<p><SPAN name="ch38" id="ch38"></SPAN></p>
<h2> CHAPTER XXXVIII </h2>
<h3> [I Conquer the Gorner Grat] </h3>
<p><br/></p>
<p>We went into camp on that wild spot to which that ram had brought us. The
men were greatly fatigued. Their conviction that we were lost was
forgotten in the cheer of a good supper, and before the reaction had a
chance to set in, I loaded them up with paregoric and put them to bed.</p>
<p>Next morning I was considering in my mind our desperate situation and
trying to think of a remedy, when Harris came to me with a Baedeker map
which showed conclusively that the mountain we were on was still in
Switzerland—yes, every part of it was in Switzerland. So we were not
lost, after all. This was an immense relief; it lifted the weight of two
such mountains from my breast. I immediately had the news disseminated and
the map was exhibited. The effect was wonderful. As soon as the men saw
with their own eyes that they knew where they were, and that it was only
the summit that was lost and not themselves, they cheered up instantly and
said with one accord, let the summit take care of itself.</p>
<p>Our distresses being at an end, I now determined to rest the men in camp
and give the scientific department of the Expedition a chance. First, I
made a barometric observation, to get our altitude, but I could not
perceive that there was any result. I knew, by my scientific reading, that
either thermometers or barometers ought to be boiled, to make them
accurate; I did not know which it was, so I boiled them both. There was
still no result; so I examined these instruments and discovered that they
possessed radical blemishes: the barometer had no hand but the brass
pointer and the ball of the thermometer was stuffed with tin-foil. I might
have boiled those things to rags, and never found out anything.</p>
<p>I hunted up another barometer; it was new and perfect. I boiled it half an
hour in a pot of bean soup which the cooks were making. The result was
unexpected: the instrument was not affecting at all, but there was such a
strong barometer taste to the soup that the head cook, who was a most
conscientious person, changed its name in the bill of fare. The dish was
so greatly liked by all, that I ordered the cook to have barometer soup
every day.<br/> <br/> <br/> <br/></p>
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<p><br/> <br/> <br/> <br/></p>
<p>It was believed that the barometer might eventually be injured, but I did
not care for that. I had demonstrated to my satisfaction that it could not
tell how high a mountain was, therefore I had no real use for it. Changes
in the weather I could take care of without it; I did not wish to know
when the weather was going to be good, what I wanted to know was when it
was going to be bad, and this I could find out from Harris's corns. Harris
had had his corns tested and regulated at the government observatory in
Heidelberg, and one could depend upon them with confidence. So I
transferred the new barometer to the cooking department, to be used for
the official mess. It was found that even a pretty fair article of soup
could be made from the defective barometer; so I allowed that one to be
transferred to the subordinate mess.</p>
<p>I next boiled the thermometer, and got a most excellent result; the
mercury went up to about 200 degrees Fahrenheit. In the opinion of the
other scientists of the Expedition, this seemed to indicate that we had
attained the extraordinary altitude of two hundred thousand feet above
sea-level. Science places the line of eternal snow at about ten thousand
feet above sea-level. There was no snow where we were, consequently it was
proven that the eternal snow-line ceases somewhere above the
ten-thousand-foot level and does not begin any more. This was an
interesting fact, and one which had not been observed by any observer
before. It was as valuable as interesting, too, since it would open up the
deserted summits of the highest Alps to population and agriculture. It was
a proud thing to be where we were, yet it caused us a pang to reflect that
but for that ram we might just as well have been two hundred thousand feet
higher.</p>
<p>The success of my last experiment induced me to try an experiment with my
photographic apparatus. I got it out, and boiled one of my cameras, but
the thing was a failure; it made the wood swell up and burst, and I could
not see that the lenses were any better than they were before.</p>
<p>I now concluded to boil a guide. It might improve him, it could not impair
his usefulness. But I was not allowed to proceed. Guides have no feeling
for science, and this one would not consent to be made uncomfortable in
its interest.</p>
<p>In the midst of my scientific work, one of those needless accidents
happened which are always occurring among the ignorant and thoughtless. A
porter shot at a chamois and missed it and crippled the Latinist. This was
not a serious matter to me, for a Latinist's duties are as well performed
on crutches as otherwise—but the fact remained that if the Latinist
had not happened to be in the way a mule would have got that load. That
would have been quite another matter, for when it comes down to a question
of value there is a palpable difference between a Latinist and a mule. I
could not depend on having a Latinist in the right place every time; so,
to make things safe, I ordered that in the future the chamois must not be
hunted within limits of the camp with any other weapon than the
forefinger.</p>
<p>My nerves had hardly grown quiet after this affair when they got another
shake-up—one which utterly unmanned me for a moment: a rumor swept
suddenly through the camp that one of the barkeepers had fallen over a
precipice!</p>
<p>However, it turned out that it was only a chaplain. I had laid in an extra
force of chaplains, purposely to be prepared for emergencies like this,
but by some unaccountable oversight had come away rather short-handed in
the matter of barkeepers.</p>
<p>On the following morning we moved on, well refreshed and in good spirits.
