<h2> CHAPTER XL </h2>
<p>——Contentious fierce,<br/>
Ardent, and dire, spring from no petty cause.<br/>
—ALBION.<br/></p>
<p>The quarrels between man and wife are proverbial; but let not these honest
folks think that connections of a less permanent nature are free from
similar jars. The frolic of the Duke of Buckingham, and the subsequent
escape of Alice Bridgenorth, had kindled fierce dissension in Chiffinch’s
family, when, on his arrival in town, he learned these two stunning
events: “I tell you,” he said to his obliging helpmate, who seemed but
little moved by all that he could say on the subject, “that your d—d
carelessness has ruined the work of years.”</p>
<p>“I think it is the twentieth time you have said so,” replied the dame;
“and without such frequent assurance, I was quite ready to believe that a
very trifling matter would overset any scheme of yours, however long
thought of.”</p>
<p>“How on earth could you have the folly to let the Duke into the house when
you expected the King?” said the irritated courtier.</p>
<p>“Lord, Chiffinch,” answered the lady, “ought not you to ask the porter
rather than me, that sort of question?—I was putting on my cap to
receive his Majesty.”</p>
<p>“With the address of a madge-howlet,” said Chiffinch, “and in the
meanwhile you gave the cat the cream to keep.”</p>
<p>“Indeed, Chiffinch,” said the lady, “these jaunts to the country do render
you excessively vulgar! there is a brutality about your very boots! nay,
your muslin ruffles, being somewhat soiled, give to your knuckles a sort
of rural rusticity, as I may call it.”</p>
<p>“It were a good deed,” muttered Chiffinch, “to make both boots and
knuckles bang the folly and affectation out of thee.” Then speaking aloud,
he added, like a man who would fain break off an argument, by extorting
from his adversary a confession that he has reason on his side, “I am
sure, Kate, you must be sensible that our all depends on his Majesty’s
pleasure.”</p>
<p>“Leave that to me,” said she; “I know how to pleasure his Majesty better
than you can teach me. Do you think his Majesty is booby enough to cry
like a schoolboy because his sparrow has flown away? His Majesty has
better taste. I am surprised at you, Chiffinch,” she added, drawing
herself up, “who were once thought to know the points of a fine woman,
that you should have made such a roaring about this country wench. Why,
she has not even the country quality of being plump as a barn-door fowl,
but is more like a Dunstable lark, that one must crack bones and all if
you would make a mouthful of it. What signifies whence she came, or where
she goes? There will be those behind that are much more worthy of his
Majesty’s condescending attention, even when the Duchess of Portsmouth
takes the frumps.”</p>
<p>“You mean your neighbour, Mistress Nelly,” said her worthy helpmate; “but
Kate, her date is out. Wit she has, let her keep herself warm with it in
worse company, for the cant of a gang of strollers is not language for a
prince’s chamber.” [*]</p>
<p>[*] In Evelyn’s Memoirs is the following curious passage respecting<br/>
Nell Gwyn, who is hinted at in the text:—“I walked with him [King<br/>
Charles II.] through Saint James Park to the garden, where I both<br/>
saw and heard a very familiar discourse between... [<i>the King</i>]<br/>
and Mrs. Nelly, as they called her, an intimate comedian, she<br/>
looking out of her garden on a terrace at the top of the wall, and<br/>
[<i>the King</i>] standing on the green walk under it. I was heartily<br/>
sorry at this scene.”—EVELYN’S <i>Memoirs</i>, vol. i. p.413.<br/></p>
<p>“It is no matter what I mean, or whom I mean,” said Mrs. Chiffinch; “but I
tell you, Tom Chiffinch, that you will find your master quite consoled for
loss of the piece of prudish puritanism that you would need saddle him
with; as if the good man were not plagued enough with them in Parliament,
but you must, forsooth, bring them into his very bedchamber.”</p>
<p>“Well, Kate,” said Chiffinch, “if a man were to speak all the sense of the
