<p><SPAN name="link2H_4_0135" id="link2H_4_0135"></SPAN></p>
<h2> LETTER CXXXIII </h2>
<p>MY DEAR FRIEND: I mentioned to you, some time ago a sentence which I would
most earnestly wish you always to retain in your thoughts, and observe in
your conduct. It is 'suaviter in modo, fortiter in re' [gentleness of
manners, with firmness of mind D.W.]. I do not know any one rule so
unexceptionably useful and necessary in every part of life. I shall
therefore take it for my text to-day, and as old men love preaching, and I
have some right to preach to you, I here present you with my sermon upon
these words. To proceed, then, regularly and PULPITICALLY, I will first
show you, my beloved, the necessary connection of the two members of my
text 'suaviter in modo: fortiter in re'. In the next place, I shall set
forth the advantages and utility resulting from a strict observance of the
precept contained in my text; and conclude with an application of the
whole. The 'suaviter in modo' alone would degenerate and sink into a mean,
timid complaisance and passiveness, if not supported and dignified by the
'fortiter in re', which would also run into impetuosity and brutality, if
not tempered and softened by the 'suaviter in modo': however, they are
seldom united.</p>
<p>The warm, choleric man, with strong animal spirits, despises the 'suaviter
in modo', and thinks to, carry all before him by the 'fortiter in re'. He
may, possibly, by great accident, now and then succeed, when he has only
weak and timid people to deal with; but his general fate will be, to shock
offend, be hated, and fail. On the other hand, the cunning, crafty man
thinks to gain all his ends by the 'suaviter in modo' only; HE BECOMES ALL
THINGS TO ALL MEN; he seems to have no opinion of his own, and servilely
adopts the present opinion of the present person; he insinuates himself
only into the esteem of fools, but is soon detected, and surely despised
by everybody else. The wise man (who differs as much from the cunning, as
from the choleric man) alone joins the 'suaviter in modo' with the
'fortiter in re'. Now to the advantages arising from the strict observance
of this precept:</p>
<p>If you are in authority, and have a right to command, your commands
delivered 'suaviter in modo' will be willingly, cheerfully, and
consequently well obeyed; whereas, if given only 'fortiter', that is
brutally, they will rather, as Tacitus says, be interrupted than executed.
For my own part, if I bid my footman bring me a glass of wine, in a rough
insulting manner, I should expect that, in obeying me, he would contrive
to spill some of it upon me: and I am sure I should deserve it. A cool,
steady resolution should show that where you have a right to command you
will be obeyed; but at the same time, a gentleness in the manner of
enforcing that obedience should make it a cheerful one, and soften as much
as possible the mortifying consciousness of inferiority. If you are to ask
a favor, or even to solicit your due, you must do it 'suaviter in modo',
or you will give those who have a mind to refuse you, either a pretense to
do it, by resenting the manner; but, on the other hand, you must, by a
steady perseverance and decent tenaciousness, show the 'fortiter in re'.
The right motives are seldom the true ones of men's actions, especially of
kings, ministers, and people in high stations; who often give to
importunity and fear, what they would refuse to justice or to merit. By
the 'suaviter in modo' engage their hearts, if you can; at least prevent
the pretense of offense but take care to show enough of the 'fortiter in
re' to extort from their love of ease, or their fear, what you might in
vain hope for from their justice or good-nature. People in high life are
hardened to the wants and distresses of mankind, as surgeons are to their
bodily pains; they see and hear of them all day long, and even of so many
simulated ones, that they do not know which are real, and which not. Other
sentiments are therefore to be applied to, than those of mere justice and
humanity; their favor must be captivated by the 'suaviter in modo'; their
love of ease disturbed by unwearied importunity, or their fears wrought
upon by a decent intimation of implacable, cool resentment; this is the
true 'fortiter in re'. This precept is the only way I know in the world of
being loved without being despised, and feared without being hated. It
constitutes the dignity of character which every wise man must endeavor to
establish.</p>
<p>Now to apply what has been said, and so conclude.</p>
<p>If you find that you have a hastiness in your temper, which unguardedly
breaks out into indiscreet sallies, or rough expressions, to either your
superiors, your equals, or your inferiors, watch it narrowly, check it
carefully, and call the 'suaviter in modo' to your assistance: at the
first impulse of passion, be silent till you can be soft. Labor even to
get the command of your countenance so well, that those emotions may not
be read in it; a most unspeakable advantage in business! On the other
hand, let no complaisance, no gentleness of temper, no weak desire of
pleasing on your part,—no wheedling, coaxing, nor flattery, on other
people's,—make you recede one jot from any point that reason and
prudence have bid you pursue; but return to the charge, persist,
persevere, and you will find most things attainable that are possible. A
yielding, timid meekness is always abused and insulted by the unjust and
the unfeeling; but when sustained by the 'fortiter in re', is always
respected, commonly successful. In your friendships and connections, as
well as in your enmities, this rule is particularly useful; let your
firmness and vigor preserve and invite attachments to you; but, at the
same time, let your manner hinder the enemies of your friends and
dependents from becoming yours; let your enemies be disarmed by the
gentleness of your manner, but let them feel, at the same time, the
steadiness of your just resentment; for there is a great difference
between bearing malice, which is always ungenerous, and a resolute
self-defense, which is always prudent and justifiable. In negotiations
with foreign ministers, remember the 'fortiter in re'; give up no point,
accept of no expedient, till the utmost necessity reduces you to it, and
even then, dispute the ground inch by inch; but then, while you are
contending with the minister 'fortiter in re', remember to gain the man by
the 'suaviter in modo'. If you engage his heart, you have a fair chance
for imposing upon his understanding, and determining his will. Tell him,
in a frank, gallant manner, that your ministerial wrangles do not lessen
your personal regard for his merit; but that, on the contrary, his zeal
and ability in the service of his master, increase it; and that, of all
things, you desire to make a good friend of so good a servant. By these
means you may, and will very often be a gainer: you never can be a loser.
Some people cannot gain upon themselves to be easy and civil to those who
are either their rivals, competitors, or opposers, though, independently
of those accidental circumstances, they would like and esteem them. They
betray a shyness and an awkwardness in company with them, and catch at any
little thing to expose them; and so, from temporary and only occasional
opponents, make them their personal enemies. This is exceedingly weak and
detrimental, as indeed is all humor in business; which can only be carried
on successfully by, unadulterated good policy and right reasoning. In such
situations I would be more particularly and 'noblement', civil, easy, and
frank with the man whose designs I traversed: this is commonly called
generosity and magnanimity, but is, in truth, good sense and policy. The
manner is often as important as the matter, sometimes more so; a favor may
make an enemy, and an injury may make a friend, according to the different
manner in which they are severally done. The countenance, the address, the
words, the enunciation, the Graces, add great efficacy to the 'suaviter in
modo', and great dignity to the 'fortiter in re', and consequently they
deserve the utmost attention.</p>
<p>From what has been said, I conclude with this observation, that gentleness
of manners, with firmness of mind, is a short, but full description of
human perfection on this side of religious and moral duties. That you may
be seriously convinced of this truth, and show it in your life and
conversation, is the most sincere and ardent wish of, Yours.</p>
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