I remember this day with peculiar pleasure, because it saw our road
restored to us. Yes, we found our road again, and in quite an
extraordinary way. We had plodded along some two hours and a half, when we
came up against a solid mass of rock about twenty feet high. I did not
need to be instructed by a mule this time. I was already beginning to know
more than any mule in the Expedition. I at once put in a blast of
dynamite, and lifted that rock out of the way. But to my surprise and
mortification, I found that there had been a chalet on top of it.</p>
<p>I picked up such members of the family as fell in my vicinity, and
subordinates of my corps collected the rest. None of these poor people
were injured, happily, but they were much annoyed. I explained to the head
chaleteer just how the thing happened, and that I was only searching for
the road, and would certainly have given him timely notice if I had known
he was up there. I said I had meant no harm, and hoped I had not lowered
myself in his estimation by raising him a few rods in the air. I said many
other judicious things, and finally when I offered to rebuild his chalet,
and pay for the breakages, and throw in the cellar, he was mollified and
satisfied. He hadn't any cellar at all, before; he would not have as good
a view, now, as formerly, but what he had lost in view he had gained in
cellar, by exact measurement. He said there wasn't another hole like that
in the mountains—and he would have been right if the late mule had
not tried to eat up the nitroglycerin.</p>
<p>I put a hundred and sixteen men at work, and they rebuilt the chalet from
its own debris in fifteen minutes. It was a good deal more picturesque
than it was before, too. The man said we were now on the Feil-Stutz, above
the Schwegmatt—information which I was glad to get, since it gave us
our position to a degree of particularity which we had not been accustomed
to for a day or so. We also learned that we were standing at the foot of
the Riffelberg proper, and that the initial chapter of our work was
completed.<br/> <br/> <br/> <br/></p>
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<p><br/> <br/> <br/> <br/></p>
<p>We had a fine view, from here, of the energetic Visp, as it makes its
first plunge into the world from under a huge arch of solid ice, worn
through the foot-wall of the great Gorner Glacier; and we could also see
the Furggenbach, which is the outlet of the Furggen Glacier.</p>
<p>The mule-road to the summit of the Riffelberg passed right in front of the
chalet, a circumstance which we almost immediately noticed, because a
procession of tourists was filing along it pretty much all the time.</p>
<blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>"Pretty much" may not be elegant English, but it is high time it was.
There is no elegant word or phrase which means just what it means.—M.T.</p>
</blockquote>
</blockquote>
<p>The chaleteer's business consisted in furnishing refreshments to tourists.
