<h2><SPAN name="chap22"></SPAN>CHAPTER XXII</h2>
<p class="letter">
The History of Miss Williams</p>
<p>‘My father was an eminent merchant in the city who having, in the course
of trade, suffered very considerable losses, retired in his old age with his
wife to a small estate in the country, which he had purchased with the remains
of his fortune. At that time, I being but eight years of age, was left in town
for the convenience of education, boarded with an aunt, who was a rigid
presbyterian, and confined me so closely to what she called the duties of
religion, that in time I grew weary of her doctrines, and by degrees received
an aversion for the good books, she daily recommended to my perusal. As I
increased in age, and appeared with a person not disagreeable, I contracted a
good deal of acquaintance among my own sex; one of whom, after having lamented
the restraint I was under from the narrowness of my aunt’s sentiments,
told me I must now throw off the prejudices of opinion imbibed under her
influence and example, and learn to think for myself; for which purpose she
advised me to read Shaftsbury, Tindal, Hobbes, and all the authors that are
remarkable for their deviation from the old way of thinking, and by comparing
one with the other, I should soon be able to form a system of my own. I
followed her advice; and whether it was owing to my prepossession against what
I had formerly read, or the clearness of argument in these my new instructors,
I know not; but I studied them with pleasure, and in a short time became a
professed freethinker. Proud of my improvement, I argued in all companies, and
that with such success, that I soon acquired the reputation of a philosopher,
and few people durst undertake me in a dispute. I grew vain upon my good
fortune, and at length pretended to make my aunt a proselyte to my opinion; but
she no sooner perceived my drift than, taking the alarm, she wrote to my father
an account of my heresy, and conjured him, as he tendered the good of my soul,
to remove me immediately from the dangerous place where I had contracted such
sinful principles. Accordingly, my father ordered me into the country, where I
arrived in the fifteenth year of my age, and, by his command gave him a detail
of all the articles of my faith, which he did not find so unreasonable as they
had been represented. Finding myself suddenly deprived of the company and
pleasures of the town, I grew melancholy and it was some time before I could
relish my situation. But solitude became every day more and more familiar to me
and I consoled myself in my retreat with the enjoyment of a good library, at
such times as were not employed in the management of the family (for my mother
had been dead three years), in visiting, or some other party of rural
diversion. Having more imagination than judgment, I addicted myself too much to
poetry and romance; and, in short, was looked upon as a very extraordinary
person by everybody in the country where I resided.</p>
<p>‘I had one evening strayed, with a book in my hand, into a wood that
bordered on the high road, at a little distance from my father’s house,
when a certain drunken squire, riding by, perceived me, and crying,
“Holloa, there’s a charming creature!” alighted in a moment,
caught me in his arms, and treated me so rudely that I shrieked as loud as I
could, and in the meantime opposed his violence with all the strength that rage
and resentment could inspire. During this struggle, another horseman came up,
who, seeing a lady so unworthily used, dismounted, and flew to my assistance.
