<h2 id="id02390" style="margin-top: 4em">XXVIII</h2>
<p id="id02391" style="margin-top: 2em">The hope Dick expressed that his wife would soon be well enough to return
home was, of course, untrue, his hope being that she would never cross the
doors of the house in Bloomsbury whither he was taking her. The empty bed
awaiting him was so great a relief that he fell on his knees before it and
prayed that the doctors might judge her to be insane, unsafe to be at
large. To wake up in the morning alone in his bed, and to be free to go
forth to his business without question seemed to him like Heaven. But the
pleasures of Heaven last for eternity, and Dick's delight lasted but for
two days. Two days after Kate had gone into the asylum a letter came from
one of the doctors saying that Mrs. Lennox was not insane, and would have
to be discharged.</p>
<p id="id02392">Dick sank into a chair and lay there almost stunned, plunged in despair
that was like a thick fog, and it did not lift until the door opened and
Kate stood before him again.</p>
<p id="id02393">He raised his head and looked at her stupidly, and interpreting his vacant
face, she said:</p>
<p id="id02394">'Dick, you're sorry to have me back again.'</p>
<p id="id02395">'Sorry, Kate? Well, if things were different I shouldn't be sorry. But you
see the blow you struck me with the poker very nearly did for me; I haven't
been the same man since.'</p>
<p id="id02396">'Well,' she said, 'I must go back to the asylum or the home, whatever you
call it, and tell them that I am mad.'</p>
<p id="id02397">'There's no use in doing that, Kate, they wouldn't believe you. Here is the
letter I've just received; read it.'</p>
<p id="id02398">'But, Dick, there must be some way out of this dreadful trouble, and yet
there doesn't seem to be any. Try to think, dear, try to think. Can you
think of anything, dear? I don't think I shall give way again. If I only
had something to do; it's because I'm always alone; because I love you;
because I'm jealous of that woman.'</p>
<p id="id02399">'But, Kate, if I stop here with you all day we shall starve. I must go to
business.'</p>
<p id="id02400">'Ah, business! Business! If I could go to business too. The days when we
used to rehearse went merrily enough.'</p>
<p id="id02401">'You were the best Clairette I ever saw,' Dick answered; 'better than Paola<br/>
Mariee, and I ought to know, for I rehearsed you both.'<br/></p>
<p id="id02402">'I shall never play Clairette again,' Kate said sadly. 'I've lost my figure
and the part requires a waist.'</p>
<p id="id02403">'You might get your waist again,' Dick said, and the words seemed to him
extraordinarily silly, but he had to say something.</p>
<p id="id02404">'If I could only get to work again,' she muttered to herself, and then
turning to Dick—</p>
<p id="id02405">'Dick, if I could get to work again; any part would do; it doesn't matter
how small, just to give me something to think about, that's all, to keep my
mind off it. If the baby had not died I should have had her to look after
and that would have done just as well as a part. But I've disgraced you in
company; I don't blame you, you couldn't have me in it, and I couldn't
bring myself to sing in that opera.'</p>
<p id="id02406">'Yes, you would only break out again, Kate. Those jealous fits are
terrible. You think you could restrain yourself, but you couldn't; and all
that would come of a row between you and Mrs. Forest would be that I should
lose my job.'</p>
<p id="id02407">'I know, Dick, I know,' Kate cried painfully, 'but I promise you that I
never will again. You may go where you please and do what you please. I
will never say a word to you again.'</p>
<p id="id02408">'I'm sure you believe all that you say, Kate, but I cannot get you a job. I
may hear of something. Meanwhile——'</p>
<p id="id02409">'Meanwhile I shall have to stay here and alone and no way of escaping from
the hours, those long dreary hours, no way but one. Dick, I'm sorry they
did not keep me in the asylum, it would have been better for both of us if
they had; and if I could go back there again, if you will take me back, I
will try to deceive the doctors.'</p>
<p id="id02410">'You mean, Kate, that you would play the mad woman? I doubt if any woman
could do it sufficiently well to deceive the doctors. There was an Italian
woman,' and they talked of the great Italian actress for some time and then
Dick said: 'Well, Kate, I must be about my business. I'm sorry to leave
you.'</p>
<p id="id02411">'No, Dick, you're not.'</p>
<p id="id02412">'I am, dear, in a way. But if I hear of anything——' and he left the house
knowing that there was no further hope for himself. He was tied to her and
might be killed by her in his sleep, but that would not matter. What did
matter was the thought that was always at the back of his mind, that she
was alone in that Islington lodging-house craving for drink, striving to
resist it, falling back into drink and might be coming down raving to the
theatre to insult him before the company. Insult him before the company!
That had been done, she had done her worst, and he was indifferent whether
she came again, only she must not meet Mrs. Forest. On the whole he felt
that his sorrow was with Kate herself rather than himself or with Mrs.
