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<h2> CHAPTER I </h2>
<p>Three chapters in the story of my life—three periods, distinct and
well defined, yet consecutive—beginning when I had not completed
twenty-five years and finishing before thirty, will probably prove the
most eventful of all. To the very end they will come back oftenest to
memory and seem more vivid than all the other years of existence—the
four-and-twenty I had already lived, and the, say, forty or forty-five—I
hope it may be fifty or even sixty—which are to follow. For what
soul in this wonderful, various world would wish to depart before ninety!
The dark as well as the light, its sweet and its bitter, make me love it.</p>
<p>Of the first of these three a word only need be written. This was the
period of courtship and matrimony; and though the experience seemed to me
then something altogether new and strange in the world, it must
nevertheless have resembled that of other men, since all men marry. And
the last period, which was the longest of the three, occupying fully three
years, could not be told. It was all black disaster. Three years of
enforced separation and the extremest suffering which the cruel law of the
land allowed an enraged father to inflict on his child and the man who had
ventured to wed her against his will. Even the wise may be driven mad by
oppression, and I that was never wise, but lived in and was led by the
passions and illusions and the unbounded self-confidence of youth, what
must it have been for me when we were cruelly torn asunder; when I was
cast into prison to lie for long months in the company of felons, ever
thinking of her who was also desolate and breaking her heart! But it is
ended—the abhorrent restraint, the anxiety, the breedings over a
thousand possible and impossible schemes of revenge. If it is any
consolation to know that in breaking her heart he, at the same time, broke
his own, and made haste to join her in that silent place, I have it. Ah
no! it is no comfort to me, since I cannot but reflect that before he
shattered my life I had shattered his by taking her from him, who was his
idol. We are quits then, and I can even say, “Peace to his ashes!” But I
could not say it then in my frenzy and grief, nor could it be said in that
fatal country which I had inhabited from boyhood and had learned to love
like my own, and had hoped never to leave. It was grown hateful to me,
and, flying from it, I found myself once more in that Purple Land where we
had formerly taken refuge together, and which now seemed to my distracted
mind a place of pleasant and peaceful memories.</p>
<p>During the months of quietude after the storm, mostly spent in lonely
rambles by the shore, these memories were more and more with me. Sometimes
sitting on the summit of that great solitary hill, which gives the town
its name, I would gaze by the hour on the wide prospect towards the
interior, as if I could see, and never weary of seeing, all that lay
beyond—plains and rivers and woods and hills, and cabins where I had
rested, and many a kindly human face. Even the faces of those who had
ill-treated or regarded me with evil eyes now appeared to have a friendly
look. Most of all did I think of that dear river, the unforgettable Yí,
the shaded white house at the end of the little town, and the sad and
beautiful image of one whom I, alas! had made unhappy.</p>
<p>So much was I occupied towards the end of that vacant period with these
recollections that I remembered how, before quitting these shores, the
thought had come to me that during some quiet interval in my life I would
go over it all again, and write the history of my rambles for others to
read in the future. But I did not attempt it then, nor until long years
afterwards. For I had no sooner begun to play with the idea than something
came to rouse me from the state I was in, during which I had been like one
that has outlived his activities, and is no longer capable of a new
emotion, but feeds wholly on the past. And this something new, affecting
me so that I was all at once myself again, eager to be up and doing, was
nothing more than a casual word from a distance, the cry of a lonely
heart, which came by chance to my ear; and, hearing it, I was like one
who, opening his eyes from a troubled doze, unexpectedly sees the morning
star in its unearthly lustre above the wide, dark plain where night
overtook him—the star of day and everlasting hope, and of passion
and strife and toil and rest and happiness.</p>
<p>I need not linger on the events which took us to the Banda—our
nocturnal flight from Paquíta's summer home on the pampas; the hiding and
clandestine marriage in the capital and subsequent escape northwards into
the province of Santa Fé; the seven to eight months of somewhat troubled
happiness we had there; and, finally, the secret return to Buenos Ayres in
search of a ship to take us out of the country. Troubled happiness! Ah,
yes, and my greatest trouble was when I looked on her, my partner for
life, when she seemed loveliest, so small, so exquisite in her dark blue
eyes that were like violets, and silky black hair and tender pink and
olive complexion—so frail in appearance! And I had taken her—stolen
her—from her natural protectors, from the home where she had been
worshipped—I of an alien race and another religion, without means,
and, because I had stolen her, an offender against the law. But of this no
