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<h2> I </h2>
<p>Two incidents, widely different in character yet bound together by
results, marked the night of January the twenty-third. On that night the
blackest fog within a four years' memory fell upon certain portions of
London, and also on that night came the first announcement of the border
risings against the Persian government in the province of Khorasan the
announcement that, speculated upon, even smiled at, at the time, assumed
such significance in the light of after events.</p>
<p>At eight o'clock the news spread through the House of Commons; but at nine
men in the inner lobbies were gossiping, not so much upon how far Russia,
while ostensibly upholding the Shah, had pulled the strings by which the
insurgents danced, as upon the manner in which the 'St. George's Gazette',
the Tory evening newspaper, had seized upon the incident and shaken it in
the faces of the government.</p>
<p>More than once before, Lakely—the owner and editor of the 'St.
George's'—had stepped outside the decorous circle of tradition and
taken a plunge into modern journalism, but to-night he essayed deeper
waters than before, and under an almost sensational heading declared that
in this apparently innocent border rising we had less an outcome of mere
racial antagonism than a first faint index of a long-cherished Russian
scheme, growing to a gradual maturity under the "drift" policy of the
present British government.</p>
<p>The effect produced by this pronouncement, if strong, was varied. Members
of the Opposition saw, or thought they saw, a reflection of it in the
smiling unconcern on the Ministerial benches; and the government had an
uneasy sense that behind the newly kindled interest on the other side of
the House lay some mysterious scenting of battle from afar off. But though
these impressions ran like electricity through the atmosphere, nothing
tangible marked their passage, and the ordinary business of the House
proceeded until half-past eleven, when an adjournment was moved.</p>
<p>The first man to hurry from his place was John Chilcote, member for East
Wark. He passed out of the House quickly, with the half-furtive quickness
that marks a self-absorbed man; and as he passed the policeman standing
stolidly under the arched door-way of the big court-yard he swerved a
little, as if startled out of his thoughts. He realized his swerve almost
before it was accomplished, and pulled himself together with nervous
irritability.</p>
<p>"Foggy night, constables," he said, with elaborate carelessness.</p>
<p>"Foggy night, sir, and thickening up west," responded the man.</p>
<p>"Ah, indeed!" Chilcote's answer was absent. The constable's cheery voice
jarred on him, and for the second time he was conscious of senseless
irritation.</p>
<p>Without a further glance at the man, he slipped out into the court-yard
and turned towards the main gate.</p>
<p>At the gate-way two cab lamps showed through the mist of shifting fog like
the eyes of a great cat, and the familiar "Hansom, sir?" came to him
indistinctly.</p>
<p>He paused by force of custom; and, stepping forward, had almost touched
the open door when a new impulse caused him to draw back.</p>
<p>"No," he said, hurriedly. "No. I'll walk."</p>
<p>The cabman muttered, lashed his horse, and with a clatter of hoofs and
harness wheeled away; while Chilcote, still with uncertain hastiness,
crossed the road in the direction of Whitehall.</p>
<p>About the Abbey the fog had partially lifted, and in the railed garden
that faces the Houses of Parliament the statues were visible in a spectral
way. But Chilcote's glance was unstable and indifferent; he skirted the
railings heedlessly, and, crossing the road with the speed of long
familiarity, gained Whitehall on the lefthand side.</p>
<p>There the fog had dropped, and, looking upward towards Trafalgar Square,
it seemed that the chain of lamps extended little farther than the Horse
Guards, and that beyond lay nothing.</p>
<p>Unconscious of this capricious alternation between darkness and light,
Chilcote continued his course. To a close observer the manner of his going
had both interest and suggestion; for though he walked on, apparently
self-engrossed, yet at every dozen steps he started at some sound or some
touch, like a man whose nervous system is painfully overstrung.</p>
<p>Maintaining his haste, he went deliberately forward, oblivious of the fact
that at each step the curtain of darkness about him became closer, damper,
more tangible; that at each second the passers-by jostled each other with
greater frequency. Then, abruptly, with a sudden realization of what had
happened, he stood quite still. Without anticipation or preparation he had
walked full into the thickness of the fog—a thickness so dense that,
as by an enchanter's wand, the figures of a moment before melted, the
street lamps were sucked up into the night.</p>
<p>His first feeling was a sense of panic at the sudden isolation, his second
a thrill of nervous apprehension at the oblivion that had allowed him to
be so entrapped. The second feeling outweighed the first. He moved
forward, then paused again, uncertain of himself. Finally, with the
consciousness that inaction was unbearable, he moved on once more, his
eyes wide open, one hand thrust out as a protection and guide.</p>
<p>The fog had closed in behind him as heavily as in front, shutting off all
possibility of retreat; all about him in the darkness was a confusion of
voices—cheerful, dubious, alarmed, or angry; now and then a sleeve
brushed his or a hand touched him tentatively. It was a strange moment, a
moment of possibilities, to which the crunching wheels, the oaths and
laughter from the blocked traffic of the road-way, made a continuous
accompaniment.</p>
<p>Keeping well to the left, Chilcote still beat on; there was a persistence
in his movements that almost amounted to fear—a fear born of the
solitude filled with innumerable sounds. For a space he groped about him
without result, then his fingers touched the cold surface of a shuttered
shop-front, and a thrill of reassurance passed through him. With renewed
haste, and clinging to his landmark as a blind man might, he started
forward with fresh impetus.</p>
<p>For a dozen paces he moved rapidly and unevenly, then the natural result
occurred. He collided with a man coming in the opposite direction.</p>
<p>The shock was abrupt. Both men swore simultaneously, then both laughed.
