<SPAN name="chap28"></SPAN>
<h3>CHAPTER XXVIII</h3>
<h2><i>I AM PERSUADED</i></h2>
<p> </p>
<p>So now at last I had heard the story of Uncle Silas's mysterious
disgrace. We sat silent for a while, and I, gazing into vacancy,
sent him in a chariot of triumph, chapletted, ringed, and robed
through the city of imagination, crying after him, 'Innocent!
innocent! martyr and crowned!' All the virtues and honesties,
reason and conscience, in myriad shapes—tier above tier of human
faces—from the crowded pavement, crowded windows,
crowded roofs, joined in the jubilant acclamation, and trumpeters
trumpeted, and drums rolled, and great organs and choirs
through open cathedral gates, rolled anthems of praise and
thanksgiving, and the bells rang out, and cannons sounded, and
the air trembled with the roaring harmony; and Silas Ruthyn,
the full-length portrait, stood in the burnished chariot, with a
proud, sad, clouded face, that rejoiced not with the rejoicers,
and behind him the slave, thin as a ghost, white-faced, and
sneering something in his ear: while I and all the city went
on crying 'Innocent! innocent! martyr and crowned!' And now
<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page168" id="page168"></SPAN></span>
the reverie was ended; and there were only Lady Knollys' stern,
thoughtful face, with the pale light of sarcasm on it, and the
storm outside thundering and lamenting desolately.</p>
<p>It was very good of Cousin Monica to stay with me so long. It
must have been unspeakably tiresome. And now she began to
talk of business at home, and plainly to prepare for immediate
flight, and my heart sank.</p>
<p>I know that I could not then have defined my feelings and
agitations. I am not sure that I even now could. Any misgiving
about Uncle Silas was, in my mind, a questioning the foundations
of my faith, and in itself an impiety. And yet I am not sure
that some such misgiving, faint, perhaps, and intermittent, may
not have been at the bottom of my tribulation.</p>
<p>I was not very well. Lady Knollys had gone out for a walk.
She was not easily tired, and sometimes made a long excursion.
The sun was setting now, when Mary Quince brought me a
letter which had just arrived by the post. My heart throbbed
violently. I was afraid to break the broad black seal. It was from
Uncle Silas. I ran over in my mind all the unpleasant mandates
which it might contain, to try and prepare myself for a shock.
At last I opened the letter. It directed me to hold myself in readiness
for the journey to Bartram-Haugh. It stated that I might
bring two maids with me if I wished so many, and that his next
letter would give me the details of my route, and the day of my
departure for Derbyshire; and he said that I ought to make arrangements
about Knowl during my absence, but that he was
hardly the person properly to be consulted on that matter. Then
came a prayer that he might be enabled to acquit himself of his
trust to the full satisfaction of his conscience, and that I might
enter upon my new relations in a spirit of prayer.</p>
<p>I looked round my room, so long familiar, and now so endeared
by the idea of parting and change. The old house—dear,
dear Knowl, how could I leave you and all your affectionate associations,
and kind looks and voices, for a strange land!</p>
<p>With a great sigh I took Uncle Silas's letter, and went down
stairs to the drawing-room. From the lobby window, where I
loitered for a few moments, I looked out upon the well-known
forest-trees. The sun was down. It was already twilight, and the
white vapours of coming night were already filming their thinned
and yellow foliage. Everything looked melancholy. How little did
<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page169" id="page169"></SPAN></span>
those who envied the young inheritrex of a princely fortune
suspect the load that lay at her heart, or, bating the fear of
death, how gladly at that moment she would have parted with
her life!</p>
<p>Lady Knollys had not yet returned, and it was darkening
rapidly; a mass of black clouds stood piled in the west, through
the chasms of which was still reflected a pale metallic lustre.</p>
<p>The drawing-room was already very dark; but some streaks of
this cold light fell upon a black figure, which would otherwise
have been unseen, leaning beside the curtains against the window
frame.</p>
<p>It advanced abruptly, with creaking shoes; it was Doctor
Bryerly.</p>
<p>I was startled and surprised, not knowing how he had got
there. I stood staring at him in the dusk rather awkwardly, I
am afraid.</p>
<p>'How do you do, Miss Ruthyn?' said he, extending his hand,
long, hard, and brown as a mummy's, and stooping a little so as
to approach more nearly, for it was not easy to see in the imperfect
light. 'You're surprised, I dare say, to see me here so
soon again?'</p>
<p>'I did not know you had arrived. I am glad to see you,
Doctor Bryerly. Nothing unpleasant, I hope, has happened?'</p>
<p>'No, nothing unpleasant, Miss. The will has been lodged, and
we shall have probate in due course; but there has been something
on my mind, and I'm come to ask you two or three questions
which you had better answer very considerately. Is Miss
Knollys still here?'</p>
<p>'Yes, but she is not returned from her walk.'</p>
<p>'I am glad she is here. I think she takes a sound view, and
women understand one another better. As for me, it is plainly
my duty to put it before you as it strikes me, and to offer all I
can do in accomplishing, should you wish it, a different arrangement.