Forest. 'God only knows,' he said as he rushed down the stairs, 'what will
become of her.'</p>
<p id="id02413">Kate was asking herself the same question—what was to become of her? Would
it be possible for her to find work to do that would keep her mind away
from the drink? She seemed for the moment free from all craving, but she
knew what the craving is, how overpowering in the throat it is, and how
when one has got one mouthful one must go on and on, so intense is the
delight of alcohol in the throat of the drunkard. But there was no craving
upon her, and it might never come again. Every morning she awoke in great
fear, but was glad to find that there was no craving in her throat, and
when she went out she rejoiced that the public-houses offered no attraction
to her. She became brave; and fear turned to contempt, and at the bottom of
her heart she began to jeer at the demon which had conquered and brought
her to ruin and which she had in turn conquered. But there was a last
mockery she did not dare, for she knew that the demon was but biding his
time. He seemed, however, to go on biding it, and Dick, finding Kate
reasonable every evening, came home to dinner earlier so that the day
should not appear to her intolerably long. But his business often detained
him, and one night coming home late he noticed that she looked more sullen
than usual, that her eyes drooped as if she had been drinking. A month of
scenes of violence followed; 'not a single day as far as I can remember for
a fortnight' he said one day on leaving the house and running to catch his
bus to the Strand, 'have we had a quiet evening.' When he returned that
night she ran at him with a knife, and he had only just time to ward off
the blow. The house rang with shrieks and cries of all sorts, and the
Lennoxes were driven from one lodging-house to another. Trousers, dresses,
hats, boots and shoes, were all pawned. The comic and the pitiful are but
two sides of the same thing, and it was at once comic and pitiful to see
Dick, with one of the tails of his coat lost in the scrimmage, talking at
one o'clock in the morning to a dispassionate policeman, while from the top
windows the high treble voice of a woman disturbed the sullen tranquillity
of the London night.</p>
<p id="id02414">And yet Dick continued with her—continued to allow himself to be beaten,
scratched, torn to pieces almost as he would be by a wild beast. Human
nature can habituate itself even to pain, and it was so with him. He knew
that his present life was as a Nessus shirt on his back, and yet he
couldn't make up his mind to have done with it. In the first place, he
pitied his wife; in the second, he did not know how to leave her; and it
was not until after another row with Kate for having been down to the
theatre that he summoned up courage to walk out of the house with a fixed
determination never to return again. Kate was too tipsy at the time to pay
much attention to the announcement he made to her as he left the room.
Besides, 'Wolf!' had been cried so often that it had now lost its terror in
her ears, and it was not until next day that she began to experience any
very certain fear that Dick and she had at last parted for ever. But when,
with a clammy, thirsty mouth, she sat rocking herself wearily, and the long
idleness of the morning hours became haunted with irritating remembrances
of her shameful conduct, of the cruel life she led the man she loved, the
black gulf of eternal separation became, as it were, etched upon her mind;
and she heard the cold depths reverberating with vain words and foolish
prayers. Then her thin hands trembled on her black dress, and waves of
shivering passed over her. She thought involuntarily that a little brandy
might give her strength, and as soon hated herself for the thought. It was
brandy that had brought her to this. She would never touch it again. But
Dick had not left her for ever; he would come back to her; she could not
live without him. It was terrible! She would go to him, and on her knees
beg his pardon for all she had done. He would forgive her. He must forgive
her. Such were the fugitive thoughts that flashed through Kate's mind as
she hurried to and fro, seeking for her bonnet and shawl. She would go down
to the theatre and find him; she would be sure to hear news of him there,
she said, as she strove to brush away the mist that obscured her eyes. She
could see nothing; things seemed to change their places, and so terrible
were the palpitations of her heart that she was forced to cling to any
piece of furniture within reach. But by walking very slowly she contrived
to reach the stage-door of the Opéra Comique, feeling very weak and ill.</p>
<p id="id02415">'Is Mr. Lennox in?' she asked, at the same time trying to look
conciliatingly at the hard-faced hall-keeper.</p>
<p id="id02416">'No, ma'am, he ain't,' was the reply.</p>
<p id="id02417">'Who attended the rehearsal to-day, then?'</p>
<p id="id02418">'There was no rehearsal to-day, ma'am—leastways Mr. Lennox dismissed the
rehearsal at half-past twelve.'</p>
<p id="id02419">'And why?'</p>
