<h4><SPAN name="THE_HORRIBLE_HISTORY_OF_JONES" id="THE_HORRIBLE_HISTORY_OF_JONES"></SPAN>THE HORRIBLE HISTORY OF JONES</h4>
<p>Jones had a dog; it had a chain;<br/>
Not often worn, not causing pain;<br/>
But, as the I.K.L. had passed<br/>
Their "Unleashed Cousins Act" at last,<br/>
Inspectors took the chain away;<br/>
Whereat the canine barked "hurray"!<br/>
At which, of course, the S.P.U.<br/>
(Whose Nervous Motorists' Bill was through),<br/>
Were forced to give the dog in charge<br/>
For being Audibly at Large.<br/>
None, you will say, were now annoyed,<br/>
Save haply Jones—the yard was void.<br/>
But something being in the lease<br/>
About "alarms to aid police,"<br/>
The U.S.U. annexed the yard<br/>
For having no sufficient guards<br/>
Now if there's one condition<br/>
The C.C.P. are strong upon<br/>
It is that every house one buys<br/>
Must have a yard for exercise;<br/>
So Jones, as tenant, was unfit.<br/>
His state of health was proof of it.<br/>
Two doctors of the T.T.U.'s<br/>
Told him his legs from long disuse,<br/>
Were atrophied; and saying "So<br/>
From step to higher step we go<br/>
Till everything is New and True,"<br/>
They cut his legs off and withdrew.<br/>
You know the E.T.S.T.'s views<br/>
Are stronger than the T.T.U.'s:<br/>
And soon (as one may say) took wing<br/>
The Arms, though not the Man, I sing.<br/>
To see him sitting limbless there<br/>
Was more than the K.K. could bear<br/>
"In mercy silence with all speed<br/>
That mouth there are no hands to feed;<br/>
What cruel sentimentalist,<br/>
O Jones, would doom thee to exist—<br/>
Clinging to selfish Selfhood yet?<br/>
Weak one! Such reasoning might upset<br/>
The Pump Act, and the accumulation<br/>
Of all constructive legislation;<br/>
Let us construct you up a bit—"<br/>
The head fell off when it was hit:<br/>
Then words did rise and honest doubt,<br/>
And four Commissions sat about<br/>
Whether the slash that left him dead<br/>
Cut off his body or his head.<br/>
<br/>
An author in the Isle of Wight<br/>
Observed with unconcealed delight<br/>
A land of old and just renown<br/>
Where Freedom slowly broadened down<br/>
From Precedent to Precedent....<br/>
And this, I think, was what he meant.<br/>
<br/><br/></p>
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