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Pee Wee Harris

<h1> PEE-WEE HARRIS </h1> <h2> By Percy Keese Fitzhugh </h2> <h2> CHAPTER I </h2> THE BATTLE OF THE BANANA PEE-WEE HARRIS, mascot of the Raven Patrol, First Bridgeboro Troop, sat upon the lowest limb of the tree in front of his home eating a banana. To maintain his balance it was necessary for him to keep a tight hold with one hand on a knotty projection of the trunk while with the other he clutched his luscious refreshment. The safety of his small form as he sat on the shaky limb depended upon his hold of the trunk, while the tremendous responsibility of holding his banana devolved upon the other hand. Pee-wee was so much smaller than he should have been and the banana so much larger than it should have been that they might almost be said to have been of the same size. The slender limb on which Pee-wee sat trembled and creaked with each enormous bite that he took. The bright morning sunlight, wriggling through the foliage overhead, picked out the round face and curly hair of our young hero and showed him in all his pristine glory, frowning a terrible frown, clinging for dear life with one hand and engaged in his customary occupation of eating. He had ascended to this leafy throne with the banana in his pocket but he could not restore it to his pocket now even if he wished to. However, he did not wish to. In a military sense he was in a predicament, both arms were in bad strategic position and his center exposed to assault. His leafy throne was like many another throne in these eventful times—extremely shaky. But the commissary department was in fine shape.... Suddenly the expeditionary forces of Uncle Sam appeared in the form of the postman, who paused on his way across the lawn to the house. "Hello, up there," he said, suddenly discovering Pee-wee. "Hello yourself and see how you like it," the mascot of the Ravens called down. "I saw a banana up there and I thought maybe you were behind it," the postman called, as he looked among the pack of letters he held in his hand. "It's only half a banana," Pee-wee shouted. "Well, you're only half a scout," the postman said; "you'd better drop it, here's a letter for you." "For me?" "For you." Steadying himself, Pee-wee took an enormous bite, considerably reducing the length of the banana. "Wait a minute till I finish it," he said as best he could with his mouth full. "Waaer—mint." "Can't wait," the postman said, heartlessly moving away. "Waymnt," Pee-wee yelled, frantically taking another bite; "wayermntdyehear, waymnt!" "Do you think the government can wait for you to finish a banana?" the postman demanded with a wicked grin upon his face. "You got two hands; here, take the letter if you want it; here it is," he added, reaching up. Pee-wee tried to dispatch the remainder of the banana by one gigantic and triumphant bite but the desperate expedient did not work; his mouth with all its long practice, could not keep up with his hand; it became clogged while yet a considerable length of banana projected out of the gracefully drooping rind. "Here, take it," the postman said in a tone of ruthless finality. Chewing frantically and waving the remainder of banana menacingly like a club, the baffled hero uttered some incomprehensible, imploring jumble of suffocated words while the postman moved away a step or two, repressing a fiendish smile. "Throwaway the banana," he said. By this time Pee-wee was able to speak and while his chewing apparatus was momentarily disengaged he demanded to know if the postman thought he was crazy. The postman, resolved not to miss the fun of the situation, was not going to let Pee-wee take another bite; time was precious, and two more bites of the sort that Pee-wee took might leave his hand free. "Take the letter," he said with an air of cold determination, "or I'll leave it at the house. Here, take it quick; I've no time to waste." "Do you want me to waste a banana," Pee-wee yelled imploringly; "a scout is supposed—" "Here, take it", the postman said. There followed the most terrible moment in the life of Pee-wee Harris, Scout. He knew that one more bite would be fatal, that the postman would not wait. In two bites, or in three at most, he could finish the banana and his hand would be free. How could a postman, who brings joy to the lonely, words of love from far away, cheer to those who wait, comfort from across the seas, Boys' Life Magazine—how could such a being be so relentless and cruel? If that letter were left at the house, Pee-wee would have to go to the house and get it, and there his mother was lying in ambush waiting to pounce upon him and make him mow the lawn, Why would not the postman wait for just two bites? Maybe he could do it in one, he had consumed a peach in one bite and a ham sandwich in four—his star record. He made a movement with his hand, and simultaneously the postman retreated a step or two toward the house. Pee-wee tried releasing his hold upon the trunk with the other hand and almost lost his balance on the shaky limb. "Here," said the postman, unyielding, "chuck the banana and take the letter or you'll find it waiting for you in the front hall. It's an important letter, it feels as if