient privileges. These looked with regret
and hope to Prince Crucho, the last of the Draconides, a prince adorned
both with the grace of youth and the melancholy of exile. It also produced
them from among the smaller traders, who, owing to profound economic
causes, no longer gained a livelihood. They believed that this was the
fault of the republic which they had at first adored and from which each
day they were now becoming more detached. The financiers, both Christians
and Jews, became by their insolence and their cupidity the scourge of the
country, which they plundered and degraded, as well as the scandal of a
government which they never troubled either to destroy or preserve, so
confident were they that they could operate without hindrance under all
governments. Nevertheless, their sympathies inclined to absolute power as
the best protection against the socialists, their puny but ardent
adversaries. And just as they imitated the habits of the aristocrats, so
they imitated their political and religious sentiments. Their women, in
particular, loved the Prince and had dreams of appearing one day at his
Court.</p>
<p>However, the Republic retained some partisans and defenders. If it was not
in a position to believe in the fidelity of its own officials it could at
least still count on the devotion of the manual labourers, although it had
never relieved their misery. These came forth in crowds from their
quarries and their factories to defend it, and marched in long
processions, gloomy, emaciated, and sinister. They would have died for it
because it had given them hope.</p>
<p>Now, under the Presidency of Theodore Formose, there lived in a peaceable
suburb of Alca a monk called Agaric, who kept a school and assisted in
arranging marriages. In his school he taught fencing and riding to the
sons of old families, illustrious by their birth, but now as destitute of
wealth as of privilege. And as soon as they were old enough he married
them to the daughters of the opulent and despised caste of financiers.</p>
<p>Tall, thin, and dark, Agaric used to walk in deep thought, with his
breviary in his hand and his brow loaded with care, through the corridors
of the school and the alleys of the garden. His care was not limited to
inculcating in his pupils abstruse doctrines and mechanical precepts and
to endowing them afterwards with legitimate and rich wives. He entertained
political designs and pursued the realisation of a gigantic plan. His
thought of thoughts and labour of labours was to overthrow the Republic.
He was not moved to this by any personal interest. He believed that a
democratic state was opposed to the holy society to which body and soul he
belonged. And all the other monks, his brethren, thought the same. The
Republic was perpetually at strife with the congregation of monks and the
assembly of the faithful. True, to plot the death of the new government
was a difficult and perilous enterprise. Still, Agaric was in a position
to carry on a formidable conspiracy. At that epoch, when the clergy guided
the superior classes of the Penguins, this monk exercised a tremendous
influence over the aristocracy of Alca.</p>
<p>All the young men whom he had brought up waited only for a favourable
moment to march against the popular power. The sons of the ancient
families did not practise the arts or engage in business. They were almost
all soldiers and served the Republic. They served it, but they did not
love it; they regretted the dragon's crest. And the fair Jewesses shared
in these regrets in order that they might be taken for Christians.</p>
<p>One July as he was walking in a suburban street which ended in some dusty
fields, Agaric heard groans coming from a moss-grown well that had been
abandoned by the gardeners. And almost immediately he was told by a
cobbler of the neighbourhood that a ragged man who had shouted out "Hurrah
for the Republic!" had been thrown into the well by some cavalry officers
who were passing, and had sunk up to his ears in the mud. Agaric was quite
ready to see a general significance in this particular fact. He inferred a
great fermentation in the whole aristocratic and military caste, and
concluded that it was the moment to act.</p>
<p>The next day he went to the end of the Wood of Conils to visit the good
Father Cornemuse. He found the monk in his laboratory pouring a
golden-coloured liquor into a still. He was a short, fat, little man, with
vermilion-tinted cheeks and an elaborately polished bald head. His eyes
had ruby-coloured pupils like a guinea-pig's. He graciously saluted his
visitor and offered him a glass of the St. Orberosian liqueur, which he
manufactured, and from the sale of which he gained immense wealth.</p>
<p>Agaric made a gesture of refusal. Then, standing on his long feet and
pressing his melancholy hat against his stomach, he remained silent.</p>
<p>"Take a seat," said Cornemuse to him.</p>
<p>Agaric sat down on a rickety stool, but continued mute.</p>
<p>Then the monk of Conils inquired:</p>
<p>"Tell me some news of your young pupils. Have the dear children sound
views?"</p>
<p>"I am very satisfied with them," answered the teacher. "It is everything
to be nurtured in sound principles. It is necessary to have sound views
before having any views at all, for afterwards it is too late. . . . Yes,
I have great grounds for comfort. But we live in a sad age."</p>
<p>"Alas!" sighed Cornemuse.</p>
<p>"We are passing through evil days. . . ."</p>
<p>"Times of trial."</p>
<p>"Yet, Cornemuse, the mind of the public is not so entirely corrupted as it
seems."</p>
<p>"Perhaps you are right."</p>
<p>"The people are tired of a government that ruins them and does nothing for
them. Every day fresh scandals spring up. The Republic is sunk in shame.
It is ruined."</p>
<p>"May God grant it!"</p>
<p>"Cornemuse, what do you think of Prince Crucho?"</p>
<p>"He is an amiable young man and, I dare say, a worthy scion of an august
stock. I pity him for having to endure the pains of exile at so early an
age. Spring has no flowers for the exile, and autumn no fruits. Prince
Crucho has sound views; he respects the clergy; he practises our religion;
besides, he consumes a good deal of my little products."</p>
<p>"Cornemuse, in many homes, both rich and poor, his return is hoped for.
