<SPAN name="chap28"></SPAN>
<h3> CHAPTER XXVIII </h3>
<p>Lord Dymchurch went down into Somerset. His younger sister was in a
worse state of health than he had been led to suppose; there could be
no thought of removing her from home. A day or two later, her malady
took a hopeless turn, and by the end of the week she was dead.</p>
<p>A month after this, the surviving daughter of the house, seeking solace
in the ancient faith to which she had long inclined, joined a religious
community. Dymchurch was left alone.</p>
<p>Since his abrupt departure from Rivenoak, he had lived a silent life,
spending the greater part of every day in solitude. Grief was not
sufficient to account for the heaviness and muteness which had fallen
upon him, or for the sudden change by which his youthful-looking
countenance had become that of a middle-aged man. He seemed to shrink
before eyes that regarded him, however kind their expression; one might
have thought that some secret shame was harassing his mind. He himself,
indeed, would have used no other word to describe the ill under which
he suffered. Looking back on that strange episode of his life which
began with his introduction to Mrs. Toplady and ended in the park at
Rivenoak, he was stung almost beyond endurance by a sense of
ignominious folly. On his lonely walks, and in the silence of sleepless
nights, he often gesticulated and groaned like a man in pain. His
nerves became so shaken that at times he could hardly raise a glass or
cup to his lips without spilling the contents. Poverty and loneliness
he had known, and had learnt to bear them with equanimity; for the
first time he was tasting humiliation.</p>
<p>Incessantly he reviewed the stages of his foolishness and, as he deemed
it, of his dishonour. But he had lost the power to understand that
phantasm of himself which pranked so grotesquely in the retrospect. Was
it true that he had reasoned and taken deliberate step after step in
the wooing of Lady Ogram's niece? Might he not urge in his excuse, to
cloak him from his own and the world's contempt, some unsuspected
calenture, for which, had he known, he ought to have taken medical
advice? When, in self-chastisement, he tried to summon before his
mind's eye the image of May Tomalin, he found it quite impossible; the
face no longer existed for him; the voice was as utterly forgotten as
any he might have chanced to hear for a few minutes on that fatal
evening in Pont Street. And this was what he had seen as an object of
romantic tenderness—this vaporous nothing, this glimmer in a dazed eye!</p>
<p>Calm moments brought a saner self-reproach. "I simply yielded to the
common man's common temptation. I am poor, and it was wealth that
dazzled and lured me. Pride would explain more subtly; that is but a
new ground of shame. I felt a prey to the vulgarest and basest passion;
better to burn that truth into my mind, and to make the brand a
lifelong warning. I shall the sooner lift up my head again."</p>
<p>He seemed to palliate his act by remembering that he wished to benefit
his sisters. Neither of them—the poor dead girl, and she who lived
only for self-forgetfulness—would have been happier at the cost of his
disgrace. How well it was, indeed, that he had been saved from that
debasement in their eyes.</p>
<p>He lived on in the silent house, quite alone and desiring no
companionship. Few letters came for him, and he rarely saw a newspaper.
After a while he was able to forget himself in the reading of books
which tranquillised his thought, and held him far from the noises of
the passing world. So sequestered was the grey old house that he could
go forth when he chose into lanes and meadows without fear of
encountering anyone who would disturb his meditation and his enjoyment
of nature's beauty. Through the mellow days of the declining summer, he
lived amid trees and flowers, slowly recovering health and peace in
places where a bird's note, or the ripple of a stream, or the sighing
of the wind, were the only sounds under the ever-changing sky.</p>
<p>His thoughts were often of death, but not on that account gloomy.