The squire, mad with disappointment, or provoked with the reproaches of the
other gentleman, quitted me, and running to his horse, drew a pistol from the
saddle, and fired it at my protector, who happily receiving no damage, went up,
and, with the butt-end of his whip laid him prostrate on the ground before he
could use the other, which his antagonist immediately seized, and, clapping to
the squire’s breast, threatened to put him to death for his cowardice and
treachery. In this dilemma I interposed and begged his life, which was granted
to my request, after he had asked pardon, and swore his intention was only to
obtain a kiss. However, my defender thought proper to unload the other pistol,
and throw away the flints, before he gave him his liberty. This courteous
stranger conducted me home, where my father having learned the signal service
he had done me, loaded him with caresses, and insisted on his lodging that
night at our house. If the obligation he had conferred upon me justly inspired
me with sentiments of gratitude, his appearance and conversation seemed to
entitle him to somewhat more. He was about the age of two-and-twenty, among the
tallest of the middle size; had chestnut-coloured hair, which he wore tied up
in a ribbon; a high polished forehead, a nose inclining to the aquiline, lively
blue eyes, red pouting lips, teeth as white as snow, and a certain openness of
countenance—but why need I describe any more particulars of his person? I
hope you will do me the justice to believe I do not flatter, when I say he was
the exact resemblance of you; and if I had not been well acquainted with his
family and degree, I should have made no scruple of concluding that you was his
brother. He spoke and seemed to have no reserve: for what he said was
ingenuous, sensible, and uncommon. “In short,” said she, bursting
into tears, “he was formed for the ruin of our sex. His behaviour was
modest and respectful, but his looks were so significant, that I could easily
observe he secretly blessed the occasion that introduced him to my
acquaintance. We learned from his discourse that he was the eldest son of a
wealthy gentleman in the neighbourhood, to whose name we were no
strangers—that he had been to visit an acquaintance in the country, from
whose house he was returning home, when my shrieks brought him to my
rescue.”</p>
<p>‘All night long my imagination formed a thousand ridiculous expectations:
there was so much of knight-errantry in this gentleman’s coming to the
relief of a damsel in distress, with whom he immediately became enamoured, that
all I had read of love and chivalry recurred to my fancy; and I looked upon
myself as a princess in some region of romance, who being delivered from the
power of some brutal giant or satyr, by a generous Oroondates, was bound in
gratitude, as well as led by inclination, to yield up my affections to him
without reserve. In vain did I endeavour to chastise these foolish conceits by
reflections more reasonable and severe: the amusing images took full possession
of my mind, and my dreams represented my hero sighing at my feet, in the
language of a despairing lover. Next morning after breakfast he took his leave,
when my father begged the favour of further acquaintance with him; to which
request he replied by a compliment to him, and a look to me so full of
eloquence and tenderness, that my whole soul received the soft impression. In a
short time he repeated his visit; and as a recital of the particular steps he
pursued to ruin me would be tedious and impertinent, let it suffice to say, he
made it his business to insinuate himself into my esteem, by convincing me of
his own good sense, and at the same time flattering my understanding. This task
he performed in the most artful manner, by seeming to contradict me often
through misapprehension, that I might have an opportunity of clearing myself
the more to my own honour. Having thus secured my good opinion, he began to
give me some tokens of a particular passion, founded on a veneration of the
qualities of my mind, and, as an accidental ornament, admired the beauties of
my person; till at being fully persuaded of his conquest, he chose a proper
season for the theme, and disclosed his love in terms so ardent and sincere,
that it was impossible for me to disguise the sentiments of my heart, and he
received my approbation with the most lively transport. After this mutual
declaration, we contrived to meet more frequently in private interviews, where
we enjoyed the conversation of one another, in all the elevation of fancy and
impatience of hope that reciprocal adoration can inspire. He professed his
honourable intentions, of which I made no question; lamented the avaricious
disposition of his father, who had destined him for the arms of another, and
vowed eternal fidelity with such an appearance of candour and
devotion—that I became a dupe to his deceit. Cursed be the day on which I
gave away my innocence and peace! Cursed be my beauty that first attracted the
attention of the seducer! Cursed be my education, that, by refining my
sentiments, made my heart the more susceptible! Cursed be my good sense, that
fixed me to one object, and taught me the preference I enjoyed was but my due!
Had I been ugly, nobody would have tempted me; had I been ignorant, the charms
of my person would not have atoned for the coarseness of my conversation; had I
been giddy, my vanity would have divided my inclinations, and my ideas would
have been so diffused, that I should never have listened to the enchantments of
one alone.</p>
<p>‘But to return to my unfortunate story. After some months, the visits of
my lover became less frequent, and his behaviour less warm: I perceived his
coldness, my heart took the alarm, my tears reproached him, and I insisted upon
the performance of his promise to espouse me, that, whatever should happen, my
reputation might be safe. He seemed to acquiesce in my proposal, and left me on
pretence of finding a proper clergyman to unite us in the bands of wedlock. But
alas! the inconstant had no intention to return. I waited a whole week with the
utmost impatience; sometimes doubting his honour, at other times inventing
excuses for him, and condemning myself for harbouring suspicions of his faith.
