Manners for Men

<h2><SPAN name="AT_A_BALL" id="AT_A_BALL"></SPAN><i>AT A BALL.</i></h2> <div class="sidenote">The etiquette of the ball-room.</div> <p class="nind"><span class="smcap">The</span> etiquette of the ball-room is not difficult to acquire, and yet there are thousands of young men going into society constantly who flagrantly fail in it. Their bad manners are conspicuous. They decline to dance unless the prettiest girls in the room are “trotted out” for them, block the doorways, haunt the refreshment-room, and after supper promptly take their leave. Could any course of conduct be in worse taste? And what can a poor hostess do? Young men are necessary at dances, and they must be invited. If they will not dance, who shall make them?</p> <div class="sidenote">“The delight of the hostess’s heart.”</div> <p>The delight of the average hostess’s heart is the well-bred man, unspoiled by conceit, who can always be depended on to do his duty. He arrives in good time, fills his card before very long, and can be asked to dance with a plain, neglected wallflower or two without resenting it. He takes his partner duly to the refreshment-room after each dance, if she wishes to go, and provides her with whatever she wishes. Before leaving her, he sees her<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page_104" id="page_104"></SPAN>{104}</span> safe at her chaperon’s side. If he should sit out a dance he returns in time to claim his partner for the next, not leaving her till it is half over, as is the wont of some young men.</p> <div class="sidenote">Self-denial the secret of good society.</div> <p>The truth is that society demands a never-ending series of self-denying actions from those who belong to it, and the more cheerfully these are performed, the more perfect are the manners. What can be more enjoyable than to sit in some cool retreat with a charming girl, enjoying one of those innocent flirtations that do so much to give zest to life? But delightful though it be, the temptation to prolong it must be resisted, if an expectant partner is missing her dance and waiting in the ball-room to be claimed.</p> <div class="sidenote">Non-dancers should not accept invitations.</div> <p>It is bad manners to go to a ball unless one is accomplished in the art of dancing. To do so is to take the place of one who may be more expert and therefore in greater request. Consequently, every man who wishes to be a success in society must learn to dance. There are abundant opportunities for doing so at the various dancing “academies,” as they are rather unsuitably entitled, for there is not much about them of the academical, as generally understood.</p> <div class="sidenote">The value of private lessons.</div> <p>Private lessons are dearer than the others, but they are really necessary for most<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page_105" id="page_105"></SPAN>{105}</span> men who have not been taught to dance when boys. The whole attention of the teacher should be given during the first three or four. A man has so much to learn in addition to the correct movements of his feet. He must be taught to hold his head up, to grasp his partner gently but firmly, not to tread on her toes or knock his knees against hers, and also how to steer his course and hers in an imaginary crowded room.</p> <div class="sidenote">The finishing touches.</div> <p>Afterwards come the finishing touches, when, perfect in the steps and carriage of the body, the learner is taught to glide gently from foot to foot, regulating his pace as quickly or as slowly as he may wish. At first this seems to be impossible, for the novice is inclined to “rush his fences,” as it were, and he waltzes round the room at breakneck speed, making himself giddy and breathless, and sometimes causing dire catastrophe. A girl finds it difficult to forgive a man who has made her look ridiculous.</p> <div class="sidenote">A fall: generally the man’s fault.</div> <p>The fall of a couple is not a frequent occurrence in a ball-room, but when it does happen it is almost always the man’s fault. Girls take much more naturally to the graceful movements of the dance, and are, besides, more often taught in childhood than their brothers.</p> <div class="sidenote">At a private ball.</div> <p>At a private ball the guest enters and greets his hostess before speaking to any one else. She shakes hands with<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page_106" id="page_106"></SPAN>{106}</span> him and passes him on to some one to introduce him to partners, perhaps her husband, perhaps her son.</p> <div class="sidenote">The card should be filled early.</div> <p>With this beginning he will probably get on very well and may half-fill his card, and he should take care to do so at once, for at some balls the nice girls are immediately snapped up and engaged for even the extras before they have been twenty minutes in the room. “Are you engaged for every dance, Miss Grey? Can you spare me one?” And Miss Grey probably gives him one, but if he is a stranger of whose calisthenic prowess nothing is known, she is careful to give him only one. Sometimes his partners, if they discover that he dances well, introduce him to their sisters and friends. If, however, he should find himself left high and dry towards the end of the evening, he should go back to the gentlemen of the house and ask them to introduce him to somebody else. Young men of experience in such matters usually manage very well without this, but the novice has often to face the alternative of dancing no more or asking to be introduced.</p> <div class="sidenote">The “supper” dance.</div> <p>Hostesses sometimes make special introductions for the “supper” dance, the one immediately preceding that meal. This means that the man introduced, unless engaged to dance it with some one else, is imperatively<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page_107" id="page_107"></SPAN>{107}</span> called upon to accept the partner offered him and take her down to supper.</p> <div class="sidenote">Asking a lady to dance.</div> <p>In asking a lady to dance it is usual to say, “Will you give me this waltz?” or “May I have this barn-dance?” Some young men say, “Would you like to dance this? Come along then!” but such a form of address is only suited to intimates.</p> <div class="sidenote">After the dance.</div> <p>When the dance is over, and the partner left with her friends, the man says, “Thank you,” bows, and leaves her.</p> <div class="sidenote">Seeing a lady to her carriage.</div> <p>If he wishes to see any lady to her carriage, he asks her permission to do so, folds her wraps round her, hands her in, and stands until the carriage has gone some yards away.<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page_108" id="page_108"></SPAN>{108}</span></p> <div style="break-after:column;"></div><br />