<p><SPAN name="link2HCH0013" id="link2HCH0013"></SPAN></p>
<h2> CHAPTER THE THIRTEENTH </h2>
<h3> THE SAPPHIRE RING </h3>
<p><SPAN name="link2H_PART" id="link2H_PART_____________________________________________________________________________"></SPAN></p>
<h2> Part 1 </h2>
<p>For a time that ring set with sapphires seemed to be, after all, the
satisfactory solution of Ann Veronica's difficulties. It was like pouring
a strong acid over dulled metal. A tarnish of constraint that had recently
spread over her intercourse with Capes vanished again. They embarked upon
an open and declared friendship. They even talked about friendship. They
went to the Zoological Gardens together one Saturday to see for themselves
a point of morphological interest about the toucan's bill—that
friendly and entertaining bird—and they spent the rest of the
afternoon walking about and elaborating in general terms this theme and
the superiority of intellectual fellowship to all merely passionate
relationships. Upon this topic Capes was heavy and conscientious, but that
seemed to her to be just exactly what he ought to be. He was also, had she
known it, more than a little insincere. "We are only in the dawn of the
Age of Friendship," he said, "when interest, I suppose, will take the
place of passions. Either you have had to love people or hate them—which
is a sort of love, too, in its way—to get anything out of them. Now,
more and more, we're going to be interested in them, to be curious about
them and—quite mildly-experimental with them." He seemed to be
elaborating ideas as he talked. They watched the chimpanzees in the new
apes' house, and admired the gentle humanity of their eyes—"so much
more human than human beings"—and they watched the Agile Gibbon in
the next apartment doing wonderful leaps and aerial somersaults.</p>
<p>"I wonder which of us enjoys that most," said Capes—"does he, or do
we?"</p>
<p>"He seems to get a zest—"</p>
<p>"He does it and forgets it. We remember it. These joyful bounds just lace
into the stuff of my memories and stay there forever. Living's just
material."</p>
<p>"It's very good to be alive."</p>
<p>"It's better to know life than be life."</p>
<p>"One may do both," said Ann Veronica.</p>
<p>She was in a very uncritical state that afternoon. When he said, "Let's go
and see the wart-hog," she thought no one ever had had so quick a flow of
good ideas as he; and when he explained that sugar and not buns was the
talisman of popularity among the animals, she marvelled at his practical
omniscience.</p>
<p>Finally, at the exit into Regent's Park, they ran against Miss Klegg. It
was the expression of Miss Klegg's face that put the idea into Ann
Veronica's head of showing Manning at the College one day, an idea which
she didn't for some reason or other carry out for a fortnight.</p>
<p><SPAN name="link2H_PART" id="link2H_PART______________________________________________________________________________"></SPAN></p>
<h2> Part 2 </h2>
<p>When at last she did so, the sapphire ring took on a new quality in the
imagination of Capes. It ceased to be the symbol of liberty and a remote
and quite abstracted person, and became suddenly and very disagreeably the
token of a large and portentous body visible and tangible.</p>
<p>Manning appeared just at the end of the afternoon's work, and the
biologist was going through some perplexities the Scotchman had created by
a metaphysical treatment of the skulls of Hyrax and a young African
elephant. He was clearing up these difficulties by tracing a partially
obliterated suture the Scotchman had overlooked when the door from the
passage opened, and Manning came into his universe.</p>
<p>Seen down the length of the laboratory, Manning looked a very handsome and
shapely gentleman indeed, and, at the sight of his eager advance to his
fiancee, Miss Klegg replaced one long-cherished romance about Ann Veronica
by one more normal and simple. He carried a cane and a silk hat with a
mourning-band in one gray-gloved hand; his frock-coat and trousers were
admirable; his handsome face, his black mustache, his prominent brow
conveyed an eager solicitude.</p>