<p id="id02420">'Ah! that I cannot tell you.'</p>
<p id="id02421">'Could you tell me where Mr. Lennox would be likely to be found?'</p>
<p id="id02422">'Indeed I couldn't, ma'am; I believe he's gone into the country.'</p>
<p id="id02423">'Gone into the country!' echoed Kate.</p>
<p id="id02424">'But may I ask, ma'am, if you be Mrs. Lennox? Because if you be, Mr. Lennox
left a letter to be given to you in case you called.'</p>
<p id="id02425">Her eyes brightened at the idea of a letter. To know the worst would be
better than a horrible uncertainty, and she said eagerly:</p>
<p id="id02426">'Yes, I'm Mrs. Lennox; give me the letter.'</p>
<p id="id02427">The hall-keeper handed it to her, and she walked out of the narrow passage
into the street, so as to be free from observation. With anxious fingers
she tore open the envelope, and read,</p>
<h4 id="id02428" style="margin-top: 2em">'MY DEAR KATE,</h4>
<p id="id02429">'It must be now as clear to you as it is to me that it is quite impossible
for us to go on living together. There is no use in our again discussing
the whys and the wherefores; we had much better accept the facts of the
case in silence, and mutually save each other the pain of trying to alter
what cannot be altered.</p>
<p id="id02430">'I have arranged to allow you two pounds a week. This sum will be paid to
you every Saturday, by applying to Messrs. Jackson and Co., Solicitors,
Arundel Street, Strand.</p>
<p id="id02431">'Yours very affectionately,<br/>
'RICHARD LENNOX.'<br/></p>
<p id="id02432" style="margin-top: 2em">Kate mechanically repeated the last words as she walked gloomily through
the glare of the day. 'Two pounds a week.' she said, and with nothing else;
not a friend, and the thought passed through her mind that she could not
have a friend, she had fallen too low, yet from no fault of her own nor
Dick's, and it was that that frightened her. A terrible sense of
loneliness, of desolation, was created in her heart. For her the world
seemed to have ended, and she saw the streets and passers-by with the same
vague, irresponsible gaze as a solitary figure would the universal ruin
caused by an earthquake. She had no friends, no occupation, no interest of
any kind in life; everything had slipped from her, and she shivered with a
sense of nakedness, of moral destitution. Nothing was left to her, and yet
she felt, she lived, she was conscious. Oh yes, horribly conscious. And
that was the worst; and she asked herself why she could not pass out of
sight, out of hearing and feeling of all the crying misery with which she
was surrounded, and in a state of emotive somnambulism she walked through
the crowds till she was startled from her dreams by hearing a voice calling
after her, 'Kate! Kate!—Mrs. Lennox!'</p>
<p id="id02433">It was Montgomery.</p>
<p id="id02434">'I'm so glad to have met you—so glad, indeed, for we have not seen much of
each other. I don't know how it was, but somehow it seemed to me that Dick
did not want me to go and see you. I never could make out why, for he
couldn't have been jealous of me,' he added a little bitterly. 'But perhaps
you've not heard that it's all up as regards my piece at the Opéra
Comique,' he continued, not noticing Kate's dejection in his excitement.</p>
<p id="id02435">'No, I haven't heard,' she answered mechanically.</p>
<p id="id02436">'It doesn't matter much, though, for I've just been down to the Gaiety, and
pretty well settled that it's to be done in Manchester, at the Prince's; so
you see I don't let the grass grow under my feet, for my row with Mrs.
Forest only occurred this morning. But what's the matter, Kate? What has
happened?'</p>
<p id="id02437">'Oh, nothing, nothing. Tell me about Mrs. Forest first; I want to know.'</p>
<p id="id02438">'Well, it's the funniest thing you ever heard in your life; but you won't
tell Dick, because he forbade me ever to speak to you about Mrs.
Forest—not that there is anything but business between them; that I swear
to you. But do tell me, Kate, what is the matter? I never saw you look so
sad in my life. Have you had any bad news?'</p>
<p id="id02439">'No, no. Tell me about Mrs. Forest and your piece; I want to hear,' she
exclaimed excitedly.</p>
<p id="id02440">'Well, this is it,' said Montgomery, who saw in a glance that she was not
to be contradicted, and that he had better get on with his story. 'In the
first place, you know that the old creature has gone in for writing
librettos herself, and has finished one about Buddhism, an absurdity; the
opening chorus is fifty lines long, but she won't cut one; but I'll tell
you about that after. I was to get one hundred for setting this blessed
production to music, and it was to follow my own piece, which was in
rehearsal. Well, like a great fool, I was explaining to Dubois the bosh I
was writing by the yard for this infernal opera of hers. I couldn't help
it; she wouldn't take advice on any point. She has written the song of the
Sun-god in hexameters. I don't know what hexameters are, but I would as
soon set Bradshaw—leaving St. Pancras nine twenty-five, arriving at—ha!