seven wise masters, a woman would find nonsense enough to overwhelm him
with; so I shall say no more, but that I would to Heaven I may find the
King in no worse humour than you describe him. I am commanded to attend
him down the river to the Tower to-day, where he is to make some survey of
arms and stores. They are clever fellows who contrive to keep Rowley from
engaging in business, for, by my word, he has a turn for it.”</p>
<p>“I warrant you,” said Chiffinch the female, nodding, but rather to her own
figure, reflected from a mirror, than to her politic husband,—“I
warrant you we will find means of occupying him that will sufficiently
fill up his time.”</p>
<p>“On my honour, Kate,” said the male Chiffinch, “I find you strangely
altered, and, to speak truth, grown most extremely opinionative. I shall
be happy if you have good reason for your confidence.”</p>
<p>The dame smiled superciliously, but deigned no other answer, unless this
were one,—“I shall order a boat to go upon the Thames to-day with
the royal party.”</p>
<p>“Take care what you do, Kate; there are none dare presume so far but women
of the first rank. Duchess of Bolton—of Buckingham—of——”</p>
<p>“Who cares for a list of names? why may not I be as forward as the
greatest B. amongst your string of them?”</p>
<p>“Nay, faith, thou mayest match the greatest B. in Court already,” answered
Chiffinch; “so e’en take thy own course of it. But do not let Chaubert
forget to get some collation ready, and a <i>souper au petit couvert</i>,
in case it should be commanded for the evening.”</p>
<p>“Ay, there your boasted knowledge of Court matters begins and ends.—Chiffinch,
Chaubert, and Company;—dissolve that partnership, and you break Tom
Chiffinch for a courtier.”</p>
<p>“Amen, Kate,” replied Chiffinch; “and let me tell you it is as safe to
rely on another person’s fingers as on our own wit. But I must give orders
for the water.—If you will take the pinnace, there are the
cloth-of-gold cushions in the chapel may serve to cover the benches for
the day. They are never wanted where they lie, so you may make free with
them too.”</p>
<p>Madam Chiffinch accordingly mingled with the flotilla which attended the
King on his voyage down the Thames, amongst whom was the Queen, attended
by some of the principal ladies of the Court. The little plump Cleopatra,
dressed to as much advantage as her taste could devise, and seated upon
her embroidered cushions like Venus in her shell, neglected nothing that
effrontery and minauderie could perform to draw upon herself some portion
of the King’s observation; but Charles was not in the vein, and did not
even pay her the slightest passing attention of any kind, until her
boatmen having ventured to approach nearer to the Queen’s barge than
etiquette permitted, received a peremptory order to back their oars, and
fall out of the royal procession. Madam Chiffinch cried for spite, and
transgressed Solomon’s warning, by cursing the King in her heart; but had
no better course than to return to Westminster, and direct Chaubert’s
preparations for the evening.</p>
<p>In the meantime the royal barge paused at the Tower; and, accompanied by a
laughing train of ladies and of courtiers, the gay Monarch made the echoes
of the old prison-towers ring with the unwonted sounds of mirth and
revelry. As they ascended from the river-side to the centre of the
building, where the fine old keep of William the Conqueror, called the
White Tower, predominates over the exterior defences, Heaven only knows
how many gallant jests, good or bad, were run on the comparison of his
Majesty’s state-prison to that of Cupid, and what killing similes were
drawn between the ladies’ eyes and the guns of the fortress, which, spoken
with a fashionable congée, and listened to with a smile from a fair lady,
formed the fine conversations of the day.</p>
<p>This gay swarm of flutterers did not, however, attend close on the King’s
person, though they had accompanied him upon his party on the river.