You don't know your uncle, you said the other day?'</p>
<p>'No, I've never seen him.'</p>
<p>'You understand your late father's intention in making you
his ward?'</p>
<p>'I suppose he wished to show his high opinion of my uncle's
fitness for such a trust.'</p>
<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page170" id="page170"></SPAN></span>
<p>'That's quite true; but the nature of the trust in this instance
is extraordinary.'</p>
<p>'I don't understand.'</p>
<p>'Why, if you die before you come to the age of twenty-one,
the entire of the property will go to him—do you see?—and
he has the custody of your person in the meantime; you are to
live in his house, under his care and authority. You see now, I
think, how it is; and I did not like it when your father read
the will to me, and I said so. Do <i>you</i>?'</p>
<p>I hesitated to speak, not sure that I quite comprehended him.</p>
<p>'And the more I think of it, the less I like it, Miss,' said Doctor
Bryerly, in a calm, stern tone.</p>
<p>'Merciful Heaven! Doctor Bryerly, you can't suppose that
I should not be as safe in my uncle's house as in the Lord Chancellor's?'
I ejaculated, looking full in his face.</p>
<p>'But don't you see, Miss, it is not a fair position to put
your uncle in,' replied he, after a little hesitation.</p>
<p>'But suppose <i>he</i> does not think so. You know, if he does, he
may decline it.'</p>
<p>'Well that's true—but he won't. Here is his letter'—and he
produced it—'announcing officially that he means to accept the
office; but I think he ought to be told it is not <i>delicate</i>, under
all circumstances. You know, Miss, that your uncle, Mr. Silas
Ruthyn, was talked about unpleasantly once.'</p>
<p>'You mean'—I began.</p>
<p>'I mean about the death of Mr. Charke, at Bartram-Haugh.'</p>
<p>'Yes, I have heard that,' I said; he was speaking with a
shocking <i>aplomb</i>.</p>
<p>'We assume, of course, <i>unjustly</i>; but there are many who
think quite differently.'</p>
<p>'And possibly, Doctor Bryerly, it was for that very reason that
my dear papa made him my guardian.'</p>
<p>'There can be no doubt of that, Miss; it was to purge him
of that scandal.'</p>
<p>'And when he has acquitted himself honourably of that trust,
don't you think such a proof of confidence so honourably fulfilled
must go far to silence his traducers?'</p>
<p>'Why, if all goes well, it may do a little; but a great deal less
than you fancy. But take it that you happen to <i>die</i>, Miss, during
your minority. We are all mortal, and there are three years and
<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page171" id="page171"></SPAN></span>
some months to go; how will it be then? Don't you see? Just
fancy how people will talk.'</p>
<p>'I think you know that my uncle is a religious man?' said
I.</p>
<p>'Well, Miss, what of that?' he asked again.</p>
<p>'He is—he has suffered intensely,' I continued. 'He has long
retired from the world; he is very religious. Ask our curate,
Mr. Fairfield, if you doubt it.'</p>
<p>'But I am not disputing it, Miss; I'm only supposing what
may happen—an accident, we'll call it small-pox, diphtheria,
<i>that's</i> going very much. Three years and three months, you know,
is a long time. You proceed to Bartram-Haugh, thinking you
have much goods laid up for many years; but your Creator, you
know, may say, "Thou fool, this day is thy soul required of thee."
