<h2><SPAN name="IN_THE_STREET" id="IN_THE_STREET"></SPAN><i>IN THE STREET.</i></h2>
<p class="nind"><span class="smcap">The</span> rule of the road is a simple one, though it is often forgotten or
neglected—“Keep to the right.”</p>
<div class="sidenote">“The rule of the road.”</div>
<p>Easy enough for women, it is complicated in the case of men by the
necessity of always remaining on the kerb side of any lady they may be
accompanying. Should the lady keep to the right in meeting or in passing
other persons, her escort may either keep by her or go out in the road.
He will be able to judge for himself which course will be advisable.</p>
<div class="sidenote">A man’s duty is always to his lady.</div>
<p>His first duty is always to his companion, but that need not make him
wanting in courtesy to other women. If remaining by the side of his
companion should involve any inconvenience to the ladies of the other
party, then he must give up his position, and go out into the roadway to
let the latter pass. Should these be men, no consideration is necessary.
He keeps close by his lady’s side.</p>
<div class="sidenote">“In crowded streets.”</div>
<p>In crowded streets he may often have to fall behind, but he should never
allow any one to interpose<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page_013" id="page_013"></SPAN>{13}</span> between her and him. Should the pressure
from the crowd become extreme, his duty is to protect her from it as
much as possible, but never by putting his arm round her waist. A hand
on either side the lady’s shoulders is usually sufficient.</p>
<div class="sidenote">Salutations.</div>
<p>In meeting acquaintances a nod is sufficient for a male friend, unless
his age or position is such as to render it advisable to raise the hat.
Should a lady be with the acquaintance, any man meeting them must raise
his hat. So must the individual walking with the lady. The etiquette of
bowing is a simple one.</p>
<div class="sidenote">The right of acknowledgment rests with the lady.</div>
<p>Male acquaintances always wait for acknowledgement on the part of
female, as well as from those men who are their superiors in age or
position. But this does not mean that they are shyly to look away from
them and to ignore them. On the contrary, they must show clearly by
their manner that they are on the look-out for some sign of recognition
and are ready to reply to it.</p>
<div class="sidenote">On waiting for acknowledgment.</div>
<p>Shyness often interferes with this and makes a young man look away, and
this is occasionally misconstrued as indifference and resented as such.
The calm, quiet, collected expression of face that suits the occasion is
not achieved at once. Sometimes the over-anxiety to make a good
impression defeats itself, producing a<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page_014" id="page_014"></SPAN>{14}</span> blushing eagerness better suited
to a girlish than a manly countenance. This, however, is a youthful
fault that is not without its ingratiating side, though young men view
it in themselves and in each other with unbounded scorn.</p>
<div class="sidenote">On self-contempt.</div>
<p>This sentiment of self-contempt is a frequent one in young people of
both sexes. Their valuation of themselves varies as much as the
barometer, and is as much affected by outward causes. After a “snub,”
real or fancied, it goes down to zero, but as a rule it speedily
recovers itself, and in most young men enjoys an agreeable thermometer
of 85° or so in the shade!</p>
<p>The well-mannered man never puts out his hand in greeting until a lady
extends hers.</p>
<div class="sidenote">Offering the hand.</div>
<p>This is a test of good breeding that is constantly applied. To those
uninitiated in the ways of society, it would naturally appear the right
thing to give as cordial a greeting as possible. Therefore the hand is
held out, even on introduction to a perfect stranger. This is wrong. The
first move in the direction of cordiality must come from the lady, the
whole code of behaviour being based on the assumption that she is the
social superior. The same holds good with elders and men of higher rank.
When a man is introduced to these he raises his hat and bows, though
slightly. It is only to kings and princes that a low bow is<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page_015" id="page_015"></SPAN>{15}</span> made, or to
those whose character and eminent position render an introduction to
them a very high honour.</p>
<div class="sidenote">Introducing men to men.</div>
<p>In introducing two men to each other the name of the inferior is
mentioned first. By the inferior I mean the younger, the less important,
or of lower rank. Suppose one of the two to be a familiar friend, and
another a comparatively new acquaintance, then formality requires that
the familiar friend shall be introduced to the other, being named first.