it had a couple of cookies in it." The postman knew Pee-wee. "Here you go," the torturer said grimly, "take it or not, suit yourself." "Can't you see both hands are busy?" the victim pled. "Two bites—a scout is supposed not to waste anything—he's supposed—he's supposed—wait a minute—he's supposed if he starts a thing to finish it—wait, I'm not going to take a bite, I'm only giving you an argument—can't you wait—" "Here you go, last chance, take it," the postman said, a faint smile hovering at the corner of his mouth, "one, two—" Out of Pee-wee's wrath and anguish came an inspiration. "Stick the letter in the banana," he said, holding the banana down. "I don't know about that," the postman said, ruefully. "I know about it," Pee-wee thundered down at him. "You said I had to take it or not; that letter belongs to me and you, have to deliver it. This banana, it's—it's the same as a mail box—you stick the letter in the banana. You think you're so smart, you thought you'd make me throw away the banana, naaah, didn't you? I wouldn't do that, not even for—for—secretary—for the postmaster—general, I wouldn't! A scout has resource." "All right, you win," said the postman, good humoredly, "only look out you don't fall; here you go, hold on tight." Clutching to the knotty projection of trunk, Pee-wee reached the other hand as low as he could and the postman, smiling, stuck the corner of the coveted letter into the mealy substance of the banana. "You win," the postman repeated laughingly; "it shows what Scout Harris can do with food." "Food will win the war," Pee-wee shouted. "You thought you could make me throwaway my banana but you couldn't. I knew a man that died from not eating a banana, I did." "Explain all that," the postman said. "He threw a banana away on his porch instead of eating it and later he stepped on it and slid down the steps and broke his leg and they took him to the hospital and compilations set in and he got pneumonia and died from not eating that banana. So there." "That's a very fine argument." the postman said as he went away. "I know better ones than that." Pee-wee shouted after him. <h2> CHAPTER II </h2> A TRAGIC PREDICAMENT So there he sat upon his precarious perch trying to reassume the posture which insured a good balance, clinging to the trunk with one hand and to the banana with the other. And now that the encounter which had almost resulted in a tragic sacrifice was over, and while our scout hero pauses triumphant, it may be fitting to apologize to the reader for introducing our hero in the act of eating. But indeed it was a question of introducing him in the act of eating or of not introducing him at all. For a story of Pee-wee Harris is necessarily more or less a story of food. And this is a story abounding in cake and pie and waffles and crullers and cookies and hot frankfurters. There will be found in it also ice cream cones and jaw breakers and coconut bars and potatoes roasted on sticks. Heroes of stories may have starved on desert islands but there is to be none of that here. In this tale, if you follow the adventures of our scout hero (who now at last appears before you as a star), you shall find lemonade side by side with first aid, and all the characters shall receive their just desserts, some of them (not to mention any names) two helpings. So there he sat upon the branch, the mascot of the Raven Patrol, with an interior like the Mammoth Cave and a voice like the whisperings of the battle zone in France. Take a good look at him while he is quiet for ten seconds hand running. Everything about him is tremendous—except his size. He is built to withstand banter, ridicule and jollying; his sturdy nature is guaranteed proof against the battering assaults of unholy mirth from other scouts; his round face and curly hair are the delight of the girls of Bridgeboro; his loyalty is as the mighty rock of Gibraltar. A bully little scout he is—a sort of human Ford. The question of removing the letter from the banana and getting rid of the banana (in the proper way) now presented itself to him. He took a bite of the banana and the letter almost fell. He then tried releasing his hold upon the trunk but that would not do. He then extracted the letter with his teeth which effectually prevented him from eating the banana. What to do? Steadying himself with one hand (he could not let go the trunk for so much as a moment), he brought the banana to his lips, held it between his teeth and took the letter in his unoccupied hand. As he bit into the banana the part remaining trembled and hung as on a thread; another moment and it would drop. The predicament was tragic. Slowly, but surely and steadily, the remainder of the banana broke away and fell—into the hand that held the letter. Holding both letter and banana in the one perspiring palm, Pee-wee devoured first the one and then the other. Both were delicious, the letter particularly. It had one advantage over the banana, for he could only devour the banana once, whereas he devoured the contents of the letter several times. He wished that bananas and doughnuts were like letters. <h2> CHAPTER III </h2> AN INVITATION The envelope was postmarked Everdoze which, with its one thousand two hundred