<p>"I want," he said, with a white hand outstretched, "to take you out to
tea."</p>
<p>"I've been clearing up," said Ann Veronica, brightly.</p>
<p>"All your dreadful scientific things?" he said, with a smile that Miss
Klegg thought extraordinarily kindly.</p>
<p>"All my dreadful scientific things," said Ann Veronica.</p>
<p>He stood back, smiling with an air of proprietorship, and looking about
him at the business-like equipment of the room. The low ceiling made him
seem abnormally tall. Ann Veronica wiped a scalpel, put a card over a
watch-glass containing thin shreds of embryonic guinea-pig swimming in
mauve stain, and dismantled her microscope.</p>
<p>"I wish I understood more of biology," said Manning.</p>
<p>"I'm ready," said Ann Veronica, closing her microscope-box with a click,
and looking for one brief instant up the laboratory. "We have no airs and
graces here, and my hat hangs from a peg in the passage."</p>
<p>She led the way to the door, and Manning passed behind her and round her
and opened the door for her. When Capes glanced up at them for a moment,
Manning seemed to be holding his arms all about her, and there was nothing
but quiet acquiescence in her bearing.</p>
<p>After Capes had finished the Scotchman's troubles he went back into the
preparation-room. He sat down on the sill of the open window, folded his
arms, and stared straight before him for a long time over the wilderness
of tiles and chimney-pots into a sky that was blue and empty. He was not
addicted to monologue, and the only audible comment he permitted himself
at first upon a universe that was evidently anything but satisfactory to
him that afternoon, was one compact and entirely unassigned "Damn!"</p>
<p>The word must have had some gratifying quality, because he repeated it.
Then he stood up and repeated it again. "The fool I have been!" he cried;
and now speech was coming to him. He tried this sentence with expletives.
"Ass!" he went on, still warming. "Muck-headed moral ass! I ought to have
done anything.</p>
<p>"I ought to have done anything!</p>
<p>"What's a man for?</p>
<p>"Friendship!"</p>
<p>He doubled up his fist, and seemed to contemplate thrusting it through the
window. He turned his back on that temptation. Then suddenly he seized a
new preparation bottle that stood upon his table and contained the better
part of a week's work—a displayed dissection of a snail, beautifully
done—and hurled it across the room, to smash resoundingly upon the
cemented floor under the bookcase; then, without either haste or pause, he
swept his arm along a shelf of re-agents and sent them to mingle with the
debris on the floor. They fell in a diapason of smashes. "H'm!" he said,
regarding the wreckage with a calmer visage. "Silly!" he remarked after a
pause. "One hardly knows—all the time."</p>
<p>He put his hands in his pockets, his mouth puckered to a whistle, and he
went to the door of the outer preparation-room and stood there, looking,
save for the faintest intensification of his natural ruddiness, the
embodiment of blond serenity.</p>
<p>"Gellett," he called, "just come and clear up a mess, will you? I've
smashed some things."</p>
<p><SPAN name="link2H_PART" id="link2H_PART_______________________________________________________________________________"></SPAN></p>
<h2> Part 3 </h2>
<p>There was one serious flaw in Ann Veronica's arrangements for
self-rehabilitation, and that was Ramage. He hung over her—he and
his loan to her and his connection with her and that terrible evening—a
vague, disconcerting possibility of annoyance and exposure. She could not
see any relief from this anxiety except repayment, and repayment seemed
impossible. The raising of twenty-five pounds was a task altogether beyond
her powers. Her birthday was four months away, and that, at its extremist
point, might give her another five pounds.</p>
<p>The thing rankled in her mind night and day. She would wake in the night
to repeat her bitter cry: "Oh, why did I burn those notes?"</p>
<p>It added greatly to the annoyance of the situation that she had twice seen
Ramage in the Avenue since her return to the shelter of her father's roof.
