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<h1>UNCLE REMUS <i>and</i> BRER RABBIT<br/>
<span class='i sf50'>By</span><br/> <span class='sf75'>Joel Chandler Harris</span></h1>
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<h2>THE CREETURS GO TO THE BARBECUE</h2>
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<p>“Once ’pon a time,” said Uncle Remus to the little
boy—“But when was once upon a time?” the child interrupted
to ask. The old man smiled. “I speck ’twuz one time er two
times, er maybe a time an’ a half. You know when Johnny Ashcake
’gun ter bake? Well, ’twuz ’long in dem days. Once
’pon a time,” he resumed, “Mr. Man had a gyarden so
fine dat all de neighbors come ter see it. Some ’ud look at it
over de fence, some ’ud peep thoo de cracks, an’ some
’ud come an’ look at it by de light er de stars. An’
one un um wuz ol’ Brer Rabbit; starlight, moonlight, cloudlight,
de nightlight wuz de light fer him. When de turn er de mornin’
come, he ’uz allers up an’ about, an’ a-feelin’
purty well I thank you, suh!</p>
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<p>“Now, den, you done hear what I say. Dar wuz Mr. Man, yander wuz
de gyarden, an’ here wuz ol’ Brer Rabbit.” Uncle Remus
made a map of this part of the story by marking in the sand with his
walking-cane. “Well, dis bein’ de case, what you speck
gwineter happen? Nothin’ in de roun’ worl’ but what
been happenin’ sence greens an’ sparrer-grass wuz planted in
de groun’. Dey look fine an’ dey tas’e fine, an’
long to’rds de shank er de mornin’, Brer Rabbit ’ud
creep thoo de crack er de fence an’ nibble at um. He’d take
de greens, but leave his tracks, mo’ speshually right atter a
rain. Takin’ an’ leavin’—it’s de way er de
worl’.</p>
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<p>“Well, one mornin’, Mr. Man went out in his truck patch,
an’ he fin’ sump’n missin’—a cabbage here, a
turnip dar, an’ a mess er beans yander, an’ he ax how come
dis? He look ’roun’, he did, an’ he seed Brer
Rabbit’s tracks what he couldn’t take wid ’im. Brer
Rabbit had lef’ his shoes at home, an’ come
bar’footed.</p>
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<p>“So Mr. Man, he call his dogs ‘Here, Buck! Here, Brinjer!
Here, Blue!’ an’ he sicc’d um on de track, an’
here dey went!</p>
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<p>“You’d ’a’ thunk dey wuz runnin’ atter
forty-lev’m rhinossyhosses fum de fuss dey made. Brer Rabbit he
hear um comin’ an’ he put out fer home, kinder
doublin’ ’roun’ des like he do deze days.</p>
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<p>“When he got ter de p’int whar he kin set down fer ter rest
his face an’ han’s, he tuck a poplar leaf an’
’gun ter fan hisse’f. Den Brer Fox come a-trottin’ up.
He say, ‘Brer Rabbit, what’s all dis fuss I hear in de
woods? What de name er goodness do it mean?’ Brer Rabbit kinder
scratch his head an’ ’low, ‘Why, deyer tryin’
fer drive me ter de big bobbycue on de creek. Dey all ax me, an’
when I ’fuse dey say deyer gwine ter make me go any how. Dey aint
no fun in bein’ ez populous ez what I is, Brer Fox. Ef you wanter
go, des git in ahead er de houn’s an’ go lickity-split down
de big road!’</p>
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<p>“Brer Fox roll his little eyes, an’ lick his chops whar he
dribble at de mouf, an put out ter de bobbycue, an’ he aint
mo’ dan made his disappearance, ’fo’ here come Brer
Wolf, an’ when he got de news, off he put.</p>
<p>“An’ he aint mo’n got out’n sight,
’fo’ here come ol’ Brer B’ar, an’ when he
hear talk er de bakin’ meat an’ de big pan er gravy, he sot
up on his behime legs an’ snored. Den off he put, an’ he
aint got out’n hearin’, ’fo’ Brer Coon come
rackin’ up, an’ when he got de news, he put out.</p>
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<p>“So dar dey wuz an’ what you gwine do ’bout it? It
seem like dey all got in front er de dogs, er de dogs got behime um,
an’ Brer Rabbit sot by de creek-side laughin’ an’
hittin’ at de snake doctors. An’ dem po’ creeturs had
ter go clean past de bobbycue—ef dey wuz any bobbycue, which I
don’t skacely speck dey wuz. Dat what make me say what I
does—when you git a invite ter a bobbycue, you better fin’ out
when an’ whar it’s at, an’ who runnin’
it.”</p>
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