and fifty—seven inhabitants, was the cosmopolitan center of Long Valley which ran ( if anything in that neighborhood could be said to run) from Baxter City down below the vicinity of the bridge on the highway. That is, Long Valley bordered the highway on its western side for a distance of about ten miles. The valley was, roughly speaking, a couple of miles wide, very deep in places, and thickly wooded. It was altogether a very sequestered and romantic region. Through it, paralleling the highway, was a road, consisting mostly of two wagon ruts with a strip of grass and weeds between them. To traverse Long Valley one turned into this road where it left the highway at Baxters, and in the course of time the wayfarer would emerge out of this dim tract into the light of day where the unfrequented road came into the highway again below the bridge. About midway of this lonely road was Everdoze, and in a pleasant old-fashioned white house in Everdoze lived Ebenezer Quig who once upon a time had married Pee-wee's Aunt Jamsiah. Pee-wee remembered his Aunt Jamsiah when she had come to make a visit in Bridgeboro and, though he had never seen her since, he had always borne her tenderly in mind because as a little (a very little) boy her name had always reminded him of jam. The letter, as has been said, bore the postmark of Everdoze and had been stamped by the very hand of Simeon Drowser, the local postmaster. This is what the letter said: DEAR WALTER: Your uncle has been pestering me to write to you but Pepsy has been using the pen for her school exercise and I couldn't get hold of it till today when she went away with Wiggle, perch fishing. Licorice Stick says they're running in the brook most wonderful but you can't believe half what he says. Seems as if the perch know when school closes, least ways that's what your uncle says. Pee-wee reread these enchanting words. Pepsy! Wiggle! Perch fishing! Licorice Stick! And school closing! And perch that knew about it. That was the sort of perch for Pee-wee. He read on: I told your uncle I reckoned you wouldn't care to come here being you live in such a lively place but he said this summer you would like to come for there will be plenty for you to do because there is going to be a spelling match in the town hall and an Uncle Tom's Cabin show in August. You can have plenty of milk and fresh eggs and Miss Arabella Bellison who has the school is staying this summer and she will let you in the schoolhouse where there is a library of more than forty books but some of the pages are gone Pepsy says. She says to tell you she will show you where she cut her initials but I tell her not to put such ideas in your head and she knows how to climb in even if the door is locked, such goings on as she and Wiggle have, they will be the death of me. Well, Walter, you will be welcome if you can come and spend the summer with us. I suppose you're a great big boy by now; your mother was always tall for her age. There are boys here who would like to be scout boys and your uncle says you can teach them. We will do all we can so that you have a pleasant summer if you come and tell your mother we will be real glad to see you and will take good care of you. I can't write more now because I am putting up preserves, one hundred jars already. The apples will be rotting on the trees, it's a shame. You will think we are very old-fashioned, I'm afraid. Pee-wee paused and smacked his lips and nearly fell backward off the limb. One hundred jars of preserves and more coming, Apples rotting on the trees! All that remained to complete his happiness was a bush laden with ice cream cones growing wild. He read the concluding sentences: Your uncle would be glad to go and bring you in the buckboard but it would take very long and he is busy haying so if you don't mind the bad road it would be better for your father to send you in the automobile. Be sure to turn off the highway to the right just above Baxters. The road goes through the woods. Your loving AUNT JAMSIAH. Steadying himself with one hand, Pee-wee took the letter between his teeth as if he were about to eat it. Then he cautiously let himself down so that he hung by his knees, then clutched the limb with his hands, hung for a moment with his legs dangling, and let go. In one sense he was upon earth but in another sense he was walking on air. ... <h2> CHAPTER IV </h2> HE GOES TO CONQUER Thus it befell that on the second day after the receipt of this letter Pee-wee Harris was sitting beside Charlie, the chauffeur, in the fine sedan car belonging to Doctor Harris, advancing against poor, helpless Everdoze. He traveled in all the martial splendor of his full scout regalia, his duffel bag stuffed to capacity with his aluminum cooking set and two extra scout suits. His diminutive but compact and sturdy little form was decorated with his scout jackknife hanging from his belt, his compass dangling from his neck, and his belt ax dragging down his belt in back. A suggestive little dash of the culinary phase of scouting was to be seen in a small saucepan stuck in his belt like a deadly dagger. Thus if danger came he might confront his enemy with a sample of scout cookery and kill him on the spot. His sleeves