He had saluted her with elaborate civility, his eyes distended with
indecipherable meanings.</p>
<p>She felt she was bound in honor to tell the whole affair to Manning sooner
or later. Indeed, it seemed inevitable that she must clear it up with his
assistance, or not at all. And when Manning was not about the thing seemed
simple enough. She would compose extremely lucid and honorable
explanations. But when it came to broaching them, it proved to be much
more difficult than she had supposed.</p>
<p>They went down the great staircase of the building, and, while she sought
in her mind for a beginning, he broke into appreciation of her simple
dress and self-congratulations upon their engagement.</p>
<p>"It makes me feel," he said, "that nothing is impossible—to have you
here beside me. I said, that day at Surbiton, 'There's many good things in
life, but there's only one best, and that's the wild-haired girl who's
pulling away at that oar. I will make her my Grail, and some day, perhaps,
if God wills, she shall become my wife!'"</p>
<p>He looked very hard before him as he said this, and his voice was full of
deep feeling.</p>
<p>"Grail!" said Ann Veronica, and then: "Oh, yes—of course! Anything
but a holy one, I'm afraid."</p>
<p>"Altogether holy, Ann Veronica. Ah! but you can't imagine what you are to
me and what you mean to me! I suppose there is something mystical and
wonderful about all women."</p>
<p>"There is something mystical and wonderful about all human beings. I don't
see that men need bank it with the women."</p>
<p>"A man does," said Manning—"a true man, anyhow. And for me there is
only one treasure-house. By Jove! When I think of it I want to leap and
shout!"</p>
<p>"It would astonish that man with the barrow."</p>
<p>"It astonishes me that I don't," said Manning, in a tone of intense
self-enjoyment.</p>
<p>"I think," began Ann Veronica, "that you don't realize—"</p>
<p>He disregarded her entirely. He waved an arm and spoke with a peculiar
resonance. "I feel like a giant! I believe now I shall do great things.
Gods! what it must be to pour out strong, splendid verse—mighty
lines! mighty lines! If I do, Ann Veronica, it will be you. It will be
altogether you. I will dedicate my books to you. I will lay them all at
your feet."</p>
<p>He beamed upon her.</p>
<p>"I don't think you realize," Ann Veronica began again, "that I am rather a
defective human being."</p>
<p>"I don't want to," said Manning. "They say there are spots on the sun. Not
for me. It warms me, and lights me, and fills my world with flowers. Why
should I peep at it through smoked glass to see things that don't affect
me?" He smiled his delight at his companion.</p>
<p>"I've got bad faults."</p>
<p>He shook his head slowly, smiling mysteriously.</p>
<p>"But perhaps I want to confess them."</p>
<p>"I grant you absolution."</p>
<p>"I don't want absolution. I want to make myself visible to you."</p>
<p>"I wish I could make you visible to yourself. I don't believe in the
faults. They're just a joyous softening of the outline—more
beautiful than perfection. Like the flaws of an old marble. If you talk of
your faults, I shall talk of your splendors."</p>
<p>"I do want to tell you things, nevertheless."</p>
<p>"We'll have, thank God! ten myriad days to tell each other things. When I
think of it—"</p>
<p>"But these are things I want to tell you now!"</p>
<p>"I made a little song of it. Let me say it to you. I've no name for it
yet. Epithalamy might do.</p>
<p>"Like him who stood on Darien<br/>
I view uncharted sea<br/>
Ten thousand days, ten thousand nights<br/>
Before my Queen and me.<br/></p>
<p>"And that only brings me up to about sixty-five!</p>
<p>"A glittering wilderness of time<br/>
That to the sunset reaches<br/>
No keel as yet its waves has ploughed<br/>
Or gritted on its beaches.<br/>
<br/>
"And we will sail that splendor wide,<br/>
From day to day together,<br/>
From isle to isle of happiness<br/>
Through year's of God's own weather."<br/></p>
<p>"Yes," said his prospective fellow-sailor, "that's very pretty." She
stopped short, full of things un-said. Pretty! Ten thousand days, ten
thousand nights!</p>
<p>"You shall tell me your faults," said Manning. "If they matter to you,
they matter."</p>
<p>"It isn't precisely faults," said Ann Veronica. "It's something that
bothers me." Ten thousand! Put that way it seemed so different.</p>
<p>"Then assuredly!" said Manning.</p>
<p>She found a little difficulty in beginning. She was glad when he went on:
"I want to be your city of refuge from every sort of bother. I want to
stand between you and all the force and vileness of the world. I want to
make you feel that here is a place where the crowd does not clamor nor
ill-winds blow."</p>
<p>"That is all very well," said Ann Veronica, unheeded.</p>
<p>"That is my dream of you," said Manning, warming. "I want my life to be
beaten gold just in order to make it a fitting setting for yours. There
you will be, in an inner temple. I want to enrich it with hangings and
gladden it with verses. I want to fill it with fine and precious things.