The whole thing was casual, but Chilcote was in that state of mind when
even the commonplace becomes abnormal. The other man's exclamation, the
other man's laugh, struck on his nerves; coming out of the darkness, they
sounded like a repetition of his own.</p>
<p>Nine out of every ten men in London, given the same social position and
the same education, might reasonably be expected to express annoyance or
amusement in the same manner, possibly in the same tone of voice; and
Chilcote remembered this almost at the moment of his nervous jar.</p>
<p>"Beastly fog!" he said, aloud. "I'm trying to find Grosvenor Square, but
the chances seem rather small."</p>
<p>The other laughed again, and again the laugh upset Chilcote. He wondered
uncomfortably if he was becoming a prey to illusions. But the stranger
spoke before the question had solved itself.</p>
<p>"I'm afraid they are small," he said. "It would be almost hard to find
one's way to the devil on a night like this."</p>
<p>Chilcote made a murmur of amusement and drew back against the shop.</p>
<p>"Yes. We can see now where the blind man scores in the matter of
salvation. This is almost a repetition of the fog of six years ago. Were
you out in that?"</p>
<p>It was a habit of his to jump from one sentence to another, a habit that
had grown of late.</p>
<p>"No." The stranger had also groped his way to the shopfront. "No, I was
out of England six years ago."</p>
<p>"You were lucky." Chilcote turned up the collar of his coat. "It was an
atrocious fog, as black as this, but more universal. I remember it well.
It was the night Lexington made his great sugar speech. Some of us were
found on Lambeth Bridge at three in the morning, having left the House at
twelve."</p>
<p>Chilcote seldom indulged in reminiscences, but this conversation with an
unseen companion was more like a soliloquy than a dialogue. He was almost
surprised into an exclamation when the other caught up his words.</p>
<p>"Ah! The sugar speech!" he said. "Odd that I should have been looking it
up only yesterday. What a magnificent dressing-up of a dry subject it was!
What a career Lexington promised in those days!"</p>
<p>Chilcote changed his position.</p>
<p>"You are interested in the muddle down at Westminster?" he asked,
sarcastically.</p>
<p>"I—?" It was the turn of the stranger to draw back a step. "Oh, I
read my newspaper with the other five million, that is all. I am an
outsider." His voice sounded curt; the warmth that admiration had brought
into it a moment before had frozen abruptly.</p>
<p>"An outsider!" Chilcote repeated. "What an enviable word!"</p>
<p>"Possibly, to those who are well inside the ring. But let us go back to
Lexington. What a pinnacle the man reached, and what a drop he had! It has
always seemed to me an extraordinary instance of the human leaven running
through us all. What was the real cause of his collapse?" he asked,
suddenly. "Was it drugs or drink? I have often wished to get at the
truth."</p>
<p>Again Chilcote changed his attitude.</p>
<p>"Is truth ever worth getting at?" he asked, irrelevantly.</p>
<p>"In the case of a public man—yes. He exchanges his privacy for the
interest of the masses. If he gives the masses the details of his success,
why not the details of his failure? But was it drink that sucked him
under?"</p>
<p>"No." Chilcote's response came after a pause.</p>
<p>"Drugs?"</p>
<p>Again Chilcote hesitated. And at the moment of his indecision a woman
brushed past him, laughing boisterously. The sound jarred him.</p>
<p>"Was it drugs?" the stranger went on easily. "I have always had a theory
that it was."</p>
<p>"Yes. It was morphia." The answer came before Chilcote had realized it.
The woman's laugh at the stranger's quiet persistence had contrived to
draw it from him. Instantly he had spoken he looked about him quickly,
like one who has for a moment forgotten a necessary vigilance.</p>
<p>There was silence while the stranger thought over the information just
given him. Then he spoke again, with a new touch of vehemence.</p>
<p>"So I imagined," he said. "Though, on my soul, I never really credited it.
To have gained so much, and to have thrown it away for a common vice!" He
made an exclamation of disgust.</p>
<p>Chilcote gave an unsteady laugh. "You judge hardly." he said.</p>
<p>The other repeated his sound of contempt. "Justly so. No man has the right
to squander what another would give his soul for. It lessens the general
respect for power."</p>
<p>"You are a believer in power?" The tone was sarcastic, but the sarcasm
sounded thin.</p>
<p>"Yes. All power is the outcome of individuality, either past or present. I
find no sentiment for the man who plays with it."</p>
<p>The quiet contempt of the tone stung Chilcote.</p>
<p>"Do you imagine that Lexington made no fight?" he asked, impulsively.
"Can't you picture the man's struggle while the vice that had been slave
gradually became master?" He stopped to take breath, and in the cold pause
that followed it seemed to him that the other made a murmur of
incredulity.</p>
<p>"Perhaps you think of morphia as a pleasure?" he added. "Think of it,
instead, as a tyrant—that tortures the mind if held to, and the body
if cast off." Urged by the darkness and the silence of his companion, the
rein of his speech had loosened. In that moment he was not Chilcote the
member for East Wark, whose moods and silences were proverbial, but
Chilcote the man whose mind craved the relief of speech.</p>
<p>"You talk as the world talks—out of ignorance and
self-righteousness," he went on. "Before you condemn Lexington you should
put yourself in his place—"</p>
<p>"As you do?" the other laughed.</p>
<p>Unsuspecting and inoffensive as the laugh was, it startled Chilcote. With
a sudden alarm he pulled himself up.</p>
<p>"I—?" He tried to echo the laugh, but the attempt fell flat. "Oh, I
merely speak from—from De Quincey. But I believe this fog is
shifting—I really believe it is shifting. Can you oblige me with a
light? I had almost forgotten that a man may still smoke though he has
been deprived of sight." He spoke fast and disjointedly. He was
overwhelmed by the idea that he had let himself go, and possessed by the
wish to obliterate the consequences. As he talked he fumbled; for his
cigarette-case.</p>
<p>His bead was bent as he searched for it nervously. Without looking up, he
was conscious that the cloud of fog that held him prisoner was lifting,
rolling away, closing back again, preparatory to final disappearance.
