<p>no thats no way for him has he no manners nor no refinement nor no nothing in
his nature slapping us behind like that on my bottom because I didnt call him
Hugh the ignoramus that doesnt know poetry from a cabbage thats what you get
for not keeping them in their proper place pulling off his shoes and trousers
there on the chair before me so barefaced without even asking permission and
standing out that vulgar way in the half of a shirt they wear to be admired
like a priest or a butcher or those old hypocrites in the time of Julius Caesar
of course hes right enough in his way to pass the time as a joke sure you might
as well be in bed with what with a lion God Im sure hed have something better
to say for himself an old Lion would O well I suppose its because they were so
plump and tempting in my short petticoat he couldnt resist they excite myself
sometimes its well for men all the amount of pleasure they get off a womans
body were so round and white for them always I wished I was one myself for a
change just to try with that thing they have swelling up on you so hard and at
the same time so soft when you touch it my uncle John has a thing long I heard
those cornerboys saying passing the comer of Marrowbone lane my aunt Mary has a
thing hairy because it was dark and they knew a girl was passing it didnt make
me blush why should it either its only nature and he puts his thing long into
my aunt Marys hairy etcetera and turns out to be you put the handle in a
sweepingbrush men again all over they can pick and choose what they please a
married woman or a fast widow or a girl for their different tastes like those
houses round behind Irish street no but were to be always chained up theyre not
going to be chaining me up no damn fear once I start I tell you for their
stupid husbands jealousy why cant we all remain friends over it instead of
quarrelling her husband found it out what they did together well naturally and
if he did can he undo it hes coronado anyway whatever he does and then he going
to the other mad extreme about the wife in Fair Tyrants of course the man never
even casts a 2nd thought on the husband or wife either its the woman he wants
and he gets her what else were we given all those desires for Id like to know I
cant help it if Im young still can I its a wonder Im not an old shrivelled hag
before my time living with him so cold never embracing me except sometimes when
hes asleep the wrong end of me not knowing I suppose who he has any man thatd
kiss a womans bottom Id throw my hat at him after that hed kiss anything
unnatural where we havent 1 atom of any kind of expression in us all of us the
same 2 lumps of lard before ever Id do that to a man pfooh the dirty brutes the
mere thought is enough I kiss the feet of you senorita theres some sense in
that didnt he kiss our halldoor yes he did what a madman nobody understands his
cracked ideas but me still of course a woman wants to be embraced 20 times a
day almost to make her look young no matter by who so long as to be in love or
loved by somebody if the fellow you want isnt there sometimes by the Lord God I
was thinking would I go around by the quays there some dark evening where
nobodyd know me and pick up a sailor off the sea thatd be hot on for it and not
care a pin whose I was only do it off up in a gate somewhere or one of those
wildlooking gipsies in Rathfarnham had their camp pitched near the Bloomfield
laundry to try and steal our things if they could I only sent mine there a few
times for the name model laundry sending me back over and over some old ones
odd stockings that blackguardlooking fellow with the fine eyes peeling a switch
attack me in the dark and ride me up against the wall without a word or a
murderer anybody what they do themselves the fine gentlemen in their silk hats
that K C lives up somewhere this way coming out of Hardwicke lane the night he
gave us the fish supper on account of winning over the boxing match of course
it was for me he gave it I knew him by his gaiters and the walk and when I
turned round a minute after just to see there was a woman after coming out of
it too some filthy prostitute then he goes home to his wife after that only I
suppose the half of those sailors are rotten again with disease O move over
your big carcass out of that for the love of Mike listen to him the winds that
waft my sighs to thee so well he may sleep and sigh the great Suggester Don
Poldo de la Flora if he knew how he came out on the cards this morning hed have
something to sigh for a dark man in some perplexity between 2 7s too in prison
for Lord knows what he does that I dont know and Im to be slooching around down
in the kitchen to get his lordship his breakfast while hes rolled up like a
mummy will I indeed did you ever see me running Id just like to see myself at
it show them attention and they treat you like dirt I dont care what anybody
says itd be much better for the world to be governed by the women in it you
wouldnt see women going and killing one another and slaughtering when do you
ever see women rolling around drunk like they do or gambling every penny they
have and losing it on horses yes because a woman whatever she does she knows
where to stop sure they wouldnt be in the world at all only for us they dont
know what it is to be a woman and a mother how could they where would they all
of them be if they hadnt all a mother to look after them what I never had thats
why I suppose hes running wild now out at night away from his books and studies
and not living at home on account of the usual rowy house I suppose well its a
poor case that those that have a fine son like that theyre not satisfied and I
none was he not able to make one it wasnt my fault we came together when I was
watching the two dogs up in her behind in the middle of the naked street that
disheartened me altogether I suppose I oughtnt to have buried him in that