And by degrees, perhaps, that maiden distrust of yours that makes you
shrink from my kisses, will vanish.... Forgive me if a certain warmth
creeps into my words! The Park is green and gray to-day, but I am glowing
pink and gold.... It is difficult to express these things."</p>
<p><SPAN name="link2H_PART" id="link2H_PART________________________________________________________________________________"></SPAN></p>
<h2> Part 4 </h2>
<p>They sat with tea and strawberries and cream before them at a little table
in front of the pavilion in Regent's Park. Her confession was still
unmade. Manning leaned forward on the table, talking discursively on the
probable brilliance of their married life. Ann Veronica sat back in an
attitude of inattention, her eyes on a distant game of cricket, her mind
perplexed and busy. She was recalling the circumstances under which she
had engaged herself to Manning, and trying to understand a curious
development of the quality of this relationship.</p>
<p>The particulars of her engagement were very clear in her memory. She had
taken care he should have this momentous talk with her on a garden-seat
commanded by the windows of the house. They had been playing tennis, with
his manifest intention looming over her.</p>
<p>"Let us sit down for a moment," he had said. He made his speech a little
elaborately. She plucked at the knots of her racket and heard him to the
end, then spoke in a restrained undertone.</p>
<p>"You ask me to be engaged to you, Mr. Manning," she began.</p>
<p>"I want to lay all my life at your feet."</p>
<p>"Mr. Manning, I do not think I love you.... I want to be very plain with
you. I have nothing, nothing that can possibly be passion for you. I am
sure. Nothing at all."</p>
<p>He was silent for some moments.</p>
<p>"Perhaps that is only sleeping," he said. "How can you know?"</p>
<p>"I think—perhaps I am rather a cold-blooded person."</p>
<p>She stopped. He remained listening attentively.</p>
<p>"You have been very kind to me," she said.</p>
<p>"I would give my life for you."</p>
<p>Her heart had warmed toward him. It had seemed to her that life might be
very good indeed with his kindliness and sacrifice about her. She thought
of him as always courteous and helpful, as realizing, indeed, his ideal of
protection and service, as chivalrously leaving her free to live her own
life, rejoicing with an infinite generosity in every detail of her
irresponsive being. She twanged the catgut under her fingers.</p>
<p>"It seems so unfair," she said, "to take all you offer me and give so
little in return."</p>
<p>"It is all the world to me. And we are not traders looking at
equivalents."</p>
<p>"You know, Mr. Manning, I do not really want to marry."</p>
<p>"No."</p>
<p>"It seems so—so unworthy"—she picked among her phrases "of the
noble love you give—"</p>
<p>She stopped, through the difficulty she found in expressing herself.</p>
<p>"But I am judge of that," said Manning.</p>
<p>"Would you wait for me?"</p>
<p>Manning was silent for a space. "As my lady wills."</p>
<p>"Would you let me go on studying for a time?"</p>
<p>"If you order patience."</p>
<p>"I think, Mr. Manning... I do not know. It is so difficult. When I think
of the love you give me—One ought to give you back love."</p>
<p>"You like me?"</p>
<p>"Yes. And I am grateful to you...."</p>
<p>Manning tapped with his racket on the turf through some moments of
silence. "You are the most perfect, the most glorious of created things—tender,
frank intellectual, brave, beautiful. I am your servitor. I am ready to
wait for you, to wait your pleasure, to give all my life to winning it.
