<p><SPAN name="link2H_4_0091" id="link2H_4_0091"></SPAN></p>
<h2> LETTER LXXXIX </h2>
<h3> LONDON, November 14, O. S. 1749. </h3>
<p>DEAR BOY: There is a natural good-breeding which occurs to every man of
common sense, and is practiced by every man, of common good-nature. This
good-breeding is general, independent of modes, and consists in endeavors
to please and oblige our fellow-creatures by all good offices, short of
moral duties. This will be practiced by a good-natured American savage, as
essentially as by the best-bred European. But then, I do not take it to
extend to the sacrifice of our own conveniences, for the sake of other
people's. Utility introduced this sort of good-breeding as it introduced
commerce; and established a truck of the little 'agremens' and pleasures
of life. I sacrifice such a conveniency to you, you sacrifice another to
me; this commerce circulates, and every individual finds his account in it
upon the whole. The third sort of good-breeding is local, and is variously
modified, in not only different countries, but in different towns of the
same country. But it must be founded upon the two former sorts; they are
the matter to which, in this case, fashion and custom only give the
different shapes and impressions. Whoever has the two first sorts will
easily acquire this third sort of good-breeding, which depends singly upon
attention and observation. It is, properly, the polish, the lustre, the
last finishing stroke of good-breeding. It is to be found only in
capitals, and even there it varies; the good-breeding of Rome differing,
in some things, from that of Paris; that of Paris, in others, from that of
Madrid; and that of Madrid, in many things, from that of London. A man of
sense, therefore, carefully attends to the local manners of the respective
places where he is, and takes for his models those persons whom he
observes to be at the head of fashion and good-breeding. He watches how
they address themselves to their superiors, how they accost their equals,
and how they treat their inferiors; and lets none of those little niceties
escape him which are to good-breeding what the last delicate and masterly
touches are to a good picture; and of which the vulgar have no notion, but
by which good judges distinguish the master. He attends even to their air,
dress, and motions, and imitates them, liberally, and not servilely; he
copies, but does not mimic. These personal graces are of very great
consequence. They anticipate the sentiments, before merit can engage the
understanding; they captivate the heart, and give rise, I believe, to the
extravagant notions of charms and philters. Their effects were so
surprising, that they were reckoned supernatural. The most graceful and
best-bred men, and the handsomest and genteelest women, give the most
philters; and, as I verily believe, without the least assistance of the
devil. Pray be not only well dressed, but shining in your dress; let it
have 'du brillant'. I do not mean by a clumsy load of gold and silver, but
by the taste and fashion of it. The women like and require it; they think
it an attention due to them; but, on the other hand, if your motions and
carriage are not graceful, genteel, and natural, your fine clothes will
only display your awkwardness the more. But I am unwilling to suppose you
still awkward; for surely, by this time, you must have catched a good air
in good company. When you went from hence you were naturally awkward; but
your awkwardness was adventitious and Westmonasterial. Leipsig, I
apprehend, is not the seat of the Graces; and I presume you acquired none
there. But now, if you will be pleased to observe what people of the first
fashion do with their legs and arms, heads and bodies, you will reduce
yours to certain decent laws of motion. You danced pretty well here, and
ought to dance very well before you come home; for what one is obliged to
do sometimes, one ought to be able to do well. Besides, 'la belle danse
donne du brillant a un jeune homme'. And you should endeavor to shine. A
calm serenity, negative merit and graces, do not become your age. You
should be 'alerte, adroit, vif'; be wanted, talked of, impatiently
expected, and unwillingly parted with in company. I should be glad to hear
half a dozen women of fashion say, 'Ou est donc le petit Stanhope? due ne
vient-il? Il faut avouer qu'il est aimable'. All this I do not mean singly
with regard to women as the principal object; but, with regard to men, and
with a view of your making yourself considerable. For with very small
variations, the same things that please women please men; and a man whose
manners are softened and polished by women of fashion, and who is formed
by them to an habitual attention and complaisance, will please, engage,
and connect men, much easier and more than he would otherwise. You must be
sensible that you cannot rise in the world, without forming connections,
and engaging different characters to conspire in your point. You must make
them your dependents without their knowing it, and dictate to them while
you seem to be directed by them. Those necessary connections can never be
formed, or preserved, but by an uninterrupted series of complaisance,
attentions, politeness, and some constraint. You must engage their hearts,
if you would have their support; you must watch the 'mollia tempora', and
captivate them by the 'agremens' and charms of conversation. People will
not be called out to your service, only when you want them; and, if you
expect to receive strength from them, they must receive either pleasure or
advantage from you.</p>
<p>I received in this instant a letter from Mr. Harte, of the 2d N. S., which
I will answer soon; in the meantime, I return him my thanks for it,
through you. The constant good accounts which he gives me of you, will
make me suspect him of partiality, and think him 'le medecin tant mieux'.
Consider, therefore, what weight any future deposition of his against you
must necessarily have with me. As, in that case, he will be a very
unwilling, he must consequently be a very important witness. Adieu!</p>
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