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<h2> LETTER CXXI </h2>
<h3> LONDON, November 8, O. S. 1750 </h3>
<p>MY DEAR FRIEND: Before you get to Paris, where you will soon be left to
your own discretion, if you have any, it is necessary that we should
understand one another thoroughly; which is the most probable way of
preventing disputes. Money, the cause of much mischief in the world, is
the cause of most quarrels between fathers and sons; the former commonly
thinking that they cannot give too little, and the latter, that they
cannot have enough; both equally in the wrong. You must do me the justice
to acknowledge, that I have hitherto neither stinted nor grudged any
expense that could be of use or real pleasure to you; and I can assure
you, by the way, that you have traveled at a much more considerable
expense than I did myself; but I never so much as thought of that, while
Mr. Harte was at the head of your finances; being very sure that the sums
granted were scrupulously applied to the uses for which they were
intended. But the case will soon be altered, and you will be your own
receiver and treasurer. However, I promise you, that we will not quarrel
singly upon the quantum, which shall be cheerfully and freely granted: the
application and appropriation of it will be the material point, which I am
now going to clear up and finally settle with you. I will fix, or even
name, no settled allowance; though I well know in my own mind what would
be the proper one; but I will first try your draughts, by which I can in a
good degree judge of your conduct. This only I tell you in general, that
if the channels through which my money is to go are the proper ones, the
source shall not be scanty; but should it deviate into dirty, muddy, and
obscure ones (which by the bye, it cannot do for a week without my knowing
it); I give you fair and timely notice, that the source will instantly be
dry. Mr. Harte, in establishing you at Paris, will point out to you those
proper channels; he will leave you there upon the foot of a man of
fashion, and I will continue you upon the same; you will have your coach,
your valet de chambre, your own footman, and a valet de place; which, by
the way, is one servant more than I had. I would have you very well
dressed, by which I mean dressed as the generality of people of fashion
are; that is, not to be taken notice of, for being either more or less
fine than other people: it is by being well dressed, not finely dressed,
that a gentleman should be distinguished. You must frequent 'les
spectacles', which expense I shall willingly supply. You must play 'a des
petits jeux de commerce' in mixed companies; that article is trifling; I
shall pay it cheerfully. All the other articles of pocket-money are very
inconsiderable at Paris, in comparison of what they are here, the silly
custom of giving money wherever one dines or sups, and the expensive
importunity of subscriptions, not being yet introduced there. Having thus
reckoned up all the decent expenses of a gentleman, which I will most
readily defray, I come now to those which I will neither bear nor supply.
The first of these is gaming, of which, though I have not the least reason
to suspect you, I think it necessary eventually to assure you, that no
consideration in the world shall ever make me pay your play debts; should
you ever urge to me that your honor is pawned, I should most immovably
answer you, that it was your honor, not mine, that was pawned; and that
your creditor might e'en take the pawn for the debt.</p>
<p>Low company, and low pleasures, are always much more costly than liberal
and elegant ones. The disgraceful riots of a tavern are much more
expensive, as well as dishonorable, than the sometimes pardonable excesses
in good company. I must absolutely hear of no tavern scrapes and
squabbles.</p>
<p>I come now to another and very material point; I mean women; and I will
not address myself to you upon this subject, either in a religious, a
moral, or a parental style. I will even lay aside my age, remember yours,
and speak to you as one man of pleasure, if he had parts too, would speak
to another. I will by no means pay for whores, and their never-failing
consequences, surgeons; nor will I, upon any account, keep singers,
dancers, actresses, and 'id genus omne'; and, independently of the
expense, I must tell you, that such connections would give me, and all
sensible people, the utmost contempt for your parts and address; a young
fellow must have as little sense as address, to venture, or more properly
to sacrifice, his health and ruin his fortune, with such sort of
creatures; in such a place as Paris especially, where gallantry is both
the profession and the practice of every woman of fashion. To speak
plainly, I will not forgive your understanding c————s
and p———-s; nor will your constitution forgive them you.
These distempers, as well as their cures, fall nine times in ten upon the
lungs. This argument, I am sure, ought to have weight with you: for I
protest to you, that if you meet with any such accident, I would not give
one year's purchase for your life. Lastly, there is another sort of
expense that I will not allow, only because it is a silly one; I mean the
fooling away your money in baubles at toy shops. Have one handsome
snuff-box (if you take snuff), and one handsome sword; but then no more
pretty and very useless things.</p>
<p>By what goes before, you will easily perceive that I mean to allow you
whatever is necessary, not only for the figure, but for the pleasures of a
gentleman, and not to supply the profusion of a rake. This, you must
confess, does not savor of either the severity or parsimony of old age. I
consider this agreement between us, as a subsidiary treaty on my part, for
services to be performed on yours. I promise you, that I will be as
punctual in the payment of the subsidies, as England has been during the
last war; but then I give you notice at the same time, that I require a
much more scrupulous execution of the treaty on your part, than we met
with on that of our allies; or else that payment will be stopped. I hope
all that I have now said was absolutely unnecessary, and that sentiments
more worthy and more noble than pecuniary ones, would of themselves have
pointed out to you the conduct I recommend; but, at all events, I resolved
to be once for all explicit with you, that, in the worst that can happen,
you may not plead ignorance, and complain that I had not sufficiently
explained to you my intentions.</p>
<p>Having mentioned the word rake, I must say a word or two more on that
subject, because young people too frequently, and always fatally, are apt
to mistake that character for that of a man of pleasure; whereas, there
are not in the world two characters more different. A rake is a
composition of all the lowest, most ignoble, degrading, and shameful
vices; they all conspire to disgrace his character, and to ruin his
fortune; while wine and the p———-s contend which shall
soonest and most effectually destroy his constitution. A dissolute,
flagitious footman, or porter, makes full as good a rake as a man of the
first quality. By the bye, let me tell you, that in the wildest part of my
youth, I never was a rake, but, on the contrary, always detested and
despised that character.</p>
<p>A man of pleasure, though not always so scrupulous as he should be, and as
one day he will wish he had been, refines at least his pleasures by taste,
accompanies them with decency, and enjoys them with dignity. Few men can
be men of pleasure, every man may be a rake. Remember that I shall know
everything you say or do at Paris, as exactly as if, by the force of
magic, I could follow you everywhere, like a sylph or a gnome, invisible
myself. Seneca says, very prettily, that one should ask nothing of God,
but what one should be willing that men should know; nor of men, but what
one should be willing that God should know. I advise you to say and do
nothing at Paris, but what you would be willing that I should know. I
hope, nay, I believe, that will be the case. Sense, I dare say, you do not
want; instruction, I am sure, you have never wanted: experience you are
daily gaining: all which together must inevitably (I should think) make
you both 'respectable et aimable', the perfection of a human character. In
that case nothing shall be wanting on my part, and you shall solidly
experience all the extent and tenderness of my affection for you; but
dread the reverse of both! Adieu!</p>
<p>P. S. When you get to Paris, after you have been to wait on Lord
Albemarle, go to see Mr. Yorke, whom I have particular reasons for
desiring that you should be well with, as I shall hereafter explain to
you. Let him know that my orders, and your own inclinations, conspired to
make you desire his friendship and protection.</p>
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