Let me only wear your livery. Give me but leave to try. You want to think
for a time, to be free for a time. That is so like you, Diana—Pallas
Athene! (Pallas Athene is better.) You are all the slender goddesses. I
understand. Let me engage myself. That is all I ask."</p>
<p>She looked at him; his face, downcast and in profile, was handsome and
strong. Her gratitude swelled within her.</p>
<p>"You are too good for me," she said in a low voice.</p>
<p>"Then you—you will?"</p>
<p>A long pause.</p>
<p>"It isn't fair...."</p>
<p>"But will you?"</p>
<p>"YES."</p>
<p>For some seconds he had remained quite still.</p>
<p>"If I sit here," he said, standing up before her abruptly, "I shall have
to shout. Let us walk about. Tum, tum, tirray, tum, tum, tum, te-tum—that
thing of Mendelssohn's! If making one human being absolutely happy is any
satisfaction to you—"</p>
<p>He held out his hands, and she also stood up.</p>
<p>He drew her close up to him with a strong, steady pull. Then suddenly, in
front of all those windows, he folded her in his arms and pressed her to
him, and kissed her unresisting face.</p>
<p>"Don't!" cried Ann Veronica, struggling faintly, and he released her.</p>
<p>"Forgive me," he said. "But I am at singing-pitch."</p>
<p>She had a moment of sheer panic at the thing she had done. "Mr. Manning,"
she said, "for a time—Will you tell no one? Will you keep this—our
secret? I'm doubtful—Will you please not even tell my aunt?"</p>
<p>"As you will," he said. "But if my manner tells! I cannot help it if that
shows. You only mean a secret for a little time?"</p>
<p>"Just for a little time," she said; "yes...."</p>
<p>But the ring, and her aunt's triumphant eye, and a note of approval in her
father's manner, and a novel disposition in him to praise Manning in a
just, impartial voice had soon placed very definite qualifications upon
that covenanted secrecy.</p>
<p><SPAN name="link2H_PART" id="link2H_PART_________________________________________________________________________________"></SPAN></p>
<h2> Part 5 </h2>
<p>At first the quality of her relationship to Manning seemed moving and
beautiful to Ann Veronica. She admired and rather pitied him, and she was
unfeignedly grateful to him. She even thought that perhaps she might come
to love him, in spite of that faint indefinable flavor of absurdity that
pervaded his courtly bearing. She would never love him as she loved Capes,
of course, but there are grades and qualities of love. For Manning it
would be a more temperate love altogether. Much more temperate; the
discreet and joyless love of a virtuous, reluctant, condescending wife.
She had been quite convinced that an engagement with him and at last a
marriage had exactly that quality of compromise which distinguishes the
ways of the wise. It would be the wrappered world almost at its best. She
saw herself building up a life upon that—a life restrained, kindly,
beautiful, a little pathetic and altogether dignified; a life of great
disciplines and suppressions and extensive reserves...</p>
<p>But the Ramage affair needed clearing up, of course; it was a flaw upon
that project. She had to explain about and pay off that forty pounds....</p>
<p>Then, quite insensibly, her queenliness had declined. She was never able
to trace the changes her attitude had undergone, from the time when she
believed herself to be the pampered Queen of Fortune, the crown of a good
man's love (and secretly, but nobly, worshipping some one else), to the
time when she realized she was in fact just a mannequin for her lover's
imagination, and that he cared no more for the realities of her being, for
the things she felt and desired, for the passions and dreams that might
move her, than a child cares for the sawdust in its doll. She was the
actress his whim had chosen to play a passive part....</p>
<p>It was one of the most educational disillusionments in Ann Veronica's
career.</p>
<p>But did many women get anything better?</p>
<p>This afternoon, when she was urgent to explain her hampering and tainting
complication with Ramage, the realization of this alien quality in her
relationship with Manning became acute. Hitherto it had been qualified by
her conception of all life as a compromise, by her new effort to be
unexacting of life. But she perceived that to tell Manning of her Ramage
adventures as they had happened would be like tarring figures upon a
water-color. They were in different key, they had a different timbre. How
could she tell him what indeed already began to puzzle herself, why she
had borrowed that money at all? The plain fact was that she had grabbed a
bait. She had grabbed! She became less and less attentive to his
meditative, self-complacent fragments of talk as she told herself this.
