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Society as I Have Found It

<h3>CHAPTER XVI.</h3> <div class="blockquot">Grand Banquet to a Bride-elect—She sat in a bank of Roses with Fountains playing around her—An Anecdote of Almack’s—The way the Duke of Wellington introduced my Father and Dominick Lynch to the Swells—I determine to have an American Almacks’—The way the “Patriarchs’” was founded—The One-man Power Abolished—Success of the Organization. </div> The two young women of the most distinguished bearing in my day in this country were, in my opinion, the one the daughter of our ex-Secretary of State and ex-Governor, the other the daughter of my friend, the Major. They both looked as born of noble race, and were always, when they appeared, the centre of attraction. When the engagement of the Major’s daughter was announced, one of her admirers asked me to go with him to Charles Delmonico, as he was desirous of giving this fair lady a Banquet, to commemorate the initial step she had taken in woman’s career. In the words of the poet, she was then <div class="poetry"> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> “A thought matured, but not uttered, A conception warm and glowing, not yet embodied.” </div> </div></div> {208} Now, all was to expand into noble womanhood, and she must needs put away childish things and bid a sweet farewell to all who had worshipped at her shrine. This worshipper wanted to make this an occasion in her life, as well as his; so with Delmonico’s genius we were to conceive a banquet for this fair maid, at which, like a Queen of May, she was to sit in a bower of roses. And this she literally did, placed there by her host, a scion of one of New York’s oldest families, whose family was interwoven with the Livingstons, and by marriage closely connected with the great Robert Fulton. It was the first of these lavish and gorgeous entertainments, known as Banquets. Fifty-eight guests dining in Delmonico’s large ball-room; the immense oval table filling the whole room, and covered with masses of exquisite flowers. There were three fountains, one in the centre, and the others at each end of the table, throwing up a gentle spray of water, but always so planned that nothing on the{209} table in any way impeded the sight; one from all sides of it could see over these beautiful flower-beds and through the spray. A cotillion followed the dinner, and then back all returned to the dining-room and supped as the early dawn crept on us. Close association at a small watering-place naturally produces jars. People cannot always agree. When you become very rich and powerful, and people pay you court, it follows in many cases that you become exacting and domineering. It soon became evident that people of moderate means, who had no social power to boast of, must needs be set aside and crowded out if the one-man power, or even the united power of two or three colossally rich men, controlled society. One reflected that that would not work. The homage we pay to a society leader must come from the esteem and admiration which is felt for him, but must not be exacted or forced. It occurred then to me, that if one in any{210} way got out with the powers that be, his position might become critical, and he so forced out of the way as to really lose his social footing. Where then was the remedy for all this? How avoid this contingency? On reflection I reached this conclusion, that in a country like ours there was always strength in union; that to blend together the solid, respectable element of any community for any project, was to create a power that would carry to success almost any enterprise; therefore, returning to New York for the winter, I looked around society and invoked the aid of the then quiet representative men of this city, to help me form an association for the purpose of giving our winter balls. As a child, I had often listened with great interest to my father’s account of his visit to London, with Dominick Lynch, the greatest swell and beau that New York had ever known. He would describe his going with this friend to Almack’s, finding themselves{211} in a brilliant assemblage of people, knowing no one, and no one deigning to notice them; Lynch, turning to my father, exclaimed: “Well, my friend, geese indeed were we to thrust ourselves in here where we are evidently not wanted.” He had hardly finished the sentence, when the Duke of Wellington (to whom they had brought letters, and who had sent them tickets to Almack’s) entered, looked around, and, seeing them, at once approached them, took each by the arm, and walked them twice up and down the room; then, pleading an engagement, said “good-night” and left. Their countenances fell as he rapidly left the room, but the door had barely closed on him, when all crowded around them, and in a few minutes they were presented to every one of note, and had a charming evening. He described to us how Almack’s originated,—all by the banding together of powerful women of influence for the purpose of getting up these balls, and in this way making them{212} the greatest social events of London society. Remembering all this, I resolved in 1872 to establish in New York an American Almack’s, taking men instead of women, being careful to select only the leading representative men of the city, who had the