ha! ha!—with a puff, puff accompaniment on the trombone.'</p>
<p id="id02441">'Go on with the story,' cried Kate.</p>
<p id="id02442">'Well, I was explaining all this,' said Montgomery, suddenly growing
serious, 'when out she darted from behind the other wing—I never knew she
was there. She called me a thief, and said she wouldn't have me another
five minutes in her theatre. Monti, the Italian composer, was sent for. I
was shoved out, bag and baggage, and there will be no more rehearsals till
the new music is ready. That's all.'</p>
<p id="id02443">'I'm very sorry for you—very sorry,' said Kate very quietly, and she
raised her hand to brush away a tear.</p>
<p id="id02444">'Oh, I don't care; I'd sooner have the piece done in Manchester. Of course
it's a bore, losing a hundred pounds. But, oh, Kate! do tell me what's the
matter; you know you can confide in me; you know I'm your friend.'</p>
<p id="id02445">At these kind words the cold deadly grief that encircled Kate's heart like
a band of steel melted, and she wept profusely. Montgomery drew her arm
into his and pleaded and begged to be told the reason of these tears; but
she could make no answer, and pressed Dick's letter into his hand with a
passionate gesture. He read it at a glance, and then hesitated, unable to
make up his mind as to what he should do. No words seemed to him adequate
wherewith to console her, and she was sobbing so bitterly that it was
beginning to attract attention in the streets. They walked on without
speaking for a few yards, Kate leaning upon Montgomery, until a hackney
coachman, guessing that something was wrong signed to them with his whip.</p>
<p id="id02446">'Where are you living, dear?'</p>
<p id="id02447">Kate told him with some difficulty, and having directed the driver, he
lapsed again into considering what course he should adopt. To put off the
journey was impossible; Dick had promised to meet him there. It was now
three o'clock. He had therefore three hours to spend with Kate—with the
woman whom he had loved steadfastly throughout a loveless life. He had no
word of blame for Dick; he had heard stories that had made his blood run
cold; and yet, knowing her faults as he did, he would have opened his arms
had it been possible, and crying through the fervour of years of waiting,
said to her, 'Yes, I will believe in you; believe in me and you shall be
happy.' There had never been a secret between them; their souls had been
for ever as if in communication; and the love, unacknowledged in words, had
long been as sunlight and moonlight, lighting the spaces of their
dream-life. To the woman it had been as a distant star whose pale light was
a presage of quietude in hours of vexation; to the man it seemed as a far
Elysium radiant with sweet longing, large hopes that waxed but never waned,
and where the sweet breezes of eternal felicity blew in musical cadence.</p>
<p id="id02448">And yet he was deceived in nothing. He knew now as he had known before,
that although this dream might haunt him for ever, he should never hold it
in his arms nor press it to his lips; and in the midst of this surging tide
of misery there arose a desire that, glad in its own anguish, bade him
increase the bitterness of these last hours by making a confession of his
suffering; and, exulting savagely in the martyrdom he was preparing for
himself, he said:</p>
<p id="id02449">'You know, Kate—I know you must know—you must have guessed that I care
for you. I may as well tell you the truth now—you are the only woman I
ever loved.'</p>
<p id="id02450">'Yes,' she said, 'I always thought you cared for me. You have been very
kind—oh! very kind, and I often think of it. Ah! everybody has, all my
life long, been very good to me; it is I alone who am to blame, who am in
fault. I have, I know I have, been very wicked, and I don't know why. I did
not mean it; I know I didn't, for I'm not at heart a wicked woman. I
suppose things must have gone against me; that's about all.'</p>
<p id="id02451">Montgomery pushed his glasses higher on his nose, and after a long silence
he said:</p>
<p id="id02452">'I've often thought that had you met me before you knew Dick, things might
have been different. We should have got on better, although you might never
have loved me so well.'</p>
<p id="id02453">Kate raised her eyes, and she said:</p>
<p id="id02454">'No one will ever know how I have loved, how I still love that man.<br/>
Oftentimes I think that had I loved him less I should have been a better<br/>
wife. I think he loved me, but it was not the love I dreamed of. Like you,<br/>
I was always sentimental, and Dick never cared for that sort of thing.'<br/></p>
<p id="id02455">'I think I should have understood you better,' said Montgomery; and the
conversation came to a pause. A vision of the life of devotion spent at the
feet of an ideal lover, that life of sacrifice and tenderness which had
been her dream, and which she had so utterly failed to attain, again rose
up to tantalize her like a glittering mirage: and she could not help
wondering whether she would have realized this beautiful, this wonderful
might-have-been if she had chosen this other man.</p>
<p id="id02456">'But I suppose you'll make it up with Dick,' said Montgomery somewhat
harshly.</p>
<p id="id02457">Kate awoke from her reverie with a start, and answered sorrowfully that she
did not know, that she was afraid Dick would never forgive her again.</p>
<p id="id02458">'I don't remember if I told you that I'm going to see him in Manchester; he
promised to go up there to make some arrangements about my piece.'</p>
<p id="id02459">'No, you didn't tell me.'</p>
<p id="id02460">'Well, I'll speak to him. I'll tell him I've seen you. I fancy I shall be
able to make it all right,' he added, with a feeble smile.</p>
<p id="id02461">'Oh! how good you are—how good you are,' cried Kate, clasping her hands.