Charles, who often formed manly and sensible resolutions, though he was
too easily diverted from them by indolence or pleasure, had some desire to
make himself personally acquainted with the state of the military stores,
arms, &c. of which the Tower was then, as now, the magazine; and,
although he had brought with him the usual number of his courtiers, only
three or four attended him on the scrutiny which he intended. Whilst,
therefore, the rest of the train amused themselves as they might in other
parts of the Tower, the King, accompanied by the Dukes of Buckingham,
Ormond, and one or two others, walked through the well-known hall, in
which is preserved the most splendid magazine of arms in the world, and
which, though far from exhibiting its present extraordinary state of
perfection, was even then an arsenal worthy of the great nation to which
it belonged.</p>
<p>The Duke of Ormond, well known for his services during the Great Civil
War, was, as we have elsewhere noticed, at present rather on cold terms
with his Sovereign, who nevertheless asked his advice on many occasions,
and who required it on the present amongst others, when it was not a
little feared that the Parliament, in their zeal for the Protestant
religion, might desire to take the magazines of arms and ammunition under
their own exclusive orders. While Charles sadly hinted at such a
termination of the popular jealousies of the period, and discussed with
Ormond the means of resisting, or evading it, Buckingham, falling a little
behind, amused himself with ridiculing the antiquated appearance and
embarrassed demeanour of the old warder who attended on the occasion, and
who chanced to be the very same who escorted Julian Peveril to his present
place of confinement. The Duke prosecuted his raillery with the greater
activity, that he found the old man, though restrained by the place and
presence, was rather upon the whole testy, and disposed to afford what
sportsmen call <i>play</i> to his persecutor. The various pieces of
ancient armour, with which the wall was covered, afforded the principal
source of the Duke’s wit, as he insisted upon knowing from the old man,
who, he said, could best remember matters from the days of King Arthur
downwards at the least, the history of the different warlike weapons, and
anecdotes of the battles in which they had been wielded. The old man
obviously suffered, when he was obliged, by repeated questions, to tell
the legends (often sufficiently absurd) which the tradition of the place
had assigned to particular relics. Far from flourishing his partisan, and
augmenting the emphasis of his voice, as was and is the prevailing fashion
of these warlike Ciceroni, it was scarcely possible to extort from him a
single word concerning those topics on which their information is usually
overflowing.</p>
<p>“Do you know, my friend,” said the Duke to him at last, “I begin to change
my mind respecting you. I supposed you must have served as a Yeoman of the
Guard since bluff King Henry’s time, and expected to hear something from
you about the Field of the Cloth of Gold,—and I thought of asking
you the colour of Anne Bullen’s breastknot, which cost the Pope three
kingdoms; but I am afraid you are but a novice in such recollections of
love and chivalry. Art sure thou didst not creep into thy warlike office
from some dark shop in Tower-Hamlets, and that thou hast not converted an
unlawful measuring-yard into that glorious halberd?—I warrant thou
canst not even tell you whom this piece of antique panoply pertained to?”</p>
<p>The Duke pointed at random to a cuirass which hung amongst others, but was
rather remarkable from being better cleansed.</p>
<p>“I should know that piece of iron,” said the warder bluntly, yet with some
change in his voice; “for I have known a man within side of it who would
not have endured half the impertinence I have heard spoken to-day.”</p>
<p>The tone of the old man, as well as the words, attracted the attention of
Charles and the Duke of Ormond, who were only two steps before the
speaker. They both stopped, and turned round; the former saying at the
same time,—“how now, sirrah!—what answers are these?—What
man do you speak of?”</p>
<p>“Of one who is none now,” said the warder, “whatever he may have been.”</p>
<p>“The old man surely speaks of himself,” said the Duke of Ormond, closely
examining the countenance of the warder, which he in vain endeavoured to
turn away. “I am sure I remember these features—Are not you my old
friend, Major Coleby?”</p>
<p>“I wish your Grace’s memory had been less accurate,” said the old man,
colouring deeply, and fixing his eyes on the ground.</p>
<p>The King was greatly shocked.—“Good God!” he said, “the gallant
Major Coleby, who joined us with his four sons and a hundred and fifty men
at Warrington!—And is this all we could do for an old Worcester
friend?”</p>
<p>The tears rushed thick into the old man’s eyes as he said in broken