Her secret thoughts made some hasty, half-hearted excursions into the
possibility of telling the thing in romantic tones—Ramage was as a
black villain, she as a white, fantastically white, maiden.... She doubted
if Manning would even listen to that. He would refuse to listen and
absolve her unshriven.</p>
<p>Then it came to her with a shock, as an extraordinary oversight, that she
could never tell Manning about Ramage—never.</p>
<p>She dismissed the idea of doing so. But that still left the forty
pounds!...</p>
<p>Her mind went on generalizing. So it would always be between herself and
Manning. She saw her life before her robbed of all generous illusions, the
wrappered life unwrappered forever, vistas of dull responses, crises of
make-believe, years of exacting mutual disregard in a misty garden of fine
sentiments.</p>
<p>But did any woman get anything better from a man? Perhaps every woman
conceals herself from a man perforce!...</p>
<p>She thought of Capes. She could not help thinking of Capes. Surely Capes
was different. Capes looked at one and not over one, spoke to one, treated
one as a visible concrete fact. Capes saw her, felt for her, cared for her
greatly, even if he did not love her. Anyhow, he did not sentimentalize
her. And she had been doubting since that walk in the Zoological Gardens
whether, indeed, he did simply care for her. Little things, almost
impalpable, had happened to justify that doubt; something in his manner
had belied his words. Did he not look for her in the morning when she
entered—come very quickly to her? She thought of him as she had last
seen him looking down the length of the laboratory to see her go. Why had
he glanced up—quite in that way?...</p>
<p>The thought of Capes flooded her being like long-veiled sunlight breaking
again through clouds. It came to her like a dear thing rediscovered, that
she loved Capes. It came to her that to marry any one but Capes was
impossible. If she could not marry him, she would not marry any one. She
would end this sham with Manning. It ought never to have begun. It was
cheating, pitiful cheating. And then if some day Capes wanted her—saw
fit to alter his views upon friendship....</p>
<p>Dim possibilities that she would not seem to look at even to herself
gesticulated in the twilight background of her mind.</p>
<p>She leaped suddenly at a desperate resolution, and in one moment had made
it into a new self. She flung aside every plan she had in life, every
discretion. Of course, why not? She would be honest, anyhow!</p>
<p>She turned her eyes to Manning.</p>
<p>He was sitting back from the table now, with one arm over the back of his
green chair and the other resting on the little table. He was smiling
under his heavy mustache, and his head was a little on one side as he
looked at her.</p>
<p>"And what was that dreadful confession you had to make?" he was saying.
His quiet, kindly smile implied his serene disbelief in any confessible
thing. Ann Veronica pushed aside a tea-cup and the vestiges of her
strawberries and cream, and put her elbows before her on the table. "Mr.
Manning," she said, "I HAVE a confession to make."</p>
<p>"I wish you would use my Christian name," he said.</p>
<p>She attended to that, and then dismissed it as unimportant.</p>
<p>Something in her voice and manner conveyed an effect of unwonted gravity
to him. For the first time he seemed to wonder what it might be that she
had to confess. His smile faded.</p>
<p>"I don't think our engagement can go on," she plunged, and felt exactly
that loss of breath that comes with a dive into icy water.</p>
<p>"But, how," he said, sitting up astonished beyond measure, "not go on?"</p>
<p>"I have been thinking while you have been talking. You see—I didn't
understand."</p>
<p>She stared hard at her finger-nails. "It is hard to express one's self,
but I do want to be honest with you. When I promised to marry you I
thought I could; I thought it was a possible arrangement. I did think it
could be done. I admired your chivalry. I was grateful."</p>
<p>She paused.</p>
<p>"Go on," he said.</p>
<p>She moved her elbow nearer to him and spoke in a still lower tone. "I told
you I did not love you."</p>
<p>"I know," said Manning, nodding gravely. "It was fine and brave of you."</p>
<p>"But there is something more."</p>
<p>She paused again.</p>
<p>"I—I am sorry—I didn't explain. These things are difficult. It
wasn't clear to me that I had to explain.... I love some one else."</p>
<p>They remained looking at each other for three or four seconds. Then
Manning flopped back in his chair and dropped his chin like a man shot.