'If he will only forgive me once again, I'll promise, I'll swear to him
never to-to—'</p>
<p id="id02462">Here Kate stopped abashed, and burying her face in her hands, she wept
bitterly. The tenderness, the melancholy serenity of their interview, had
somehow suddenly come to an end. Each was too much occupied with his or her
thoughts to talk much, and the effort to find phrases grew more and more
irritating. Both were very sad, and although they sighed when the clock
struck the hour of farewell, they felt that to pass from one pain to
another was in itself an assuagement. Kate accompanied Montgomery to the
station. He seemed to her to be out of temper; she to him to be further
away than ever. The explanation that had taken place between them had, if
not broken, at least altered the old bonds of sympathy, without creating
new ones; and they were discontented, even like children who remember for
the first time that to-day is not yesterday.</p>
<p id="id02463">They felt lonely watching the parallel lines of platforms; and when
Montgomery waved his hand for the last time, and the train rolled into the
luminous arch of sky that lay beyond the glass roofing, Kate turned away
overpowered by grief and cruel recollections. When she got home, the
solitude of her room became unbearable; she wanted someone to see, someone
to console her. She had a few shillings in her pocket, but she remembered
her resolutions and for some time resented the impervious clutch of the
temptation. But the sorrow that hung about her, that penetrated like a
corrosive acid into the very marrow of her bones, grew momentarily more
burning, more unendurable. Twenty times she tried to wrench it out of her
heart. The landlady brought her up some tea; she could not drink it; it
tasted like soapsuds in her mouth. Then, knowing well what the results
would be, she resolved to go out for a walk.</p>
<p id="id02464">Next day she was ill, and to pull herself together it was necessary to have
a drink. It would not do to look too great a sight in the Solicitor's
office where Dick had told her in his letter to go to get her money. There
she found not two, but five pounds awaiting her, and this enabled her to
keep up a stage of semi intoxication until the end of the week.</p>
<p id="id02465">She at last woke up speechless, suffering terrible palpitations of the
heart, but she had strength enough to ring her bell, and when the landlady
came to her she nearly lost her balance and fell to the ground, so
strenuously did Kate lean and cling to her for support. After gasping
painfully for some moments Kate muttered: 'I'm dying. These palpitations
and the pain in my side.'</p>
<p id="id02466">The landlady asked if she would like to see the doctor, and with difficulty
obtained her consent that the doctor should be sent for.</p>
<p id="id02467">'I'll send at once,' she said.</p>
<p id="id02468">'No, not at once,' Kate cried. 'Pour me out a little brandy and water, and<br/>
I'll see how I am in the course of the day.'<br/></p>
<p id="id02469">The woman did as was desired, and Kate told her that she felt better, and
that if it wasn't for the pains in her side she'd be all right.</p>
<p id="id02470">The landlady looked a little incredulous; but her lodger had only been with
her a fortnight, and so carefully had the brandy been hidden, and the
inebriety concealed, that although she had her doubts, she was not yet
satisfied that Kate was an habitual drunkard. Certainly appearances were
against Mrs. Lennox; but as regards the brandy-bottle, she had watched it
very carefully, and was convinced that scarcely more than sixpennyworth of
liquor went out of it daily. The good woman did not know how it was
replenished from another bottle that came sometimes from under the
mattress, sometimes out of the chimney. And the disappearance of the
husband was satisfactorily accounted for by the announcement that he had
gone to Manchester to produce a new piece. Besides, Mrs. Lennox was a very
nice person; it was a pleasure to attend to her, and during the course of
the afternoon Mrs. White called several times at the second floor to
inquire after her lodger's health.</p>
<p id="id02471">But there was no change for the better. Looking the picture of
wretchedness, Kate lay back in her chair, declaring in low moans that she
never felt so ill in her life—that the pain in her side was killing her. At
first, Mrs. White seemed inclined to make light of all this complaining,
but towards evening she began to grow alarmed, and urged that the doctor
should be sent for.</p>
<p id="id02472">'I assure you, ma'am,' she said, 'it's always better to see a doctor. The
money is never thrown away; for even if there's nothing serious the matter,
it eases one's mind to be told so.'</p>
<p id="id02473">Kate was generally easy to persuade, but fearing that her secret drinking
would be discovered, she declined for a long time to take medical advice.