accents, “Never mind me, sire; I am well enough here—a worn-out
soldier rusting among old armour. Where one old Cavalier is better, there
are twenty worse.—I am sorry your Majesty should know anything of
it, since it grieves you.”</p>
<p>With that kindness, which was a redeeming point of his character, Charles,
while the old man was speaking, took the partisan from him with his own
hand, and put it into that of Buckingham, saying, “What Coleby’s hand has
borne, can disgrace neither yours nor mine,—and you owe him this
atonement. Time has been with him, that, for less provocation, he would
have laid it about your ears.”</p>
<p>The Duke bowed deeply, but coloured with resentment, and took an immediate
opportunity to place the weapon carelessly against a pile of arms. The
King did not observe a contemptuous motion, which, perhaps, would not have
pleased him, being at the moment occupied with the veteran, whom he
exhorted to lean upon him, as he conveyed him to a seat, permitting no
other person to assist him. “Rest there,” he said, “my brave old friend;
and Charles Stewart must be poor indeed, if you wear that dress an hour
longer.—You look very pale, my good Coleby, to have had so much
colour a few minutes since. Be not vexed at what Buckingham says; no one
minds his folly.—You look worse and worse. Come, come, you are too
much hurried by this meeting. Sit still—do not rise—do not
attempt to kneel. I command you to repose yourself till I have made the
round of these apartments.”</p>
<p>The old Cavalier stooped his head in token of acquiescence in the command
of his Sovereign, but he raised it not again. The tumultuous agitation of
the moment had been too much for spirits which had been long in a state of
depression, and health which was much decayed. When the King and his
attendants, after half-an-hour’s absence, returned to the spot where they
had left the veteran, they found him dead, and already cold, in the
attitude of one who has fallen easily asleep. The King was dreadfully
shocked; and it was with a low and faltering voice that he directed the
body, in due time, to be honourably buried in the chapel of the Tower.[*]
He was then silent, until he attained the steps in front of the arsenal,
where the party in attendance upon his person began to assemble at his
approach, along with some other persons of respectable appearance, whom
curiosity had attracted.</p>
<p>[*] A story of this nature is current in the legends of the Tower. The<br/>
affecting circumstances are, I believe, recorded in one of the<br/>
little manuals which are put into the hands of visitors, but are<br/>
not to be found in the later editions.<br/></p>
<p>“This is dreadful,” said the King. “We must find some means of relieving
the distresses, and rewarding the fidelity of our suffering followers, or
posterity will cry fie upon our memory.”</p>
<p>“Your Majesty has had often such plans agitated in your Council,” said
Buckingham.</p>
<p>“True, George,” said the King. “I can safely say it is not my fault. I
have thought of it for years.”</p>
<p>“It cannot be too well considered,” said Buckingham; “besides, every year
makes the task of relief easier.”</p>
<p>“True,” said the Duke of Ormond, “by diminishing the number of sufferers.
Here is poor old Coleby will no longer be a burden to the Crown.”</p>
<p>“You are too severe, my Lord of Ormond,” said the King, “and should
respect the feelings you trespass on. You cannot suppose that we would
have permitted this poor man to hold such a situation, had we known of the
circumstances?”</p>
<p>“For God’s sake, then, sire,” said the Duke of Ormond, “turn your eyes,
which have just rested on the corpse of one old friend, upon the
distresses of others. Here is the valiant old Sir Geoffrey Peveril of the
Peak, who fought through the whole war, wherever blows were going, and was
the last man, I believe, in England, who laid down his arms—Here is
his son, of whom I have the highest accounts, as a gallant of spirit,
accomplishments, and courage—Here is the unfortunate House of Derby—for
pity’s sake, interfere in behalf of these victims, whom the folds of this
hydra-plot have entangled, in order to crush them to death—rebuke
the fiends that are seeking to devour their lives, and disappoint the
harpies that are gaping for their property. This very day seven-night the
unfortunate family, father and son, are to be brought upon trial for
crimes of which they are as guiltless, I boldly pronounce, as any who
stand in this presence. For God’s sake, sire, let us hope that, should the
prejudices of the people condemn them, as it has done others, you will at
last step in between the blood-hunters and their prey.”</p>
<p>The King looked, as he really was, exceedingly perplexed.</p>
<p>Buckingham, between whom and Ormond there existed a constant and almost
mortal quarrel, interfered to effect a diversion in Charles’s favour.