little woolly jacket I knitted crying as I was but give it to some poor child
but I knew well Id never have another our 1st death too it was we were never
the same since O Im not going to think myself into the glooms about that any
more I wonder why he wouldnt stay the night I felt all the time it was somebody
strange he brought in instead of roving around the city meeting God knows who
nightwalkers and pickpockets his poor mother wouldnt like that if she was alive
ruining himself for life perhaps still its a lovely hour so silent I used to
love coming home after dances the air of the night they have friends they can
talk to weve none either he wants what he wont get or its some woman ready to
stick her knife in you I hate that in women no wonder they treat us the way
they do we are a dreadful lot of bitches I suppose its all the troubles we have
makes us so snappy Im not like that he could easy have slept in there on the
sofa in the other room I suppose he was as shy as a boy he being so young
hardly 20 of me in the next room hed have heard me on the chamber arrah what
harm Dedalus I wonder its like those names in Gibraltar Delapaz Delagracia they
had the devils queer names there father Vilaplana of Santa Maria that gave me
the rosary Rosales y OReilly in the Calle las Siete Revueltas and Pisimbo and
Mrs Opisso in Governor street O what a name Id go and drown myself in the first
river if I had a name like her O my and all the bits of streets Paradise ramp
and Bedlam ramp and Rodgers ramp and Crutchetts ramp and the devils gap steps
well small blame to me if I am a harumscarum I know I am a bit I declare to God
I dont feel a day older than then I wonder could I get my tongue round any of
the Spanish como esta usted muy bien gracias y usted see I havent forgotten it
all I thought I had only for the grammar a noun is the name of any person place
or thing pity I never tried to read that novel cantankerous Mrs Rubio lent me
by Valera with the questions in it all upside down the two ways I always knew
wed go away in the end I can tell him the Spanish and he tell me the Italian
then hell see Im not so ignorant what a pity he didnt stay Im sure the poor
fellow was dead tired and wanted a good sleep badly I could have brought him in
his breakfast in bed with a bit of toast so long as I didnt do it on the knife
for bad luck or if the woman was going her rounds with the watercress and
something nice and tasty there are a few olives in the kitchen he might like I
never could bear the look of them in Abrines I could do the criada the room
looks all right since I changed it the other way you see something was telling
me all the time Id have to introduce myself not knowing me from Adam very funny
wouldnt it Im his wife or pretend we were in Spain with him half awake without
a Gods notion where he is dos huevos estrellados senor Lord the cracked things
come into my head sometimes itd be great fun supposing he stayed with us why
not theres the room upstairs empty and Millys bed in the back room he could do
his writing and studies at the table in there for all the scribbling he does at
it and if he wants to read in bed in the morning like me as hes making the
breakfast for 1 he can make it for 2 Im sure Im not going to take in lodgers
off the street for him if he takes a gesabo of a house like this Id love to
have a long talk with an intelligent welleducated person Id have to get a nice
pair of red slippers like those Turks with the fez used to sell or yellow and a
nice semitransparent morning gown that I badly want or a peachblossom dressing
jacket like the one long ago in Walpoles only 8/6 or 18/6 Ill just give him one
more chance Ill get up early in the morning Im sick of Cohens old bed in any
case I might go over to the markets to see all the vegetables and cabbages and
tomatoes and carrots and all kinds of splendid fruits all coming in lovely and
fresh who knows whod be the 1st man Id meet theyre out looking for it in the
morning Mamy Dillon used to say they are and the night too that was her
massgoing Id love a big juicy pear now to melt in your mouth like when I used
to be in the longing way then Ill throw him up his eggs and tea in the
moustachecup she gave him to make his mouth bigger I suppose hed like my nice
cream too I know what Ill do Ill go about rather gay not too much singing a bit
now and then mi fa pieta Masetto then Ill start dressing myself to go out
presto non son piu forte Ill put on my best shift and drawers let him have a
good eyeful out of that to make his micky stand for him Ill let him know if
thats what he wanted that his wife is fucked yes and damn well fucked too up to
my neck nearly not by him 5 or 6 times handrunning theres the mark of his spunk
on the clean sheet I wouldnt bother to even iron it out that ought to satisfy
him if you dont believe me feel my belly unless I made him stand there and put
him into me Ive a mind to tell him every scrap and make him do it out in front
of me serve him right its all his own fault if I am an adulteress as the thing
in the gallery said O much about it if thats all the harm ever we did in this
vale of tears God knows its not much doesnt everybody only they hide it I
suppose thats what a woman is supposed to be there for or He wouldnt have made
us the way He did so attractive to men then if he wants to kiss my bottom Ill
drag open my drawers and bulge it right out in his face as large as life he can
stick his tongue 7 miles up my hole as hes there my brown part then Ill tell
him I want £ 1 or perhaps 30/- Ill tell him I want to buy underclothes then if
he gives me that well he wont be too bad I dont want to soak it all out of him
like other women do I could often have written out a fine cheque for myself and
write his name on it for a couple of pounds a few times he forgot to lock it up
besides he wont spend it Ill let him do it off on me behind provided he doesnt
smear all my good drawers O I suppose that cant be helped Ill do the