The reason for this is that one naturally stands more on ceremony with
the man one knows least. There may be counteracting circumstances,
however, which would tend to reverse this order of things, but as a
general rule, the social rank of both being equal, the above holds good.</p>
<div class="sidenote">Introducing men to ladies.</div>
<p>Never introduce a lady to a gentleman; but always the gentleman to the
lady. That is, mention the man’s name first, addressing yourself to the
woman—thus: “Allow me to introduce my friend Mr. Smith, Miss Jones.”
And follow this up immediately by saying, “Miss Jones,” addressing Mr.
Smith as you do so. It is a grave solecism to begin by introducing the
lady. Tyros very naturally conclude that the lady’s name should be first
mentioned; but on thinking it over they will soon perceive that to do so
would infer that she is the lesser consideration of the two.<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page_016" id="page_016"></SPAN>{16}</span></p>
<div class="sidenote">“Woman’s social superiority.”</div>
<p>It must always be borne in mind that the assumption of woman’s social
superiority lies at the root of these rules of conduct.</p>
<p>It is bad manners to introduce people without permission.</p>
<div class="sidenote">On permission to introduce.</div>
<p>Nor must this permission be asked in the hearing of the second party. If
Mr. A. wishes to know Miss B., the lady’s leave must be obtained before
he can be presented to her. The only exception to this rule is at a
dance or ball, where introductions need not be regarded as leading to
acquaintanceship. They are only for the dance, and may be ignored next
day.</p>
<div class="sidenote">On recognition after a dance.</div>
<p>Here, again, it is the lady’s privilege to ignore her partner, if she
choose. But if she should bow to him he must raise his hat, whether he
desires to follow up the acquaintanceship or not. Objections more
frequently arise on the woman’s side; but should a man prefer to drop
the matter he can manage to convey in his manner a disinclination to do
so, and yet behave with perfect politeness. A man I knew was once
introduced at a ball to a girl, with whom he had danced two or three
times. Before he met her again he heard that she had been actively
concerned in circulating a slander about another girl whom circumstances
had misrepresented. I<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page_017" id="page_017"></SPAN>{17}</span> happened to see the next meeting between the two.</p>
<div class="sidenote">Engineering an awkward point.</div>
<p>The girl bowed, smiled, and showed some sign of an intention to stop and
talk. The man raised his hat, looked extremely solemn and unsociable,
and passed on. It was enough. The girl understood that he did not wish
to resume the ball-room acquaintanceship, and very probably guessed why.
He did it beautifully.</p>
<div class="sidenote">The hat and the promenade.</div>
<p>Before leaving the subject of the promenade, I must clearly explain that
the hat must be raised even in saluting a very familiar friend, if (<i>a</i>)
that friend is accompanied by a lady, and (<i>b</i>) when one is oneself
accompanied by a lady, even if she be only a mother or sister. It is one
of the signs of caste that a man is equally polite to his relatives as
he is to the relatives of others.</p>
<div class="sidenote">One’s duty to one’s own relatives.</div>
<p>We all know what to think of a man who omits small social duties where
his wife is concerned. Even when he proves by paying them duly to other
women that he is aware of what he ought to do, he is at once set down as
ill-bred—a “cad,” in fact.</p>
<div class="sidenote">A case in point.</div>
<p>I once saw a Lord Mayor of London enter his carriage before his wife,
who scrambled in after him as though well accustomed to do so. One does
not expect the refinement of good manners from<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page_018" id="page_018"></SPAN>{18}</span> civic dignitaries, as a
rule, but this little action told the spectators more about the man than
they would ever have found out in the newspapers. They at once perceived
that he was unversed in the ways of good society.</p>
<p>But some one may suggest that this may have been on some state occasion,
when his mayoral dignity obliged him to precede his wife.</p>
<div class="sidenote">The lady first under every circumstance.</div>
<p>No. It was after a wedding. And besides, can any one fancy the Prince of
Wales in any circumstances entering his carriage without having
previously handed in the Princess, should she be his companion?</p>