You go—and what pray is thought of your uncle, Mr. Silas
Ruthyn, who walks in for the entire inheritance, and who has
long been abused like a pickpocket, or worse, in his own county,
I'm told?'</p>
<p>'You are a religious man, Doctor Bryerly, according to your
lights?' I said.</p>
<p>The Swedenborgian smiled.</p>
<p>'Well, knowing that he is so too, and having yourself experienced
the power of religion, do not you think him deserving of
every confidence? Don't you think it well that he should have
this opportunity of exhibiting both his own character and the
reliance which my dear papa reposed on it, and that we should
leave all consequences and contingencies in the hands of Heaven?'</p>
<p>'It appears to have been the will of Heaven hitherto,' said
Doctor Bryerly—I could not see with what expression of face,
but he was looking down, and drawing little diagrams with
his stick on the dark carpet, and spoke in a very low tone—'that
your uncle should suffer under this ill report. In countervailing
the appointment of Providence, we must employ our
reason, with conscientious diligence, as to the means, and if we
find that they are as likely to do mischief as good, we have no
right to expect a special interposition to turn our experiment
into an ordeal. I think you ought to weigh it well—I am sure
there are reasons against it. If you make up your mind that you
would rather be placed under the care, say of Lady Knollys, I
will endeavour all I can to effect it.'</p>
<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page172" id="page172"></SPAN></span>
<p>'That could not be done without his consent, could it?'
said I.</p>
<p>'No, but I don't despair of getting that—on terms, of course,'
remarked he.</p>
<p>'I don't quite understand,' I said.</p>
<p>'I mean, for instance, if he were allowed to keep the allowance
for your maintenance—eh?'</p>
<p>'I mistake my uncle Silas very much,' I said, 'if that allowance
is any object whatever to him compared with the moral
value of the position. If he were deprived of that, I am sure
he would decline the other.'</p>
<p>'We might try him at all events,' said Doctor Bryerly, on
whose dark sinewy features, even in this imperfect light, I
thought I detected a smile.</p>
<p>'Perhaps,' said I, 'I appear very foolish in supposing him
actuated by any but sordid motives; but he is my near relation,
and I can't help it, sir.'</p>
<p>'That is a very serious thing, Miss Ruthyn,' he replied. 'You
are very young, and cannot see it at present, as you will hereafter.
He is very religious, you say, and all that, but his house is not a
proper place for you. It is a solitude—its master an outcast, and
it has been the repeated scene of all sorts of scandals, and of one
great crime; and Lady Knollys thinks your having been domesticated
there will be an injury to you all the days of your life.'</p>
<p>'So I do, Maud,' said Lady Knollys, who had just entered the
room unperceived,—'How do you do, Doctor Bryerly?—a serious
injury. You have no idea how entirely that house is condemned
and avoided, and the very name of its inmates tabooed.'</p>
<p>'How monstrous—how cruel!' I exclaimed.</p>
<p>'Very unpleasant, my dear, but perfectly natural. You are to
recollect that quite independently of the story of Mr. Charke,
the house was talked about, and the county people had cut your
uncle Silas long before that adventure was dreamed of; and as to
the circumstance of your being placed in his charge by his
brother, who took, from strong family feeling, a totally one-sided
view of the affair from the first, having the slightest effect in
restoring his position in the county, you must quite give that up.
Except me, if he will allow me, and the clergyman, not a soul
in the country will visit at Bartram-Haugh. They may pity you,
and think the whole thing the climax of folly and cruelty; but
<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page173" id="page173"></SPAN></span>
they won't visit at Bartram, or know Silas, or have anything to
do with his household.'</p>
<p>'They will see, at all events, what my dear papa's opinion
was.'</p>
<p>'They know that already,' answered she, 'and it has not, and
ought not to have, the slightest weight with them. There are
people there who think themselves just as great as the Ruthyns,
or greater; and your poor father's idea of carrying it by a
demonstration was simply the dream of a man who had forgotten
the world, and learned to exaggerate himself in his long
seclusion. I know he was beginning himself to hesitate; and I think
if he had been spared another year that provision of his will
would have been struck out.'</p>
<p>Doctor Bryerly nodded, and he said—</p>
<p>'And if he had the power to dictate <i>now</i>, would he insist on
that direction? It is a mistake every way, injurious to you, his
child; and should you happen to die during your sojourn under
your uncle's care, it would woefully defeat the testator's