Believe me, he will come back."</p>
<p>"May I live to throw my mantle beneath his feet!" sighed Cornemuse.</p>
<p>Seeing that he held these sentiments, Agaric depicted to him the state of
people's minds such as he himself imagined them. He showed him the nobles
and the rich exasperated against the popular government; the army refusing
to endure fresh insults; the officials willing to betray their chiefs; the
people discontented, riot ready to burst forth, and the enemies of the
monks, the agents of the constituted authority, thrown into the wells of
Alca. He concluded that it was the moment to strike a great blow.</p>
<p>"We can," he cried, "save the Penguin people, we can deliver it from its
tyrants, deliver it from itself, restore the Dragon's crest, re-establish
the ancient State, the good State, for the honour of the faith and the
exaltation of the Church. We can do this if we will. We possess great
wealth and we exert secret influences; by our evangelistic and outspoken
journals we communicate with all the ecclesiastics in towns and county
alike, and we inspire them with our own eager enthusiasm and our own
burning faith. They will kindle their penitents and their congregations. I
can dispose of the chiefs of the army; I have an understanding with the
men of the people. Unknown to them I sway the minds of umbrella sellers,
publicans, shopmen, gutter merchants, newspaper boys, women of the
streets, and police agents. We have more people on our side than we need.
What are we waiting for? Let us act!"</p>
<p>"What do you think of doing?" asked Cornemuse.</p>
<p>"Of forming a vast conspiracy and overthrowing the Republic, of
re-establishing Crucho on the throne of the Draconides."</p>
<p>Cornemuse moistened his lips with his tongue several times. Then he said
with unction:</p>
<p>"Certainly the restoration of the Draconides is desirable; it is eminently
desirable; and for my part, desire it with all my heart. As for the
Republic, you know what I think of it. . . . But would it not te better to
abandon it to its fate and let it die of the vices of its own
constitution? Doubtless, Agaric, what you propose is noble and generous.
It would be a fine thing to save this great and unhappy country, to
re-establish it in its ancient splendour. But reflect on it, we are
Christians before we are Penguins. And we must take heed not to compromise
religion in political enterprises."</p>
<p>Agaric replied eagerly:</p>
<p>"Fear nothing. We shall hold all the threads of the plot, but we ourselves
shall remain in the background. We shall not be seen."</p>
<p>"Like flies in milk," murmured the monk of Conils.</p>
<p>And turning his keen ruby-coloured eyes towards his brother monk:</p>
<p>"Take care. Perhaps the Republic is stronger than it seems. Possibly, too,
by dragging it out of the nerveless inertia in which it now rests we may
only consolidate its forces. Its malice is great; if we attack it, it will
defend itself. It makes bad laws which hardly affect us; if it is
frightened it will make terrible ones against us. Let us not lightly
engage in an adventure in which we may get fleeced. You think the
opportunity a good one. I don't, and I am going to tell you why. The
present government is not yet known by everybody, that is to say, it is
known by nobody. It proclaims that it is the Public Thing, the common
thing. The populace believes it and remains democratic and Republican. But
patience! This same people will one day demand that the public thing be
the people's thing. I need not tell you how insolent, unregulated, and
contrary to Scriptural polity such claims seem to me. But the people will
make them, and enforce them, and then there will be an end of the present
government. The moment cannot now be far distant; and it is then that we
ought to act in the interests of our august body. Let us wait. What
hurries us? Our existence is not in peril. It has not been rendered
absolutely intolerable to us. The Republic fails in respect and submission
to us; it does not give the priests the honours it owes them. But it lets
us live. And such is the excellence of our position that with us to live
is to prosper. The Republic is hostile to us, but women revere us.
President Formose does not assist at the celebration of our mysteries, but
I have seen his wife and daughters at my feet. They buy my phials by the
gross. I have no better clients even among the aristocracy. Let us say
what there is to be said for it. There is no country in the world as good
for priests and monks as Penguinia. In what other country would you find
our virgin wax, our virile incense, our rosaries, our scapulars, our holy
water, and our St. Orberosian liqueur sold in such great quantities? What
other people would, like the Penguins, give a hundred golden crowns for a
wave of our hands, a sound from our mouths, a movement of our lips? For my
part, I gain a thousand times more, in this pleasant, faithful, and docile
Penguinia, by extracting the essence from a bundle of thyme, than I could
make by tiring my lungs with preaching the remission of sins in the most
populous states of Europe and America. Honestly, would Penguinia be better
off if a police officer came to take me away from here and put me on a
steamboat bound for the Islands of Night?"</p>
<p>Having thus spoken, the monk of Conils got up and led his guest into a
huge shed where hundreds of orphans clothed in blue were packing bottles,
nailing up cases, and gumming tickets. The ear was deafened by the noise
of hammers mingled with the dull rumbling of bales being placed upon the
rails.</p>
<p>"It is from here that consignments are forwarded," said Cornemuse. "I have
obtained from the government a railway through the Wood and a station at
my door. Every three days I fill a truck with my own products. You see
that the Republic has not killed all beliefs."</p>
<p>Agaric made a last effort to engage the wise distiller in his enterprise.
He pointed him to a prompt, certain, dazzling success.</p>
<p>"Don't you wish to share in it?" he added. "Don't you wish to bring back
your king from exile?"</p>
<p>"Exile is pleasant to men of good will," answered the monk of Conils. "If
you are guided by me, my dear Brother Agaric, you will give up your
project for the present. For my own part I have no illusions. Whether or
not I belong to your party, if you lose, I shall have to pay like you."</p>
<p>Father Agaric took leave of his friend and went back satisfied to his
school. "Cornemuse," thought he, "not being able to prevent the plot,
would like to make it succeed and he will give money." Agaric was not
deceived. Such, indeed, was the solidarity among priests and monks that
the acts of a single one bound them all. That was at once both their
strength and their weakness.</p>
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