<div class="sidenote">When accompanied by dogs.</div>
<p>If accompanied by a dog, or dogs, their owner must hold himself
responsible for their good behaviour. If his pets trespass in any way he
must apologise for them, and do his best to repair any damage they have
done. Should one of his dogs jump on a lady and make her gown muddy, he
must offer his services and endeavour to get rid of the traces of the
accident, if the lady wishes. Should she show a disinclination to accept
his aid, he must at once withdraw, raising his hat as he does so. Should
his dog attack another dog he must immediately call him off, administer
correction, and apologise to the owner of the dog assaulted. I saw a
young man once, in these circumstances,<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page_019" id="page_019"></SPAN>{19}</span> beat the other dog, after his
own had jumped on it and bitten its ear! He was dressed like a
gentleman, but his behaviour gave a truer indication of him than did his
garments.</p>
<div class="sidenote">On whistling and singing.</div>
<p>Whistling and singing are incompatible with the conduct of a gentleman
in the street, though this by no means applies to a quiet country road,
where ceremonious bearing is not required.</p>
<div class="sidenote">Carriage of the hands.</div>
<p>Nor is it permitted to wear the hands in the pockets when walking in the
Park, or the streets of a town or city. This is probably one of the
reasons that the cane or stick is still carried, though the original
cause, that of self-defence in an age that was destitute of law and
order, fortunately exists no longer. There are men who would not know
what to do with their hands if they had not a cane or umbrella.</p>
<div class="sidenote">A word to parents.</div>
<p>This is partly the fault of those who have charge of boys when they are
growing and who allow them to lounge about in slovenly attitudes with
their hands for ever in their pockets. Then when they begin to enter
society they are quite at a loss.</p>
<div class="sidenote">And schoolmasters.</div>
<p>At schools where boys are regularly drilled the whole effect of the
drilling is done away with by the way in which the boys are allowed to
sit and stand in the most remarkable attitudes of slouching
awkwardness.<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page_020" id="page_020"></SPAN>{20}</span> It is only when they are at drill or out walking with the
masters that any notice is taken of their carriage. And yet it is an
important point with regard to health that the shoulders should be held
well back, the chest forward, and the head up.</p>
<div class="sidenote">On rendering slight services.</div>
<p>Should a man be so fortunate as to be of some service to any lady in the
street, such as picking up a parcel or sunshade she may have dropped, or
helping her out of any small difficulty, he must raise his hat and
withdraw at once. Such trifling acts as these do not by any means
constitute an acquaintanceship, and to remain by her side when the
incident is over would look like presuming on what he had done, as
though it gave him a right to her continued acknowledgments. This would
be ungentlemanly.</p>
<p>At the same time, these occurrences are sometimes deliberately planned
by girls and women with a direct view to scraping acquaintance with
young men.</p>
<div class="sidenote">On girls making advances.</div>
<p>It is scarcely necessary to say that girls who stoop to this kind of
manœuvring are hardly ever gentlewomen. Members of good families have
been known to do such things in the wild exuberance of youth and high
spirits, but they cannot hope to retain the respect of those who know
them when they deliberately lower themselves in<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page_021" id="page_021"></SPAN>{21}</span> such ways as these.</p>
<div class="sidenote">The risk to one’s good name.</div>
<p>Picking up promiscuous male acquaintances is a practice fraught with
danger. It cannot be denied that girls of the lower middle classes are
often prone to it; and there are thousands of young men who have no
feminine belongings in the great towns and cities where they live, and
who are found responsive to this indiscriminating mode of making
acquaintances.</p>
<div class="sidenote">The method can produce little good.</div>
<p>But they must often hesitate before choosing as wife a girl who shows so
little discretion as to walk and talk with young men of whom she knows
nothing beyond what they choose to tell her.</p>
<div class="sidenote">Seaside “Flirtations.”</div>
<p>The seaside season is prolific in these chance
acquaintanceships—“flirtations,” as they may perhaps be called.