At last she was obliged to give way, and the die having been cast, she
commenced to think how she might conceal part of the truth. Something of
the coquetry of the actress returned to her, and, getting up from her
chair, she went over to the glass to examine herself, and brushing back her
hair, she said sorrowfully:</p>
<p id="id02474">'I'm a complete wreck. I can't think what's the matter with me, and I've
lost all my hair. You've no idea, Mrs. White, of the beautiful hair I used
to have; it used to fall in armfuls over my shoulders; now, it's no more
than a wisp.'</p>
<p id="id02475">'I think you've a great deal yet,' replied Mrs. White, not wishing to
discourage her.</p>
<p id="id02476">'And how yellow I am too!'</p>
<p id="id02477">To this Mrs. White mumbled something that was inaudible, and Kate thought
suddenly of her rouge-pot and hare's-foot. Her 'make-up,' and all her
little souvenirs of Dick, lay securely packed away in an old band-box.</p>
<p id="id02478">'Mrs. White,' she said, 'might I ask you to get me a jug of hot water?'</p>
<p id="id02479">When the woman left the room, everything was spread hurriedly over the
toilet-table. To see her, one would have thought that the call-boy had
knocked at the door for the second time. A thin coating of cold cream was
passed over the face and neck; then the powder-puff changed what was yellow
into white, and the hare's-foot gave a bloom to the cheeks. The pencil was
not necessary, her eyebrows being by nature dark and well-defined. Then all
disappeared again into the band-box, a drain was taken out of the bottle
whilst she listened to steps on the stairs, and she had just time to get
back to her chair when the doctor entered. She felt quite prepared to
receive him. Mrs. White, who had come up at the same time, locked uneasily
around; and, after hesitating about the confines of the room, she put the
water-jug on the rosewood cabinet, and said:</p>
<p id="id02480">'I think I'll leave you alone with the doctor, ma'am; if you want me you'll
ring.'</p>
<p id="id02481">Mr. Hooper was a short, stout man, with a large bald forehead, and long
black hair; his small eyes were watchful as a ferret's, and his fat chubby
hands were constantly laid on his knee-caps.</p>
<p id="id02482">'I met Mrs. White's servant in the street,' he said, looking at Kate as if
he were trying to read through the rouge on her face, 'so I came at once.
Mrs. White, with whom I was speaking downstairs, tells me that you're
suffering from a pain in your side.'</p>
<p id="id02483">'Yes, doctor, on the right side; and I've not been feeling very well
lately.'</p>
<p id="id02484">'Is your appetite good? Will you let me feel your pulse?'</p>
<p id="id02485">'No, I've scarcely any appetite at all—particularly in the morning. I
can't touch anything for breakfast.'</p>
<p id="id02486">'Don't you care to drink anything? Aren't you thirsty?'</p>
<p id="id02487">Kate would have liked to have told a lie, but fearing that she might
endanger her life by doing so, she answered:</p>
<p id="id02488">'Oh yes! I'm constantly very thirsty.'</p>
<p id="id02489">'Especially at night-time?'</p>
<p id="id02490">It was irritating to have your life read thus; and Kate felt angry when she
saw this dispassionate man watching the brandy-bottle, which she had
forgotten to put away.</p>
<p id="id02491">'Do you ever find it necessary to take any stimulant?'</p>
<p id="id02492">Grasping at the word 'necessary,' she replied:</p>
<p id="id02493">'Yes, doctor; my life isn't a very happy one, and I often feel so low, so
depressed as it were, that if I didn't take a little something to keep me
up I think I should do away with myself.'</p>
<p id="id02494">'Your husband is an actor, I believe?'</p>
<p id="id02495">'Yes; but he's at present up in Manchester, producing a new piece. I'm on
the stage, too. I've been playing a round of leading parts in the
provinces, but since I've been in London I've been out of an engagement.'</p>
<p id="id02496">'I just asked you because I noticed you used a little powder, you know, on
the face. Of course, I can't judge at present what your complexion is; but
have you noticed any yellowness about the skin lately?'</p>
<p id="id02497">The first instinct of a woman who drinks is to conceal her vice, and
although she was talking to a doctor, Kate was again conscious of a feeling
of resentment against the merciless eyes which saw through all the secrets
of her life. But, cowed, as it were, by the certitude expressed by the
doctor's looks and words, she strove to equivocate, and answered humbly
that she noticed her skin was not looking as clear as it used to. Dr.
Hooper then questioned her further. He asked if she suffered from a sense
of uncomfortable tension, fullness, weight, especially after meals; if she
felt any pain in her right shoulder? and she confessed that he was right in
all his surmises.</p>
<p id="id02498">'Do tell me, doctor, what is the matter with me. I assure you I'd really
much sooner know the worst.'</p>
<p id="id02499">But the doctor did not seem inclined to be communicative, and in reply to
her question he merely mumbled something to the effect that the liver was
out of order.</p>
<p id="id02500">'I will send you over some medicine this evening,' he said, 'and if you
don't feel better to-morrow send round for me, and don't attempt to get up.