Having found the case, he put a cigarette between his lips and raised his
hand at the moment that the stranger drew a match across his box.</p>
<p>For a second each stared blankly at the other's face, suddenly made
visible by the lifting of the fog. The match in the stranger's hand burned
down till it scorched his fingers, and, feeling the pain, he laughed and
let it drop.</p>
<p>"Of all odd things!" he said. Then he broke off. The circumstance was too
novel for ordinary remark.</p>
<p>By one of those rare occurrences, those chances that seem too wild for
real life and yet belong to no other sphere, the two faces so strangely
hidden and strangely revealed were identical, feature for feature. It
seemed to each man that he looked not at the face of another, but at his
own face reflected in a flawless looking-glass.</p>
<p>Of the two, the stranger was the first to regain self-possession. Seeing
Chilcote's bewilderment, he came to his rescue with brusque tactfulness.</p>
<p>"The position is decidedly odd," he said. "But after all, why should we be
so surprised? Nature can't be eternally original; she must dry up
sometimes, and when she gets a good model why shouldn't she use it twice?"
He drew back, surveying Chilcote whimsically. "But, pardon me, you are
still waiting for that light!"</p>
<p>Chilcote still held the cigarette between his lips. The paper had become
dry, and he moistened it as he leaned towards his companion.</p>
<p>"Don't mind me," he said. "I'm rather—rather unstrung to-night, and
this thing gave me a jar. To be candid, my imagination took head in the
fog, and I got to fancy I was talking to myself—"</p>
<p>"And pulled up to find the fancy in some way real?"</p>
<p>"Yes. Something like that."</p>
<p>Both were silent for a moment. Chilcote pulled hard at his cigarette,
then, remembering his obligations, he turned quickly to the other.</p>
<p>"Won't you smoke?" he asked.</p>
<p>The stranger accepted a cigarette from the case held out to him; and as he
did so the extraordinary likeness to himself struck Chilcote with added
force. Involuntarily he put out his hand and touched the other's arm.</p>
<p>"It's my nerves!" he said, in explanation. "They make me want to feel that
you are substantial. Nerves play such beastly tricks!" He laughed
awkwardly.</p>
<p>The other glanced up. His expression on the moment was slightly surprised,
slightly contemptuous, but he changed it instantly to conventional
interest. "I am afraid I am not an authority on nerves," he said.</p>
<p>But Chilcote was preoccupied. His thoughts had turned into another
channel.</p>
<p>"How old are you?" he asked, suddenly.</p>
<p>The other did not answer immediately. "My age?" he said at last, slowly.
"Oh, I believe I shall be thirty-six to-morrow—to be quite
accurate."</p>
<p>Chilcote lifted his head quickly.</p>
<p>"Why do you use that tone?" he asked. "I am six months older than you, and
I only wish it was six years. Six years nearer oblivion—"</p>
<p>Again a slight incredulous contempt crossed the other's eyes. "Oblivion?"
he said. "Where are your ambitions?"</p>
<p>"They don't exist."</p>
<p>"Don't exist? Yet you voice your country? I concluded that much in the
fog."</p>
<p>Chilcote laughed sarcastically.</p>
<p>"When one has voiced one's country for six years one gets hoarse—it's
a natural consequence."</p>
<p>The other smiled. "Ah, discontent!" he said. "The modern canker. But we
must both be getting under way. Good-night! Shall we shake hands—to
prove that we are genuinely material?"</p>
<p>Chilcote had been standing unusually still, following the stranger's words—caught
by his self-reliance and impressed by his personality. Now, as he ceased
to speak, he moved quickly forward, impelled by a nervous curiosity.</p>
<p>"Why should we just hail each other and pass—like the proverbial
ships?" he said, impulsively. "If Nature was careless enough to let the
reproduction meet the original, she must abide the consequences."</p>
<p>The other laughed, but his laugh was short. "Oh, I don't know. Our roads
lie differently. You would get nothing out of me, and I—" He stopped
and again laughed shortly. "No," he said; "I'd be content to pass, if I
were you. The unsuccessful man is seldom a profitable study. Shall we say
good-night?"</p>
<p>He took Chilcote's hand for an instant; then, crossing the footpath, he
passed into the road-way towards the Strand.</p>
<p>It was done in a moment; but with his going a sense of loss fell upon
Chilcote. He stood for a space, newly conscious of unfamiliar faces and
unfamiliar voices in the stream of passersby; then, suddenly mastered by
an impulse, he wheeled rapidly and darted after the tall, lean figure so
ridiculously like his own.</p>
<p>Half-way across Trafalgar Square he overtook the stranger. He had paused
on one of the small stone islands that break the current of traffic, and
was waiting for an opportunity to cross the street. In the glare of light
from the lamp above his head, Chilcote saw for the first time that, under
a remarkable neatness of appearance, his clothes were well worn—almost
shabby. The discovery struck him with something stronger than surprise.