Bicycling is well known to favour them. But as they are far removed from
the practices of the class of society to which belong those gentlemen of
whom this little book treats, they may be dismissed with a few words of
advice. Should any young man become acquainted with a girl in this
manner, let him show his innate chivalry by treating her in every way as
he would wish his own sister to be treated in similar circumstances.</p>
<div class="sidenote">Should the man become attached.</div>
<p>If he becomes attached to her, let him first find out all about her that
he possibly<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page_022" id="page_022"></SPAN>{22}</span> can, and should what he hears be encouraging, then let him
ask her to introduce him to her family as a suitor for her hand. Should
the girl fall in love with him, let him protect her against herself like
a <i>preux chevalier</i>, like an honourable and high-minded English
gentleman.</p>
<div class="sidenote">Should he be unable to reciprocate.</div>
<p>If he feels that he cannot reciprocate her sentiment, he should give up
seeing her. Should she, as some girls of the kind have been known to do,
pursue him with letters making appointments, she makes his task of
renunciation a difficult one, but he should fulfil it nevertheless.</p>
<p>It is difficult in this way. Suppose a girl writes to a young man: “Meet
me at the tea-rooms, No. 440, Bond Street, to-morrow afternoon.” There
is no chance of replying in time to prevent her going there, and to
absent himself would be to administer a severe snub to a girl whom he
likes very well, and who has flattered his self-love in many ways during
their acquaintanceship. What can he do?</p>
<div class="sidenote">“Her ultimate welfare.”</div>
<p>It is a point that he must decide for himself, taking all the
circumstances into consideration, and not forgetting to regard her
ultimate welfare in the matter at least as much as his own actual
wishes.</p>
<p>This may seem to some young men a very “high-falutin’<span class="lftspc">”</span> view to take of
such a small matter as meeting a young woman and having tea together.
Most<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page_023" id="page_023"></SPAN>{23}</span> of them, finding that a girl was growing fond of them, would
encourage the feeling by every means in their power, regardless of
whether it could ever end in marriage, and careless of everything beyond
the gratification of their own vanity.</p>
<div class="sidenote">The view of the ordinary young man.</div>
<p>But there are bright exceptions to these who do not allow themselves to
be carried away by the flattery implied in a girl’s attentions, and who
can consider her welfare in selfless fashion. Sometimes fastidious taste
comes to their aid and makes withdrawal from an interesting
companionship comparatively easy.</p>
<div class="sidenote">The manly young man does his own wooing.</div>
<p>For, after all, the manly young man has a prejudice in favour of doing
his own wooing!</p>
<div class="sidenote">Invitations from girls.</div>
<p>It is not at all necessary that a man should accept invitations from a
girl to meet her at restaurants, subscription dances, bazaars, or any
other place. If a girl so far forgets herself, and is so lacking in
modesty and propriety as to make appointments with young men in such
ways as these, she cannot be worth much, and may lead the young man into
a very serious scrape. A public horse-whipping is an extremely
disagreeable thing, and yet cases have been known when such have been
administered by irate brothers or fathers, when the only fault committed
by the young man had been to obey<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page_024" id="page_024"></SPAN>{24}</span> the commands of a forward and bold
young woman—one of the sort to whom Hamlet would have said, “Get thee
to a nunnery.”</p>
<div class="sidenote">They are better ignored.</div>
<p>Such invitations are better ignored, though it is difficult for the
average young man to resist the temptation of being courted and
flattered, and of seeking the society of girls who administer these
pleasant attentions. But if their standard is a high one, they would say
to themselves: “What should I like another fellow to do, supposing the
girl were my sister?” (Almost always he mentally adds, “God forbid!”)