My blast had interrupted this trade for a few minutes, by breaking all the
bottles on the place; but I gave the man a lot of whiskey to sell for
Alpine champagne, and a lot of vinegar which would answer for Rhine wine,
consequently trade was soon as brisk as ever.</p>
<p>Leaving the Expedition outside to rest, I quartered myself in the chalet,
with Harris, proposing to correct my journals and scientific observations
before continuing the ascent. I had hardly begun my work when a tall,
slender, vigorous American youth of about twenty-three, who was on his way
down the mountain, entered and came toward me with that breezy
self-complacency which is the adolescent's idea of the well-bred ease of
the man of the world. His hair was short and parted accurately in the
middle, and he had all the look of an American person who would be likely
to begin his signature with an initial, and spell his middle name out. He
introduced himself, smiling a smirky smile borrowed from the courtiers of
the stage, extended a fair-skinned talon, and while he gripped my hand in
it he bent his body forward three times at the hips, as the stage courtier
does, and said in the airiest and most condescending and patronizing way—I
quite remember his exact language:</p>
<p>"Very glad to make your acquaintance, 'm sure; very glad indeed, assure
you. I've read all your little efforts and greatly admired them, and when
I heard you were here, I ..."</p>
<p>I indicated a chair, and he sat down. This grandee was the grandson of an
American of considerable note in his day, and not wholly forgotten yet—a
man who came so near being a great man that he was quite generally
accounted one while he lived.<br/> <br/> <br/> <br/></p>
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<p><br/> <br/> <br/> <br/></p>
<p>I slowly paced the floor, pondering scientific problems, and heard this
conversation:</p>
<p>GRANDSON. First visit to Europe?</p>
<p>HARRIS. Mine? Yes.</p>
<p>G.S. (With a soft reminiscent sigh suggestive of bygone joys that may be
tasted in their freshness but once.) Ah, I know what it is to you. A first
visit!—ah, the romance of it! I wish I could feel it again.</p>
<p>H. Yes, I find it exceeds all my dreams. It is enchantment. I go...</p>
<p>G.S. (With a dainty gesture of the hand signifying "Spare me your callow
enthusiasms, good friend.") Yes, _I_ know, I know; you go to cathedrals,
and exclaim; and you drag through league-long picture-galleries and
exclaim; and you stand here, and there, and yonder, upon historic ground,
and continue to exclaim; and you are permeated with your first crude
conceptions of Art, and are proud and happy. Ah, yes, proud and happy—that
expresses it. Yes-yes, enjoy it—it is right—it is an innocent
revel.</p>
<p>H. And you? Don't you do these things now?</p>
<p>G.S. I! Oh, that is <i>very</i> good! My dear sir, when you are as old a traveler
as I am, you will not ask such a question as that. _I_ visit the
regulation gallery, moon around the regulation cathedral, do the worn
round of the regulation sights, <i>yet</i>?—Excuse me!</p>
<p>H. Well, what <i>do</i> you do, then?</p>
<p>G.S. Do? I flit—and flit—for I am ever on the wing—but I
avoid the herd. Today I am in Paris, tomorrow in Berlin, anon in Rome; but
you would look for me in vain in the galleries of the Louvre or the common
resorts of the gazers in those other capitals. If you would find me, you
must look in the unvisited nooks and corners where others never think of
going. One day you will find me making myself at home in some obscure
peasant's cabin, another day you will find me in some forgotten castle
worshiping some little gem or art which the careless eye has overlooked
and which the unexperienced would despise; again you will find me as guest
in the inner sanctuaries of palaces while the herd is content to get a
hurried glimpse of the unused chambers by feeing a servant.</p>
<p>H. You are a <i>guest</i> in such places?</p>
<p>G.S. And a welcoming one.</p>
<p>H. It is surprising. How does it come?</p>
<p>G.S. My grandfather's name is a passport to all the courts in Europe. I
have only to utter that name and every door is open to me. I flit from
court to court at my own free will and pleasure, and am always welcome. I
am as much at home in the palaces of Europe as you are among your
relatives. I know every titled person in Europe, I think. I have my
pockets full of invitations all the time. I am under promise to go to
Italy, where I am to be the guest of a succession of the noblest houses in
the land. In Berlin my life is a continued round of gaiety in the imperial
palace. It is the same, wherever I go.</p>
<p>H. It must be very pleasant. But it must make Boston seem a little slow
when you are at home.</p>
<p>G.S. Yes, of course it does. But I don't go home much. There's no life
there—little to feed a man's higher nature. Boston's very narrow,
you know. She doesn't know it, and you couldn't convince her of it—so
I say nothing when I'm there: where's the use? Yes, Boston is very narrow,
but she has such a good opinion of herself that she can't see it. A man