The idea of poverty seemed incongruous is connection with the reliance,
the reserve, the personality of the man. With a certain embarrassed haste
he stepped forward and touched his arm.</p>
<p>"Look here," he said, as the other turned quietly. "I have followed you to
exchange cards. It can't injure either of us, and I—I have a wish to
know my other self." He laughed nervously as he drew out his card-case.</p>
<p>The stranger watched him in silence. There was the same faint contempt,
but also there was a reluctant interest in his glance, as it passed from
the fingers fumbling with the case to the pale face with the square jaw,
straight mouth, and level eyebrows drawn low over the gray eyes. When at
last the card was held out to him he took it without remark and slipped it
into his pocket.</p>
<p>Chilcote looked at him eagerly. "Now the exchange?" he said.</p>
<p>For a second the stranger did not respond. Then, almost unexpectedly, he
smiled.</p>
<p>"After all, if it amuses you—" he said; and, searching in his
waistcoat pocket, he drew out the required card.</p>
<p>"It will leave you quite unenlightened," he added. "The name of a failure
never spells anything." With another smile, partly amused, partly
ironical, he stepped from the little island and disappeared into the
throng of traffic.</p>
<p>Chilcote stood for an instant gazing at the point where he had vanished;
then, turning to the lamp, he lifted the card and read the name it bore:
"Mr. John Loder, 13 Clifford's Inn."</p>
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<h2> II </h2>
<p>On the morning following the night of fog Chilcote woke at nine. He woke
at the moment that his man Allsopp tiptoed across the room and laid the
salver with his early cup of tea on the table beside the bed.</p>
<p>For several seconds he lay with his eyes shut; the effort of opening them
on a fresh day—the intimate certainty of what he would see on
opening them—seemed to weight his lids. The heavy, half-closed
curtains; the blinds severely drawn; the great room with its splendid
furniture, its sober coloring, its scent of damp London winter; above all,
Allsopp, silent, respectful, and respectable—were things to dread.</p>
<p>A full minute passed while he still feigned sleep. He heard Allsopp stir
discreetly, then the inevitable information broke the silence:</p>
<p>"Nine o'clock, sir!"</p>
<p>He opened his eyes, murmured something, and closed them again.</p>
<p>The man moved to the window, quietly pulled back the curtains and half
drew the blind.</p>
<p>"Better night, sir, I hope?" he ventured, softly.</p>
<p>Chilcote had drawn the bedclothes over his face to screen himself from the
daylight, murky though it was.</p>
<p>"Yes," he responded. "Those beastly nightmares didn't trouble me, for
once." He shivered a little as at some recollection. "But don't talk—don't
remind me of them. I hate a man who has no originality." He spoke sharply.
At times he showed an almost childish irritation over trivial things.</p>
<p>Allsopp took the remark in silence. Crossing the wide room, he began to
lay out his master's clothes. The action affected Chilcote to fresh
annoyance.</p>
<p>"Confound it!" he said. "I'm sick of that routine: I can see you laying
out my winding-sheet the day of my burial. Leave those things. Come back
in half an hour."</p>
<p>Allsopp allowed himself one glance at his master's figure huddled in the
great bed; then, laying aside the coat he was holding, he moved to the
door. With his: fingers on the handle he paused.</p>
<p>"Will you breakfast in your own room, sir—or down-stairs?"</p>
<p>Chilcote drew the clothes more tightly round his shoulders. "Oh, anywhere—nowhere!"
he said. "I don't care."</p>
<p>Allsopp softly withdrew.</p>
<p>Left to himself, Chilcote sat up in bed and lifted the salver to his
knees. The sudden movement jarred him physically; he drew a handkerchief
from under the pillow and wiped his forehead; then he held his hand to the
light and studied it. The hand looked sallow and unsteady. With a nervous
gesture he thrust the salver back upon the table and slid out of bed.</p>
<p>Moving hastily across the room, he stopped before one of the tall
wardrobes and swung the door open; then after a furtive glance around the
room he thrust his hand into the recesses of a shelf and fumbled there.</p>
<p>The thing he sought was evidently not hard to find, for almost at once he
withdrew his hand and moved from the wardrobe to a table beside the
fireplace, carrying a small glass tube filled with tabloids.</p>
<p>On the table were a decanter, a siphon, and a water-jug. Mixing some
whiskey, he uncorked the tube, again he glanced apprehensively towards the
door, then with a very nervous hand dropped two tabloids into the glass.</p>
<p>While they dissolved he stood with his hand on the table and his eyes
fixed on the floor, evidently restraining his impatience. Instantly they
had disappeared he seized the glass and drained it at a draught, replaced
the bottle in the wardrobe, and, shivering slightly in the raw air,
slipped back into bed.</p>
<p>When Allsopp returned he was sitting up, a cigarette between his lips, the
teacup standing empty on the salver. The nervous irritability had gone
from his manner. He no longer moved jerkily, his eyes looked brighter, his
pale skin more healthy.</p>
<p>"Ah, Allsopp," he said, "there are some moments in life, after all. It
isn't all blank wall."</p>
<p>"I ordered breakfast in the small morning-room, sir," said Allsopp,
without a change of expression.</p>
<p>Chilcote breakfasted at ten. His appetite, always fickle, was particularly
uncertain in the early hours. He helped himself to some fish, but sent
away his plate untouched; then, having drunk two cups of tea, he pushed
back his chair, lighted a fresh cigarette, and shook out the morning's
newspaper.</p>
<p>Twice he shook it out and twice turned it, but the reluctance to fix his
mind upon it made him dally.</p>
<p>The effect of the morphia tabloids was still apparent in the greater
steadiness of his hand and eye, the regained quiet of his
susceptibilities, but the respite was temporary and lethargic. The early
days—the days of six years ago, when these tabloids meant an even
sweep of thought, lucidity of brain, a balance of judgment in thought and
effort—were days of the past. As he had said of Lexington and his
vice, the slave had become master.</p>
<p>As he folded the paper in a last attempt at interest, the door opened and
his secretary came a step or two into the room.</p>
<p>"Good-morning, sir!" he said. "Forgive me for being so untimely."</p>
<p>He was a fresh-mannered, bright-eyed boy of twenty-three. His breezy
alertness, his deference, as to a man who had attained what he aspired to,
amused and depressed Chilcote by turns.</p>
<p>"Good-morning, Blessington. What is it now?" He sighed through habit, and,
putting up his hand, warded off a ray of sun that had forced itself
through the misty atmosphere as if by mistake.</p>
<p>The boy smiled. "It's that business of the Wark timber contract, sir," he
said. "You promised you'd look into it to-day; you know you've shelved it
for a week already, and Craig, Burnage are rather clamoring for an
answer." He moved forward and laid the papers he was carrying on the table
beside Chilcote. "I'm sorry to be such a nuisance," he added. "I hope your
nerves aren't worrying you to-day?"</p>
<p>Chilcote was toying with the papers. At the word nerves he glanced up
suspiciously. But Blessington's ingenuous face satisfied him.</p>
<p>"No," he said. "I settled my nerves last night with—with a bromide.