At length I understood from a gentleman who dined at our house, that this
perfidious wretch was on the point of setting out for London with his bride, to
buy clothes for their approaching nuptials. This information distracted me!
Rage took possession of my soul; I denounced a thousand imprecations, and
formed as many schemes of revenge against the traitor who had undone me. Then
my resentment would subside to silent sorrow. I recalled the tranquillity I
lost, I wept over my infatuation, and sometimes a ray of hope would intervene,
and for a moment cheer my drooping heart; I would revolve all the favourable
circumstances of his character, repeat the vows he made, ascribe his absence to
the vigilance of a suspicious father who compelled him to a match his soul
abhorred, and comfort myself with the expectation of seeing him before the
thing should be brought to any terms of agreement. But how vain was my
imagination! That villain left me without remorse, and in a few days the news
of his marriage were spread all over the country. My horror was then
inconceivable; and had not the desire of revenge diverted the resolution, I
should infallibly have put an end to my miserable life. My father observed the
symptoms of my despair: and though I have good reason to believe he guessed the
cause, was at a great deal of pains to seem ignorant of my affliction, while he
endeavoured with parental fondness to alleviate my distress. I saw his concern,
which increased my anguish, and raised my fury against the author of my
calamity to an implacable degree.</p>
<p>‘Having furnished myself with a little money, I made an elopement from
this unhappy parent in the night-time, and about break of day arrived at a
small town, from whence a stage coach set out for London, in which I embarked,
and next day alighted in town; the spirit of revenge having supported me all
the way against every other reflection, My first care was to hire a lodging, in
which I kept myself very retired, assumed a feigned name, that my character and
situation might be better concealed. It was not long before I found out the
house of my lover, whither I immediately repaired in a transport of rage,
determined to act some desperate deed for the satisfaction of my despair,
though the hurry of my spirits would not permit me to concert or resolve upon a
particular plan. When I demanded admission to Lothario (so let me call him), I
was desired to send up my name and business; but this I refused, telling the
porter I had business for his master’s private ear; upon which I was
conducted into a parlour until he should be informed of my request. There I
remained about a quarter of an hour, when a servant entered and told me his
master was engaged with company, and begged to be excused at that time. My
temper could hold out no longer. I pulled out a poniard from my bosom, where I
had concealed it, and rushing out flew up stairs like a fury, exclaiming,
“Where’s this perfidious villain? could I plunge this dagger into
his false heart, I should then die satisfied!” The noise I made alarmed
not only the servants, but the company also, who hearing my threats came
forward to the staircase to see was the matter. I was seized, disarmed, and
withheld by two footmen; and in this situation felt the most exquisite torture
in beholding my undoer approach with his young wife. I could not endure the
sight, was deprived of my senses, and fell into a severe fit, during which I
know not how I was treated; but when I recovered the use of reflection, found
myself on a bed in a paltry apartment, where I was attended by an old woman,
who asked a thousand impertinent questions relating to my condition, and
informed me that my behaviour had thrown the whole family into confusion; that
Lothario affirmed I was mad, and proposed to have me sent to Bedlam; but my
lady persuaded herself there was more in my conduct than he cared should be
known, and had taken to her bed on bare suspicion, having first ordered that I
should be narrowly looked to. I heard all she said without making any other
reply than desiring she would do me the favour to call a chair; but this she
told me could not be done without her master’s consent, which, however,
was easily procured, and I was conveyed to my lodgings in a state of mind that
baffles all description. The agitation of my thoughts produced a fever, which
brought on a miscarriage; and I believe it is well for my conscience that
heaven thus disposed of my burden; for let me own to you with penitence and
horror, if I had brought a living child into the world, my frenzy would have
prompted me to sacrifice the little innocent to my resentment of the
father’s infidelity.</p>
<p>‘After this event my rage abated, and my hate became more deliberate and
calm: when one day my landlady informed me that there was a gentleman below who
desired to see me, he having something of consequence to impart, which he was
sure would contribute to my peace of mind. I was exceedingly alarmed at this