There was a long silence between them.</p>
<p>"My God!" he said at last, with tremendous feeling, and then again, "My
God!"</p>
<p>Now that this thing was said her mind was clear and calm. She heard this
standard expression of a strong soul wrung with a critical coldness that
astonished herself. She realized dimly that there was no personal thing
behind his cry, that countless myriads of Mannings had "My God!"-ed with
an equal gusto at situations as flatly apprehended. This mitigated her
remorse enormously. He rested his brow on his hand and conveyed
magnificent tragedy by his pose.</p>
<p>"But why," he said in the gasping voice of one subduing an agony, and
looked at her from under a pain-wrinkled brow, "why did you not tell me
this before?"</p>
<p>"I didn't know—I thought I might be able to control myself."</p>
<p>"And you can't?"</p>
<p>"I don't think I ought to control myself."</p>
<p>"And I have been dreaming and thinking—"</p>
<p>"I am frightfully sorry...."</p>
<p>"But—This bolt from the blue! My God! Ann Veronica, you don't
understand. This—this shatters a world!"</p>
<p>She tried to feel sorry, but her sense of his immense egotism was strong
and clear.</p>
<p>He went on with intense urgency.</p>
<p>"Why did you ever let me love you? Why did you ever let me peep through
the gates of Paradise? Oh! my God! I don't begin to feel and realize this
yet. It seems to me just talk; it seems to me like the fancy of a dream.
Tell me I haven't heard. This is a joke of yours." He made his voice very
low and full, and looked closely into her face.</p>
<p>She twisted her fingers tightly. "It isn't a joke," she said. "I feel
shabby and disgraced.... I ought never to have thought of it. Of you, I
mean...."</p>
<p>He fell back in his chair with an expression of tremendous desolation. "My
God!" he said again....</p>
<p>They became aware of the waitress standing over them with book and pencil
ready for their bill. "Never mind the bill," said Manning tragically,
standing up and thrusting a four-shilling piece into her hand, and turning
a broad back on her astonishment. "Let us walk across the Park at least,"
he said to Ann Veronica. "Just at present my mind simply won't take hold
of this at all.... I tell you—never mind the bill. Keep it! Keep
it!"</p>
<p><SPAN name="link2H_PART" id="link2H_PART__________________________________________________________________________________"></SPAN></p>
<h2> Part 6 </h2>
<p>They walked a long way that afternoon. They crossed the Park to the
westward, and then turned back and walked round the circle about the Royal
Botanical Gardens and then southwardly toward Waterloo. They trudged and
talked, and Manning struggled, as he said, to "get the hang of it all."</p>
<p>It was a long, meandering talk, stupid, shameful, and unavoidable. Ann
Veronica was apologetic to the bottom of her soul. At the same time she
was wildly exultant at the resolution she had taken, the end she had made
to her blunder. She had only to get through this, to solace Manning as
much as she could, to put such clumsy plasterings on his wounds as were
possible, and then, anyhow, she would be free—free to put her fate
to the test. She made a few protests, a few excuses for her action in
accepting him, a few lame explanations, but he did not heed them or care
for them. Then she realized that it was her business to let Manning talk
and impose his own interpretations upon the situation so far as he was
concerned. She did her best to do this. But about his unknown rival he was
acutely curious.</p>
<p>He made her tell him the core of the difficulty.</p>
<p>"I cannot say who he is," said Ann Veronica, "but he is a married man....
No! I do not even know that he cares for me. It is no good going into
that. Only I just want him. I just want him, and no one else will do. It
is no good arguing about a thing like that."</p>
<p>"But you thought you could forget him."</p>
<p>"I suppose I must have thought so. I didn't understand. Now I do."</p>
<p>"By God!" said Manning, making the most of the word, "I suppose it's fate.