“Your Majesty’s royal benevolence,” he said, “needs never want exercise,
while the Duke of Ormond is near your person. He has his sleeve cut in the
old and ample fashion, that he may always have store of ruined cavaliers
stowed in it to produce at demand, rare old raw-boned boys, with Malmsey
noses, bald heads, spindle shanks, and merciless histories of Edgehill and
Naseby.”</p>
<p>“My sleeve is, I dare say, of an antique cut,” said Ormond, looking full
at the Duke; “but I pin neither bravoes nor ruffians upon it, my Lord of
Buckingham, as I see fastened to coats of the new mode.”</p>
<p>“That is a little too sharp for our presence, my lord,” said the King.</p>
<p>“Not if I make my words good,” said Ormond.—“My Lord of Buckingham,
will you name the man you spoke to as you left the boat?”</p>
<p>“I spoke to no one,” said the Duke hastily—“nay, I mistake, I
remember a fellow whispered in my ear, that one, who I thought had left
London was still lingering in town. A person whom I had business with.”</p>
<p>“Was yon the messenger?” said Ormond, singling out from the crowd who
stood in the court-yard a tall dark-looking man, muffled in a large cloak,
wearing a broad shadowy black beaver hat, with a long sword of the Spanish
fashion—the very Colonel, in short, whom Buckingham had despatched
in quest of Christian, with the intention of detaining him in the country.</p>
<p>When Buckingham’s eyes had followed the direction of Ormond’s finger, he
could not help blushing so deeply as to attract the King’s attention.</p>
<p>“What new frolic is this, George?” he said. “Gentlemen, bring that fellow
forward. On my life, a truculent-looking caitiff—Hark ye, friend,
who are you? If an honest man, Nature has forgot to label it upon your
countenance.—Does none here know him?</p>
<p>‘With every symptom of a knave complete,<br/>
If he be honest, he’s a devilish cheat.’”<br/></p>
<p>“He is well known to many, sire,” replied Ormond; “and that he walks in
this area with his neck safe, and his limbs unshackled, is an instance,
amongst many, that we live under the sway of the most merciful Prince of
Europe.”</p>
<p>“Oddsfish! who is the man, my Lord Duke?” said the King. “Your Grace talks
mysteries—Buckingham blushes—and the rogue himself is dumb.”</p>
<p>“That honest gentleman, please your Majesty,” replied the Duke of Ormond,
“whose modesty makes him mute, though it cannot make him blush, is the
notorious Colonel Blood, as he calls himself, whose attempt to possess
himself of your Majesty’s royal crown took place at no very distant date,
in this very Tower of London.”</p>
<p>“That exploit is not easily forgotten,” said the King; “but that the
fellow lives, shows your Grace’s clemency as well as mine.”</p>
<p>“I cannot deny that I was in his hands, sire,” said Ormond, “and had
certainly been murdered by him, had he chosen to take my life on the spot,
instead of destining me—I thank him for the honour—to be
hanged at Tyburn. I had certainly been sped, if he had thought me worth
knife or pistol, or anything short of the cord.—Look at him sire! If
the rascal dared, he would say at this moment, like Caliban in the play,
‘Ho, ho, I would I had done it!’”</p>
<p>“Why, oddsfish!” answered the King, “he hath a villainous sneer, my lord,
which seems to say as much; but, my Lord Duke, we have pardoned him, and
so has your Grace.”</p>
<p>“It would ill have become me,” said the Duke of Ormond, “to have been
severe in prosecuting an attempt on my poor life, when your Majesty was
pleased to remit his more outrageous and insolent attempt upon your royal
crown. But I must conceive it as a piece of supreme insolence on the part
of this bloodthirsty bully, by whomsoever he may be now backed, to appear
in the Tower, which was the theatre of one of his villainies, or before
me, who was well-nigh the victim of another.”</p>
<p>“It shall be amended in future,” said the King.—“Hark ye, sirrah