I knew that fog would upset me unless I took precautions."</p>
<p>"I'm glad of that, sir—though I'd avoid bromides. Bad habit to set
up. But this Wark business—I'd like to get it under way, if you have
no objection."</p>
<p>Chilcote passed his fingers over the papers. "Were you out in that fog
last night, Blessington?"</p>
<p>"No, sir. I supped with some people at the Savoy, and we just missed it.
It was very partial, I believe."</p>
<p>"So I believe."</p>
<p>Blessington put his hand to his neat tie and pulled it. He was extremely
polite, but he had an inordinate sense of duty.</p>
<p>"Forgive me, sir," he said, "but about that contract—I know I'm a
frightful bore."</p>
<p>"Oh, the contract!" Chilcote looked about him absently. "By-the-way, did
you see anything of my wife yesterday? What did she do last night?"</p>
<p>"Mrs. Chilcote gave me tea yesterday afternoon. She told me she was dining
at Lady Sabinet's, and looking in at one or two places later." He eyed his
papers in Chilcote's listless hand.</p>
<p>Chilcote smiled satirically. "Eve is very true to society," he said. "I
couldn't dine at the Sabinets' if it was to make me premier. They have a
butler who is an institution—a sort of heirloom in the family. He is
fat, and breathes audibly. Last time I lunched there he haunted me for a
whole night."</p>
<p>Blessington laughed gayly. "Mrs. Chilcote doesn't see ghosts, sir," he
said; "but if I may suggest—"</p>
<p>Chilcote tapped his fingers on the table.</p>
<p>"No. Eve doesn't see ghosts. We rather miss sympathy there."</p>
<p>Blessington governed his impatience. He stood still for some seconds, then
glanced down at his pointed boot.</p>
<p>"If you will be lenient to my persistency, sir, I would like to remind you—"</p>
<p>Chilcote lifted his head with a flash of irritability.</p>
<p>"Confound it, Blessington!" he exclaimed. "Am I never to be left in peace?
Am I never to sit down to a meal without having work thrust upon me? Work—work—perpetually
work? I have heard no other word in the last six years. I declare there
are times"—he rose suddenly from his seat and turned to the window—"there
are times when I feel that for sixpence I'd chuck it all—the whole
beastly round—"</p>
<p>Startled by his vehemence, Blessington wheeled towards him.</p>
<p>"Not your political career, sir?"</p>
<p>There was a moment in which Chilcote hesitated, a moment in which the
desire that had filled his mind for months rose to his lips and hung
there; then the question, the incredulity in Blessington's face, chilled
it and it fell back into silence.</p>
<p>"I—I didn't say that," he murmured. "You young men jump to
conclusions, Blessington."</p>
<p>"Forgive me, sir. I never meant to imply retirement. Why, Rickshaw, Vale,
Cressham, and the whole Wark crowd would be about your ears like flies if
such a thing were even breathed—now more than ever, since these
Persian rumors. By-the-way, is there anything real in this border
business? The 'St. George's' came out rather strong last night."</p>
<p>Chilcote had moved back to the table. His face was pale from his outburst
and his fingers toyed restlessly with the open newspaper.</p>
<p>"I haven't seen the 'St. George's'," he said, hastily. "Lakely is always
ready to shake the red rag where Russia is concerned; whether we are to
enter the arena is another matter. But what about Craig, Burnage? I think
you mentioned something of a contract."</p>
<p>"Oh, don't worry about that, sir." Blessington had caught the twitching at
the corners of Chilcote's mouth, the nervous sharpness of his voice. "I
can put Craig, Burnage off. If they have an answer by Thursday it will be
time enough." He began to collect his papers, but Chilcote stopped him.</p>
<p>"Wait," he said, veering suddenly. "Wait. I'll see to it now. I'll feel
more myself when I've done something. I'll come with you to the study."</p>
<p>He walked hastily across the room; then, with his hand on the door, he
paused.</p>
<p>"You go first, Blessington," he said. "I'll—I'll follow you in ten
minutes. I must glance through the newspapers first."</p>
<p>Blessington looked uncertain. "You won't forget, sir?"</p>
<p>"Forget? Of course not."</p>
<p>Still doubtfully, Blessington left the room and closed the door.</p>
<p>Once alone, Chilcote walked slowly back to the table, drew up his chair,
and sat down with his eyes on the white cloth, the paper lying unheeded
beside him.</p>
<p>Time passed. A servant came into the room to remove the breakfast.
