Manners for Men

<h2><SPAN name="PUBLIC_DINNERS" id="PUBLIC_DINNERS"></SPAN><i>PUBLIC DINNERS.</i></h2> <p class="nind"><span class="smcap">The</span> following information is supplied by a gentleman well-known in the City, and thoroughly <i>au fait</i> in such matters.</p> <div class="sidenote">Public dinners.</div> <p>“Public dinners may be classed as those given by associations, or public bodies, and those given by institutions, such as some of the great City companies.</p> <div class="sidenote">When given by an association.</div> <p>When given by an association, the function is generally managed by a committee, who have the arrangement of all the details, such as choosing the menu, the wines, preparing the programme of music, instrumental or vocal, and arranging the due sequence of the speeches.</p> <div class="sidenote">On arrival.</div> <p>A guest invited to such an entertainment who may not be of the few highly placed personages who sit at the cross-table or on the daïs, and from whom speeches are expected, will, on arriving at the hall, hotel, or public institution selected, find that the first thing required of him will be his invitation card. In exchange for this he will be handed a more or less elaborate menu card, which will also contain the list of music<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page_084" id="page_084"></SPAN>{84}</span> and a sketch showing the positions of the guests’ seats at the tables.</p> <div class="sidenote">Saluting the hosts.</div> <p>After depositing his hat and overcoat in the cloak-room, receiving a numbered ticket for them, he enters the reception-or drawing-room, his name is announced, and he passes into the room, goes up to the members of the committee, who stand by themselves to receive the guests, bows or shakes hands, and passes on to join the other guests who are either sitting or standing in groups engaged in conversation.</p> <div class="sidenote">When dinner is announced.</div> <p>When dinner is announced the hosts and the highest in rank of the guests file into the dining-room and take up their position by their chairs, followed by the rest; any clergyman present says grace on being asked to do so, and the banquet commences.</p> <div class="sidenote">The order of the ceremony.</div> <p>Strangers sitting next to each other soon fall into conversation, and after the dispatch of the solid portion of the repast come the speeches. Music is played at intervals, perhaps a few songs sung by professionals, then dessert, cigars, and coffee, after which the guests find their way to the drawing-room for more general conversation, some preferring to leave without re-entering the drawing-room. In such large gatherings it is not necessary to take leave of their hosts, as a rule.</p> <div class="sidenote">Dinners given by City Companies.</div> <p>“Dinners given by City companies are very much on the same principle.<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page_085" id="page_085"></SPAN>{85}</span> The guest has but to don his evening clothes and carry himself with easy composure, not always quite a simple matter to the inexperienced, if one may judge from the hurried steps and the sudden bob that many give on entering the reception-room after arrival.”</p> <div class="sidenote">Dinners for charities.</div> <p>At dinners given on behalf of charities, it is well to go prepared with a subscription, as a collection is often made on these occasions. If not prepared to subscribe, it is more discreet to stay away.</p> <div class="sidenote">On tips.</div> <p>With regard to tips the only ones really recognised are those for which the plates on the cloak-room table are laid ready in expectation of small silver coins. Though no fees are actually necessary at table, the initiated person is well aware that the man behind his chair can administer to his wants and see that he is liberally provided with viands and wines or other matters without keeping him waiting longer than necessary. A tip, quietly conveyed before the dinner is under way, is not by any means wasted.</p> <p>It sometimes happens that semi-official dinners are given at private houses, when proprietors of</p> <div class="sidenote">Semi-official dinners at private houses.</div> <p class="nind">newspapers or wealthy men interested in certain undertakings, entertain the staff <span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page_086" id="page_086"></SPAN>{86}</span>of those employed. In such circumstances it may be as well to warn the guests against addressing the footmen as “waiter.” This may appear to be superfluous advice, but I have myself been present when the mistake was made, evidently to the intense indignation of the magnificent being thus addressed.</p> <p>At such dinners as these, the host treats his guests as his social equals for the nonce. By having invited them to his house he places himself in the position of regarding them as he would his own friends at his dinner-table. Any infraction of this would be in the worst taste. It is also usual to abstain from any business talk at such times as these, the conversation being encouraged to dwell on general topics.</p> <p>Though the fiction of social equality is maintained by the host, the guests need not adopt a familiar, free-and-easy manner in response. True manliness involves sufficient self-respect to preserve the possessor from falling into this error; but it is, perhaps, a little difficult for the novice, on such occasions, to bear himself in such wise as to avoid undue familiarity on one hand and an air of stiffness and standoffishness on the other. In his anxiety not to appear to presume upon the friendliness of his host’s manner, he is apt to wear a rather repellent air. And this is more particularly so when the <i>employé</i> is by birth the equal, if not the superior, of his entertainer. It<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page_087" id="page_087"></SPAN>{87}</span> often happens that a man at the head of a great business has risen from obscure beginnings to the command of wealth and a high position in the world, enjoying a title and many of the extraneous advantages of rank. Among those whom he employs may be several who are his social superiors in all but wealth; but any of them who imagine that this fact gives them any claim upon his consideration or entitles them to converse with him upon a footing of equality, make a radical mistake. Their position, as regards their employer, is exactly that justified by their standing in his firm. The true gentleman is well aware of this, and would never dream of asserting himself in any way on the strength of being well-born or highly educated. He leaves all that kind of thing to the man who feels his claim to gentlemanhood to be so shadowy and insecure as to need constant insistance.</p> <p>Besides, the host is usually the elder, and deference to seniority is an important part of good manners, and sits extremely well upon the young.<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page_088" id="page_088"></SPAN>{88}</span></p> <div style="break-after:column;"></div><br />