object, and raise such a storm of surmise and inquiry as would
awaken all England, and send the old scandal on the wing
through the world again.'</p>
<p>'Doctor Bryerly will, I have no doubt, arrange it all. In fact,
I do not think it would be very difficult to bring Silas to terms;
and if you do not consent to his trying, Maud, mark my words,
you will live to repent it.'</p>
<p>Here were two persons viewing the question from totally
different points; both perfectly disinterested; both in their
different ways, I believe, shrewd and even wise; and both
honourable, urging me against it, and in a way that undefinably
alarmed my imagination, as well as moved my reason. I looked
from one to the other—there was a silence. By this time the
candles had come, and we could see one another.</p>
<p>'I only wait your decision, Miss Ruthyn,' said the trustee,
'to see your uncle. If his advantage was the chief object
contemplated in this arrangement, he will be the best judge whether
his interest is really best consulted by it or no; and I think
he will clearly see that it is <i>not</i> so, and will answer accordingly.'</p>
<p>'I cannot answer now—you must allow me to think it over—I
will do my best. I am very much obliged, my dear Cousin
Monica, you are so very good, and you too, Doctor Bryerly.'</p>
<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page174" id="page174"></SPAN></span>
<p>Doctor Bryerly by this time was looking into his pocket-book,
and did not acknowledge my thanks even by a nod.</p>
<p>'I must be in London the day after to-morrow. Bartram-Haugh
is nearly sixty miles from here, and only twenty of that
by rail, I find. Forty miles of posting over those Derbyshire
mountains is slow work; but if you say <i>try</i>, I'll see him to-morrow
morning.'</p>
<p>'You must say try—you <i>must</i>, my dear Maud.'</p>
<p>'But how can I decide in a moment? Oh, dear Cousin
Monica, I am so distracted!'</p>
<p>'But <i>you</i> need not decide at all; the decision rests with <i>him</i>.
Come; he is more competent than you. You <i>must</i> say yes.'</p>
<p>Again I looked from her to Doctor Bryerly, and from him to
her again. I threw my arms about her neck, and hugging her
closely to me, I cried—</p>
<p>'Oh, Cousin Monica, dear Cousin Monica, advise me. I am
a wretched creature. You must advise me.'</p>
<p>I did not know till now how irresolute a character was mine.</p>
<p>I knew somehow by the tone of her voice that she was
smiling as she answered—</p>
<p>'Why, dear, I have advised you; I <i>do</i> advise you;' and then
she added, impetuously, 'I entreat and implore, if you really
think I love you, that you will <i>follow</i> my advice. It is your duty
to leave your uncle Silas, whom you believe to be more competent
than you are, to decide, after full conference with Doctor
Bryerly, who knows more of your poor father's views and intentions
in making that appointment than either you or I.'</p>
<p>'Shall I say, yes?' I cried, drawing her close, and kissing her
helplessly.' Oh, tell me—tell me to say, yes.'</p>
<p>'Yes, of course, <i>yes</i>. She agrees, Doctor Bryerly, to your kind
proposal.'</p>
<p>'I am to understand so?' he asked.</p>
<p>'Very well—yes, Doctor Bryerly,' I replied.</p>
<p>'You have resolved wisely and well,' said he, briskly, like a
man who has got a care off his mind.</p>
<p>'I forgot to say, Doctor Bryerly—it was very rude—that you
must stay here to-night.'</p>
<p>'He <i>can't</i>, my dear,' interposed Lady Knolly's; 'it is a long
way.'</p>
<p>'He will dine. Won't you, Doctor Bryerly?'</p>
<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page175" id="page175"></SPAN></span>
<p>'No; he can't. You know you can't, sir,' said my cousin,
peremptorily. 'You must not worry him, my dear, with civilities
he can't accept. He'll bid us good-bye this moment. Good-bye,
Doctor Bryerly. You'll write immediately; don't wait till you
reach town. Bid him good-bye, Maud. I'll say a word to you in
the hall.'</p>
<p>And thus she literally hurried him out of the room, leaving
me in a state of amazement and confusion, not able to review my
decision—unsatisfied, but still unable to recall it.</p>
<p>I stood where they had left me, looking after them, I suppose,
like a fool.</p>
<p>Lady Knollys returned in a few minutes. If I had been a little
cooler I was shrewd enough to perceive that she had sent poor
Doctor Bryerly away upon his travels, to find board and lodging
half-way to Bartram, to remove him forthwith from my presence,
and thus to make my decision—if mine it was—irrevocable.</p>
<p>'I applaud you, my dear,' said Cousin Knollys, in her turn
embracing me heartily. 'You are a sensible little darling, and
have done exactly what you ought to have done.'</p>
<p>'I hope I have,' I faltered.</p>
<p>'Hope? fiddle! stuff! the thing's as plain as a pikestaff.'</p>
<p>And in came Branston to say that dinner was served.</p>
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