Chilcote moved slightly when necessary, but otherwise retained his
attitude. The servant, having finished his task, replenished the fire and
left the room. Chilcote still sat on.</p>
<p>At last, feeling numbed, he rose and crossed to the fireplace. The clock
on the mantel-piece stared him in the face. He looked at it, started
slightly, then drew out his watch. Watch and clock corresponded. Each
marked twelve o'clock. With a nervous motion he leaned forward and pressed
the electric bell long and hard.</p>
<p>Instantly a servant answered.</p>
<p>"Is Mr. Blessington in the study?" Chilcote asked.</p>
<p>"He was there, sir, five minutes back."</p>
<p>Chilcote looked relieved.</p>
<p>"All right! Tell him I have gone out—had to go out. Something
important. You understand?"</p>
<p>"I understand, sir."</p>
<p>But before the words had been properly spoken Chilcote had passed the man
and walked into the hall.</p>
<p><SPAN name="link2H_4_0003" id="link2H_4_0003"></SPAN></p>
<h2> III </h2>
<p>Leaving his house, Chilcote walked forward quickly and aimlessly. With the
sting of the outer air the recollection of last night's adventure came
back upon him. Since the hour of his waking it had hung about with vague
persistence, but now in the clear light of day it seemed to stand out with
a fuller peculiarity.</p>
<p>The thing was preposterous, nevertheless it was genuine. He was wearing
the overcoat he had worn, the night before, and, acting on impulse, he
thrust his hand into the pocket and drew out the stranger's card.</p>
<p>"Mr. John Loder!" He read the name over as he walked along, and it
mechanically repeated itself in his brain—falling into measure with
his steps. Who was John Loder? What was he? The questions tantalized him
till his pace unconsciously increased. The thought that two men so
absurdly alike could inhabit the same, city and remain unknown to each
other faced him as a problem: it tangled with his personal worries and
aggravated them. There seemed to be almost a danger in such an
extraordinary likeness. He began to regret his impetuosity in thrusting
his card upon the man. Then, again, how he had let himself go on the
subject of Lexington! How narrowly he had escaped compromise! He turned
hot and cold at the recollection of what he had said and what he might
have said. Then for the first time he paused in his walk and looked about
him.</p>
<p>On leaving Grosvenor Square he had turned westward, moving rapidly till
the Marble Arch was reached; there, still oblivious to his surroundings,
he had crossed the roadway to the Edgware Road, passing along it to the
labyrinth of shabby streets that lie behind Paddington. Now, as he glanced
about him, he saw with some surprise how far he had come.</p>
<p>The damp remnants of the fog still hung about the house-tops in a filmy
veil; there were no glimpses of green to break the monotony of tone; all
was quiet, dingy, neglected. But to Chilcote the shabbiness was restful,
the subdued atmosphere a satisfaction. Among these sad houses, these
passers-by, each filled with his own concerns, he experienced a sense of
respite and relief. In the fashionable streets that bounded his own
horizon, if a man paused in his walk to work out an idea he instantly drew
a crowd of inquisitive or contemptuous eyes; here, if a man halted for
half an hour it was nobody's business but his own.</p>
<p>Enjoying this thought, he wandered on for close upon an hour, moving from
one street to another with steps that were listless or rapid, as
inclination prompted; then, still acting with vagrant aimlessness, he
stopped in his wanderings and entered a small eating-house.</p>
<p>The place was low-ceiled and dirty, the air hot and steaming with the
smell of food, but Chilcote passed through the door and moved to one of
the tables with no expression of disgust, and with far less furtive
watchfulness than he used in his own house. By a curious mental twist he
felt greater freedom, larger opportunities in drab surroundings such as
these than in the broad issues and weighty responsibilities of his own
life. Choosing a corner seat, he called for coffee; and there, protected
by shadow and wrapped in cigarette smoke, he set about imagining himself
some vagrant unit who had slipped his moorings and was blissfully adrift.</p>
<p>The imagination was pleasant while it lasted, but with him nothing was
permanent. Of late the greater part of his sufferings had been comprised
in the irritable fickleness of all his aims—the distaste for and
impossibility of sustained effort in any direction. He had barely lighted
a second cigarette when the old restlessness fell upon him; he stirred
nervously in his seat, and the cigarette was scarcely burned out when he
rose, paid his small bill, and left the shop.</p>
<p>Outside on the pavement he halted, pulled out his watch, and saw that two
hours stretched in front before any appointment claimed his attention. He
wondered vaguely where he might go to—what he might do in those two
hours? In the last few minutes a distaste for solitude had risen in his
mind, giving the close street a loneliness that had escaped him before.</p>
<p>As he stood wavering a cab passed slowly down the street. The sight of a
well-dressed man roused the cabman; flicking his whip, he passed Chilcote
close, feigning to pull up.</p>
<p>The cab suggested civilization. Chilcote's mind veered suddenly and he
raised his hand. The vehicle stopped and he climbed in.</p>
<p>"Where, sir?" The cabman peered down through the roof-door.</p>
<p>Chilcote raised his head. "Oh, anywhere near Pall Mall," he said. Then, as
the horse started forward, he put up his hand and shook the trap-door.
"Wait!" he called. "I've changed my mind. Drive to Cadogan Gardens—No.
33."</p>
<p>The distance to Cadogan Gardens was covered quickly. Chilcote had hardly
realized that his destination was reached when the cab pulled up. Jumping
out, he paid the fare and walked quickly to the hall-door of No. 33.</p>
<p>"Is Lady Astrupp at home?" he asked, sharply, as the door swung back in
answer to his knock.</p>
<p>The servant drew back deferentially. "Her ladyship has almost finished
lunch, sir," he said.</p>
<p>For answer Chilcote stepped through the door-way and walked half-way
across the hall.</p>
<p>"All right," he said. "But don't disturb her on my account. I'll wait in
the white room till she has finished." And, without taking further notice
of the servant, he began to mount the stairs.</p>
<p>In the room where he had chosen to wait a pleasant wood-fire brightened
the dull January afternoon and softened the thick, white curtains, the
gilt furniture, and the Venetian vases filled with white roses. Moving
straight forward, Chilcote paused by the grate and stretched his hands to
the blaze; then, with his usual instability, he turned and passed to a
couch that stood a yard or two away.</p>
<p>On the couch, tucked away between a novel and a crystal gazing-ball, was a
white Persian kitten, fast asleep. Chilcote picked up the ball and held it
between his eyes and the fire; then he laughed superciliously, tossed it
back into its place, and caught the kitten's tail. The little animal
stirred, stretched itself, and began to purr. At the same moment the door
of the room opened.</p>
<p>Chilcote turned round. "I particularly said you were not to be disturbed,"
he began. "Have I merited displeasure?" He spoke fast, with the uneasy