were bedecked with merit badges; from the end of his scout staff waved the flaunting emblem of the Raven Patrol; his stalking camera was swung over his shoulder like a knapsack; his nickel-plated scout whistle jangled against the saucepan and in his trousers pockets were a magnifying glass, three jaw breakers, a chocolate bar, a few inches of electric wiring, and a rubber balloon in a state of collapse. The highway from Bridgeboro was a broad, smooth road, a temptation and a delight to speeders, where motorcycle cops lurked in the bushes hardly waiting for cars with New York licenses. It was late in the afternoon when they reached Baxter City and here they turned into such a road as Charlie vowed he had never seen before. Scarcely had they gone a mile over rocks and ruts when the dim woods closed in on either side, imparting a strange coolness. It was almost like going through a leafy tunnel projecting branches brushed the top of the car and mischievously grazed and tickled their faces. The voices of the birds, clear in the stillness, seemed to complain at this intrusion into their domain. "I'd like to know how I'm going to get back through this jungle after dark," Charlie said. "I wonder what anybody wanted to start a village down here for?" "Maybe—maybe they did it kind of absentmindedly," Pee-wee said. "I never started a village so I don't know." "Well, you'll startle one anyway," Charlie said. "I guess the village isn't much bigger than you are." The road took them southward through the valley. They were not far west of the highway but the low country and the thick woods obscured it from view. They could hear the tooting of auto horns over that way and sometimes human voices sounding strange across the intervening solitude. "I don't see why they didn't set the village down over at the highway; it's not more than a mile or so," Charlie said. "Maybe they were afraid the autos would run over it; safety first, hey? Nobody'll run over it here, that's one sure thing." Pee-wee took the last bite of a hot frankfurter he had bought at a roadside shack on the highway and was now more free to talk. "Listen," he said, "what's that?" It was a distant rattling sound which began suddenly and ended suddenly. They both listened. "There must be a bridge up there along the highway," Charlie said, "that's the sound of cars going over it. Loose planking, hey?" Pee-wee listened to the rattling of the loose planks as another car sped over the unseen structure, little dreaming of the part that bridge was destined to play in his young life. The commonplace noise of the neglected flooring seemed emphasized by the quiet of the woodland. That reminder of human traffic, so near and yet so far and out of tune with all the gentler sounds of the valley, presented a strange contrast and jarred even Pee-wee's stout nerves. "There goes another," Charlie said; "we must be nearer to the highway than I thought." They had, indeed, inscribed a kind of loop and having passed its farthest point from the main road were traveling toward it again and would have emerged upon it just beyond the bridge but for the wood embowered and sequestered village which was their destination. The first sign of this village was a cow standing in the middle of the grass-grown road as if to challenge their approach. Perhaps she was stationed there as a sort of traffic cop. <h2> CHAPTER V </h2> ENTER PEPSY It will be seen by a glance at the accompanying sketch that the village of Everdoze was about opposite the bridge on the highway. From this main road the village could be reached by a trail through the woods. On hearing of this, Charlie expressed regret that he had not allowed his passenger to make the final stage of the journey on foot. "Well, I never in all my life !" said Aunt Jamsiah as Pee-wee stepped out of the car. "In goodness' name, where's the rest of you? I thought you were a great, tall, strapping boy. I hope your appetite's bigger than your body. And what on earth is that saucepan for? Are you going to cook us all alive? Did you ever see such a thing?" she added, speaking to Uncle Ebenezer who had stepped forward to welcome his nephew. "He's all decked out like a carnival! He's just too killing!" She then proceeded to embrace him while his martial paraphernalia clanked and rattled. "We won't need any more brass band," said a young girl in a gingham apron and with brick red hair in long tightly woven braids, who stood close by; "he's a melodeon. I don't see what they sent such a big car for with such a little boy. 