who has traveled as much as I have, and seen as much of the world, sees it
plain enough, but he can't cure it, you know, so the best is to leave it
and seek a sphere which is more in harmony with his tastes and culture. I
run across there, once a year, perhaps, when I have nothing important on
hand, but I'm very soon back again. I spend my time in Europe.</p>
<p>H. I see. You map out your plans and ...</p>
<p>G.S. No, excuse me. I don't map out any plans. I simply follow the
inclination of the day. I am limited by no ties, no requirements, I am not
bound in any way. I am too old a traveler to hamper myself with deliberate
purposes. I am simply a traveler—an inveterate traveler—a man
of the world, in a word—I can call myself by no other name. I do not
say, "I am going here, or I am going there"—I say nothing at all, I
only act. For instance, next week you may find me the guest of a grandee
of Spain, or you may find me off for Venice, or flitting toward Dresden. I
shall probably go to Egypt presently; friends will say to friends, "He is
at the Nile cataracts"—and at that very moment they will be
surprised to learn that I'm away off yonder in India somewhere. I am a
constant surprise to people. They are always saying, "Yes, he was in
Jerusalem when we heard of him last, but goodness knows where he is now."</p>
<p>Presently the Grandson rose to leave—discovered he had an
appointment with some Emperor, perhaps. He did his graces over again:
gripped me with one talon, at arm's-length, pressed his hat against his
stomach with the other, bent his body in the middle three times,
murmuring:</p>
<p>"Pleasure, 'm sure; great pleasure, 'm sure. Wish you much success."</p>
<p>Then he removed his gracious presence. It is a great and solemn thing to
have a grandfather.</p>
<p>I have not purposed to misrepresent this boy in any way, for what little
indignation he excited in me soon passed and left nothing behind it but
compassion. One cannot keep up a grudge against a vacuum. I have tried to
repeat this lad's very words; if I have failed anywhere I have at least
not failed to reproduce the marrow and meaning of what he said. He and the
innocent chatterbox whom I met on the Swiss lake are the most unique and
interesting specimens of Young America I came across during my foreign
tramping. I have made honest portraits of them, not caricatures.<br/>
<br/> <br/> <br/></p>
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<p><br/> <br/> <br/> <br/></p>
<p>The Grandson of twenty-three referred to himself five or six times as an
"old traveler," and as many as three times (with a serene complacency
which was maddening) as a "man of the world." There was something very
delicious about his leaving Boston to her "narrowness," unreproved and
uninstructed.</p>
<p>I formed the caravan in marching order, presently, and after riding down
the line to see that it was properly roped together, gave the command to
proceed. In a little while the road carried us to open, grassy land. We
were above the troublesome forest, now, and had an uninterrupted view,
straight before us, of our summit—the summit of the Riffelberg.</p>
<p>We followed the mule-road, a zigzag course, now to the right, now to the
left, but always up, and always crowded and incommoded by going and coming
files of reckless tourists who were never, in a single instance, tied
together. I was obliged to exert the utmost care and caution, for in many
places the road was not two yards wide, and often the lower side of it
sloped away in slanting precipices eight and even nine feet deep. I had to
encourage the men constantly, to keep them from giving way to their
unmanly fears.</p>
<p>We might have made the summit before night, but for a delay caused by the
loss of an umbrella. I was allowing the umbrella to remain lost, but the
men murmured, and with reason, for in this exposed region we stood in
peculiar need of protection against avalanches; so I went into camp and
detached a strong party to go after the missing article.</p>
<p>The difficulties of the next morning were severe, but our courage was
high, for our goal was near. At noon we conquered the last impediment—we
stood at last upon the summit, and without the loss of a single man except
the mule that ate the glycerin. Our great achievement was achieved—the
possibility of the impossible was demonstrated, and Harris and I walked
proudly into the great dining-room of the Riffelberg Hotel and stood our
alpenstocks up in the corner.</p>
<p>Yes, I had made the grand ascent; but it was a mistake to do it in evening
dress. The plug hats were battered, the swallow-tails were fluttering
rags, mud added no grace, the general effect was unpleasant and even
disreputable.<br/> <br/> <br/> <br/></p>
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<p><br/> <br/> <br/> <br/></p>
<p>There were about seventy-five tourists at the hotel—mainly ladies
and little children—and they gave us an admiring welcome which paid
us for all our privations and sufferings. The ascent had been made, and
the names and dates now stand recorded on a stone monument there to prove