I think,' he added, as he took up his hat to go, 'I shall be able to put
you all right. But you must follow my instructions; you mustn't frighten
yourself, and take as little of that stimulant as possible.'</p>
<p id="id02501">Kate answered that it was not her custom to take too much, and she tried to
look surprised at the warning. She nevertheless derived a good deal of
comfort from the doctor's visit, and during the course of the evening
succeeded in persuading herself that her fears of the morning were
ill-founded and, putting the medicine that was sent her away for the
present, she helped herself from a bottle that was hidden in the
upholstery. The fact of having a long letter to write to Dick explaining
her conduct, made it quite necessary that she should take something to keep
her up; and sitting in her lonely room, she drank on steadily until
midnight, when she could only just drag her clothes from her back and throw
herself stupidly into bed. There she passed a night full of livid-hued
nightmares, from which she awoke shivering, and suffering from terrible
palpitations of the heart. The silence of the house filled her with
terrors, cold and obtuse as the dreams from which she awakened. Strength to
scream for help she had none; and thinking she was going to die, she sought
for relief and consolation in the bottle that lay hidden under the carpet.
When the drink took effect upon her she broke out into a profuse
perspiration, and she managed to get a little sleep; but when her breakfast
was brought up about eleven o'clock in the morning, so ill did she seem
that the servant, fearing she was going to drop down dead, begged to be
allowed to fetch the doctor. But rejecting all offers of assistance, Kate
lay moaning in an armchair, unable even to taste the cup of tea that the
maid pressed upon her. She consented to take some of the medicines that
were ordered her, but whatever good they might have produced was discounted
by the constant nip-drinking she kept up during the afternoon. The next day
she was very ill indeed, and Mrs. White, greatly alarmed, insisted on
sending for Dr. Hooper.</p>
<p id="id02502">He did not seem astonished at the change in his patient. Calmly and quietly
he watched for some moments in silence.</p>
<p id="id02503">The bed had curtains of a red and antiquated material, and these contrasted
with the paleness of the sheets wherein Kate lay, tossing feverishly. Most
of the 'make-up' had been rubbed away from her face; and through patches of
red and white the yellow skin started like blisters. She was slightly
delirious, and when the doctor took her hand to feel her pulse she gazed at
him with her big staring eyes and spoke volubly and excitedly.</p>
<p id="id02504">'Oh! I'm so glad you've come, for I wanted to speak to you about my
husband. I think I told you that he'd gone to Manchester to produce a new
piece. I don't know if I led you to suppose that he'd deserted me, but if I
did I was wrong to do so, for he has done nothing of the kind. It's true
that we aren't very happy together, but I dare say that is my fault. I
never was, I know, as good a wife to him as I intended to be; but then, he
made me jealous and sometimes I was mad. Yes, I think I must have been mad
to have spoken to him in the way I did. Anyhow, it doesn't matter now, does
it, doctor? But I don't know what I'm saying. Still, you won't mention that
I've told you anything. It's as likely as not that he'll forgive me, just
as he did before; and we may yet be as happy as we were at Blackpool. You
won't tell him, will you, doctor?'</p>
<p id="id02505">'No, no, I won't,' said Dr. Hooper, quietly and firmly. 'But you mustn't
talk as much as you do; if you want to see your husband, you must get well
first.'</p>
<p id="id02506">'Oh yes! I must get well; but tell me, doctor, how long will that take?'</p>
<p id="id02507">'Not very long, if you will keep quiet and do what I tell you. I want you
to tell me how the pain in your side is?'</p>
<p id="id02508">'Very bad; far worse than when I saw you last. I feel it now in my right
shoulder as well.'</p>
<p id="id02509">'But your side—is it sore when you touch it? Will you let me feel?'</p>
<p id="id02510">Without waiting for a reply, he passed his hand under the sheet. 'Is it
there that it pains you?'</p>
<p id="id02511">'Yes, yes. Oh! You're hurting me.'</p>
<p id="id02512">Then the doctor walked aside with the landlady, who had been watching the
examination of the patient with anxious eyes. She said:</p>
<p id="id02513">'Do you think it's anything very dangerous? Is it contagious? Had I better
send her to the hospital?'</p>
<p id="id02514">'No, I should scarcely think it worth while doing that; she will be well in
a week, that is to say if she is properly looked after. She's suffering
from acute congestion of the liver, brought on by—'</p>
<p id="id02515">'By drink,' said Mrs. White. 'I suspected as much.'</p>
<p id="id02516">'You've too much to do, Mrs. White, with all your children, to give up your
time to nursing her; I shall send someone round as soon as possible, but,
in the meantime, will you see that her diet is regulated to half a cup of
beef-tea, every hour or so. If she complains of thirst, let her have some
milk to drink, and you may mix a little brandy with it. To-night I shall
send round a sleeping-draught.'</p>
<p id="id02517">'You're sure, doctor, there is nothing catching, for you know that, with
all my children in the house——'</p>
<p id="id02518">'You need not be alarmed, Mrs. White.'</p>
<p id="id02519">'But do you think, doctor, it will be an expensive illness? for I know very
little about her circumstances.'</p>
<p id="id02520">'I expect she'll be all right in a week or ten days, but what I fear for is