Blood, if you again presume to thrust yourself in the way you have done
but now, I will have the hangman’s knife and your knavish ears made
acquainted.”</p>
<p>Blood bowed, and with a coolness of impudence which did his nerves great
honour, he said he had only come to the Tower accidentally, to communicate
with a particular friend on business of importance. “My Lord Duke of
Buckingham,” he said, “knew he had no other intentions.”</p>
<p>“Get you gone, you scoundrelly cut-throat,” said the Duke, as much
impatient of Colonel Blood’s claim of acquaintance, as a town-rake of the
low and blackguard companions of his midnight rambles, when they accost
him in daylight amidst better company; “if you dare to quote my name
again, I will have you thrown into the Thames.”</p>
<p>Blood, thus repulsed, turned round with the most insolent composure, and
walked away down from the parade, all men looking at him, as at some
strange and monstrous prodigy, so much was he renowned for daring and
desperate villainy. Some even followed him, to have a better survey of the
notorious Colonel Blood, like the smaller tribe of birds which keep
fluttering round an owl when he appears in the light of the sun. But as,
in the latter case, these thoughtless flutterers are careful to keep out
of reach of the beak and claws of the bird of Minerva, so none of those
who followed and gazed on Blood as something ominous, cared to bandy looks
with him, or to endure and return the lowering and deadly glances, which
he shot from time to time on those who pressed nearest to him. He stalked
on in this manner, like a daunted, yet sullen wolf, afraid to stop, yet
unwilling to fly, until he reached the Traitor’s Gate, and getting on
board a sculler which waited for him, he disappeared from their eyes.</p>
<p>Charles would fain have obliterated all recollection of his appearance, by
the observation, “It were a shame that such a reprobate scoundrel should
be the subject of discord between two noblemen of distinction;” and he
recommended to the Dukes of Buckingham and Ormond to join hands, and
forget a misunderstanding which rose on so unworthy a subject.</p>
<p>Buckingham answered carelessly, “That the Duke of Ormond’s honoured white
hairs were a sufficient apology for his making the first overtures to a
reconciliation,” and he held out his hand accordingly. But Ormond only
bowed in return, and said, “The King had no cause to expect that the Court
would be disturbed by his personal resentments, since time would not yield
him back twenty years, nor the grave restore his gallant son Ossory. As to
the ruffian who had intruded himself there, he was obliged to him, since,
by showing that his Majesty’s clemency extended even to the very worst of
criminals, he strengthened his hopes of obtaining the King’s favour for
such of his innocent friends as were now in prison, and in danger, from
the odious charges brought against them on the score of the Popish Plot.”</p>
<p>The King made no other answer to this insinuation, than by directing that
the company should embark for their return to Whitehall; and thus took
leave of the officers of the Tower who were in attendance, with one of
those well-turned compliments to their discharge of duty, which no man
knew better how to express; and issued at the same time strict and anxious
orders for protection and defence of the important fortress confided to
them, and all which it contained.</p>
<p>Before he parted with Ormond on their arrival at Whitehall, he turned
round to him, as one who has made up his resolution, and said, “Be
satisfied, my Lord Duke—our friends’ case shall be looked to.”</p>
<p>In the same evening the Attorney-General, and North, Lord Chief Justice of
the Common Pleas, had orders with all secrecy, to meet his Majesty that
evening on especial matters of state, at the apartments of Chiffinch, the
centre of all affairs, whether of gallantry or business.</p>
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