declaration, which I attempted to interpret a thousand ways; and before I came
to any determination he entered my room, with an apology for intruding without
my knowledge or consent. I surveyed him some time, and not being able to
recollect his face, demanded, with a faltering accent, what his business was
with me? Upon which he desired I would give him a particular audience, and he
did not doubt of communicating something that would conduce to my satisfaction
and repose. As I thought myself sufficiently guarded against any violence, I
granted his request, and bade the woman withdraw. The stranger, then advancing,
gave me to understand that he was well acquainted with the particulars of my
story, having been informed of them from Lothario’s own mouth—that
from the time he knew my misfortunes he had entertained a detestation for the
author of them, which had of late been increased and inflamed to a desire of
revenge, by a piece of dishonourable conduct towards him—that hearing of
my melancholy situation, he had come with an intention of offering his
assistance and comfort, and was ready to espouse my quarrel, and forthwith take
vengeance on my seducer, provided I would grant him one consideration, which,
he hoped, I should see no reason to refuse. Had all the artifice of hell been
employed in composing a persuasive, it could not have had a more instantaneous
or favourable effect than this discourse had upon me. I was transported with a
delirium of gloomy joy. The contract was made; he devoted himself to my
revenge, undertook to murder Lothario that very night, and to bring me an
account of his death before morning. Accordingly, about two of the clock, he
was introduced to my chamber, and assured me that my perfidious lover was no
more: that although he was not entitled to such an honourable proceeding, he
had fairly challenged him to the field, where he upbraided him with his
treachery towards me, for whom, he told me, his sword was drawn, and after a
few passes left him weltering in his blood. I was so savaged by my wrongs, that
I delighted in the recital of this adventure, made him repeat the particulars
and feasted my eyes on the blood that remained on his clothes and sword. My
imagination was so engrossed by these ideas, that in my sleep I dreamed
Lothario appeared before me pale, mangled, and bloody, blamed my rashness,
protested his innocence, and pleaded his cause so pathetically, that I was
convinced of his fidelity, and waked in a fit of horror and remorse. I dropped
asleep again, and the same apparition recurred to my fancy. In short, I passed
the night in great misery, and looked upon my avenger with such abhorrence,
that in the morning, perceiving my aversion, he insinuated there was still a
possibility of Lothario’s recovery: it was quite true he left him wounded
on the ground, but not quite dead, and perhaps his hurts might not be mortal.
At these words I started up, bade him fly for intelligence, and if he could not
bring me tidings of Lothario’s safety, at least consult his own, and
never return; for I was resolved to surrender myself to justice, and declare
all I knew of the affair, that, if possible I might expiate my own guilt, by
incurring the rigours of a sincere repentance and ignominious death. He very
coolly represented the unreasonableness of my prejudice against him, who had
done nothing but what his love of me inspired, and honour justified: that now
he had, at the risk of his life, been subservient to my revenge, I was about to
discard him as an infamous agent, occasionally necessary; and that, even if he
should be so lucky as to bring news of Lothario’s safety, it was probable
my former resentment might revive, and I would upbraid him with having failed
in his undertaking. I assured him, that on the contrary, he should be dearer to
me than ever, as I then should be convinced he acted more on the principles of
a man of honour than on those of a mercenary assassin, and scorned to take away
the life of an adversary, how inveterate soever, which fortune had put in his
power. “Well, then madam,” said he, “whatever may have
happened, I shall find it no difficult matter to acquit myself in point of
honour;” and took his leave in order to inquire into the consequences of
his duel. I was now more sensible than ever of the degrees of guilt and misery;
all the affliction I had suffered hitherto was owing to my own credulity and
weakness, and my conscience could only accuse me of venial crimes; but now that
I looked upon myself as a murderer, it is impossible to express the terrors of
my imagination, which was incessantly haunted by the image of the deceased, and
my bosom stung with the most exquisite agonies, of which I saw no end. At
length, Horatio (for so I shall call my new friend) returned, and telling me I
had nothing to fear, delivered into my hands a billet containing these words.</p>
<p class="letter">
“Madam,<br/>
“As I understand it is of consequence to your peace, I take this
liberty to inform you, that the wounds I received from Horatio are not mortal.