'Taint no fit, it ain't." Pee-wee gave this girl a withering look which she boldly returned, continuing to stare at him. Her face was covered with freckles and she was so unqualifiedly plain and homely in face and attire that she might be said to have been attractive on the ground of novelty. "Pepsy," said Mrs. Quig, addressing her, "you shake hands with Walter and tell him you and he are going to be good friends. You come right here and do as I say now and no more of those looks." "I ain't going to kiss him," the girl said by way of compromising. "You give him a welcome just like Wiggle is doing," said Aunt Jamsiah, "and be ashamed that you have to learn your manners from such as he. You do as I say now." "You're welcome—and I can beat you running," the girl said. "Girls are afraid of snakes," Pee-wee retorted. Meanwhile the individual who had been cited as a model of social correctness by Aunt Jamsiah stood upon the doorstep looking eagerly up into Pee-wee's face and wagging his tail with vigorous and lightning rapidity. Wiggle's tail was easily the fastest thing in Everdoze. His head vibrated in unison with it and his look of intentness carried with it all sorts of friendly expectations. He fairly shook with excitement and cordiality. He followed the sedan car a few yards upon its homeward journey and then, by a sudden impulse, deserted it and returned to a position directly in front of Pee-wee with wagging tail and questioning gaze. He seemed to say, "I'm ready for anything, the sky is the limit." "You haven't had a bite to eat since breakfast and you're starving. I can tell it," said Aunt Jamsiah. "You come right in the kitchen." "I had a lot of frankfurters and things at the places along the highway," Pee-wee said. "I had waffles at one place. I bet they make a lot of money along that road selling things. There are shacks all the way. All the autoists stop and buy things to eat. You can get tires and everything." "Oh, I wouldn't want to eat tires," said Pepsy. "You think you're smart, don't you?" Pee-wee said. "What are your soldier clothes for?" the girl wanted to know. "They're not soldier clothes," Pee-wee said; "I'm a scout." "I bet you don't know as much as Miss Bellson does." "I bet I don't either," Pee-wee said, "so I win." "She's the school teacher here and she knows everything." "Did she know I was coming?" "No she didn't and—" "Then she doesn't know everything," Pee-wee said. "Smarty, smarty!" the girl retorted, "I came out of an orphan home and that's more than you can say.". "You only get one helping of dessert there," said Pee-wee. "I'd rather be a scout than an orphan. I know a feller who was an orphan and he was sorry for it afterwards." "Are you going to stay all summer?" "Till school opens," Pee-wee said. "Do you want me to show you where there's a woodchuck hole?" At this point Pee-wee was summoned again to the kitchen where he ate a sumptuous repast, after which Pepsy and Wiggle took him about and showed him the farm. Pee-wee and Pepsy fenced a good deal but seemed to progress in this cautious and defensive way toward a friendly understanding. As for Wiggle, he danced about, following elusive scents that led nowhere, carried off and back again by quick impulse, till at last the three ended their tour of inspection at a little summer house which had been built over a spring by the roadside. Here they drank of the bubbling, crystal water. Wiggle doing this as everything else, with erratic impulse, drinking a dozen times and not much at any time. The dying sunlight painted the slopes of the valley with crimson tints and the countryside was very still. Through the woods to the west could be heard occasionally the discordant noise from the loose flooring of the bridge on the highway as an auto sped over it. In the quiet evening the sound, with its sudden start, its rattling clamor and its quick cessation, made a jarring note in all the surrounding peacefulness. "That's what wakes me up in the morning, the mail wagon going over," Pepsy said; "I know it's time to get up then. Those planks can talk, they say the same thing every day." You have to go back, You have to go back, You have to go back. You listen to-morrow morning." "They could never wake me up," Pee-wee said, which was probably true. "What do you mean about their saying you have to go back?" "When Aunt Jamsiah took me, I was a probator. Do you know what that means?" "It's what they do with people's wills," Pee-wee said. "It means if I don't behave I have to go back to the orphan home," the girl said. "And every day I was afraid I'd have to go back—for a long, long time, I was. And when I was lying in bed mornings I'd hear the planks saying that— You have to go back, You have to go back. just like that, and I'd get good and scared." "You won't have to go back," said Pee-wee. "You leave it to me, I'll fix it. Those planks—I've known lots of planks—and they can't tell the truth. Don't you care. I wouldn't believe what an old plank said. Trees are all right, but planks—" "I don't notice it so much now," Pepsy said; "that was a year ago and Aunt Jamsiah says I'm all right and mind good except I'm a tomboy. That ain't so bad, is it? Being a tomboy? A girl and me tried to set the orphan home on fire because they licked us, but I'm good here. But I wish they'd put a new floor on that bridge. Anyway, Aunt Jamsiah says I'm good now." Pee-wee was about to speak, but noticing that the girl's eyes were fixed upon a crimson patch on the hillside where the sun was going down, and seeing that her eyes sparkled strangely (for indeed they were not pretty eyes) he said nothing, like the bully little scout that he was. "Anyway, one thing, I wouldn't let an old bridge get my goat, I wouldn't," he said finally, "and besides, you said you would show me a woodchuck hole." <div style="break-after:column;"></div>

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