tone that so often underran his words.</p>
<p>Lady Astrupp took his hand with a confiding gesture and smiled.</p>
<p>"Never displeasure," she said, lingeringly, and again she smiled. The
smile might have struck a close observer as faintly, artificial. But what
man in Chilcote's frame of mind has time to be observant where women are
concerned? The manner of the smile was very sweet and almost caressing—and
that sufficed.</p>
<p>"What have you been doing?" she asked, after a moment. "I thought I was
quite forgotten." She moved across to the couch, picked up the kitten, and
kissed it. "Isn't this sweet?" she added.</p>
<p>She looked very graceful as she turned, holding the little animal up. She
was a woman of twenty-seven, but she looked a girl. The outline of her
face was pure, the pale gold of her hair almost ethereal, and her tall,
slight figure still suggested the suppleness, the possibility of future
development, that belongs to youth. She wore a lace-colored gown that
harmonized with the room and with the delicacy of her skin.</p>
<p>"Now sit down and rest—or walk about the room. I sha'n't mind
which." She nestled into the couch and picked up the crystal ball.</p>
<p>"What is the toy for?" Chilcote looked at her from the mantel-piece,
against which he was resting. He had never defined the precise attraction
that Lillian Astrupp held for him. Her shallowness soothed him; her
inconsequent egotism helped him to forget himself. She never asked him how
he was, she never expected impossibilities. She let him come and go and
act as he pleased, never demanding reasons. Like the kitten, she was
charming and graceful and easily amused; it was possible that, also like
the kitten, she could scratch and be spiteful on occasion, but that did
not weigh with him. He sometimes expressed a vague envy of the late Lord
Astrupp; but, even had circumstances permitted, it is doubtful whether he
would have chosen to be his successor. Lillian as a friend was delightful,
but Lillian as a wife would have been a different consideration.</p>
<p>"What is the toy for?" he asked again.</p>
<p>She looked up slowly. "How cruel of you, Jack! It is my very latest
hobby."</p>
<p>It was part of her attraction that she was never without a craze. Each new
one was as fleeting as the last, but to each she brought the same
delightfully insincere enthusiasm, the same picturesque devotion. Each was
a pose, but she posed so sweetly that nobody lost patience.</p>
<p>"You mustn't laugh!" she protested, letting the kitten slip to the ground.
"I've had lessons at five guineas each from the most fascinating person—a
professional; and I'm becoming quite an adept. Of course I haven't been
much beyond the milky appearance yet, but the milky appearance is
everything, you know; the rest will come. I am trying to persuade Blanche
to let me have a pavilion at her party in March, and gaze for all you dull
political people." Again she smiled.</p>
<p>Chilcote smiled as well. "How is it done?" he asked, momentarily amused.</p>
<p>"Oh, the doing is quite delicious. You sit at a table with the ball in
front of you; then you take the subject's hands, spread them out on the
table, and stroke them very softly while you gaze into the crystal; that
gets up the sympathy, you know." She looked up innocently. "Shall I show
you?"</p>
<p>Chilcote moved a small table nearer to the couch and spread his hands upon
it, palms downward. "Like this, eh?" he said. Then a ridiculous
nervousness seized him and he moved away. "Some other day," he said,
quickly. "You can show me some other day. I'm not very fit this
afternoon."</p>
<p>If Lillian felt any disappointment, she showed none. "Poor old thing!" she
said, softly. "Try to sit here by me and we won't bother about anything."
She made a place for him beside her, and as he dropped into it she took
his hand and patted it sympathetically.</p>
<p>The touch was soothing, and he bore it patiently enough. After a moment
she lifted the hand with a little exclamation of reproof.</p>
<p>"You degenerate person! You have ceased to manicure. What has become of my
excellent training?"</p>
<p>Chilcote laughed. "Run to seed," he said, lightly. Then his expression and
tone changed. "When a man gets to my age," he added, "little social
luxuries don't seem worth while; the social necessities are irksome
enough. Personally, I envy the beggar in the street—exempt from
shaving, exempt from washing—"</p>
<p>Lillian raised her delicate eyebrows. The sentiment was beyond her
perception.</p>
<p>"But manicuring," she said, reproachfully, "when you have such nice hands.
It was your hands and your eyes, you know, that first appealed to me." She
sighed gently, with a touch of sentimental remembrance. "And I thought it
so strong of you not to wear rings—it must be such a temptation."
She looked down at her own fingers, glittering with jewels.</p>
<p>But the momentary pleasure of her touch was gone. Chilcote drew away his
hand and picked up the book that lay between them.</p>
<p>"Other Men's Shoes!" he read. "A novel, of course?"</p>
<p>She smiled. "Of course. Such a fantastic story. Two men changing
identities."</p>
<p>Chilcote rose and walked back to the mantel-piece.</p>
<p>"Changing identities?" he said, with a touch of interest.</p>
<p>"Yes. One man is an artist, the other a millionaire; one wants to know
what fame is like, the other wants to know how it feels to be really
sinfully rich. So they exchange experiences for a month." She laughed.</p>
<p>Chilcote laughed as well. "But how?" he asked.</p>
<p>"Oh, I told you the idea was absurd. Fancy two people so much alike that
neither their friends nor their servants see any difference! Such a thing
couldn't be, could it?"</p>
<p>Chilcote looked down at the fire. "No," he said, doubtfully. "No. I
suppose not."</p>
<p>"Of course not. There are likenesses, but not freak likenesses like that."</p>
<p>Chilcote's head was bent as she spoke, but at the last words he lifted it.</p>
<p>"By Jove! I don't know about that!" he said. "Not so very long ago I saw
two men so much alike that I—I—" He stopped.</p>
<p>Lillian smiled.</p>
<p>He colored quickly. "You doubt me?" he asked.</p>
<p>"My dear Jack!" Her voice was delicately reproachful.</p>
<p>"Then you think that my—my imagination has been playing me tricks?"</p>
<p>"My dear boy! Nothing of the kind. Come back to your place and tell me the
whole tale?" She smiled again, and patted the couch invitingly.</p>
<p>But Chilcote's balance had been upset. For the first time he saw Lillian
as one of the watchful, suspecting crowd before which he was constantly on
guard. Acting on the sensation, he moved suddenly towards the door.</p>
<p>"I—I have an appointment at the House," he said, quickly. "I'll look
in another day when—when I'm better company. I know I'm a bear
to-day. My nerves, you know." He came back to the couch and took her hand;
then he touched her cheek for an instant with his fingers.</p>
<p>"Good-bye," he said. "Take care of yourself—and the kitten," he
added, with forced gayety, as he crossed the room.</p>
<p>That afternoon Chilcote's nervous condition reached its height. All day he
had avoided the climax, but no evasion can be eternal, and this he
realized as he sat in his place on the Opposition benches during the
half-hour of wintry twilight that precedes the turning-on of the lights.