more. I begin my itinerary where, safe on our little ship, with the towers
of Buenos Ayres fast fading away in the west, we began to feel free from
apprehension and to give ourselves up to the contemplation of the delights
before us. Winds and waves presently interfered with our raptures, Paquíta
proving a very indifferent sailor, so that for some hours we had a very
trying time of it. Next day a favourable north-west breeze sprang up to
send us flying like a bird over those unlovely red billows, and in the
evening we disembarked in Montevideo, the city of refuge. We proceeded to
an hotel, where for several days we lived very happily, enchanted with
each other's society; and when we strolled along the beach to watch the
setting sun, kindling with mystic fire heaven, water, and the great hill
that gives the city its name, and remembered that we were looking towards
the shores of Buenos Ayres, it was pleasant to reflect that the widest
river in the world rolled between us and those who probably felt offended
at what we had done.</p>
<p>This charming state of things came to an end at length in a somewhat
curious manner. One night, before we had been a month in the hotel, I was
lying wide awake in bed. It was late; I had already heard the mournful,
long-drawn voice of the watchman under my window calling out, “Half-past
one and cloudy.”</p>
<p>Gil Blas relates in his biography that one night while lying awake he fell
into practising a little introspection, an unusual thing for him to do,
and the conclusion he came to was that he was not a very good young man. I
was having a somewhat similar experience that night when in the midst of
my unflattering thoughts about myself, a profound sigh from Paquíta made
me aware that she too was lying wide awake and also, in all probability,
chewing the cud of reflection. When I questioned her concerning that sigh,
she endeavoured in vain to conceal from me that she was beginning to feel
unhappy. What a rude shock the discovery gave me! And we so lately
married! It is only just to Paquíta, however, to say that had I not
married her she would have been still more unhappy. Only the poor child
could not help thinking of father and mother; she yearned for
reconciliation, and her present sorrow rose from her belief that they
would never, never, never forgive her. I endeavoured, with all the
eloquence I was capable of, to dispel these gloomy ideas, but she was firm
in her conviction that precisely because they had loved her so much they
would never pardon this first great offence. My poor darling might have
been reading <i>Christabel</i>, I thought, when she said that it is toward
those who have been most deeply loved the wounded heart cherishes the
greatest bitterness. Then, by way of illustration, she told me of a
quarrel between her mother and a till then dearly loved sister. It had
happened many years ago, when she, Paquíta, was a mere child; yet the
sisters had never forgiven each other.</p>
<p>“And where,” I asked, “is this aunt of yours, of whom I have never heard
you speak until this minute?”</p>
<p>“Oh,” answered Paquíta, with the greatest simplicity imaginable, “she left
this country long, long ago, and you never heard of her because we were
not even allowed to mention her name in the house. She went to live in
Montevideo, and I believe she is there still, for several years ago I
heard some person say that she had bought herself a house in that city.”</p>
<p>“Soul of my life,” said I, “you have never left Buenos Ayres in heart,
even to keep your poor husband company! Yet I know, Paquíta, that
corporeally you are here in Montevideo, conversing with me at this very
moment.”</p>
<p>“True,” said Paquíta; “I had somehow forgotten that we were in Montevideo.
My thoughts were wandering—perhaps it is sleepiness.”</p>
<p>“I swear to you, Paquíta,” I replied, “that you shall see this aunt of
yours to-morrow before set of sun; and I am positive, sweetest, that she
will be delighted to receive so near and lovely a relation. How glad she
will be of an opportunity of relating that ancient quarrel with her sister
and ventilating her mouldy grievances! I know these old dames—they
are all alike.”</p>
<p>Paquíta did not like the idea at first, but when I assured her that we
were getting to the end of our money, and that her aunt might be able to
put me in the way of obtaining employment, she consented, like the dutiful
little wife she was.</p>
<p>Next day I discovered her relation without very much trouble, Montevideo
not being a large city. We found Doña Isidora—for that was the
lady's name—living in a somewhat mean-looking house at the eastern
extremity of the town, farthest away from the water. There was an air of
poverty about the place, for the good dame, though well provided with
means to live comfortably, made a pet of her gold. Nevertheless, she
received us very kindly when we introduced ourselves and related our
mournful and romantic story; a room was prepared for our immediate
reception, and she even made me some vague promises of assistance. On a
more intimate acquaintance with our hostess we found that I had not been
very far out in guessing her character. For several days she could talk of
nothing except her immemorial quarrel with her sister and her sister's
husband, and we were bound to listen attentively and to sympathise with
her, for that was the only return we could make for her hospitality.