indifferent 1 or 2 questions Ill know by the answers when hes like that he cant
keep a thing back I know every turn in him Ill tighten my bottom well and let
out a few smutty words smellrump or lick my shit or the first mad thing comes
into my head then Ill suggest about yes O wait now sonny my turn is coming Ill
be quite gay and friendly over it O but I was forgetting this bloody pest of a
thing pfooh you wouldnt know which to laugh or cry were such a mixture of plum
and apple no Ill have to wear the old things so much the better itll be more
pointed hell never know whether he did it or not there thats good enough for
you any old thing at all then Ill wipe him off me just like a business his
omission then Ill go out Ill have him eying up at the ceiling where is she gone
now make him want me thats the only way a quarter after what an unearthly hour
I suppose theyre just getting up in China now combing out their pigtails for
the day well soon have the nuns ringing the angelus theyve nobody coming in to
spoil their sleep except an odd priest or two for his night office or the
alarmclock next door at cockshout clattering the brains out of itself let me
see if I can doze off 1 2 3 4 5 what kind of flowers are those they invented
like the stars the wallpaper in Lombard street was much nicer the apron he gave
me was like that something only I only wore it twice better lower this lamp and
try again so as I can get up early Ill go to Lambes there beside Findlaters and
get them to send us some flowers to put about the place in case he brings him
home tomorrow today I mean no no Fridays an unlucky day first I want to do the
place up someway the dust grows in it I think while Im asleep then we can have
music and cigarettes I can accompany him first I must clean the keys of the
piano with milk whatll I wear shall I wear a white rose or those fairy cakes in
Liptons I love the smell of a rich big shop at 7 1/2d a lb or the other ones
with the cherries in them and the pinky sugar 11d a couple of lbs of those a
nice plant for the middle of the table Id get that cheaper in wait wheres this
I saw them not long ago I love flowers Id love to have the whole place swimming
in roses God of heaven theres nothing like nature the wild mountains then the
sea and the waves rushing then the beautiful country with the fields of oats
and wheat and all kinds of things and all the fine cattle going about that
would do your heart good to see rivers and lakes and flowers all sorts of
shapes and smells and colours springing up even out of the ditches primroses
and violets nature it is as for them saying theres no God I wouldnt give a snap
of my two fingers for all their learning why dont they go and create something
I often asked him atheists or whatever they call themselves go and wash the
cobbles off themselves first then they go howling for the priest and they dying
and why why because theyre afraid of hell on account of their bad conscience ah
yes I know them well who was the first person in the universe before there was
anybody that made it all who ah that they dont know neither do I so there you
are they might as well try to stop the sun from rising tomorrow the sun shines
for you he said the day we were lying among the rhododendrons on Howth head in
the grey tweed suit and his straw hat the day I got him to propose to me yes
first I gave him the bit of seedcake out of my mouth and it was leapyear like
now yes 16 years ago my God after that long kiss I near lost my breath yes he
said I was a flower of the mountain yes so we are flowers all a womans body yes
that was one true thing he said in his life and the sun shines for you today
yes that was why I liked him because I saw he understood or felt what a woman
is and I knew I could always get round him and I gave him all the pleasure I
could leading him on till he asked me to say yes and I wouldnt answer first
only looked out over the sea and the sky I was thinking of so many things he
didnt know of Mulvey and Mr Stanhope and Hester and father and old captain
Groves and the sailors playing all birds fly and I say stoop and washing up
dishes they called it on the pier and the sentry in front of the governors
house with the thing round his white helmet poor devil half roasted and the
Spanish girls laughing in their shawls and their tall combs and the auctions in
the morning the Greeks and the jews and the Arabs and the devil knows who else
from all the ends of Europe and Duke street and the fowl market all clucking
outside Larby Sharons and the poor donkeys slipping half asleep and the vague
fellows in the cloaks asleep in the shade on the steps and the big wheels of
the carts of the bulls and the old castle thousands of years old yes and those
handsome Moors all in white and turbans like kings asking you to sit down in
their little bit of a shop and Ronda with the old windows of the posadas 2
glancing eyes a lattice hid for her lover to kiss the iron and the wineshops
half open at night and the castanets and the night we missed the boat at
Algeciras the watchman going about serene with his lamp and O that awful
deepdown torrent O and the sea the sea crimson sometimes like fire and the
glorious sunsets and the figtrees in the Alameda gardens yes and all the queer
little streets and the pink and blue and yellow houses and the rosegardens and
the jessamine and geraniums and cactuses and Gibraltar as a girl where I was a
Flower of the mountain yes when I put the rose in my hair like the Andalusian
girls used or shall I wear a red yes and how he kissed me under the Moorish
wall and I thought well as well him as another and then I asked him with my
eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain
flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he
could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes
I said yes I will Yes.</p>
<p>Trieste-Zurich-Paris</p>
<p>1914-1921</p>
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