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<h2> BOOK IV. MODERN TIMES: TRINCO </h2>
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<h2> I. MOTHER ROUQUIN </h2>
<p>Aegidius Aucupis, the Erasmus of the Penguins, was not mistaken; his age
was an age of free inquiry. But that great man mistook the elegances of
the humanists for softness of manners, and he did not foresee the effects
that the awaking of intelligence would have amongst the Penguins. It
brought about the religious Reformation; Catholics massacred Protestants
and Protestants massacred Catholics. Such were the first results of
liberty of thought. The Catholics prevailed in Penguinia. But the spirit
of inquiry had penetrated among them without their knowing it. They joined
reason to faith, and claimed that religion had been divested of the
superstitious practices that dishonoured it, just as in later days the
booths that the cobblers, hucksters, and dealers in old clothes had built
against the walls of the cathedrals were cleared away. The word, legend,
which at first indicated what the faithful ought to read, soon suggested
the idea of pious fables and childish tales.</p>
<p>The saints had to suffer from this state of mind. An obscure canon called
Princeteau, a very austere and crabbed man, designated so great a number
of them as not worthy of having their days observed, that he was surnamed
the exposer of the saints. He did not think, for instance, that if St.
Margaret's prayer were applied as a poultice to a woman in travail that
the pains of childbirth would be softened.</p>
<p>Even the venerable patron saint of Penguinia did not escape his rigid
criticism. This is what he says of her in his "Antiquities of Alca":</p>
<p>"Nothing is more uncertain than the history, or even the existence, of St.
Orberosia. An ancient anonymous annalist, a monk of Dombes, relates that a
woman called Orberosia was possessed by the devil in a cavern where, even
down to his own days, the little boys and girls of the village used to
play at a sort of game representing the devil and the fair Orberosia. He
adds that this woman became the concubine of a horrible dragon, who
ravaged the country. Such a statement is hardly credible, but the history
of Orberosia, as it has since been related, seems hardly more worthy of
belief. The life of that saint by the Abbot Simplicissimus is three
hundred years later than the pretended events which it relates and that
author shows himself excessively credulous and devoid of all critical
faculty."</p>
<p>Suspicion attacked even the supernatural origin of the Penguins. The
historian Ovidius Capito went so far as to deny the miracle of their
transformation. He thus begins his "Annals of Penguinia":</p>
<p>"A dense obscurity envelopes this history, and it would be no exaggeration
to say that it is a tissue of puerile fables and popular tales. The
Penguins claim that they are descended from birds who were baptized by St.
Mael and whom God changed into men at the intercession of that glorious
apostle. They hold that, situated at first in the frozen ocean, their
island, floating like Delos, was brought to anchor in these
heaven-favoured seas, of which it is to-day the queen. I conclude that
this myth is a reminiscence of the ancient migrations of the Penguins."</p>
<p>In the following century, which was that of the philosophers, scepticism
became still more acute. No further evidence of it is needed than the
following celebrated passage from the "Moral Essay":</p>
<p>"Arriving we know not from whence (for indeed their origins are not very
clear), and successively invaded and conquered by four or five peoples
from the north, south, east, and west, miscegenated, interbred,
amalgamated, and commingled, the Penguins boast of the purity of their
race, and with justice, for they have become a pure race. This mixture of
all mankind, red, black, yellow, and white, round-headed and long-headed,
as formed in the course of ages a fairly homogeneous human family, and one
which is recognisable by certain features due to a community of life and
customs.</p>
<p>"This idea that they belong to the best race in the world, and that they
are its finest family, inspires them with noble pride, indomitable
courage, and a hatred for the human race.</p>
<p>"The life of a people is but a succession of miseries, crimes, and
follies. This is true of the Penguin nation, as of all other nations. Save
for this exception its history is admirable from beginning to end."</p>
<p>The two classic ages of the Penguins are too well-known for me to lay
stress upon them. But what has not been sufficiently noticed is the way in
which the rationalist theologians such as Canon Princeteau called into
existence the unbelievers of the succeeding age. The former employed their
reason to destroy what did not seem to them, essential to their religion;
they only left untouched the most rigid article of faith. Their
intellectual successors, being taught by them how to make use of science
and reason, employed them against whatever beliefs remained. Thus rational
theology engendered natural philosophy.</p>
<p>That is why (if I may turn from the Penguins of former days to the
Sovereign Pontiff, who, to-day governs the universal Church) we cannot
admire too greatly the wisdom of Pope Pius X. in condemning the study of
exegesis as contrary to revealed truth, fatal to sound theological
doctrine, and deadly to the faith. Those clerics who maintain the rights
of science in opposition to him are pernicious doctors and pestilent
teachers, and the faithful who approve of them are lacking in either
mental or moral ballast.</p>
<p>At the end of the age of philosophers, the ancient kingdom of Penguinia
was utterly destroyed, the king put to death, the privileges of the nobles
abolished, and a Republic proclaimed in the midst of public misfortunes
and while a terrible war was raging. The assembly which then governed
Penguinia ordered all the metal articles contained in the churches to be
melted down. The patriots even desecrated the tombs of the kings. It is
said that when the tomb of Draco the Great was opened, that king presented
an appearance as black as ebony and so majestic that those who profaned
his corpse fled in terror. According to other accounts, these churlish men
insulted him by putting a pipe in his mouth and derisively offering him a
glass of wine.</p>
<p>On the seventeenth day of the month of Mayflowers, the shrine of St.
Orberosia, which had for five hundred years been exposed to the veneration
of the faithful in the Church of St. Mael, was transported into the
town-hall and submitted to the examination of a jury of experts appointed
by the municipality. It was made of gilded copper in shape like the nave
of a church, entirely covered with enamels and decorated with precious
stones, which latter were perceived to be false. The chapter in its
foresight had removed the rubies, sapphires, emeralds, and great balls of
rock-crystal, and had substituted pieces of glass in their place. It
contained only a little dust and a piece of old linen, which were thrown
into a great fire that had been lighted on the Place de Greve to burn the
relics of the saints. The people danced around it singing patriotic songs.</p>
<p>From the threshold of their booth, which leant against the town-hall, a
man called Rouquin and his wife were watching this group of madmen.
Rouquin clipped dogs and gelded cats; he also frequented the inns. His
wife was a ragpicker and a bawd, but she had plenty of shrewdness.</p>
<p>"You see, Rouquin," said she to her man, "they are committing a sacrilege.
They will repent of it."</p>
<p>"You know nothing about it, wife," answered Rouquin; "they, have become
philosophers, and when one is once a philosopher he is a philosopher for
ever."</p>
<p>"I tell you, Rouquin, that sooner or later they will regret what they are
doing to-day. They ill-treat the saints because they have not helped them
enough, but for all that the quails won't fall ready cooked into their
mouths. They will soon find themselves as badly off as before, and when
they have put out their tongues for enough they will become pious again.
Sooner than people think the day will come when Penguinia will again begin
to honour her blessed patron. Rouquin, it would be a good thing, in
readiness for that day, if we kept a handful of ashes and some rags and
bones in an old pot in our lodgings. We will say that they are the relics
of St. Orberosia and that we have saved them from the flames at the peril
of our lives. I am greatly mistaken if we don't get honour and profit out
of them. That good action might be worth a place from the Cure to sell
tapers and hire chairs in the chapel of St. Orberosia."</p>
<p>On that same day Mother Rouquin took home with her a little ashes and some
bones, and put them in an old jam-pot in her cupboard.</p>
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