Paquíta had more than her share of it, but was made no wiser as to the
cause of this feud of long standing; for, though Doña Isidora had
evidently been nursing her wrath all those years to keep it warm, she
could not, for the life of her, remember how the quarrel originated.</p>
<p>After breakfast each morning I would kiss her and hand her over to the
tender mercies of her Isidora, then go forth on my fruitless
perambulations about the town. At first I only acted the intelligent
foreigner, going about staring at the public buildings, and collecting
curios—strangely marked pebbles, and a few military brass buttons,
long shed by the garments they once made brave; rusty, misshapen bullets,
mementoes of the immortal nine or ten years' siege which had won for
Montevideo the mournful appellation of modern Troy. When I had fully
examined from the outside the scene of my future triumphs—for I had
now resolved to settle down and make my fortune in Montevideo—Ibegan
seriously to look out for employment. I visited in turn every large
mercantile establishment in the place, and, in fact, every house where I
thought there might be a chance of lighting on something to do. It was
necessary to make a beginning, and I would not have turned up my nose at
anything, however small, I was so heartily sick of being poor, idle, and
dependent. Nothing could I find. In one house I was told that the city had
not yet recovered from the effects of the late revolution, and that
business was, in consequence, in a complete state of paralysis; in another
that the city was on the eve of a revolution, and that business was, in
consequence, in a complete state of paralysis. And everywhere it was the
same story—the political state of the country made it impossible for
me to win an honest dollar.</p>
<p>Feeling very much dispirited, and with the soles nearly worn off my boots,
I sat down on a bench beside the sea, or river—for some call it one
thing, some the other, and the muddied hue and freshness of the water, and
the uncertain words of geographers, leave one in doubt as to whether
Montevideo is situated on the shores of the Atlantic, or only near the
Atlantic and on the shores of a river one hundred and fifty miles wide at
its mouth. I did not trouble my head about it; I had other things that
concerned me more nearly to think of. I had a quarrel with this Oriental
nation, and that was more to me than the greenness or the saltness of the
vast estuary that washes the dirty feet of its queen—for this modern
Troy, this city of battle, murder, and sudden death, also calls itself
Queen of the Plata. That it was a very just quarrel on my part I felt well
assured. Now, to be even with every human being who despitefully uses me
has ever been a principle of action with me. Nor let it be said that it is
an unchristian principle; for when I have been smitten on the right or
left cheek (the pain is just the same in either case), before I am
prepared to deliver the return blow so long a time has often elapsed that
all wrathful or revengeful thoughts are over. I strike in such a case more
for the public good than for my own satisfaction, and am therefore right
in calling my motive a principle of action, not an impulse. It is a very
valuable one too, infinitely more effective than the fantastical code of
the duellist, which favours the person who inflicts the injury, affording
him facilities for murdering or maiming the person injured. It is a weapon
invented for us by Nature before Colonel Colt ever lived, and it has this
advantage, that one is permitted to wear it in the most law-abiding
communities as well as amongst miners and backwoodsmen. If inoffensive
people were ever to cast it aside, then wicked men would have everything
their own way and make life intolerable. Fortunately the evil-doers always
have the fear of this intangible six-shooter before them; a wholesome
feeling, which restrains them more than reasonableness or the law courts,
and to which we owe it that the meek are permitted to inherit the earth.
But now this quarrel was with a whole nation, though certainly not with a
very great one, since the population of the Banda Orientál numbers only
about a quarter of a million. Yet in this sparsely settled country, with
its bountiful soil and genial climate, there was apparently no place for
me, a muscular and fairly intelligent young man, who only asked to be
allowed to work to live! But how was I to make them smart for this
injustice? I could not take the scorpion they gave me when I asked them
for an egg, and make it sting every individual composing the nation. I was
powerless, utterly powerless, to punish them, and therefore the only thing
that remained for me to do was to curse them.</p>
<p>Looking around me, my eyes rested on the famous hill across the bay, and I
all at once resolved to go up to its summit, and, looking down on the
Banda Orientál, pronounce my imprecation in the most solemn and impressive
manner.</p>
<p>The expedition to the <i>cerro</i>, as it is called, proved agreeable
enough. Notwithstanding the excessive heats we were just then having, many
wild flowers were blooming on its slopes, which made it a perfect garden.