This satisfaction my humanity could not deny, even to a person who has
endeavoured to disturb the repose as well as the life of</p>
<p class="right">
“Lothario.”</p>
<p>‘Being well acquainted with this hand, I had no reason to suspect an
imposition in this letter, which I read over and over with a transport of joy,
and caressed Horatio so much that he appeared the happiest man alive. Thus was
I won from despair by the menaces of a greater misfortune than that which
depressed me. Griefs are like usurpers,—the most powerful deposes all the
rest. But my raptures were not lasting: that very letter which in a manner
re-established my tranquillity, in a little time banished my peace. His unjust
reproaches, while they waked my resentment, recalled my former happiness, and
filled my soul with rage and sorrow. Horatio, perceiving the situation of my
mind, endeavoured to divert my chagrin, by treating me with all the amusements
and entertainments of the town. I was gratified with every indulgence I could
desire; introduced into the company of women in my own situation, by whom an
uncommon deference was paid to me; and I began to lose all remembrance of my
former condition, when an accident brought it back to my view with all its
interesting circumstances. Diverting myself one day with some newspapers, which
I had not before perused, the following advertisement attracted my attention:</p>
<p>‘“Whereas a young gentlewoman disappeared from her father’s
house in the county of —, about the end of September, on account (as is
supposed) of some uneasiness of mind, and has not been as yet heard of. Whoever
will give any information about her to Mr. — of Gray’s Inn, shall
be handsomely rewarded; or if she will return to the arms of her disconsolate
parent, she will be received with the utmost tenderness, whatever reason she
may have to think otherwise, and may be the means of prolonging the life of a
father already weighed down almost to the grave with age and sorrow.”</p>
<p>‘This pathetic remonstrance had such an effect on me, that I was fully
resolved to return, like the prodigal son, and implore the forgiveness of him
who gave me life; but, alas! Upon inquiry, I found he had paid his debt to
nature a month before, lamenting my absence to his last hour, having left his
fortune to a stranger, as a mark of his resentment of my unkind and undutiful
behaviour. Penetrated with remorse on this occasion, I sank into the most
profound melancholy, and considered myself as the immediate cause of his death.
I lost all relish for company; and, indeed, most of my acquaintances no sooner
perceived my change of temper, than they abandoned me. Horatio, disgusted at my
insensibility, or from some other cause, became colder and colder every day,
till at last he left me altogether, without making any apology for his conduct,
or securing me against the miseries of want, as a man of honour ought to have
done, considering the share he had in my ruin; for I afterwards learned, that
the quarrel between Lothario and him was a story trumped up to rid the one of
my importunities, and give the other a recommendation to me, which, it seems,
he desired, upon seeing me at the house of my seducer. Reduced to this
extremity, I cursed my own simplicity, uttered horrid imprecations against the
treachery of Horatio; and, as I became every day more and more familiarised to
the loss of innocence, resolved to be revenged on the sex in general, by
practising their own arts upon themselves. Nor was an opportunity long wanting:
an old gentlewoman, under pretence of sympathising, visited me, and after
having condoled me on my misfortunes, and professed a disinterested friendship,
began to display the art of her occupation, in encomiums on my beauty, and
invectives against the wretch who had forsaken me; insinuating withal, that it
would be my own fault if I did not still make my fortune by the extraordinary
qualifications with which nature had endowed me. I soon understood her drift,
and gave her such encouragement to explain herself, that we came to an
agreement immediately to divide whatever profits might accrue from such
gallants as she should introduce to my acquaintance. The first stroke of my
dissimulation was practised upon a certain judge, to whom I was recommended by
this matron as an innocent creature just arrived from the country.’</p>
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