her future. I've had a good deal of experience in such matters, and I've
never known a case of a woman who cured herself of the vice of
intemperance. A man sometimes, a woman never.'</p>
<p id="id02521">The landlady sighed and referred to all she had gone through during poor
Mr. White's lifetime; the doctor spoke confidingly of a lady who was at
present under his charge; and, apparently overcome with pity for suffering
humanity, they descended the staircase together. On the doorstep the
conversation was continued.</p>
<p id="id02522">'Very well, then, doctor, I will take your advice; but at the end of a week
or so, when she is quite recovered, I shall tell her that I've let her
rooms. For, as you say, a woman rarely cures herself, and before the
children the example would be dreadful.'</p>
<p id="id02523">'I expect to see her on her feet in about that time, then you can do as you
please. I shall call tomorrow.'</p>
<p id="id02524">Next day the professional nurse took her place by the bedside. The sinapism
which the doctor ordered was applied to the hepatic region, and a small
dose of calomel was administered.</p>
<p id="id02525">Under this treatment she improved rapidly; but unfortunately, as her health
returned her taste for drink increased in a like proportion. Indeed, it was
almost impossible to keep her from it, and on one occasion she tried very
cunningly to outwit the nurse, who had fallen asleep in her chair. Waiting
patiently until the woman's snoring had become sufficiently regular to
warrant the possibility of a successful attempt being made on the
brandy-bottle, Kate slipped noiselessly out of bed. The unseen night-light
cast a rosy glow over the convex side of the basin, without, however,
disturbing the bare darkness of the wall, Kate knew that all the bottles
stood in a line upon the chest of drawers, but it was difficult to
distinguish one from the other, and the jingling she made as she fumbled
amid them awoke the nurse, who divining at once what was happening, arose
quickly from her chair and advancing rapidly towards her, said:</p>
<p id="id02526">'No, ma'am, I really can't allow it; it's against the doctor's orders.'</p>
<p id="id02527">'I'm not going to die of thirst to please any doctor. I was only going to
take a little milk, I suppose there's no harm in that?'</p>
<p id="id02528">'Not the least, ma'am, and if you'd called me you should have had it.'</p>
<p id="id02529">It was owing to this fortuitous intervention that when Dr. Hooper called a
couple of days after to see his patient he was able to certify to a
remarkable change for the better in her. All the distressing symptoms had
disappeared; the pain in her side had died away; the complexion was
clearer. He therefore thought himself justified in ordering for her lunch a
little fish and some weak brandy and water; and to Kate, who had not eaten
any solid food for several days, this first meal took the importance of a
very exceptional event. Sitting by her bedside Dr. Hooper spoke to her.</p>
<p id="id02530">'Now, Mrs. Lennox,' he said, 'I want to give you a word of warning. I've
seen you through what I must specify as a serious illness; dangerous I will
not call it, although I might do so if I were to look into the future and
anticipate the development the disease will most certainly take, unless,
indeed, you will be guided by me, and make a vow against all intoxicating
liquors.'</p>
<p id="id02531">At this direct allusion to her vice Kate stopped eating, and putting down
the fork looked at the doctor.</p>
<p id="id02532">'Now, Mrs. Lennox, you mustn't be angry,' he continued in his kind way.
'I'm speaking to you in my capacity as a medical man, and I must warn you
against the continuous nip-drinking which, of course, I can see you're in
the habit of indulging in, and which was the cause of the illness from
which you are recovering. I will not harrow your feelings by referring to
all the cases that have come under my notice where shame, disgrace, ruin,
and death were the result of that one melancholy failing—drink.'</p>
<p id="id02533">'Oh, sir!' cried Kate, broken-hearted, 'if you only knew how unhappy I've
been, how miserable I am, you would not speak to me so. I've my failing, it
is true, but I'm driven to it. I love my husband better than anything in
the world, and I see him mixed up always with a lot of girls at the
theatre, and it sends me mad, and then I go to drink so as to forget.'</p>
<p id="id02534">'We've all got our troubles; but it doesn't relieve us of the burden; it
only makes us forget it for a short time, and then, when consciousness
returns to us, we only remember it all the more bitterly. No, Mrs. Lennox,
take my advice. In a few days, when you're well, go to your husband, demand
his forgiveness, and resolve then never to touch spirits again.'</p>
<p id="id02535">'It's very good of you to speak to me in this way,' said Kate, tearfully,
'and I will take your advice, The very first day that I am strong enough to
walk down to the Strand I will go and see my husband, and if he will give
me another trial, he will not, I swear to you, have cause to repent it.
Oh!' she continued, 'you don't know how good he's been to me, how he has
borne with me. If it hadn't been that he tried my temper by flirting with
other women we might have been happy now.'</p>
<p id="id02536">Then, as Kate proceeded to speak of her trials and temptations, she grew
more and more excited and hysterical, until the doctor, fearing that she
would bring on a relapse, was forced to plead an engagement and wish her
good-bye.</p>
<p id="id02537">As he left the room she cried after him, 'The first day I'm well enough to
go out I'll go and see my husband.'</p>
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