Reading in his Marcus Aurelius, he said to himself that the Stoic
Emperor must, after all, have regarded death with some fear: else, why
speak of it so persistently, and with such marshalling of arguments to
prove it no matter for dread? Dymchurch never wished to shorten his
life, yet, without other logic than that of a quiet heart, came to
think more than resignedly of the end towards which he moved. He was
the last of his family, and no child would ever bear his name. Without
bitterness, he approved this extinction of a line which seemed to have
outlived its natural energies. He, at all events, would bear no
responsibility for suffering or wrongdoing in the days to come.</p>
<p>The things which had so much occupied him during the last year or two,
the state of the time, its perils and its needs, were now but seldom in
his mind: he felt himself ripening to that "wise passiveness," which,
through all his intellectual disquiet, he had regarded as the
unattainable ideal. When, as a very young man, he exercised himself in
versifying, the model he more or less consciously kept in view was
Matthew Arnold; it amused him now to recall certain of the compositions
he had once been rather proud of, and to recognise how closely he had
trodden in Arnold's footprints; at the same time, he felt glad that the
aspiration of his youth seemed likely to become the settled principle
of his maturity. Nowadays he gave much of his thought to Wordsworth,
content to study without the desire of imitating. Whether he could <i>do</i>
anything, whether he could bear witness in any open way to what he held
the truth, must still remain uncertain; sure it was that a profound
distrust of himself in every practical direction, a very humble sense
of follies committed and dangers barely escaped, would for a long time
make him a silent and solitary man. He hoped that some way might be
shown him, some modest yet clear way, by following which he would live
not wholly to himself; but he had done for ever with schemes of social
regeneration, with political theories, with all high-sounding words and
phrases. It might well prove that the work appointed him was simply to
live as an honest man. Was that so easy, or such a little thing?</p>
<p>Walking one day a mile or two from home, in one of those high-bowered
Somerset lanes which are unsurpassed for rural loveliness, he came
within sight of a little cottage, which stood apart from a hamlet
hidden beyond a near turning of the road. Before it moved a man,
white-headed, back-bent, so crippled by some ailment that he tottered
slowly and painfully with the aid of two sticks. Just as Dymchurch drew
near, the old fellow accidentally let fall his pipe, which he had been
smoking as he hobbled along. For him this incident was a disaster; he
stared down helplessly at the pipe and the little curl of smoke which
rose from it, utterly unable to stoop for its recovery. Dymchurch,
seeing the state of things, at once stepped to his assistance.</p>
<p>"I thank you, sir, I thank you," said the hobbler, with pleasant
frankness. "A man isn't much use when he can't even keep his pipe in
his mouth, to say nothing of picking it up when it drops; what do <i>you</i>
think, sir?"</p>
<p>Dymchurch talked with him. The man had spent his life as a gardener,
and now for a couple of years, invalided by age and rheumatism, had
lived in this cottage on a pension. His daughter, a widow, dwelt with
him, but was away working nearly the whole of the day. He got along
very well, but one thing there was that grieved him, the state of his
little garden. Through the early summer he had been able to look after
it as usual, pottering among the flowers and the vegetables for an hour
or two each day; but there came rainy weather, and with it one of his
attacks, and the garden was now so overgrown with weeds that it "hurt
his eyes," it really did, to look that way. The daughter dug potatoes
and gathered beans as they were wanted, but she had neither time nor
strength to do more.</p>
<p>Interested in a difficulty such as he had never imagined, Dymchurch
went up to the garden-wall, and viewed the state of things. Indeed, it
was deplorable. Thistles, docks, nettles, wild growths innumerable,
were choking the flowers in which the old man so delighted. But the
garden was such a small one that little trouble and time would be
needed to put it in order.</p>
<p>"Will you let me do it for you?" he asked, good-naturedly. "It's just
the kind of job I should like."</p>
<p>"You, sir!" cried the old fellow, all but again losing his pipe in
astonishment. "Ho, ho! That's a joke indeed!"</p>
<p>Without another word, Dymchurch opened the wicket, flung off his coat,
and got to work. He laboured for more than an hour, the old man leaning
on the wall and regarding him with half-ashamed, half-amused
countenance. They did not talk much, but, when he had begun to perspire
freely, Dymchurch looked at his companion, and said:</p>
<p>"Now here's a thing I never thought of. Neglect your garden for a few
weeks, and it becomes a wilderness; nature conquers it back again.
Think what that means; how all the cultivated places of the earth are
kept for men only by ceaseless fighting with nature, year in, year out."</p>
<p>"And that's true, sir, that's true. I've thought of it sometimes, but
then I'm a gardener, you see, and it's my business, as you may say, to
have such thoughts."</p>
<p>"It's every man's business," returned Dymchurch, supporting himself on
his hoe, and viewing the uprooted weeds. "I never realised as in this
half-hour at the cost of what incessant labour the earth is kept at
man's service. If I have done you a good turn, you have done me a
better."</p>
<p>And he hoed vigorously at a root of dandelion.</p>
<p>Not for years had he felt so well in body and mind as during his walk
home. There, there was the thought for which he had been obscurely
groping! What were volumes of metaphysics and of sociology to the man
who had heard this one little truth whispered from the upturned mould?