right to create and lead society. I knew all would depend upon our making a proper selection. There is one rule in life I invariably carry out—never to rely wholly on my own judgment, but to get the advice of others, weigh it well and satisfy myself of its correctness, and then act on it. I went in this city to those who could make the best analysis of men; who knew their past as well as their present, and could foresee their future. In this way, I made up an Executive Committee of three gentlemen, who daily met at my house, and we went to work in earnest to make a list of those we should ask to join in the undertaking. One of this Committee, a very bright,{213} clever man, hit upon the name of Patriarchs for the Association, which was at once adopted, and then, after some discussion, we limited the number of Patriarchs to twenty-five, and that each Patriarch, for his subscription, should have the right of inviting to each ball four ladies and five gentlemen, including himself and family; that all distinguished strangers, up to fifty, should be asked; and then established the rules governing the giving of these balls—all of which, with some slight modifications, have been carried out to the letter to this day. The following gentlemen were then asked to become “Patriarchs,” and at once joined the little band: <table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="" style="font-size:75%;"> <tr valign="top"><td> JOHN JACOB ASTOR, WILLIAM ASTOR, DE LANCEY KANE, WARD MCALLISTER, GEORGE HENRY WARREN, EUGENE A. LIVINGSTON, WILLIAM BUTLER DUNCAN,    E. TEMPLETON SNELLING, LEWIS COLFORD JONES, JOHN W. HAMERSLEY, BENJAMIN S. WELLES, FREDERICK SHELDON,</td><td> ROYAL PHELPS, EDWIN A. POST, A. GRACIE KING, LEWIS M. RUTHERFORD, ROBERT G. REMSEN, WM. C. SCHERMERHORN, FRANCIS R. RIVES, MATURIN LIVINGSTON, ALEX. VAN RENSSELAER, WALTER LANGDON, F. G. D’HAUTEVILLE, C. C. GOODHUE,</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" class="c">WILLIAM R. TRAVERS. </td></tr> </table> {214} The object we had in view was to make these balls thoroughly representative; to embrace the old Colonial New Yorkers, our adopted citizens, and men whose ability and integrity had won the esteem of the community, and who formed an important element in society. We wanted the money power, but not in any way to be controlled by it. Patriarchs were chosen solely for their fitness; on each of them promising to invite to each ball only such people as would do credit to the ball. We then resolved that the responsibility of inviting each batch of nine guests should rest upon the shoulders of the Patriarch who invited them, and that if any objectionable element was introduced, it was the Management’s duty to at once let it be known by whom such objectionable party was invited, and to notify the Patriarch so offending, that he had done us an injury, and pray him to be more circumspect. He then stood before the community as a sponsor of his guest, and all society, knowing the offense he had{215} committed, would so upbraid him, that he would go and sin no more. We knew then, and we know now, that the whole secret of the success of these Patriarch Balls lay in making them select; in making them the most brilliant balls of each winter; in making it extremely difficult to obtain an invitation to them, and to make such invitations of great value; to make them the stepping-stone to the best New York society, that one might be sure that any one repeatedly invited to them had a secure social position, and to make them the best managed, the best looked-after balls given in this city. I soon became as much interested in them as if I were giving them in my own house; their success I felt was my success, and their failure, my failure; and be assured, this identifying oneself with any undertaking is the secret of its success. One should never say, “Oh, it is a subscription ball; I’m not responsible for it.” It must always be said, “I must be more careful in doing this for others, than in doing it{216} for myself.” Nothing must be kept in view but the great result to be reached, i.e. the success of the entertainment, the pleasure of the whole. When petitioned to curtail the expense, lower the subscription, our reply has always been, “We cannot do it if it endangers the success of the balls. While we give them, let us make them the great social events in New York society; make our suppers the best that can be given in this city; decorate our rooms as lavishly as good taste permits, spare no expense to make them a credit to ourselves and to the great city in which they are given.” The social life of a great part of our community, in my opinion, hinges on this and similar organizations, for it and they are organized social power, capable of giving a passport to society to all worthy of it. We thought it would not be wise to allow a handful of men having royal fortunes to have a sovereign’s prerogative, i.e. to say whom society shall receive, and whom society{217} shall shut out. We thought it better to try and place such power in the hands of representative men, the choice falling on them solely because of their worth, respectability, and responsibility. {218} {219} <h2>A GOLDEN AGE OF FEASTING.</h2> {220}  {221}  <div style="break-after:column;"></div>

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