He realized it in that half-hour, but the application of the knowledge
followed later, when the time came for him to question the government on
some point relating to a proposed additional dry-dock at Talkley, the
naval base. Then for the first time he knew that the sufferings of the
past months could have a visible as well as a hidden side—could
disorganize his daily routine as they had already demoralized his will and
character.</p>
<p>The thing came upon him with extraordinary lack of preparation. He sat
through the twilight with tolerable calm, his nervousness showing only in
the occasional lifting of his hand to his collar and the frequent changing
of his position; but when the lights were turned on, and he leaned back in
his seat with closed eyes, he became conscious of a curious impression—a
disturbing idea that through his closed lids he could see the faces on the
opposite side of the House, see the rows of eyes, sleepy, interested, or
vigilant. Never before had the sensation presented itself, but, once set
up, it ran through all his susceptibilities. By an absurd freak of fancy
those varying eyes seemed to pierce through his lids, almost through his
eyeballs. The cold perspiration that was his daily horror broke out on his
forehead; and at the same moment Fraide, his leader, turned, leaned over
the back of his seat, and touched his knee.</p>
<p>Chilcote started and opened his eyes. "I—I believe I was dozing," he
said, confusedly.</p>
<p>Fraide smiled his dry, kindly smile. "A fatal admission for a member of
the Opposition," he said. "But I was looking for you earlier in the day,
Chilcote. There is something behind this Persian affair. I believe it to
be a mere first move on Russia's part. You big trading people will find it
worth watching."</p>
<p>Chilcote shrugged his shoulders. "Oh, I don't know," he said. "I scarcely
believe in it. Lakely put a match to the powder in the 'St. George's', but
'twill only be a noise and a puff of smoke."</p>
<p>But Fraide did not smile. "What is the feeling down at Wark?" he asked.
"Has it awakened any interest?"</p>
<p>"At Wark? Oh, I—I don't quite know. I have been a little out of
touch with Wark in the last few weeks. A man has so many private affairs
to look to—" He was uneasy under his chief's scrutiny.</p>
<p>Fraide's lips parted as if to make reply, but with a certain dignified
reticence he closed them again and turned away.</p>
<p>Chilcote leaned back in his place and furtively passed his hand over his
forehead. His mind was possessed by one consideration—the
consideration of himself. He glanced down the crowded, lighted House to
the big glass doors; he glanced about him at his colleagues, indifferent
or interested; then surreptitiously his fingers strayed to his
waistcoat-pocket.</p>
<p>Usually he carried his morphia tabloids with him, but to-day by a lapse of
memory he had left them at home. He knew this, nevertheless he continued
to search, while the need of the drug rushed through him with a sense of
physical sickness. He lost hold on the business of the House;
unconsciously he half rose from his seat.</p>
<p>The man next him looked up. "Hold your ground, Chilcote," he said.
"Rayforth is drying up."</p>
<p>With a wave of relief Chilcote dropped back into his place. Whatever the
confusion in his mind, it was evidently not obvious in his face.</p>
<p>Rayforth resumed his seat, there was the usual slight stir and pause, then
Salett, the member for Salchester, rose.</p>
<p>With Salett's first words Chilcote's hand again sought his pocket, and
again his eyes strayed towards the doors, but Fraide's erect head and
stiff back just in front of him held him quiet. With an effort he pulled
out his notes and smoothed them nervously; but though his gaze was fixed
on the pages, not a line of Blessington's clear writing reached his mind.
He glanced at the face of the Speaker, then at the faces on the Treasury
Bench, then once more he leaned back in his seat.</p>
<p>The man beside him saw the movement. "Funking the drydock?" he whispered,
jestingly.</p>
<p>"No"—Chilcote turned to him suddenly—"but I feel beastly—have
felt beastly for weeks."</p>
<p>The other looked at him more closely. "Anything wrong?" he asked. It was a
novel experience to be confided in by Chilcote.</p>
<p>"Oh, it's the grind-the infernal grind." As he said it, it seemed to him
suddenly that his strength gave way. He forgot his companion, his
position, everything except the urgent instinct that filled mind and body.
Scarcely knowing what he did, he rose and leaned forward to whisper in
Fraide's ear.</p>
<p>Fraide was seen to turn, his thin face interested and concerned, then he
was seen to nod once or twice in acquiescence, and a moment later Chilcote
stepped quietly out of his place.</p>
<p>One or two men spoke to him as he hurried from the House, but he shook
them off almost uncivilly, and, making for the nearest exit, hailed a cab.</p>
<p>The drive to Grosvenor Square was a misery. Time after time he changed
from one corner of the cab to the other, his acute internal pains
prolonged by every delay and increased by every motion. At last, weak in
all his limbs, he stepped from the vehicle at his own door.</p>
<p>Entering the house, he instantly mounted the stairs and passed to his own
rooms. Opening the bedroom door, he peered in cautiously, then pushed the
door wide. The light had been switched on, but the room was empty. With a
nervous excitement scarcely to be kept in check, he entered, shut and
locked the door, then moved to the wardrobe, and, opening it, drew the
tube of tabloids from the shelf.</p>
<p>His hand shook violently as he carried the tube to the table. The strain
of the day, the anxiety of the past hours, with their final failure, had
found sudden expression. Mixing a larger dose than any he had before
allowed himself, he swallowed it hastily, and, walking across the room,
threw himself, fully dressed, upon the bed.</p>
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