Henceforth he knew <i>why</i> he was living, and <i>how</i> it behooved him to
live. Let theories and poesies follow if they would: for him, the prime
duty was that nearest to him, to strive his best that the little corner
of earth which he called his own should yield food for man. At this
moment there lay upon his table letters informing him of the
unsatisfactory state of his Kentish farm; the tenant was doing badly in
every sense of the word, and would willingly escape from his lease if
opportunity were given. Very well; the man should go.</p>
<p>"I will live there myself. I will get some practical man to live with
me, until I understand farming. For profit, I don't care; all will be
well if I keep myself alive and furnish food for a certain number of
other mortals. This is the work ready to my hand. No preaching, no
theorising, no trying to prove that the earth should be parcelled out
and every man turn delver. I will cultivate this ground because it is
mine, and because no other way offers of living as a man should—taking
some part, however humble, in the eternal strife with nature."</p>
<p>The idea had before now suggested itself to him, but not as the result
of a living conviction. If he had then turned to farming, it would have
been as an experiment in life; more or less vague reflections on the
needs of the time would have seemed to justify him. Now he was
indifferent to all "questions" save that prime solicitude of the human
race, how to hold its own against the hostile forces everywhere leagued
against it. Life was a perpetual struggle, and, let dreamers say what
they might, could never be anything else; he, for one, perceived no
right that he had to claim exemption from the doom of labour. Had he
felt an impulse to any other kind of work, well and good, he would have
turned to it; but nothing whatever called to him with imperative voice
save this task of tilling his own acres. It might not always satisfy
him; he took no vow of one sole vocation; he had no desire to let his
mind rust whilst his hands grew horny. Enough that for the present he
had an aim which he saw as a reality.</p>
<p>On his return home, he found a London letter awaiting him. It was with
a nervous shrug that he saw the writing of Mrs. Toplady. Addressing him
at his club, she invited him to dine on an evening a fortnight hence,
if he chanced to be in town.</p>
<p>"You heard, of course," she added, "of the defeat of Mr. Lashmar at
Hollingford. It seems to have been inevitable."</p>
<p>So Lashmar had been defeated. The Hollingford election interested
Dymchurch so little that he had never inquired as to its result; in
truth, he had forgotten all about it.</p>
<p>"I fear Mr. Lashmar is rather disappointing. Rumour says that the
philosophical theory of life and government which he put before us as
original was taken word for word from a French book which he took for
granted no one would have read. I hope this is not true; it has a very
unpleasant sound."</p>
<p>Quite as unpleasant, thought Dymchurch, was Mrs. Toplady's zeal in
spreading the rumour. He found no difficulty in crediting it. The
bio-sociological theory had occupied his thoughts for a time, and, in
reflecting upon it now, he found it as plausible as any other; but it
had no more power to interest him. Lashmar, perhaps, was mere sophist,
charlatan, an unscrupulous journalist who talked instead of writing.
Words, words! How sick he was of the universal babble! The time had
taken for its motto that counsel of Mephisto: <i>Vor allem haltet euch an
Worte</i>! And how many of these loud talkers believed the words they
uttered, or had found them in their own minds?</p>
<p>And how many preachers of Socialism—in this, that or the other form,
had in truth the socialistic spirit? Lashmar, with his emphasis on the
obligation of social service—was he not simply an ambitious struggler
and intriguer, careless of everything but his own advancement? Probably
enough. And, on the whole, was there ever an age so rank with
individualism as this of ours, which chatters ceaselessly of
self-subdual to the common cause?</p>
<p>"I, too," thus he thought, "am as much an individualist as the others.
If I said that I cared a rap for mankind at large, I should be
phrase-making. Only, thank heaven! I don't care to advertise myself, I
don't care to make money. I ask only to be left alone, and to satisfy
in quiet my sense of self-respect."</p>
<p>On the morrow, he was gone.</p>
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