Fate! You are so frank so splendid!</p>
<p>"I'm taking this calmly now," he said, almost as if he apologized,
"because I'm a little stunned."</p>
<p>Then he asked, "Tell me! has this man, has he DARED to make love to you?"</p>
<p>Ann Veronica had a vicious moment. "I wish he had," she said.</p>
<p>"But—"</p>
<p>The long inconsecutive conversation by that time was getting on her
nerves. "When one wants a thing more than anything else in the world," she
said with outrageous frankness, "one naturally wishes one had it."</p>
<p>She shocked him by that. She shattered the edifice he was building up of
himself as a devoted lover, waiting only his chance to win her from a
hopeless and consuming passion.</p>
<p>"Mr. Manning," she said, "I warned you not to idealize me. Men ought not
to idealize any woman. We aren't worth it. We've done nothing to deserve
it. And it hampers us. You don't know the thoughts we have; the things we
can do and say. You are a sisterless man; you have never heard the
ordinary talk that goes on at a girls' boarding-school."</p>
<p>"Oh! but you ARE splendid and open and fearless! As if I couldn't allow!
What are all these little things? Nothing! Nothing! You can't sully
yourself. You can't! I tell you frankly you may break off your engagement
to me—I shall hold myself still engaged to you, yours just the same.
As for this infatuation—it's like some obsession, some magic thing
laid upon you. It's not you—not a bit. It's a thing that's happened
to you. It is like some accident. I don't care. In a sense I don't care.
It makes no difference.... All the same, I wish I had that fellow by the
throat! Just the virile, unregenerate man in me wishes that....</p>
<p>"I suppose I should let go if I had.</p>
<p>"You know," he went on, "this doesn't seem to me to end anything.</p>
<p>"I'm rather a persistent person. I'm the sort of dog, if you turn it out
of the room it lies down on the mat at the door. I'm not a lovesick boy.
I'm a man, and I know what I mean. It's a tremendous blow, of course—but
it doesn't kill me. And the situation it makes!—the situation!"</p>
<p>Thus Manning, egotistical, inconsecutive, unreal. And Ann Veronica walked
beside him, trying in vain to soften her heart to him by the thought of
how she had ill-used him, and all the time, as her feet and mind grew
weary together, rejoicing more and more that at the cost of this one
interminable walk she escaped the prospect of—what was it?—"Ten
thousand days, ten thousand nights" in his company. Whatever happened she
need never return to that possibility.</p>
<p>"For me," Manning went on, "this isn't final. In a sense it alters
nothing. I shall still wear your favor—even if it is a stolen and
forbidden favor—in my casque.... I shall still believe in you. Trust
you."</p>
<p>He repeated several times that he would trust her, though it remained
obscure just exactly where the trust came in.</p>
<p>"Look here," he cried out of a silence, with a sudden flash of
understanding, "did you mean to throw me over when you came out with me
this afternoon?"</p>
<p>Ann Veronica hesitated, and with a startled mind realized the truth. "No,"
she answered, reluctantly.</p>
<p>"Very well," said Manning. "Then I don't take this as final. That's all.
I've bored you or something.... You think you love this other man! No
doubt you do love him. Before you have lived—"</p>
<p>He became darkly prophetic. He thrust out a rhetorical hand.</p>
<p>"I will MAKE you love me! Until he has faded—faded into a memory..."</p>
<p>He saw her into the train at Waterloo, and stood, a tall, grave figure,
with hat upraised, as the carriage moved forward slowly and hid him. Ann
Veronica sat back with a sigh of relief. Manning might go on now
idealizing her as much as he liked. She was no longer a confederate in
that. He might go on as the devoted lover until he tired. She had done
forever with the Age of Chivalry, and her own base adaptations of its
traditions to the compromising life. She was honest again.</p>
<p>But when she turned her thoughts to Morningside Park she perceived the
tangled skein of life was now to be further complicated by his romantic
importunity.</p>
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