This clears up the question for him at once. If he is high-minded and
honourable he keeps away. If he is unscrupulous and self-indulgent he
meets the girl and lets the acquaintanceship drift on to dangerous
ground.</p>
<div class="sidenote">The danger of the proceeding.</div>
<p>Such girls as these can never tell if a man whose past and present and
surrounding circumstances are unknown to her is a scoundrel or
otherwise. Fortunately, the code of manners obtaining amongst the
educated and well-brought-up forbids all such indiscriminate
acquaintance-making.</p>
<div class="sidenote">The offenders.</div>
<p>Girls who stoop to it are usually those who have failed to secure
attention in their own circle, and belong, as a rule, to the sort of
girl who marries a groom or<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page_025" id="page_025"></SPAN>{25}</span> runs away with a good-looking footman.</p>
<div class="sidenote">Offering an unknown lady an umbrella.</div>
<p>A young man once asked me if it would be etiquette to offer an unknown
lady an umbrella in the street, supposing she stood in need of one. I
replied: “No <i>lady</i> would accept the offer from a stranger, and the
other sort of person might never return the umbrella.” In large towns
women of breeding soon learn to view casual attentions from well-dressed
men with the deepest distrust. They would suffer any amount of
inconvenience rather than accept a favour from a stranger, knowing that
so many men make it their amusement to prowl about the streets, looking
after pretty faces and graceful figures, and forcing their attentions on
the owners.</p>
<div class="sidenote">A contemptible class of men.</div>
<p>Contemptible curs they are, whether young or old, and they are of all
ages. Very young girls have sometimes extremely unpleasant experiences
with such men, not only in the streets but in omnibuses, trams, and
trains. Cultivating a gentlemanly exterior, they can yet never be
gentlemen, and a good, pure woman finds something hateful in the look of
their eyes, the whole expression of their faces.</p>
<div class="sidenote">Their female counterparts.</div>
<p>It cannot be denied, however, that there is a corresponding class of
women and girls who make promiscuous male acquaintances in the<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page_026" id="page_026"></SPAN>{26}</span> streets,
and the young man learns to distinguish these from respectable members
of the community almost as soon as the young girl learns to dread and
fear the prowling man.</p>
<div class="sidenote">Offers of service from strangers not therefore allowable.</div>
<p>The existence of such a state of things makes self-respecting women most
careful to accept no advances from a stranger, and the true gentleman,
understanding this, refrains from offers of assistance that he would
gladly make were society so constituted as to be free from such pests as
the above.</p>
<div class="sidenote">On removing a cigar when passing a lady.</div>
<p>In passing ladies on the promenade, in the street or Park, if a man
chance to be smoking, he always takes his cigar from his mouth,
replacing it when the lady or ladies have passed on. In the crowded
streets of great cities this, if carried out in full entirety, would be
too much. Therefore it is observed only with reference to such ladies as
pass the smoker quite closely. “I know he is a gentleman,” said a girl
once of a good-looking young fellow whose appearance had pleased her—“I
know he is a gentleman, for he stopped smoking directly he saw us.” It
is in the observance of little things of this kind that one shows
clearly one’s breeding or lack of it.</p>
<p>When a young man is walking with a lady, and happens to meet another
lady with whom he is on more intimate terms than with his companion, he
must<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page_027" id="page_027"></SPAN>{27}</span> ask pardon of the latter if he should stop to speak.</p>
<div class="sidenote">Meeting a more intimate acquaintance when with a lady.</div>
<p>“Excuse me for one moment,” he would say, and his companion, if a
gentlewoman, would walk some yards on, and then slowly stroll along
until he joined her again. The strict rule is that when walking with a
lady a man should never leave her side.</p>
<div class="sidenote">The rule for introductions in such a case.</div>
<p>Suppose a young man were to meet his mother or sister while he was in
the company of a lady unknown to them, he must not introduce her to them
or them to her without having previously obtained special permission on
both sides. There are young men who make acquaintance with girls in a
lower walk of life than their own. It would be an insult to mother or
sister to introduce a milliner’s apprentice or an assistant in a shop,
or, in fact, any one whom he had picked up without a regular
introduction.</p>
<div class="sidenote">Acquaintance without introduction.</div>
<p>No respectable young woman would walk with or talk with any man to whom
she had not had a proper introduction. The inference is that those who
do so are not respectable, and must not, therefore, be introduced to
those who are.</p>
<div class="sidenote">Stopping to speak to a lady.</div>
<p>The old rule was that when a gentleman stopped to speak to a lady in the
street he walked a little way with her in the direction in which she<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page_028" id="page_028"></SPAN>{28}</span>
had been going.</p>
<div class="sidenote">The old rule and the new.</div>
<p>But now this is less observed than it used to be. The lady herself, if
she wishes the conversation to be a short one, stops at once, knowing
that it will be easier for a man to terminate it in these circumstances
than if he were sauntering by her side.<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page_029" id="page_029"></SPAN>{29}</span></p>
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