it to all future tourists.</p>
<p>I boiled a thermometer and took an altitude, with a most curious result:
<i>the summit was not as high as the point on the mountainside where i had
taken the first altitude</i>. Suspecting that I had made an important
discovery, I prepared to verify it. There happened to be a still higher
summit (called the Gorner Grat), above the hotel, and notwithstanding the
fact that it overlooks a glacier from a dizzy height, and that the ascent
is difficult and dangerous, I resolved to venture up there and boil a
thermometer. So I sent a strong party, with some borrowed hoes, in charge
of two chiefs of service, to dig a stairway in the soil all the way up,
and this I ascended, roped to the guides. This breezy height was the
summit proper—so I accomplished even more than I had originally
purposed to do. This foolhardy exploit is recorded on another stone
monument.<br/> <br/> <br/> <br/></p>
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<p><br/> <br/> <br/> <br/></p>
<p>I boiled my thermometer, and sure enough, this spot, which purported to be
two thousand feet higher than the locality of the hotel, turned out to be
nine thousand feet <i>lower</i>. Thus the fact was clearly demonstrated that,
<i>above a certain point, the higher a point seems to be, the lower it
actually is</i>. Our ascent itself was a great achievement, but this
contribution to science was an inconceivably greater matter.</p>
<p>Cavilers object that water boils at a lower and lower temperature the
higher and higher you go, and hence the apparent anomaly. I answer that I
do not base my theory upon what the boiling water does, but upon what a
boiled thermometer says. You can't go behind the thermometer.</p>
<p>I had a magnificent view of Monte Rosa, and apparently all the rest of the
Alpine world, from that high place. All the circling horizon was piled
high with a mighty tumult of snowy crests. One might have imagined he saw
before him the tented camps of a beleaguering host of Brobdingnagians.<br/>
<br/> <br/> <br/></p>
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<p><br/></p>
<blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>NOTE.—I had the very unusual luck to catch one little momentary
glimpse of the Matterhorn wholly unencumbered by clouds. I leveled my
photographic apparatus at it without the loss of an instant, and
should have got an elegant picture if my donkey had not interfered. It
was my purpose to draw this photograph all by myself for my book, but
was obliged to put the mountain part of it into the hands of the
professional artist because I found I could not do landscape well.</p>
</blockquote>
</blockquote>
<p>But lonely, conspicuous, and superb, rose that wonderful upright wedge,
the Matterhorn. Its precipitous sides were powdered over with snow, and
the upper half hidden in thick clouds which now and then dissolved to
cobweb films and gave brief glimpses of the imposing tower as through a
veil. A little later the Matterhorn took to himself the semblance of a
volcano; he was stripped naked to his apex—around this circled vast
wreaths of white cloud which strung slowly out and streamed away slantwise
toward the sun, a twenty-mile stretch of rolling and tumbling vapor, and
looking just as if it were pouring out of a crater. Later again, one of
the mountain's sides was clean and clear, and another side densely clothed
from base to summit in thick smokelike cloud which feathered off and flew
around the shaft's sharp edge like the smoke around the corners of a
burning building. The Matterhorn is always experimenting, and always gets
up fine effects, too. In the sunset, when all the lower world is palled in
gloom, it points toward heaven out of the pervading blackness like a
finger of fire. In the sunrise—well, they say it is very fine in the
sunrise.</p>
<p>Authorities agree that there is no such tremendous "layout" of snowy
Alpine magnitude, grandeur, and sublimity to be seen from any other
accessible point as the tourist may see from the summit of the Riffelberg.
Therefore, let the tourist rope himself up and go there; for I have shown
that with nerve, caution, and judgment, the thing can be done.</p>
<p>I wish to add one remark, here—in parentheses, so to speak—suggested
by the word "snowy," which I have just used. We have all seen hills and
mountains and levels with snow on them, and so we think we know all the
aspects and effects produced by snow. But indeed we do not until we have
seen the Alps. Possibly mass and distance add something—at any rate,
something <i>is</i> added. Among other noticeable things, there is a dazzling,
intense whiteness about the distant Alpine snow, when the sun is on it,
which one recognizes as peculiar, and not familiar to the eye. The snow
which one is accustomed to has a tint to it—painters usually give it
a bluish cast—but there is no perceptible tint to the distant Alpine
snow when it is trying to look its whitest. As to the unimaginable
splendor of it when the sun is blazing down on it—well, it simply <i>is</i>
unimaginable.</p>
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