When I reached the old ruined fort which crowns the summit, I got upon a
wall and rested for half an hour, fanned by a fresh breeze from the river
and greatly enjoying the prospect before me. I had not left out of sight
the serious object of my visit to that commanding spot, and only wished
that the malediction I was about to utter could be rolled down in the
shape of a stupendous rock, loosed from its hold, which would go bounding
down the mountain, and, leaping clear over the bay, crash through the
iniquitous city beyond, filling it with ruin and amazement.</p>
<p>“Whichever way I turn,” I said, “I see before me one of the fairest
habitations God has made for man: great plains smiling with everlasting
spring; ancient woods; swift, beautiful rivers; ranges of blue hills
stretching away to the dim horizon. And beyond those fair slopes, how many
leagues of pleasant wilderness are sleeping in the sunshine, where the
wild flowers waste their sweetness and no plough turns the fruitful soil,
where deer and ostrich roam fearless of the hunter, while over all bends a
blue sky without a cloud to stain its exquisite beauty? And the people
dwelling in yon city—the key to a continent—they are the
possessors of it all. It is theirs, since the world, out of which the old
spirit is fast dying, has suffered them to keep it. What have they done
with this their heritage? What are they doing even now? They are sitting
dejected in their houses, or standing in their doorways with folded arms
and anxious, expectant faces. For a change is coming: they are on the eve
of a tempest. Not an atmospheric change; no blighting simoom will sweep
over their fields, nor will any volcanic eruption darken their crystal
heavens. The earthquakes that shake the Andean cities to their foundations
they have never known and can never know. The expected change and tempest
is a political one. The plot is ripe, the daggers sharpened, the
contingent of assassins hired, the throne of human skulls, styled in their
ghastly facetiousness a Presidential Chair, is about to be assaulted. It
is long, weeks or even months, perhaps, since the last wave, crested with
bloody froth, rolled its desolating flood over the country; it is high
time, therefore, for all men to prepare themselves for the shock of the
succeeding wave. And we consider it right to root up thorns and thistles,
to drain malarious marshes, to extirpate rats and vipers; but it would be
immoral, I suppose, to stamp out these people because their vicious
natures are disguised in human shape; this people that in crimes have
surpassed all others, ancient or modern, until because of them the name of
a whole continent has grown to be a byword of scorn and reproach
throughout the earth, and to stink in the nostrils of all men!</p>
<p>“I swear that I, too, will become a conspirator if I remain long on this
soil. Oh, for a thousand young men of Devon and Somerset here with me,
every one of them with a brain on fire with thoughts like mine! What a
glorious deed would be done for humanity! What a mighty cheer we would
raise for the glory of the old England that is passing away! Blood would
flow in yon streets as it never flowed before, or, I should say, as it
only flowed in them once, and that was when they were swept clean by
British bayonets. And afterwards there would be peace, and the grass would
be greener and the flowers brighter for that crimson shower.</p>
<p>“Is it not then bitter as wormwood and gall to think that over these domes
and towers beneath my feet, no longer than half a century ago, fluttered
the holy cross of St. George! For never was there a holier crusade
undertaken, never a nobler conquest planned, than that which had for its
object the wresting this fair country from unworthy hands, to make it for
all time part of the mighty English kingdom. What would it have been now—this
bright, winterless land, and this city commanding the entrance to the
greatest river in the world? And to think that it was won for England, not
treacherously, or bought with gold, but in the old Saxon fashion with hard
blows, and climbing over heaps of slain defenders; and after it was thus
won, to think that it was lost—will it be believed?—not
fighting, but yielded up without a stroke by craven wretches unworthy of
the name of Britons! Here, sitting alone on this mountain, my face burns
like fire when I think of it—this glorious opportunity lost for
ever! 'We offer you your laws, your religion, and property under the
protection of the British Government,' loftily proclaimed the invaders—Generals
Beresford, Achmuty, Whitelocke, and their companions; and presently, after
suffering one reverse, they (or one of them) lost heart and exchanged the
country they had drenched in blood, and had conquered, for a couple of
thousand British soldiers made prisoners in Buenos Ayres across the water;
then, getting into their ships once more, they sailed away from the Plata
for ever! This transaction, which must have made the bones of our Viking
ancestors rattle with indignation in their graves, was forgotten later on
when we seized the rich Falklands. A splendid conquest and a glorious
compensation for our loss! When yon queen city was in our grasp, and the
regeneration, possibly even the ultimate possession, of this green world
before us, our hearts failed us and the prize dropped from our trembling
hands. We left the sunny mainland to capture the desolate haunt of seals
and penguins; and now let all those who in this quarter of the globe
aspire to live under that 'British Protection' of which Achmuty preached
so loudly at the gates of yon capital, transport themselves to those
lonely antarctic islands to listen to the thunder of the waves on the grey
shores and shiver in the bleak winds that blow from the frozen south!”</p>
<p>After delivering this comminatory address I felt greatly relieved, and
went home in a cheerful frame of mind to supper, which consisted that
evening of mutton scrag, boiled with pumpkin, sweet potatoes, and milky
maize—not at all a bad dish for a hungry man.</p>
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